It's me, mom.

是我，媽媽

Out here in public.

人在公共場所

Catching some side eye.

感受各種目光

First rule of motherhood -- someone's always judging.

當了媽媽之後的第一條規矩——永遠都有人在打量你

Breastfeeding? Didn't work out.

餵母乳？失敗了

Guess what?

但你知道嗎？

World's still turning.

這世界仍然照常運轉

Go to work?

去上班？

I'm missing his childhood.

我就沒辦法參與他的童年

Stay at home?

在家當主婦？

I have no ambition.

我是沒有野心的人

Yeah, I bribe my kids.

是啊，我會收買我的孩子

How else do you think stuff gets done around here?

不然你以為這裡為什麼會這麼乾淨整齊？

No, I'm not the grandma.

不，我不是她阿嬤！

Do I look like her grandma?

我看起來像她的阿嬤嗎？

Mom's special juice?

媽媽的「特別果汁」？

It's wine.

其實是紅酒

Yoga pants?

瑜珈褲？

Big thing.

現在很潮的

Too much?

露太多？

How do you think I got the name Mom in the first place?

這讓我天生就是媽媽的料

Now if you think that's shocking, check this out.

如果你覺得這些很令人吃驚的話，看看這個

Good old fashioned Yoplait.

大家最熟悉的——優沛蕾

It's not made with cage-free Norwegian hemp milk.

它不是用非籠養挪威麻奶製成的

And guess what?

但你知道嗎？

She loves it!

什麼？