Name: 特朗普抨擊萊斯-米茲，埃隆悔過自新，小肯尼迪感染疾控中心疫苗委員會 | 每日秀 (Trump Hits Les Miz, Elon Repents & RFK Jr. Infects CDC’s Vaccine Committee | The Daily Show)
Uploaded: 2025-06-13T02:42:06.000Z
Duration: 10 min 51 s

讓我們從小羅伯特-肯尼迪開始、

進階被動語態

Secretary of Health and the only member of Trump's Cabinet to be reheated in an air fryer.

衛生部長，也是特朗普內閣中唯一用空氣炸鍋加熱過的成員。

-♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

-嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚 *

Earlier this week, Kennedy abruptly fired all 17 members of the CDC's Vaccine Advisory Committee, which, understandably...

本週早些時候，肯尼迪突然解僱了疾病預防控制中心疫苗諮詢委員會的全部 17 名成員。

-♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ -...caused a lot of concern among people who prefer not to die from an old-timey

But RFK Jr.'s got a new batch of doctors to replace them with, so I'm-I'm sure they're all equally qualified.

但小肯尼迪有一批新的醫生來代替他們，所以我相信他們都同樣合格。

So let's get to know some of these vaccine experts.

讓我們來認識一下這些疫苗專家。

Some of the picks are well-known vaccine critics, including Dr. Robert Malone.

其中一些人是著名的疫苗批評家，包括羅伯特-馬龍博士。

Robert Malone, who's claimed that millions of Americans were hypnotized into taking the COVID-19 shots and has suggested those vaccines cause a form of AIDS.

羅伯特-馬龍（Robert Malone）聲稱數百萬美國人被催眠注射了 COVID-19 疫苗，並暗示這些疫苗會導致艾滋病。

I think they liked this guy a lot better when he was just selling us dos Equis.

我覺得他們更喜歡這傢伙，當他只是向我們推銷多斯艾奎斯的時候。

I don't always take vaccines, but when I do, they give me AIDS.

我並不總是接種疫苗，但一旦接種，它們就會給我帶來艾滋病。

-♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

-嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚，嗚

Look, this guy's obviously crazy, but you can't deny there was some hypnosis going on during the pandemic.

聽著，這傢伙顯然是瘋了，但你不能否認，在大流行病期間，確實有一些催眠術在進行。

Like, we were washing our hands every day?

Let's move on to the great work being done by Tulsi Gabbard, director of national intelligence and the only Hawaiian who can make aloha sound like a threat.

讓我們繼續關注國家情報局局長圖爾西-加巴德（Tulsi Gabbard）所做的偉大工作，她是唯一一個能把 "阿羅哈 "說得像威脅一樣的夏威夷人。

She decides which of America's secrets need to stay secret, but lately, she's been getting some help.

她決定美國的哪些祕密需要保密，但最近，她得到了一些幫助。

Tulsi Gabbard, head of DNI, says the government is now using artificial intelligence to speed up its work in determining which documents can be declassified and released to the public.

國家情報局局長圖爾西-加巴德（Tulsi Gabbard）說，政府目前正在使用人工智能來加快確定哪些文件可以解密並向公眾發佈的工作。

That includes files related to the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.

其中包括與約翰-肯尼迪總統遇刺有關的檔案。

Cool. That technology we're all scared of and have no idea how dangerous it is?

酷。我們都害怕的、不知道有多危險的技術？

Also, why are you having A.I. read the JFK files for you?

還有，你為什麼要讓人工智能為你閱讀肯尼迪檔案？

人工智能是用來做乏味的事情的。

These are the most exciting documents in the government.

這些是政府中最激動人心的文件。

It's like asking A.I. to watch all the sex scenes in a porno so you can focus on whether the pizza got delivered.

這就好比要求人工智能觀看色情電影中的所有性愛鏡頭，這樣你就可以專注於披薩是否送到了。

I mean, maybe I've been using A.I. wrong this whole time.

我是說，也許我一直都用錯了人工智能。

I thought it was for doing my kids' homework and seeing what I look like as Shrek.

