Name: MAGA批川普演說缺乏氣勢！| 等待愛普斯坦文件曝光 | YouTube 攻佔奧斯卡！ (MAGA Pans Trump's Swaggerless Speech | Waiting For The Epstein Files | YouTube Takes The Oscars)
Uploaded: 2025-12-20T17:00:28.000Z
Duration: 9 min 56 s

我是你們的主持人，史蒂芬·柯爾伯。

You know, ladies and gentlemen, I believe that years from now, I think we'll all remember where we were when we did not watch Donald Trump's speech last night.

各位親愛的觀眾，我相信很多年以後，大家都會記得，昨晚我們在哪裡，沒有看唐納·川普的演說。

Yesterday, old Man Baloney Hands somehow convinced every network to preempt their primetime programming to air a presidential address.

昨天，老牌假掰先生不知道怎麼說服了所有電視臺，停掉黃金時段的節目，來播放總統演說。

Now, usually these only happen for something really big, like George W.

通常這種事只有在發生大事的時候才會出現，像是喬治·W·布希宣佈開戰。

Bush declaring the war on terror, Obama revealing that American forces had killed bin Laden, or Joe Biden announcing that the Amtrak dining car now has warm cookies.

歐巴馬宣佈美軍擊斃了賓拉登，或是喬·拜登宣佈美國鐵路公司的餐車現在有熱騰騰的餅乾。

So what was the big national emergency this time?

那這次的大國家緊急狀態是什麼呢？

Eleven months ago, I inherited a mess, and I'm fixing it, and it's going to be great.

十一個月前，我接手了一個爛攤子，我正在解決它，而且它會很棒。

Do not be alarmed that the forest has begun to reclaim the White House.

別擔心白宮已經開始被森林吞噬了。

And I know there's no one in this tiny room but me and the cameraman right there who made sure to crank up this giant mic that covers my waddle.

我知道在這個小房間裡只有我和攝影師，他確保把這個巨大的麥克風開到最大，遮住了我的肚子。

Okay, now that you've got our attention, would you like to bellow any economic numbers without pausing to breathe?

好了，現在你引起了我們的注意，你想要不間斷地大聲說出任何經濟數字嗎？

Under the Biden administration, car prices rose 22%, and in many states, 30%.

在拜登政府之下，汽車價格上漲了 22%，許多州的漲幅甚至達到 30%。

或是汽油價格上漲了 30% 到 50%。

Now, under our leadership, they are all coming down and coming down fast.

現在，在我們的領導之下，這些都在快速下降。

Sir, based on the speed of that delivery, I think you're going to be coming down real fast, because.

先生，看您講話的速度，我覺得您會很快就下來了，因為。

Whatever he's on, I'd like some daddy wants speech candy.

不管他嗑了什麼，我都想要一點「老爸要糖果」的演講。

I'm not sure what the emergency was here other than his poll numbers, because he just played the old hits.

我不確定這裡的緊急狀態是什麼，除了他的民調數字，因為他只是在唱老調。

We had men playing in women's sports, transgender for everybody, crime at record levels with law enforcement, and

我們有男性在女子體育項目比賽，跨性別者人人有，犯罪率創紀錄，執法人員，還有

words such as that just absolutely forbidden.

Words such as that were forbidden under Biden.

這些詞在拜登政府時期是被禁止的。

你必須這麼說，但要在那邊說。

But under Trump, under Donald Trump, we're finally saying Mary Vatmos again.

但在川普，唐納·川普的領導下，我們終於又能說「瑪麗·瓦特莫斯」了。

It seems like even Trump might have felt uncertain about his performance, because after he finished his speech, he.

看來連川普都對自己的表現感到不確定，因為他演講完後，他。

He turned to the press and said, you think that's easy, giving that speech?

他轉向媒體說，你們覺得這樣很容易嗎，講那場演講？

Then Trump asked his chief of staff, they're very kind.

然後川普問他的幕僚長，他們人很好。

Then Trump asked his chief of staff, Susie Wiles, how he had done.

然後川普問他的幕僚長蘇西·威爾斯，他表現得怎麼樣。

And she said, I told you 20 minutes, and you were 20 minutes on the dot.

她說，我告訴妳二十分鐘，妳就準準地講了二十分鐘。

It's like asking your parents, what did you think of my flute solo.

