Name: 不再討好別人！擺脫「爛好人」的4個關鍵跡象代表你正在變強！(4 Signs You're Healing From People Pleasing (That Feel Selfish))
Uploaded: 2025-11-25T21:01:20.000Z
Duration: 5 min 1 s

未來簡單式

In today's video, I'm going to tell you four signs that you are healing from people pleasing that are going to feel pretty selfish.

在今天的影片中，我要告訴你四個你正在從「取悅他人」中痊癒的跡象，而這些跡象可能會讓你覺得自己很自私。

Healing from people pleasing does not feel like confidence first.

擺脫討好型人格，一開始並不是變得自信。

動名詞

It feels like guilt, discomfort and wondering non stop if you're a bad person.

而是會感到內疚、不安，以及不斷懷疑自己是不是壞人。

But what's actually happening is you're learning to stop abandoning yourself.

但其實真正發生的是──你正在學習不再放棄自己。

1. You say no and you instantly feel guilty.

1. 你說了「不」，然後立刻感到愧疚。

That old reflex to make everyone happy does not go away overnight.

那個想讓所有人開心的自動反應，不會一夜之間消失。

When you finally decide to set a boundary, your body will react like you just did something wrong.

當你終於決定設立界線，你的身體會反應得像你剛做錯了什麼。

I can think of multiple occasions where I had to respond to some invitation and say no that made me feel physically sick.

我能想到好多次，我只是回覆別人的邀請並說「不」，但卻讓我身體不舒服。

My heart would race, my stomach would just be in knots, turning upside down.

心跳加速、胃打結、整個人都不舒服。

I felt like my body was plugged into a light socket just because I was saying no.

光是說一句「不」，就覺得像整個人插上電線。

When you feel those feelings in your body, it's not proof that you're selfish.

當你有這些身體反應時，這不是證明你自私。

It's evidence that your nervous system is rewiring.

而是證明你的神經系統正在重新連線。

You let that guilt exist without trying to fix it.

讓這份愧疚存在，不用急著去消除它。

Allow it to be there and allow it to move through that.

Guilt is based on an old way of thinking and old beliefs that you had of what it means to stay safe and make other other people happy with you.

愧疚來自你過去對「安全」以及「讓別人滿意」的舊信念。

Your body needs to learn that it's okay to disappoint people sometimes.

你的身體需要學習──失望別人，有時是沒關係的。

So take a breath and remind yourself we're going for safety first, not approval.

深呼吸，提醒自己：我們追求的是安全，不是他人認同。

2. You start to care less about what people think and that feels cold.

2. 你開始不那麼在意別人的看法，這會讓你覺得自己變冷漠。

There's this strange in between phase where you stop like performing in order to be liked.

你會進入一個奇怪的過渡期──你不再為了被喜歡而演戲。

You notice that you're giving more honest answers,

fewer explanations and shorter replies, and this is going to feel overly harsh compared to the person that you used to be.

解釋更少、回覆更簡短，與以前相比可能顯得過於冷淡。

The old version of you that over-explained everything and wanted to make sure everyone knew the exact reason why you weren't going to be able to do what they wanted you to do,

過去的你會過度解釋，務必要讓別人完全理解你為什麼做不到他們要的事情，

so that you could make sure that you stayed safe.

But we are redefining what safety feels like.

但我們正在重新定義什麼叫做「安全」。

So here's what you're going to do instead.

You're going to let your energy be neutral for now.

You do not owe anyone extra words or an extra explanation to perform kindness and care.

你不欠任何人額外的解釋，也不需要透過表演來證明善意或體貼。

Simply speak, give your answer and move on.

說出你的答案，然後往下一步走。

Allow whatever emotions come up to just come on with you.

3. You have less patience for one-sided relationships.

3. 你對「單向付出的關係」越來越沒耐心。

When you stop people pleasing, any imbalance in your life and in your relationships is going to become very, very obvious to you.

當你停止討好別人，你生命與關係中的不平衡會變得非常明顯。

You're going to notice very quickly who is taking more than they are giving within your relationship.

