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  • Yes.

    是的。

  • It is true,

    的確,

  • I lost the presidential election in 2012 to Mr. Barack Obama.

    我在2012年的總統大選輸給了貝拉克歐巴馬。

  • But that is only because I thought the world was ending,

    但這是因為我以為世界末日已經來臨,

  • So I withdrew from the election and hid under a rock on top of me.

    所以我放棄那場選舉並且躲在石頭底下。

  • But now in 2016,

    但在2016年,

  • It is finally time for me to formally announce to the country,

    終於是時候讓我向國家正式宣佈,

  • No, the world.

    不,是向全世界。

  • No, the entire city!

    不,是向整座城市!

  • That I, Ryan Higa, will once again be running

    正式宣布,我,瑞安比嘉,即將再次參選

  • Four (for) kilometers down the road to the registrations office,

    跑四公里路到登記處,

  • Where I will fill out all my information,

    也就是我即將填妥資料的地方,

  • To run for president, again!

    為了再次參選總統!

  • No, thank you for having me.

    不,謝謝你的邀請。

  • Hi, I'm Ryan Higa.

    嗨,我是瑞安比嘉。

  • And today I'm going to show you how easy it is to run for president by example.

    而今天我即將透過例子來告訴你參選總統有多簡單。

  • After 5 simple lessons, you'll have all the tools necessary to run for president.

    五堂簡單的課程後,你將擁有所有參選總統的必備技能。

  • Including your own campaign slogan.

    包含你的競選廣告口號。

  • Which in my opinion is the most important part.

    也就是我認為最重要的部份。

  • You know which slogans I'm talking about.

    你知道我指的是哪些口號。

  • Hillary Clinton has "Fighting for us".

    希拉蕊・柯林頓的是「為我們而戰」。

  • Donald Trump says "Make America great again.

    唐納・川普的是「讓美國再次偉大」。

  • As for myself, I don't have one yet.

    至於我呢,我還沒有一個口號。

  • But by the end of this video, not only will I have a good campaign slogan,

    但在這部影片的結束前,我不僅將有一個好的競選口號,

  • But a slogan that is better than all the other candidates' slogans put together

    更是一個比所有候選人的口號更好的口號。

  • So let's get started.

    那就讓我們開始吧。

  • The first lesson in running for president:

    參選總統的第一堂課:

  • You gotta be able to answer all the tough questions.

    答出所有刁鑽的問題。

  • For me, answering tough questions is nothing new.

    至於我,回答難題並不是什麼新鮮事。

  • Not only have I answered tough questions.

    我不僅能回答問題,

  • I've answered some of life's toughest questions.

    我甚至回答過一些人生最難的問題。

  • Such as

    像是

  • They were both first the chicken was inside of the egg.

    雞一開始都是在蛋裡面的。

  • Yes, Justin, it is in fact too late to say you are sorry.

    是的,賈斯丁,而你現在說抱歉已經為時已晚。

  • No, no, no. The sum is 19.

    不,不,不。總和是19。

  • Unless you're 19 and you still think 21 is a funny answer.

    除非你19歲然後你依然覺得21是個好笑的答案。

  • No, Frozen 2 does not come out for another 2 years.

    不,冰雪奇緣二在兩年內不會上映。

  • Well, yes. It does make you look a little fat.

    好,是的。這的確讓你看起來有點胖。

  • What, you asked for honesty.

    什麼,你要我誠實的。

  • Wh- Why would you even ask me if you expected a certain answer ?

    如果你已經有預期的既定答案,那你幹嘛還要問我呢?

  • We're just going to the movie theatres why do you even need a dress in the first place ?

    我們只是要去看電影,穿什麼洋裝呢?

  • Can we please just go ?

    我們可以出門了嗎?

  • Thank you !

    謝謝!

  • Now what do you wanna go see ?

    現在你想要去看什麼電影呢?

  • I just told you it doesn't come out for 2 years, Justin !

    我剛剛就跟你說了他至少兩年後才會上映,賈斯丁!

  • Now that you can answer all the tough questions,

    那現在你就會回答所有的難題了。

  • You are now ready for lesson 2.

    你現在可以進入第二課了

  • Addressing the big issues.

    解決重大議題。

  • Every election, candidates are always asked about the same big issues.

    每場選舉,候選人永遠被問到類似的重大議題。

  • Education, gun control, North Korea.

    教育,槍械管制,北韓。

  • All you have to do is talk about those big issues

    而你唯一要做的就是探討這些重大議題

  • And give your very own solutions.

    並且提供你的解決之道。

  • The current "no child left behind" act pushes struggling kids forward

    現今的「有教無類」法案推動弱勢孩童向前

  • And I personally think that is absolutely immoral and wrong.

