Name: SNL：星巴克冷開場！ (Domingo Cold Open - SNL)
Uploaded: 2026-03-26T05:26:29.000Z
Duration: 5 min 59 s

天啊，Kelsey，真的非常謝謝妳。

This means so much to me, especially with everything going on in the world: government shutdown, AI.

這對我意義重大，尤其是在這個世界上發生這麼多事的同時：政府關閉、AI。

but the fact that my beautiful wife put this all together for me means a lot.

但我美麗的妻子為我安排了這一切，這真的讓我很感動。

Hey, Matt, looks like some special guests just arrived.

嘿，Matt，好像有特別的嘉賓來了。

Kelsey，妳把我最好的朋友們都接來了？

For those of you who I haven't met, I'm Kelsey's childhood bestie,

各位還沒見過我的，我是 Kelsey 的童年死黨，

Although I unfortunately didn't graduate because I realized that hours are, like, super long and I don't like helping people.

雖然我沒畢業，因為我發現護理的工時超長，而且我其實不太喜歡幫助人。

再說，妳還偷了那些藥丸，親愛的！

Anyway, even though I didn't earn my RN degree, I got my BFF degree because I met Kelsey's besties, a.k.a.

反正，雖然我沒拿到 RN 學位，但我拿到了 BFF 學位，因為我認識了 Kelsey 的好朋友們，也就是

Ah, it's my birthday, but your friends are giving a speech.

啊，今天是我的生日，但你們的朋友要致詞。

Last month, Kelsey asked us to go on a trip with her so she could find the most magical birthday present for Matthew.

上個月，Kelsey 問我們能不能跟她一起去旅行，這樣她就能找到送給 Matthew 最神奇的生日禮物。

They say Disney's the most magical place on Earth,

有人說迪士尼是地球上最神奇的地方，

but we're banned from there, so we went to Nashville!

但我們被禁足了，所以我們去了納許維爾！

Our Kelsey called us because she wanted to find a really good gift for Matthew.

我們的 Kelsey 打電話給我們，因為她想找一份很棒的禮物送給 Matthew。

Wow, you ladies sure love traveling together.

哇，你們幾個感情真好，喜歡一起旅行。

She said this trip was meant to be just about a gift for Matt, and

她說這次旅行就是要送 Matt 一份很棒的禮物，

not about seeing the one guy she was thinking of.

而不是去見她心裡想的那個人。

But I needed to focus on getting you an awesome gift.

但我需要專心給你一個超讚的禮物。

你買了哈德遜新聞的連帽衫給我。

Kell sat alone in the hotel, said, "I don't really feel well." Wanted to be alone.

凱爾一個人坐在飯店裡，說：「我感覺不太舒服。」想一個人靜一靜。

When we got home, we pulled back all of the covers and we saw that there was just a bunch of pillows.

回到家後，我們掀開所有被子，發現裡面只有一堆枕頭。

They said she left in a bikini about four hours ago.

他們說她四小時前穿著比基尼離開了。

and she only chose to bring her Berna phone one night with Domingo.

而且她只選擇在一個晚上帶著她的 Bernese 手機和 Domingo 一起。

好的，所以 Domingo 在納許維爾？

Well, you could have come on the trip, babe.

No, I couldn't have because I was in Albany attending a self-worth seminar.

不，我不可能，因為我在奧爾巴尼參加一個自我價值研討會。

我們去納許維爾的旅程太棒了。

Like, did someone say "Ever Could Deborah"?

像是，有人說「Ever Could Deborah」嗎？

Okay, babe, I promise this next song will not be about Domingo.

好了，寶貝，我保證下一首歌不會是關於 Domingo 的。

There's a man with a gold tee and a gold chain at the bar.

酒吧裡有個男人戴著金項鍊和金鍊子。

Kelsey tells him, "I got a Brazilian in a hole that you'd be hard." You got a Brazilian for Domingo?

Kelsey 告訴他：「我這裡有個巴西式的，你可能會喜歡。」你有為 Domingo 準備巴西式的嗎？

We went to the great old upper Domingo play guitar.

我們去了一個很棒的老式 Domingo 彈吉他。

Kelsey had tears in her eyes, said, "As a lover, Matt is subpar." D-O-M-I-N-G-O, Domingo.

Kelsey 淚眼汪汪地說：「作為情人，Matt 不及格。」D-O-M-I-N-G-O，Domingo。

I saw him in Nashville, but babe, I promise, Domingo's in the past.

我在納許維爾見過他，但寶貝，我保證，Domingo 已經是過去式了。

Kelsey, the night we spent together in Nashville was anything but ordinary.

Kelsey，我們在納許維爾共度的那個夜晚，一點也不尋常。

I know that you took a bow, but I am so well endowed.

我知道你鞠躬了，但我身材非常豐滿。

I come in and out of your life because I respect that you are a white.

我來來去去你的生活，因為我尊重你是一位白人。

Okay, first of all, this is not in any of your vocal ranges.

好，首先，這不在你任何的音域裡。

Also, whatever happened to that 2,000 in cash?

還有，那兩千塊現金是怎麼回事？

Oh, I got a very expensive Brazilian as well.

喔，我還有一個非常昂貴的巴西式（服務）。

凱爾西，我們接到噪音投訴了！

I may be the love of your life, but I respect that you are a white.

我可能是你生命中的摯愛，但我尊重你是一位白人。