我還以為是給孩子們做作業，看看我扮演史萊克的樣子。

Let's move on to Pete Hegseth, secretary of defense and guy whose favorite cologne is roofie.

讓我們來看看國防部長皮特-黑格塞斯（Pete Hegseth），他最喜歡的古龍水是迷迭香。

He's been axing a bunch of medical research programs for veterans that he claims are boondoggles, but when Senator Dick Durbin called him out on it yesterday, he gave a specific example of waste, and it was very specific.

但當參議員迪克-德賓（Dick Durbin）昨天指責他時，他舉出了一個具體的浪費例子，而且是非常具體的。

Give me an example of a boondoggle in medical research and defense help.

請舉例說明在醫學研究和國防幫助方面的大手大腳。

我的意思是，我們在談論一些東西

You know, marbles in the rear ends of cats.

Sometimes I hear about science experiments, and I think, God, I am so glad when I was growing up, no one was telling women they should be scientists.

有時聽到科學實驗，我就會想，上帝啊，我真慶幸在我成長的過程中，沒有人告訴女性應該成為科學家。

To be fair, they were trying to find out why Garfield hates Mondays.

公平地說，他們是想找出加菲貓討厭星期一的原因。

現在他們知道了。現在他們知道了

Also, anyone who has cats knows that this isn't the weirdest idea ever.

另外，養過貓的人都知道，這並不是最奇怪的想法。

I mean, you know, it's just, you know, knows that this isn't the weirdest idea ever.

我的意思是，你知道，這只是，你知道， 知道這是不是有史以來最奇怪的想法。

I mean, they are constantly showing us their buttholes.

我的意思是，他們不斷地向我們展示他們的屁眼。

At some point, someone's gonna be like, all right, let me try something.

總有一天，有人會說，好吧，讓我來試試。

But in case you're wondering who would fund such a ridiculous study, that would be President Trump himself.

但如果你想知道誰會資助這樣一項荒謬的研究，那就是特朗普總統本人。

In 2020, his defense department said it was part of a revolutionary new treatment for spinal cord injuries.

2020 年，國防部稱這是治療脊髓損傷的革命性新療法的一部分。

It's easy to make it sound made up and stupid.

這很容易讓人聽起來胡編亂造、愚蠢至極。

它不像《聖經》那樣密不透風。

And someone who just wants to cut funding can trivialize any research because, yeah, trying to make dogs salivate by ringing a bell sounds weird, but it proved an important point that dogs love bells, I think.

而那些只想削減經費的人可以輕視任何研究，因為，是的，試圖通過搖鈴讓狗流口水聽起來很奇怪，但它證明了一個重要的觀點，那就是狗喜歡鈴鐺，我認為。

But this is a great example of how anti-science the Trump administration is.

但這是一個很好的例子，說明特朗普政府是多麼反科學。

When Pete Hegseth talks about science, he makes it sound stupid.

當皮特-黑格塞斯談論科學時，他讓科學聽起來很愚蠢。

And when RFK Jr. talks about it, he makes it sound like someone dropped a fork in the garbage disposal.

而當小肯尼迪談起這件事時，他說得就像有人把叉子掉進了垃圾處理器。

Let's move on to the reason your horse's prescriptions are out of stock, Elon Musk.

讓我們繼續討論你的馬的處方缺貨的原因，埃隆-馬斯克。

Last week, he got into a fight with Donald Trump that got so ugly, he claimed that Trump is in the Epstein files.

上週，他與唐納德-特朗普（Donald Trump）打了一架，結果鬧得不可開交，他聲稱特朗普在愛潑斯坦的檔案裡。

The friendship seemed unsalvageable, but it turns out it wasn't quite as cyber-fucked as we thought.

這段友誼似乎無法挽回，但事實證明，它並不像我們想象的那樣被網絡搞砸了。

The world's richest man is now apologizing to the world's most powerful man.

世界上最富有的人正在向世界上最有權勢的人道歉。

Musk backing away from some of his online attacks, posting this apology.

馬斯克放棄了他在網上的一些攻擊行為，併發布了這則道歉聲明。

I regret some of my posts about President Trump last week.

