Name: 梁祖堯 - 我們笑在一起 - 香港單口喜劇 (2022) (jordan leung - we and us laugh together - hong kong stand-up comedy (2022))
Uploaded: 2025-11-17T11:03:53.000Z
Duration: 35 min 45 s

現在進行式

You are here to see the guy that's blowing up the Internet.

各位觀眾，今天要帶大家認識這位紅遍網路的傳奇人物。

He goes by the name of 69 Ranch, aka Jordan Lund.

他就是 69 Ranch，也就是 Jordan Lund。

Thank you, Jason, my only black friend in Hong Kong.

謝謝 Jason，我香港唯一一位黑人朋友。

And thank you, Tambie and Tim, two guys who wish they were as popular as me.

也謝謝 Tambie 和 Tim，這兩位希望自己能像我一樣受歡迎。

We showed off this show like, a month ago, right?

我們大概一個月前就預告過這個秀了，對吧？

我很高興我們把秀的票都賣光了。

If I didn't sell out the show, I would have had to do comedy in Cambodia.

如果票沒賣光，我就得去高棉表演喜劇了。

對啊，可能會很慘，你知道的。

One time I did a show, my friend came out to me afterwards.

有一次我表演完，我朋友來找我。

I prepared really hard for the show, man.

我為這場秀做了超多準備的，老兄。

Yeah, I know it's hard to tell, but I've been hitting the gym super hard.

對，我知道看不出來，但我最近超認真去健身房的。

I have a personal trainer, or as I like to call him, a freelance PE teacher.

我有請私人教練，或者我喜歡稱他為自由教練。

If you work out, there's, like, this whole concept of, like, leg day.

如果你有在運動，就會有所謂的「腿部訓練日」。

And it's so dumb because it's, like, so difficult, you know?

這超蠢的，因為你知道，這超難的。

And all it does is, like, makes your legs thicker, which makes your tip look smaller.

結果只是讓你的腿變粗，這樣你的「那個」看起來就更小。

I've been dealing with knee pain for the past year.

我過去一年一直有膝蓋疼痛的問題。

And I told my trainer, and he was like, oh, let's give you some, like, quad exercises, you know, make your quads, like, bigger and stronger and take the pressure off your knees, you know?

我跟我的教練說了，他就說，喔，那我們給你做一些，像是，股四頭肌的訓練，你知道的，讓你的股四頭肌，像是，更大更強壯，減輕你膝蓋的壓力，你知道嗎？

But I haven't done them because I don't want my dick to look small.

但我沒有做，因為我不想讓我的雞雞看起來很小。

So I think the real cause of my knee pain is a fragile masculinity.

所以我覺得我膝蓋疼痛的真正原因，是脆弱的男性氣概。

One of my friends suggested I see a podiatrist to, like, help with my knee pain.

我的一個朋友建議我去看足部醫生，像是，幫我處理膝蓋疼痛的問題。

And I went to see a podiatrist, and he was like, you have really beautiful arches on your foot.

我就去看足部醫生了，他就說，你的足弓長得真漂亮。

I don't think beautiful is a medical term.

我覺得「漂亮」不是一個醫學術語。

It just makes me think, like, every podiatrist, like, has a foot fetish.

這讓我想到，像是，每個足部醫生，好像都有戀足癖。

Like, when they go to, like, interview at podiatry school, they're like, why are you interested in studying podiatry?

像是，他們去，像是，面試讀足病學學校的時候，他們就會問，你為什麼對讀足病學有興趣？

他們就說，你知道嗎，為什麼？

對，抱歉，各位女士和同志們。

Sometimes my girlfriend gets jealous, like, because I have, like, some fans who are, like, really attractive, you know.

有時候我女朋友會吃醋，因為我有，像是，一些粉絲，她們，你知道，真的很好看。

有些人可能會說，對，我知道。

I screamed everyone in the audience before you guys came in.

在你們進來之前，我對臺下的觀眾尖叫了。

So if you're here tonight, you're below a seven.

所以如果你今晚在這裡，你的分數就低於七分。

I realize most relationships fall, like, a similar trajectory, you know, like, in the beginning, it's, like, amazing.

我知道大部分的感情都會走上，嗯，類似的軌跡，你知道嗎，就像一開始，都很，很棒。

Like, you could fart in front of your girlfriend and she's like, oh, so cute again, you know?

像是，你就算在你女朋友面前放屁，她也會覺得，喔，好可愛喔，你知道嗎？

But, like, if you're together for a long time, then, like, my parents, you know?

但是，如果你們在一起很久了，就像，我爸媽那樣，你知道嗎？

Like, my mom gets mad at my dad if he, like, breathes too loud.

