People who are afraid of getting close.

害怕與他人親近的人。

People who need to sit alone for quite a long time every day.

每天需要獨處很長一段時間的人。

People who don't always find it easy to say what's on their minds.

不太能吐露心事的人。

People who need their space.

需要自己的空間的人。

We say these sort of people have got a fear of intimacy, and that's not a good thing to have.

我們說這些人害怕親密感，而這不是件好事。

It can get you in trouble.

這可能會造成問題。

But criticizing the fear of intimacy doesn't seem right or very productive at all.

但對於「恐懼親密感」指指點點不僅不對，還沒意義。

We'd be far better off with a different approach.

面對這件事，我們有更好的方法。

For a start, if someone is scared of something, it's never a great idea just to say they're silly and that there's nothing to be worried about.

首先，如果有人害怕某件事，說他們愚蠢、說這沒甚麼好怕的，都不是個好主意。

It's a lot more effective to say: We're a bit scared too, and that it's actually normal to worry.

更好的說法是 : 其實我們也有點怕，會擔心是正常的。

Then, it is a good idea to try to understand the fear.

然後，我們該去了解這種恐懼。

Where has it come from?

恐懼是從哪來的呢？

There's almost always a history to someone who is afraid of intimacy.

這些故事總是說來話長。

A history where getting close to other people got them hurt, so that closeness has become a problem.

過去，他們曾因親密的人而受傷，因此「親密」成了問題。

We should also take on board just how much of life is about not being intimate.

我們也應該想想，人的生命中有多少時間是「不親密」的。

From an early age we're taught we need to be strong, independent and brave.

從小我們學習要堅強、獨立、勇敢。

We need to hide our emotions, not say how we're feeling, bottle up what's going on inside.

隱藏自己的情緒、不輕易吐露心事、將真實的自己藏起來。

It is no wonder we sometimes find it hard to change gear, and become masters at the art of intimacy.

怪不得，有時我們覺得很難改變自己，很難學習與人親密這門藝術。

It's not surprising if we should get a bit stuck and not quite know what to do with the request to say exactly how we feel.

也難怪在別人希望我們吐露心聲時，我們會卡關。

We've been out in the world too long.

我們在這個世界生活太久了。

We're battle-hardened and just not used to it.

我們被戰役洗練得剛毅冷血，不再習慣親密感。

We might need a little time.

我們或許需要一點時間。

So let's go easy on those with a fear of intimacy.

我們應該溫柔對待那些懷有「親密恐懼」的人們。

They're not bad people.

他們不是壞人。

They just find a difficult thing tricky, and we should be on hand to help them with gentleness and understanding.

他們只是仍在面對問題，而我們應該在一旁用溫柔及理解來幫助他們。