    而我個人認為這是完全不道德且錯誤的。

  • When there's someone in your group who is slow or disadvantaged

    當你的團隊中有人較慢或是處於劣勢

  • And they're falling behind you and your group

    並且進度落後於你和你的團隊

  • Do you go and push that member forward ?

    你會上前推他向前嗎?

  • Absolutely not ! You slow down and you wait for them

    完全不會!你會慢下來等他們。

  • Because that's what's right

    因為這樣才是正確的

  • I plan to abolish the no child left behind act and establish the no child running ahead act

    我計畫廢除「有教無類」法案並且提倡「不讓一位孩童超前」法案

  • Where we will never push a struggling student

    也就是我們永遠不會促進掙扎中的學生

  • Instead we will slow down the ones that excell

    相反的我們會慢下那些過於優越的學生

  • Not only will we protect South Korea

    我們不只要保護南韓

  • But East and West Korea as well

    但也要保護東韓和西韓

  • And every other direction in between

    以及所有其中包含的其他方向

  • We're still not sure which side North East Korea is on

    雖然我們還是不知道北冬韓站在哪一邊

  • But thank's to my future vice president Kanye

    但多謝我未來的副總統肯亞

  • We know that we have North West on our side

    我們知道北西韓是站在我們這邊的 (North West 為 Kanye West 之女兒名)

  • Some people believe that guns kill people

    有些人相信槍械殺人

  • Others believe that people kill people

    其他人相信是人殺人

  • But I've always believed that people kill guns

    但我一直都相信是人殺槍械

  • And just like pets have protection with PETA

    然而就像寵物受到人道對待動物協會的保護一樣

  • I plan to start Gunna

    我計畫開始 Gunna

  • Where you can have a gun

    也就是每個人可以擁有槍械

  • But if you abuse it in any way

    但如果你在任何情況下傷害他

  • We're gonna kill you

    我們會殺了你

  • Every good politician knows that if you make the people afraid of something

    所有成功的政治家都知道如果你使人民害怕某件事

  • They'll look to you to fix it

    他們會期待你解決他

  • Look at what Donald Trump did for example

    看看唐納・川普的例子

  • With all the recent bombings and terrorism going on

    以近日發生的爆炸和恐怖攻擊,

  • He made the people fear muslims

    他讓人們畏懼穆斯林

  • And Donald Trump says he wants to ban all the muslims from our country

    而且唐納・川普說他想禁止我國所有穆斯林

  • Now I completely disagree with that but I do believe in freedom of speech

    而我完全不同意該作法但我相信言論自由

  • So when I become president Donald Trump can still say whatever he wants

    所以當我當選總統後,唐納・川普依然可以想說什麼就說什麼

  • But I'm going to make it mandatory for him to have a muzzle on

    但是我要強制要求他戴上口套

  • That's right we are going to muzzle him

    沒錯,我們要鉗制他的言論

  • And he will henceforth be known as a muzzle-im

    然後他從今以後就會以穆斯林(Muzzle-im與Muslim同音)為名

  • You see what Trump did wrong is that banning all muslims is unrealistic

    你看川普做錯的是禁止所有穆斯林是不實際的

  • The fear that you introduce needs to be something believable

    你解決的恐懼必須是一件可信的事

  • Something the people can relate to

    一件人們可以產生連結的

  • Something real

    一件真實的事

  • Washing machines ! Not everyone has one

    洗衣機!不是所有人都有一台

  • But for the ones that do

    但是擁有它的人

  • I'm here to tell you

    我在此告訴你

  • That in 2017 all washing machines will come to life

    就是在2017年所有的洗衣機都會有生命

  • And there will be a war

    到時就會有一場戰爭

  • Not just for America but all of humanity

    不只於美國而是整個人類

  • And I know this because I am from the future

    而我知道這件事因為我來自未來

  • Even if you can't keep them you have to make promises of things you would change if you become president

    縱使你無法實現諾言你還是要對你當選後會改變的事做出承諾

  • And these promises just need to be things that everybody would be happy with

    而這些承諾只要是會令所有的人開心的事即可

  • All future award shows will be only hosted by Steve Harvey

    所有未來頒獎典禮只會由史蒂夫・哈維主持

  • Anyone who says the word Hello

    任何說「你好」兩個字的人

  • Will no longer be able to follow it up with "it's me" or "I was wondering"

    不可以接著說「是我」或是「我想知道」

  • Anyone who writes articles that list things

    任何寫條列式文章的人

  • Must put the entire list on that one page

    必須把整個名單放在一頁內

  • Rather than putting a bunch of the things listed on different pages

    而非條列很多事項在不同的頁面

  • So you have to keep clicking "next page"

    讓你必須不停按「下一頁」

  • All sports will be renamed more accurately to what they look like

    所有的運動會更精準地以它們的外貌重新命名

  • Basketball shall be known as bouncy oranges

    籃球應該被稱做為彈跳橘子

  • American footbal shall be called organic egg toss

    美式足球應該被稱為有機雞蛋投擲

  • Tennis will be known as spiderweb slapstick

    網球會被稱為蜘蛛網拍棒

  • And most importantly

    而且最重要地

  • International football or American soccer

    國際足球或美式足球

  • Will no longer be called either

    將也不再那樣命名

  • But instead a combination of the two names football and soccer

    取而代之的是結合美式足球和足球的名字

  • Put together to create a more accurate title

    將兩個字放在一起創造更準確的頭銜

  • Known as flopper

    也就是Flopper

  • Can we get somebody to fix that fireplace ?

