Name: 【TEDx】你真正需要嫁的人｜特蕾西-麥克米蘭｜TEDxOlympicBlvdWomen (【TEDx】The person you really need to marry | Tracy McMillan | TEDxOlympicBlvdWomen)
Uploaded: 2021-01-14T05:42:13.000Z
Duration: 13 min 59 s
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When I was growing up, there was this song we used to sing on the playground,

過去簡單式

"Tracy and so and so, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g,

"OK, that's it! That's how you do life. That's how you do a relationship.

Love, marriage, baby carriage. OK, got it!

Then I grew up, and this is what my life turned out to be.

Slightly more complicated, right? (Laughter)

Love, marriage, divorce, dry spells, love, marriage,

co-parenting, another marriage, another divorce;

So if you're good at math and/or a fast reader, what you've got there

What that is supposed to mean is that I'm a total failure at relationships.

And that is one way to look at it, but not the only way.

Because what I think really happened is that I kept marrying the wrong person.

No, it's not that I didn't-- it's not that I chose bad guys.

who are now married to wonderful women who aren't me.

And my third husband, well, we're friends on Facebook now.

After the collapse of my third marriage in 2005,

I realized that I've been marrying everyone in sight,

except the one person that I really needed to marry

all of my relationships would be successes, even the failures.

Since we're talking today about women inventing,

I'm going to talk about inventing relationships.

What I've found through a lot of trial and obviously, many, many, many errors,

to be the thing that has transformed my life and love,

and that is this idea of marrying yourself.

It is as big as marriage itself except, if I could just summarize it,

it would be that you enter into a relationship with yourself

In other words, you commit to yourself fully.

And then you build a relationship with yourself

to the point where you realize that you're whole right now,

that there is no man, woman, job, circumstance that can happen to you

that is going to make you more whole because you already are.

By now, I'm sure at least some of you are wondering

why you should be listening to a three-time divorcee

that the places where you have the biggest challenges in your life

become the places where you have the most to give

the places where you have the biggest challenges

are the places where you have the most to give.

So let me tell you a little bit about the person I truly needed to marry:

My mom was a prostitute and an alcoholic.

She put me in foster care when I was three months old.

he was a drug dealer and a pimp with a heart of gold

- actually, they both had hearts of gold -

and he spent more or less my whole life in prison.

He just got out of prison after his most recent sentence

Until the age of nine, I was probably in two dozen foster homes.

The thing you need to know about this story

- there are a lot of details, obviously - but the thing you need to know

is that I came out of that childhood with one goal: to never be left.

The way I was going to do that is that I was going to get married.

That was the way I was going to accomplish that goal.

So I got married the first time to a guy I met when I was 17.

We got married a couple of years later, when I was 19.

He was a really good guy from a great family, he had an MBA.

I mean, it was like, you know, marriage material.

I was like, "I have a family. I belong somewhere. This is wonderful."

Then ten years later, I got married again to another wonderful guy,

who is the father of my now 16-years-old son.

We still have a wonderful relationship. He is a really good guy.

And I am not proud to say that I did that, but in order to really marry yourself,

you have to get sometimes very painfully honest with yourself

Then eight years later, I got married again, when I was 40,

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【TEDx】你真正需要嫁的人｜特蕾西-麥克米蘭｜TEDxOlympicBlvdWomen (【TEDx】The person you really need to marry | Tracy McMillan | TEDxOlympicBlvdWomen)

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