Is this some sort of trick question

這是哪一招?

that ends with you yelling at me about

又要跟我吵

the gender binary?

有關性別二元思維的東西？

Not this time.

這次不是.

Oh! Well then I am a girl;

喔！好那我是個女生

trying to become a woman.

試著轉女人.

And you're straight.

你也是個異性戀,

We've been through this!

我們講過這件事了,

I tried to fantasize about you in that way

我試著"性"幻想你,

and it just didn't work for me.

但就是對我沒用.

I've been texting.

我最近在跟一個人傳簡訊.

No. If that is straight-girl tease Megan

不行,如果又是那個超級異性戀的Megan,

you need to put a dollar in this jar.

錢投進來吧.

(People Gaby shouldn't text)

（Gaby不該約會的對象）

It is straight-girl tease Megan,

是那個超級異性戀的Megan沒錯,

but she initiated Allison! She wanted to

不過是她先主動的耶！她想要說

tell me that I would look good in KStew's

我用克莉絲汀史都華的髮型會很好看

haircut, ok? Why would she be texting me

髮型耶！誰會傳簡訊給我,

about a lesbian goddess sent from gay

談一個上帝派來的、

heaven to terrorize men's hearts

擁有所有男人的心、

and put fire in women's loins if she

讓所有女人雙腿發軟的的女同志女神？

wasn't gay!?

只有女同志才有可能傳這種簡訊.

I don't really understand why everyone is

我不懂為什麼大家都

so obsessed with Kristen Stewart,

這麼瘋克莉絲汀·史都華.

I mean I like her-

我是說, 我也喜歡她... 但

This is proof Megan is gay!

這證明Megan是同性戀！

YOU THINK EVERYBODY IS GAY!

你覺得每個人都是同性戀！！

You have an entire powerpoint presentation

你還做一整個Power Point報告,

about why George Clooney is bisexual!

說 喬治克隆尼是個雙性戀.

That man loves the Italian Riviera more

異性戀的男生,

than any straight guy could.

不可能這麼愛義大利的里維埃拉.

(Noises of forfeit)

(放棄投降聲)

Thank you.

謝謝配合.

Tim. Last night. I deleted his number again.

Tim. 昨天晚上. 我又刪掉她的手機號碼了.

(Sighs) This girl has been teasing you for

（嘆）這個女的已經捉弄你的心好幾個月了耶.

months. I can't tell if she's nice let

說不定 不是個同性戀, 也不是個好人.

alone gay. She's into me okay?

她有喜歡我！好嗎？

Women are just more subtle.

女生只是比較難以捉摸.

Yeah, you're extremely subtle Gaby.

對, 你無敵難以捉摸的, Gaby.

Not me! Other women.

不是說我拉！那個女的拉！

Look, look, look,

看看看！

I asked her if she wanted to come

我問她說要不要跟我們去買胸罩,

bra shopping with us and she said she had

她竟然說,

enough "tools of the patriarchy."

她已經有很多這"男人權制”的器具了.

That just means she majored in something

這只證明她大學主修那種

that doesn't make any money. Not that

賺不到一毛錢的爛科系,

she's into women.

不代表她喜歡女生.

She asked if I'd seen the new Tegan and Sara.

她還問我有沒有看到那個新的Tegan and Sara.

Oh I love Tegan and Sara, and I also can't

歐, 我愛死 Tegan and Sara 了

look at my own vagina without squealing.

同樣的, 我也沒辦法 看著我的陰道不尖叫.

But Megan has three cats and she's

但是Megan有三隻貓,

constantly posting them on Instagram!

還時常在Instagram po它們！

Gaby, aren't you the one who rails

Gaby, 你不是那個最恨刻板印象的人嗎？

against stereotypes? How can you possibly

你怎麼可以這樣,

assume this woman is queer based on such

用這些膚淺的個性,

shallow aspects of her personality?

認定她是個女同志？

You should only be concerned with who she

你應該只要在乎

really is as a person instead of trying

她是怎麼樣的一個人,

to uncover the mystery of her sexuality,

而不是一直想猜穿她的性取向.

which isn't your business

那從頭到尾都不是

in the first place!

你該管的事.

Wow. You're right. I'm gonna ask her to

哇, 你說得對. 我該約她出去,

dinner and get to know her as a person.

吃個晚餐, 好好地認識她就好.

You've out-Gabyed the Gaby.

你比Gaby還Gaby.

My thoughts are no longer my own.

我的思想已經超越了我自己.

Ooo! She wants to get tacos.

歐喔！她想要吃墨西哥捲餅.

You guys are DEFINITELY gonna fuck.

...非常確定你們要嘿咻了.

Because tacos means vagina.

因為墨西哥煎玉米捲等於陰道.

Ok.

夠了.

That's the correct-that's the lingo.

就是這樣. 女同志的專門術語.

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