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  • You've promised.

  • No, I know.

  • Nothing-- nothing today.

  • OK.

  • Nothing at all.

  • All right.

  • So you were a security guard.

  • Yeah.

  • I saw a picture at a Garth Brooks concert of you at--

  • look at-- there you are.

  • Yeah.

  • That's me in 1994-ish, '92-ish, something like that,

  • working a Garth Brooks concert in Manhattan, Kansas.

  • I did that.

  • I lied about my age earlier in high school

  • and got a job at the amphitheater near where

  • I grew up in Kansas City.

  • And my first concert was like a real Christian singer.

  • And then my next concert was Eazy-E and Boogie Down

  • Productions.

  • Oh my god.

  • It was like, oh, wow.

  • OK.

  • This is different.

  • But that was '89.

  • And so it was a lot of hairbands--

  • Cinderella, Ratt, Poison.

  • Those kinds of bands.

  • So I saw more boobs than you could--

  • Wow.

  • --ever imagine as a young junior.

  • And did fans try to like-- because you're the security

  • guard, try to convince you so they could go backstage.

  • Oh, all the time.

  • And I would get kind of the crappy positions

  • because I was a young guy.

  • But they put me off to the side of the stage one time

  • and I think it was Warrant, Winger, and the BulletBoys.

  • And this girl comes walking up to me.

  • She has this beautiful flowing skirt on.

  • And she's like, hi.

  • And I'm like, hey, how are you?

  • [AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

  • She's like, so what would I have to do to get backstage?

  • I'm like, oh, well, you need this special pass.

  • Not kidding you, she lifts up her dress and she goes

  • would this special pass work?

  • [AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

  • Oh my god.

  • And I'm like, oh my god.

  • That's hilarious.

  • Because I can't let you back there.

  • Oh my god.

  • I can't even imagine.

  • I mean, if you're a security guard, especially at that age,

  • where you're actually--

  • [SCREAM]

  • [SCREAMING]

  • [LAUGH]

  • [AUDIENCE CHEERING]

  • Finally!

  • Finally!

  • [LAUGH]

  • Tap out.

  • Tap out!

  • Now.

  • Tap out!

  • [AUDIENCE CHEERING]

  • [LAUGH]

  • Now who's laughing, punk!

  • I've been waiting for that guy for--

  • how many performances?

  • I don't know.

  • A lot.

  • He's done a lot of them.

  • I'm out of breath.

  • Nurse!

  • Lindsay!

  • Oh my gosh.

  • Corey, you were out of there so--

  • literally, we were hoping when he jumped up, you'd grab him.

  • But he started leaving.

  • And then I showed my quickness.

  • Yeah.

  • You did.

  • You got him.

  • How's Corey?

  • Is he OK?

  • I don't care.

  • [LAUGH]

  • [AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

  • How am I?

  • Oh my god.

  • I don't care.

  • Oh my god.

  • Hey, Corey?

  • Wanna go again, bro.

  • Oh my god.

  • I think I did hurt my shoulder.

  • Oh, no.

  • Where's the Warner Brothers Fire Department?

  • Not coming.

  • Yeah.

  • They're not here now.

  • Nope.

  • No.

  • They're out writing tickets.

  • [HEAVY BREATHING]

  • Modern Family starts tonight.

  • Toy Box starts on Sunday, both on ABC.

You've promised.

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