Name: 總是當個老好人嗎？其實那不是善舉，而是「自私」！ (You're Not Nice, You're Just Secretly Selfish)
Uploaded: 2025-12-12T20:01:10.000Z
Duration: 4 min 11 s

Often going above and beyond what is expected of him.

But he feels that no one treats him with the same level of kindness.

但他覺得沒有人對他有同樣的善意。

Four days ago, he helped one of his friends move into a new apartment.

四天前，他幫他的一個朋友搬進了新公寓。

Three days ago, Laurence took a few of his close friends out for dinner and paid.

三天前，勞倫斯請他的幾位好友吃飯，並付了錢。

And even took on the role of being their designated driver.

甚至還擔任了他們的指定司機。

Two days ago, he bought some drinks for a girl and her friends at a bar.

兩天前，他在酒吧給一個女孩和她的朋友買了幾杯酒。

And yesterday, he served food at a homeless shelter.

昨天，他還在無家可歸者收容所提供食物。

And even though everyone gave him a thank you, he didn't feel it was enough.

儘管每個人都向他表示感謝，他覺得這還不夠。

He even felt quite resentful. "I do so much for these people," he thought, "but they don't do anything for me."

他想：「我為這些人做了這麼多，可他們卻不為我做任何事，」

And these outward acts of generosity were normal for Laurence, but the thing is, the more he did them, the more resentful he became.

對勞倫斯來說，這些外表上的慷慨行為很正常，但問題是，他做得越多，怨恨就越深。

He felt more and more like others didn't appreciate him, like they weren't as kind as him.

他越來越覺得別人不欣賞他，覺得別人不如他善良。

And this resentment made Laurence even more miserable.

How can Laurence overcome his feelings of being unappreciated, being resentful, and being miserable?

勞倫斯如何才能克服不被賞識、怨恨和痛苦的情緒？

By realizing this difficult truth, he's not actually nice, he's just secretly selfish.

意識到這一難以啟齒的事實後，他其實並不善良，只是暗地裡自私自利罷了。

Laurence feels unappreciated because he's doing nice things for others from a transactional mindset.

勞倫斯覺得自己沒有得到賞識，因為他從交易的角度出發，為別人做了很多好事。

He needs a reward for his good actions in order to feel appreciated.

他需要對自己的好行為給予獎勵，這樣才能感受到自己受到了賞識。

Psychologically, this means that he's engaged in a transaction.

從心理上講，這意味著他參與了交易。

But he's trying to pass it off as if he's doing something nice.

但他想把這當成他在做一件好事。

Engaging in a transaction and being nice are two totally different things.

參與交易和友善是完全不同的兩碼事。

A truly nice action is done from a service mindset, it's done without the expectation of a reward.

真正的善舉是從服務的角度出發的，是不求回報的，

And so if we do something truly nice for another, we don't suffer from not being appreciated, because that action wasn't done with any sort of expectation in the first place.

如果我們真的為他人做了一件好事，我們就不會因為不被感激而感到痛苦，因為我們做這件事本來就沒有任何期望。

So knowing all of this, how does Laurence overcome his feelings of being unappreciated, being resentful, and being miserable?

那麼，在瞭解了這一切之後，勞倫斯是如何克服自己不被重視、怨恨和痛苦的情緒的呢？

By transitioning from a transactional mindset to a service mindset.

And how does Laurence go from a transactional mindset to a service one?

勞倫斯又是如何從交易思維轉變為服務思維的呢？

By only doing nice things for others, if he can do it without needing a return or a reward for his actions.

只為他人做好事，如果他的行為不需要回報或獎勵的話。

And if he can do that, he will actually suffer a lot less in life, because feelings of unappreciation and resentment will never arise.

如果他能做到這一點，他在生活中遭受的痛苦其實會少很多，因為他永遠不會產生不被欣賞和怨恨的感覺。

And I know what most people are thinking, "How can you live in this world without needing rewards from anyone? Are you saying I should just do things for others without needing them to do anything for me?"

我知道大多數人都會想：「你怎麼能活在這個世界上而不需要任何人的回報？你是說我應該為別人做事，而不需要他們為我做任何事嗎？」

"Should I just never get any rewards for my actions? Won't that just make me exhausted and resentful?"

「難道我的行為就不能得到任何獎勵嗎？這難道不會讓我精疲力竭、心懷怨恨嗎？」

These people don't understand the difference between a need and a want.

當我們從服務的角度出發時，這些人並不理解需求和需要之間的區別。

When we operate from a service mindset, we accept any rewards that are given to us as a result of our actions, but we don't expect them.

我們接受因我們的行為而給予我們的任何回報，但我們並不期待這些回報。

We want a reward, sure, but we don't need it. We focus on what's in our control, which is doing the action.

我們當然想要獎勵，但我們並不需要它，我們專注於我們能控制的事情，那就是行動。

But we're not attached to what's out of our control, which is receiving a reward.

但是，我們不再執著於自己無法控制的事情，也就是獲得回報。

By transitioning from a transactional mindset to a service one, we only do nice things for others when we can do them without expecting a reward.

透過從交易思維轉變為服務思維，我們只會在不期望回報的情況下為他人做好事。

This doesn't mean we don't accept a reward or a return of favor if it's given, but we don't expect it.

當我們可以不求回報地去做時，這並不意味著我們不接受回報。

And by not needing a reward, our actions become truly kind, not trasactional.

或者說，如果我們給予幫助，但並不期望得到回報。

每一份善意都會成為一份禮物。

And by operating out of sincerity abundance and selflessness, we no longer suffer from feelings of unappreciation and resentment.

透過真誠、富足和無私的行動，我們不再遭受不被欣賞和怨恨的感覺。