Foreigners. What are we doing to your women?

Hi, welcome to China Uncensored. I’m your host, Chris Chappell.

If I were to create a Venn Diagram

of the most terrifying things to the Chinese Communist Party,

it would look like this.

Foreign spies!

Who are also Tibetan Falun Gong Pro-Democracy Lawyers.

But at least when it comes to foreign spies,

the Communist Party has a plan to stop them.

That’s why they’ve just celebrated China’s first-ever National Security Education Day!

A day for people throughout China

to have correct education thrust upon them by their benevolent overlords.

Now you might be wondering,

isn't that every day in China?

Well, on this day, there were comics!

Among the 100-plus promotional materials

put out by China’s Ministry of State Security,

there’s this lovely 16-panel comic called “Dangerous Love.”

And it’s captured the world’s imagination.

It stars Little Li

—an innocent Chinese girl—

and David

—an unassuming foreigner.

You can tell he’s a foreigner by the big schnoz.

But while at first you might assume David

is merely your typical evil foreigner,

he’s actually an even evilier evil foreigner.

Let’s take a look.

A friend from overseas is holding a gathering today.

Didn’t you want to improve your foreign language skills?

You should go with me.

Sounds good!

I’m David. I’m a visiting scholar specializing in China research.

I’m very eager to chat with you guys.

Let’s all introduce ourselves and our work.

How about we start with this beautiful lady here?

(blushing) Ah, alright.

My name is Xiao Li.

I just finished university and got a job with the civil service.

I work in the international propaganda department.

OK.

After that gathering,

David began meeting with Xiao Li and giving her gifts.

You are beautiful, warm, and bright.

In fact, I’ve liked you since we first met.

A handsome, romantic, and capable foreign boyfriend…not bad!

A relationship develops between the two.

Dear, what specifically do you do at work?

I’m responsible for composing “internal references”

that form the basis for central policies.

That’s great! You can let me borrow those “internal references.”

They’ll be really useful for my academic papers.

No, we’re under a confidentiality agreement.

Dear, do you have to keep secrets from me?

I just want to have a look for my research work.

Uh, alright then.

Here’s a copy I made.

Once you’re done, give it back to me right away.

Rest assured, my dear.

He hasn’t called and his phone is off...

You’re Xiao Li, right?

We’re with the State Administration of National Security.

Please come with us.

Huh? What’s the matter?

David is an overseas spy who’s in China to steal political and military information.

We have already apprehended him.

You provided him with these “internal references,” correct?

What?!

For a state employee,

you show a very shallow understanding of secrecy.

You are suspected of violating our national laws.

I didn't know he was a spy. He used me!

And then the last two panels describe

how providing state secrets to foreign forces violates China’s Counter-Espionage Law.

And you can be sentenced to 5 to 10 years in prison.

Happy National Security Education Day!

Ok, I can't in good conscience mock China's Ministry of State Security

for their cheesy warning about foreign spies...

without also mocking the FBI for their cheesy warning about being recruited by foreign spies.

Did you know that the FBI makes movies?

“I am an FBI agent!”

“I know, man! Isn’t it wild?”

Unfortunately nothing that good.

But they have made a 30-minute,

after school special-type movie warning young Americans

about the dangers of being recruited as a spy by the Chinese government.

Called Game of Pawns.

“Junior year in college,

I got to live the dream.

A year abroad in Shanghai studying language and philosophy.

Wo hen hao. Xie xie, my man!”

It's based on the "ripped from the headlines" story of Glenn Duffie Shriver,

a hapless American who innocently gets a lot of

"scholarship money" from his new Chinese friends,

and then promises them he'll join the CIA and tell them all about it.

It could happen to anyone, am I right?

So China's intelligence agency isn't alone in using popular media to warn their citizens.

But the Chinese Communist Party isn’t just worried

that their hapless citizens will accidentally leak state secrets.

They’re worried that ginger-haired foreigners like David will steal Chinese people’s souls.

I mean, figuratively.

They don’t want foreigners influencing the thoughts of the Chinese citizens

they’ve spent decades...educating.

For example, in this article,

a Quartz reporter interviewed 24-year-old May Xu.

She said her foreign boyfriend once declared that “Mao is a dictator.”

She didn’t like that,

“because that makes Mao the equivalent to Adolf Hitler or Joseph Stalin, she explained.”

Outrageous, right?

As explained in this helpful internet graphic,

Mao killed way more people than Hitler and Stalin.

Fortunately, May held fast to her soul, and broke up with that shameful foreigner.

The Quartz article goes on to show how

foreigners sometimes try to talk about sensitive political topics with their Chinese girlfriends.

And as you can imagine,

these foreign ideas like so-called democracy

cause chaos in the carefully honed minds of innocent Chinese girls.

And the Communist Party isn’t just worried about foreign political influence.

There’s religion, too.

In mid-April, Chinese leader Xi Jinping said China

“must resolutely guard against overseas infiltrations via religious means.”

But don’t worry,

they’ve already got a plan to

“direct the religious circle and their followers to enhance social harmony.”

I think it’s this.

And this.

So if you’re a foreigner,

and you have ideas and/or beliefs,

you might want to stay away from China.

Because you know what the comic strip doesn't show?

What happens to David.

I'm sure he's fine.

So what do you think?

Leave your dangerous ideas and/or beliefs below.

Once again, I’m Chris Chappell. See you next time.