我對上週發表的一些關於特朗普總統的文章感到遺憾。

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

不，不，不，不，不，不，不，不，不，不，不，不，不，不。

No, no. You cannot whoopsie-daisy your way out of saying someone's in the Epstein files.

不行 不行你不能用敷衍的方式 來推脫說有人在愛潑斯坦的檔案裡

It's not like saying, sorry I slammed the door or sorry I shoved marbles up your cat's butt.

這不像說 "對不起，我摔門了 "或 "對不起，我把彈珠塞進你的貓屁股裡了"。

I mean, I'm glad he apologized because I guess it showed us exactly how long it takes for ketamine to wear off.

我的意思是，我很高興他道歉了，因為我想這讓我們知道了氯胺酮的藥效到底需要多久。

Let's move on from the worst wing because America is having a hard time right now.

讓我們從最糟糕的一翼繼續前進，因為美國現在正處於艱難時期。

U.S. senators are getting manhandled by federal agents and people are about to be thrown off their Medicaid.

美國參議員遭到聯邦特工的粗暴對待，人們即將被取消醫療補助。

And President Trump is hearing everyone's concerns and he's decided to rush to where he's needed the most, the theater.

特朗普總統聽到了大家的擔憂，他決定趕往最需要他的地方--劇院。

President Donald Trump going to see a performance of Les Mis at the Kennedy Center on Wednesday.

唐納德-特朗普總統週三將前往肯尼迪中心觀看《悲慘世界》的演出。

Do you identify more with Jean Valjean or Javert?

That's a tough one, that last part of that question.

這個問題的最後一部分很難回答。

You better, you better answer that one, honey.

你最好回答這個問題，親愛的。

I don't know what's worse, that a reporter thought it was a good idea to ask Trump if he's the hero or the villain or that Trump's response was oof, that's a tough question.

我不知道哪個更糟糕，是記者認為問特朗普他是英雄還是惡棍是個好主意，還是特朗普的回答是 "嚯，這是個棘手的問題"。

But while Trump ponders which Les Mis character he is, activists are planning nationwide protests this weekend.

不過，就在特朗普思考自己是 "悲慘世界 "中的哪一個角色時，活動人士正計劃在本週末舉行全國性的抗議活動。

For more on those protests, we go live to Michael Kosta in Los Angeles and Jordan Klepper in D.C.

有關抗議活動的更多資訊，我們將連線洛杉磯的邁克爾-科斯塔（Michael Kosta）和華盛頓的喬丹-克萊珀（Jordan Klepper）。

Desi, protesters here are still fuming about Trump sending Marines into the city.

德西，這裡的抗議者還在為特朗普派海軍陸戰隊進城而惱火。

It was the biggest overreaction since the time that ice cream truck didn't have rainbow sprinkles so I slashed its tires.

這是自那次冰激凌車沒有彩虹灑之後最大的過激反應。

The point is, these detention raids are a cruel display of Trump's villainy.

關鍵是，這些拘留突襲是特朗普小人行徑的殘酷展示。

And Jordan, how are protests in D.C. feeling?

喬丹，特區的抗議活動感覺如何？

The protesters in D.C. are equally upset and want to see an end to these cruel raids.

華盛頓特區的抗議者同樣感到不安，他們希望看到這些殘酷的突襲行動結束。

順便說一句，特朗普不是沙威。

But what do you expect from a guy who only hears Broadway songs if they show up in a Pornhub video?

但對於一個只在 Pornhub 視頻中聽到百老匯歌曲的人來說，你還能期待什麼呢？

Oh, I'm sorry, I guess Jordan thinks Trump is Jean Valjean, the redeemed Catholic so saintly that he adopts a prostitute's child?

哦，對不起，我猜喬丹認為特朗普是冉阿讓，一個被救贖的天主教徒，聖潔到收養了一個妓女的孩子？

Jordan, you're a few Rogers short of a Hammerstein.

喬丹，你離漢默史坦還差幾個羅傑斯。

Guys, I think we're getting a little distracted here.

夥計們，我想我們有點分心了。

Let's focus on the protests, not about your musical taste.

讓我們關注抗議活動，而不是你的音樂品味。