    我們可以找人來維修那壁爐嗎?

  • There we go.

    那就對了。

  • And last, but not least:

    最後但是同樣重要的:

  • Your campaign.

    你的競選廣告。

  • Now this is probably the most important one because this is what wins the elections

    這或許是最重要的一堂課因為這是勝選的因素

  • It doesn't really matter what you plan to do or what you plan to change if you have a good campaign

    當你有一個好的競選廣告之後,你計畫做什麼或是你計劃改變什麼都已經不重要了

  • And most importantly - I've mentioned it before:

    而且最重要地,我之前提到過:

  • You gotta have a good slogan

    你必須有個好的口號

  • I can fix it

    我能搞定它

  • From hope to higher ground

    從希望到更高的地方

  • I am fighting for you democrats

    我在為你們民主黨人而戰

  • Make America great again

    使美國再次偉大

  • My name is Ryan Higa

    我的名字是瑞安比嘉

  • And today I need all of you

    而今天我需要你們所有人

  • To help me

    幫助我

  • Find

    找到

  • My

    我的

  • Speech !

    演講稿!

  • It's uh- I think it may have fell out of my pocket on the way in

    呃,我想可能在來的路上從口袋掉出了

  • So the front row if you guys could check

    所以第一排的你們請查看一下

  • I actually can't start without it so if you guys could all pitch in

    沒有它我實在無法開始所以如果你們能動手幫忙

  • We could do this a lot quicker

    我們可以更快地完成這件事

  • Anyone ?

    有人找到嗎?

  • I found it !

    我找到了!

  • See ? Wouldn't want to be choking on this

    看吧?我不會想被這噎到的

  • Can't be president if I'm dead right ?

    如果我死了就無法當總統了是吧?

  • Alright, where were we ?

    好的,我們講到哪裡了?

  • Yes, I may have lost the presidential election in 2012

    是的,我或許在2012年的總統大選敗選了

  • And yes, I may have lost the Teen Choice awards in 2015

    並且是的,我或許也在2015年的青年選擇獎敗選

  • And yes, I may have even lost my iPhone in an Uber 2 weeks ago

    並且是的,我或許甚至兩週前在搭Uber後遺失一台iPhone

  • But there is one thing I will not lose

    但有一件事我絕不會輸,就是

  • This election !

    這場選舉!

  • I know there's a lot of other candidates who have their own visions for this country

    我知道其他候選人對這個國家具有遠景

  • Well not only is my slogan better than all of their slogans combined

    但是不只是我的口號比其他候選人的口號更厲害

  • But I have something they don't have

    我甚至有其他人所沒有的,也就是

  • More YouTube subscribers !

    更多YouTube追蹤者!

  • Even though 60% of those subscribers aren't old enough to vote yet

    雖然60%的追蹤者還不到投票的年紀

  • And 40% can't vote because they are from a different country

    而且40%的追蹤者因為在不同的國家而無法投票

  • That still leaves the rest of you

    但我依然還有剩下的你們

  • And together we can do it !

    然後我們可以一起做到的!

  • A new American leader from the future to defeat the washing machines in a fight for America again

    一位來自未來的美國新領導者來替美國對抗這場與洗衣機的戰爭

  • I'm Ryan Higa and I don't approve any of this sh-

    我是瑞安比嘉,而且我不同意任何以上言論

  • So thank you guys again so much for watching

    所以再次謝謝大家的觀賞

  • If you want to see the previous video click the one on the right

    如果你想收看過去的影片請按右邊欄位

  • If you want to see bloopers and behind the scenes

    如果你想收看幕後花絮

  • Click the one on the left

    請按左邊欄位

  • And remember people

    並且請記得

  • I need you help in order to win this campaign

    我需要你的幫忙來贏得這場競選活動

  • I need all of you to keep hashtagging the hashtag

    我需要你們繼續使用

  • #Higa2016

    #Higa2016

  • And together we can defeat the washing machines

    然後我們便能一起打敗洗衣機

  • And make this country Washing Mac-free

    讓這個國家沒有洗衣機

Yes.

是的。

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A2 初級 中文 美國腔 口號 參選 總統 競選 洗衣機 槍械

最後一哩路?好不實用的「競選總統的撇步」 (How To Run For President!)

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    浦瞿津 發佈於 2016 年 02 月 25 日
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