He's like, "Gabe, check it out. CHP, California Highway Patrol, wants to hire you to do a show."

他說：「Gabe，看看。CHP，加州公路巡邏隊，想僱用你來做一場表演。」

I go, "Really? What does it pay?"

我說：「真的嗎？報酬是多少？」

"They want you to donate your time."

「他們希望你捐獻出你的時間。」

"I think I'm busy."

「我覺得我應該很忙。」

"They told me to let you know you have a warrant in the city of Fresno, California."

「他們讓我告訴你，你在加州弗雷斯諾有逮捕令。」

I'm like, "Oh, they're good."

我說：「他們可真行。」

So I did the show.

所以我去表演了。

And I'm gonna tell you guys right now.

我要告訴你們，

I'm gonna tell you guys right now, it was one of the scariest shows I ever did.

我要告訴你們，他是有史以來最可怕的一場表演。

A room full of nothing but cops.

滿屋子都是警察ㄡ

Everybody's drinking a lot.

大家都喝得很醉。

And I'm scared, because if they get ghetto, who do I call?

我很害怕，因為如果他們發酒瘋，我該打給誰？

You know, I got to go out in the parking lot and find some gang member.

你知道，我得去停車場找一些黑幫。

"Hey, back me up!"

「嘿，支援我！」

So the show went good.

表演很順利。

It went so good that they asked me to do another show in California, in San Diego, for the California Highway Patrol Border Division.

表演非常順利，所以他們邀請我在加州聖地牙哥為加州公路巡邏邊境部門再做一次演出。

And I tried to make up an excuse that my car wasn't working right.

我試著編說我的車沒辦法開的藉口。

They said, "No worries. We understand."

他們說：「不用擔心。我們理解。」

They sent a patrol car to my house with a freaking uniformed officer.

他們派了一輛巡邏車到我家，車上坐著一名穿著制服的警察。

And I was like, "Oh, my God."

我當時想：「哦，天哪。」

Best part was I didn't tell my family he was coming.

最棒的部分是我沒有告訴我的家人警察要來載我。

Oh, yeah, sometimes you have to create your own entertainment.

哦，是的，有時你必須創造自己的娛樂。

It was hysterical.

非常好笑。

5:00 rolled around, I'm like, "He should be here any minute."

5:00 到了，我就想：「他應該隨時都會到。」

Sure enough...

果不其然...

"Frankie! Frankie, can you get the door, please?"

「Frankie！Frankie，你能去應門嗎？」

"Okay, Gabriel." So he goes to the door.

「好的，Gabriel。」於是他走到門口。

Comes back, and he's got, like---you know, he's like...

回來後，他就像是──你知道，他就像…

"Gabriel. Gabriel, the police are here."

「Gabriel，Gabriel，警察來了。」

"Why are you whispering?"

「你為什麼小聲說話？」

"'Cause something's gonna happen."

「因為有事情要發生了。」

When he said that, I'm like, "Oh, I got to freaking let him have it now." Right?

當他這麼說時，我想：「哦，我要來捉弄他一下了。」

I said, "Oh, my God, Frankie, they found me."

我說：「哦，天啊，Frankie，他們找到我了。」

"What do you mean, Gabriel?"

「什麼意思，Gabriel？」

"I got to go, Frankie. I got to go. Take care of your mom for me, okay? I love you. I love you."

「我得走了，Frankie，我得走了。替我照顧好你媽媽，好嗎？我愛你。」

"No!"

「不！』

"I got to go, Frankie."

「我得走了，Frankie。」

And I saw the officer, I said, "Pretend you're arresting me. I want to freak out my kid."

我看到那位警察，我說：「假裝你要逮捕我。我想嚇嚇我的孩子。」

"No problem. Turn around and put your hands behind your back."

「沒問題，轉過身，雙手背在背後。」

"I can't reach. Just hold my hand. Walk me to the car. Just walk me to the car. Come on, just walk me to the car.

「我夠不著。握住我的手就行了，帶我走到車子那。帶我走到車子那。來吧，帶我走到車子那。

He doesn't know the difference, dude. Just walk me to the freaking car. Come on."

他不知道差別，老兄。 就帶我到那輛該死的車那吧。 快點。」

I get to the cop car.

我上了警察。

He throws me in the backseat, right, and slams the door.

他把我扔到後座右側，然後關上了門。

And I ask him, "Is it okay if I yell out the window to freak out my kid?"

我問他：「如果我向窗外大喊來嚇唬我的孩子，可以嗎？」

"You want to use the microphone?" - "Yeah!"

「你想用麥克風嗎？」- 「當然！」

Freaking...

天殺的....

"Here you go, sir."

「給你。」

And he hands me the microphone, and I said, "Frankie, this is the police. We have your father. We're coming back for you in one hour. Do your homework."

他把麥克風遞給我，我說：「Frankie，我是警察。我們找到你父親了。我們一小時後回來找你。去做你的作業。」

One minute later, my girlfriend calls me.

一分鐘後，我女友打電話來。

"You're an ass!"

「他是個混蛋！」

"What's he doing?"

「他現在在幹嘛？」

"He's doing his homework."

「他在寫作業。」

"That's called parenting, baby."

「寶貝，這就叫帶小孩。」