就像，我媽會對我爸生氣，如果他，像是，呼吸太大聲。

My mom gets mad at my dad when he's, like, driving and he gets lost following her directions, you know?

我媽會對我爸生氣，當他在，像是，開車，然後他跟著我媽的訓示迷路的時候，你知道嗎？

And it's also his fault for listening to her directions.

而且，聽我媽的訓示而迷路，也是他的錯。

One of my favorite things to do is, like, with my family and they're driving, you know, the GPS says, go straight, and my mom says, turn right.

我最喜歡做的一件事就是，像是，跟我的家人一起開車，你知道，GPS說，直走，然後我媽說，右轉。

You know, I'm just like, ooh, I wonder what my dad's gonna do.

你知道，我就會想，喔，不知道我爸會怎麼做。

Me and my girlfriend, we've been together for, like, a little over a year now.

我跟我女朋友在一起，大概一年多一點了。

Like, when we first started dating, if I asked her for a tissue, she would just give me one.

像是，我們剛開始約會的時候，如果我跟她要一張衛生紙，她就會直接給我一張。

But now when I ask her for a tissue, she, like, tears half of one.

但現在我跟她要衛生紙，她就會，像是，撕一半給我。

My girlfriend, she's, like, scared of cockroaches.

我女朋友，她，像是，很怕蟑螂。

We see a cockroach, I'll, like, kill it for her.

我們看到蟑螂，我就會，像是，幫她把牠殺掉。

But it doesn't make sense for humans to be scared of cockroaches, you know, who are so much bigger than them.

但人類會怕蟑螂，這不是很奇怪嗎，牠們明明就比人類小這麼多。

That'd be like, if dinosaurs still existed and dinosaurs were scared of humans.

那樣就好像，如果恐龍還存在，而恐龍卻怕人類一樣。

Imagine a dinosaur just came in, you know, sees me, he's like, oh, human hog.

想像一下，一隻恐龍進來了，你知道，看到我，牠就想，喔，人類肥肉。

And she, like, asks her dinosaur boyfriend, come kill me, you know?

然後她，就問她恐龍男友，快來殺我，你知道嗎？

Dinosaur boyfriend is also like, ah, human.

She gets mad at him, you know, the dinosaurs are from Hong Kong.

她對他生氣，你知道，那些恐龍是香港來的。

That would be the worst Jurassic park movie ever.

那樣會是史上最爛的侏羅紀公園電影。

All right, should I have opened the water?

Me and my girlfriend, we went to a studio, and sometimes we have people over, and I don't like having people over because, like, you're not allowed to eat anything unless you offer it to them as well, and the type of stuff you eat alone is never the type of stuff you offer your guests, right?

我跟我女朋友，我們去了工作室，有時候會有人來家裡，我不太喜歡有人來，因為，你不能自己吃東西，除非你也請他們吃，而且你一個人吃的東西，跟要給客人的東西通常不一樣，對吧？

他們就說，喔，嘿，你肚子餓嗎？

要不要吃我的剩餘墨西哥捲餅？

Sometimes guests, they were like, oh, I want to show you something on YouTube, you know, and I'm very hesitant because I don't want them to see my YouTube recommendations.

有時候客人會說，喔，我想給你看個 YouTube 影片，你知道的，我都很猶豫，因為我不想讓他們看到我的 YouTube 推薦。

All my YouTube recommendations are just, like, things that I have trouble with, you know?

我所有的 YouTube 推薦都是，你知道的，我遇到的麻煩事？

It's like, how to get rid of knee pain, how to hide a receding hairline, how to politely ask guests to leave.

像是，如何擺脫膝蓋疼痛，如何隱藏後退的髮際線，如何禮貌地請客人離開。

Before I did, my girlfriend, I went on dates with all, like, Hong Kong girls, you know, And I feel like I misunderstood Hong Kong girls, you know, I used to think they were, like, very materialistic, you know, they like designer bags and they like Hermes belts, you know?

在我認識我女朋友之前，我跟所有，像是香港女生約會過，你知道的，我覺得我誤解了香港女生，你知道的，我以前覺得她們，像是，很物質主義，你知道的，她們喜歡名牌包，喜歡愛馬仕的皮帶，你知道的？

But I've gotten to know them more, and I realized there's actually three things that they really like.

但我越來越瞭解她們，我發現其實有三樣東西是她們真正喜歡的。

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梁祖堯 - 我們笑在一起 - 香港單口喜劇 (2022) (jordan leung - we and us laugh together - hong kong stand-up comedy (2022))

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