(screams)

（尖叫聲）

I don't want to know!

我不想知道!

- Masturbation.

- 手淫；

- Masturbation.

- 手淫；

- How is it different when you're

- 當你'的時候，有什麼不同呢？

married versus, when you're single?

結婚與，當你&#39；單身？

You make videos about this all the time!

你一直在做關於這個的視頻！

- [Both] All the time!

- [都]所有的時間！

- What's your jerking off history like?

- 你的擼管史是怎樣的？

- Well you know, as a teenager

- 嗯，你知道，作為一個少年

I experimented, did it a lot.

我試驗過，做了很多。

- I kind of did it so much that

- 我做的太多了

as a child my mom told me to stop.

小時候，我媽媽告訴我停止。

She was like, don't do that so much,

她很喜歡，不要'這麼做。

because your vagina's gonna fall off

因為你的陰道會掉下來。

if you do it too much.

如果你做得太多。

- Will your vagina fall off, if you masturbate too much?

- 手淫多了，陰道會不會掉下來？

- No 'cause I still got it!

- 沒有'因為我還能拿到它!

- Nice, checks out, checks out.

- 很好，檢查出來，檢查出來。

- Yeah.

- 是啊。

- When is the last time that you masturbated?

- 你最後一次手淫是什麼時候？

- One, two, three, last night.

- 一，二，三，昨晚。

- I can't remember.

- 我不記得了。

(laughing)

（笑）

- Really?

- 真的嗎？

When your wife leaves, is your first thought?

當你的妻子離開時，你的第一個念頭是什麼？

- Immediate, no.

- 馬上，不。

(laughing)

（笑）

- I have a roommate.

- 我有一個室友。

- Sure.

- 當然可以

- And the second my roommate is

- 第二個我的室友是

out the door, my pants are off.

出了門，我的褲子都脫了。

(laughs)

（笑）

But I feel with marriage, you have

但我覺得有了婚姻，你就有

someone there to help you through those times.

有人在那裡幫助你度過這些時刻。

- If you want to masturbate, and your

- 如果你想自慰，而你的。

partner's like you know, doesn't want

伴侶就像你知道的一樣，並不希望

to have sex, then sometimes you know,

要做愛，那麼有時你知道。

it's a group activity, know what I'm saying?

它'是一個團體活動，知道我'在說什麼嗎？

- Oh, my God!

- 哦，我的天！

Okay, I can support that.

好吧，我可以支持。

There are all kinds of ways to masturbate.

手淫的方式有很多種。

It doesn't just have to be with your hand,

它並不只是用手。

or with a toy, like do some weird googling

或與玩具，像做一些奇怪的google搜索

kids, just make sure to set your browser to private.

孩子們，只要確保將瀏覽器設置為私密。

- Number of times in a week that you masturbate?

- 一週內自慰的次數？

- [Both] One, two, three.

- [都]一，二，三。

- Seven!

- 七！

- Zero point five.

- 零點五。

- Porn?

- 色情片？

- Oh yeah.

- 哦，是的。

- How has that changed since you got married?

- 你結婚後有什麼變化？

- Sometimes we watch porn together.

- 有時我們一起看黃片。

- Good for you guys!

- 對你們有好處！

I have to watch porn, because

我必須看A片，因為

I don't have anyone to imagine really.

我沒有任何人可以想象真的。

Single persons masturbation kit,

單人自慰包。

looks a little something like this.

看起來有點像這樣。

A vibrator of some sort, my cell phone

某種振動器，我的手機。

'cause gotta watch porn somehow.

'因為得看色情片，不知何故。

- True.

- 沒錯

- And me.

- 還有我

- Sometimes all you need is your 'ol right hand.

- 有時你需要的只是你的'ol右手。

(slapping)

（拍打）

(laughing)

（笑）

- Point is, masturbate, do it.

- 重點是，自慰，做吧。

- And if you have a partner, talk

- 如果你有一個合作伙伴，談

about it with them, or do it together.

和他們一起討論，或者一起做。

If you're masturbating right now.

如果你現在正在自慰。

We get it.

我們明白了。

- I don't blame you like hello.

- 我不怪你，就像你好。

(laughing)

（笑）

Duh.

咄。