這就像問你爸媽，你覺得我的長笛獨奏怎麼樣。

Well, I know I'm your dad, but I thought it was exactly 3 minutes and 14 seconds.

嗯，我知道我是你爸，但我認為那時間是三分鐘又十四秒。

Even people in MAGA world thought it was a bad speech.

連 MAGA 陣營的人都覺得那是一場爛演講。

One Trump supporter posted, he seems panicked.

一位川普支持者發文說，他看起來很慌張。

I've never seen him like this and I have attended 42 of his rallies.

我從沒看過他這樣，而且我參加過他 42 場造勢大會。

我們有了新的史上最悲傷的故事。

我參加過 42 場川普的造勢大會。

One big time MAGA podcaster said of the speech, the charisma was gone, the aura was gone, the swagger was gone.

一位大型 MAGA 播客說到那場演說，魅力消失了，氣場消失了，自信消失了。

In fact, rumor has it he wears absorbent undergarments for when he rizzes himself.

事實上，傳言說他會穿吸水內褲，以防他自己魅力爆發時。

To make everyone forget how bad last night was, he did something worse.

為了讓大家忘記昨晚有多糟，他做了更糟的事。

Today, just before taping, we learned that Trump's hand picked Kennedy center board voted to rename the Kennedy center to the Trump Kennedy Center.

今天，就在錄影前，我們得知川普親自挑選的甘迺迪中心董事會投票決定將甘迺迪中心改名為川普甘迺迪中心。

The official name is now the Donald J. Trump and the John F. Kennedy.

正式名稱現在是唐納·J·川普和約翰·F·甘迺迪。

他不能把名字刻在紀念中心上。

White House press gremlin Caroline Levitt dropped the news in a tweet saying, I have just been informed that the highly respected board of the Kennedy center just voted unanimously to rename the Kennedy center to the Trump Kennedy center, adding congratulations to President Donald J.

白宮的記者惡魔卡羅琳·李維特在推特上爆料說，我剛剛被告知，備受尊敬的甘迺迪中心董事會剛剛一致投票決定將甘迺迪中心更名為川普甘迺迪中心，並向總統唐納·J·川普表示祝賀，同樣也向甘迺迪總統表示祝賀。

Trump and likewise, congratulations to President Kennedy.

川普，同樣也向甘迺迪總統表示祝賀。

Did she tweet that on her phone or a Ouija board?

她是發推文，是用手機還是碟仙板？

Now, legal experts say this is up the name.

現在，法律專家說這是在名字上。

The name can only be changed by an act of Congress.

名字只能透過國會法案來更改。

Plus, the Kennedy center is more than just a name.

而且，甘迺迪中心不只是個名字。

Former Kennedy Center President Michael Kaiser explained.

前甘迺迪中心總裁麥可·凱瑟解釋。

We always called it a living memorial to President Kennedy.

我們一直稱它為甘迺迪總統的活紀念碑。

We would have a hard time imagining the Washington Monument or Lincoln Memorial named for someone other than Washington or Lincoln.

我們很難想像華盛頓紀念碑或林肯紀念堂會以華盛頓或林肯以外的名字來命名。

So buckle up, America, before this is over.

所以，美國，繫好安全帶，這一切結束之前。

He's going to rub his balls on everything.

他會把他的球磨蹭在所有東西上。

Why not just replace the Liberty Bell with Trump?

為什麼不乾脆把自由鐘換成川普？

I'm thinking all of this nonsense is just to change the subject because legally, the DOJ must release the Epstein files by tomorrow.

我在想，這一切的胡鬧，只是為了轉移話題，因為照法律規定，司法部最晚明天就必須公佈愛普斯坦的檔案。

喔，對啊，就是愛普斯坦的檔案。

Eve, don't forget to leave Santa some cookies and a barf bag.

Eve，別忘了留些餅乾和嘔吐袋給聖誕老人喔。

The DOJ specifically has to release searchable and downloadable copies.

司法部必須特別釋出可搜尋且可下載的版本。

The law says records can't be withheld, delayed or redacted due to concerns about embarrassment, reputational harm, or political sensitivity.

法律規定，不得因為擔心尷尬、損害聲譽或政治敏感性，而扣留、延遲或刪減紀錄。

What if this is the end of the road for you and you've wriggled out of everything else, but

如果這就是你的終點，而且你已經從其他所有事情裡脫身了，但是