你會很快注意到──誰給得比他拿得少。

I went through seasons where every relationship felt off and it wasn't that everyone around me changed, it was just that I stopped pretending that I was fine.

我也曾有一段時間，覺得每段關係都有問題──不是別人變了，而是我不再假裝沒事。

Notice when you feel drained after interactions.

注意哪些互動讓你覺得被掏空。

You just need to notice where you're over giving and not receiving any return.

你只需要注意哪裡是你付出過多、卻完全沒有回收。

4. And the biggest sign that you're healing people pleasing is you stop over-explaining yourself.

4. 最大的跡象──你不再過度解釋自己。

You will have a moment where you realize that you don't owe everyone context for every choice that you make.

你會有那麼一刻意識到：你不需要為每個決定提供背景。

And at first this is going to feel really rude.

而一開始這會讓你覺得「很沒禮貌」。

It's going to be different than the way that you've showed up in these relationships.

因為這跟你過去在關係中的表現完全不一樣。

You are going to catch yourself wanting to justify, to soften and to just explain every decision you're making.

你會發現自己下意識想解釋、想軟化、想合理化每個決定。

You're going to feel this pull to make people understand why you are justified in making your decisions.

你會很想讓對方理解──你「為什麼」做這個選擇是合理的。

You're going to stop that ferocious typing mid-message,

你會停止正在瘋狂打字的訊息。

and you're going to take a breath and you're going to realize I don't need to be this person anymore.

你會深呼吸，然後意識到──我不用再這樣了。

I don't need to do this anymore and I'm not going to be this person anymore.

我不需要再成為那樣的人，我也不打算再那樣。

And that will begin feeling more like freedom to you.

而那開始會讓你感覺越來越自由。

That will give you the peace that you used to try to find in the over explanation.

它會帶給你過去靠過度解釋也得不到的平靜。

So, something you can start is practice saying less.

所以，你可以開始練習──說少一點。

You don't need to give all the extra details.

Don't forget that no is a complete sentence.

記住──「不」本身就是一句完整的句子。

You can make your choices, feel whatever discomfort comes up and move on.

你可以做選擇、感受不舒服、然後繼續前進。

That will become something that's comfortable for you.

最後，這會變成一件很自然的事。

It's very important when you're healing from people pleasing that you know that you're going to need to collect a lot of experiences that disconfirm your prior beliefs.

當你在擺脫討好型人格時，你需要累積很多經驗，來推翻你過去的信念。

So if you believe that you needed to appease everybody and you need to overexplain and you needed to justify all of your decisions and you needed to say yes when you wanted to say no.

如果你曾相信必須迎合每個人、必須解釋、必須合理化、必須答應別人的要求──

You're going to need a certain number of experiences that show your nervous system something different.

你就需要累積一些完全相反的體驗，來重新訓練你的神經系統。

The most important thing being that you can say what you need to to say and make the choice you want to make.

最重要的是──你可以說出你的需求，做你想做的選擇。

Let people have their feelings about that, and

you make sure that you don't abandon yourself,

而你只要確保不要再放棄自己。

that you don't let other people's opinions make you question what you ran through your filters and decided was the right decision for you.

不要因為別人的想法，而推翻你已經過濾過、對你而言最正確的決定。

The more comfortable you get with explaining less, the more safe that's going to feel to your nervous system.

你越習慣解釋得少，你的神經系統就會覺得越安全。

So disappoint people, disappoint people all day long and show yourself that you can survive that.

所以──去讓別人失望吧，一整天都沒關係；讓自己看看你其實承受得了。

Show yourself that even if that was a threat when you were younger, it is no longer a threat now.

讓自己知道──就算這在你小時候是一種威脅，現在已經不是了。

It is okay for people to judge your choices, it's okay for them to judge your opinions.

別人可以批評你的選擇，也可以批評你的想法。

And when you have your own back, you're safe no matter what.

但只要你支持自己，你永遠都是安全的。

It's time to stop saying sorry for existing, to stop saying sorry for doing what's right for you.

是時候停止為「活著」道歉，也停止為做對自己最好的事道歉。

Thanks for watching, and I'll see you guys in the next video.