Name: 監獄麥克 - 美國《辦公室 (Prison Mike - The Office US)
Uploaded: 2025-05-26T03:04:07.000Z
Duration: 4 min 24 s

All right, everybody, there has been a lot of name-calling against our office today.

好了，各位，今天有很多針對我們辦公室的謾罵。

Corporate maligning, slurring, much of it coming from one of you.

企業惡意中傷，口齒不清，其中大部分來自你們中的一個人。

Who claims that prison is better than here.

And none of us can say boo, because none of us have ever been to prison.

我們誰也不能說 "噓"，因為我們誰也沒有坐過牢。

Well, there's somebody I'd like you to meet, somebody else who has been to prison, who can tell you what it is really like.

我想讓你見一個人，一個坐過牢的人，他能告訴你監獄的真實情況。

你知道他們為什麼叫我 "監獄邁克 "嗎？

Do you really expect us to believe you're somebody else?

你真的希望我們相信你是別人嗎？

Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall, beotch?

你真的指望我不把你推到牆上去嗎，臭小子？

All right, hey, hey, hey, that's just the way we talk in the clink.

好吧，嘿，嘿，嘿，這就是我們在牢裡說話的方式。

Been a lot of fun talk about prison today, but I am here to scare you straight.

今天有很多關於監獄的有趣話題，但我是來嚇唬你們的。

在監獄裡，你就是別人的婊子。

Oh, and you, you, my friend, would be the belle of the ball.

哦，還有你，你，我的朋友，將是舞會上的佼佼者。

聽著，監獄很臭，這就是我要說的。

It's not like you can go home and recharge your batteries and come back in the morning and be with your friends, having fun in the office.

你不可能回家給自己充電，然後早上回來和朋友們一起在辦公室裡玩樂。

I stole and I robbed and I kidnapped the president's son and held him for ransom.

我偷竊、搶劫、綁架總統的兒子並勒索贖金。

That is quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike.

監獄邁克，你的前科還真不少。

Prison Mike, what was the food like in prison?

監獄邁克，監獄裡的伙食怎麼樣？

Gruel, sandwiches, gruel omelets, nothing but gruel, plus you can eat your own hair.

稀飯、三明治、稀飯煎蛋卷，除了稀飯什麼都有，而且你還可以吃自己的頭髮。

是啊，是啊，好了，謝謝你，安迪。

Prison Mike, what's the very, very worst thing about prison?

監獄邁克，監獄裡最糟糕的是什麼？

The worst thing about prison was the was the dementors, they were flying all over the place and they were scary and then they come down and they suck the soul out of your body and it hurt.

監獄裡最可怕的是攝魂怪，它們滿天飛，很嚇人，然後它們下來把你的靈魂吸走，很疼。

This is my point, you guys got it soft and cushy, this place is freaking awesome.

這就是我想說的，你們把它弄得又軟又舒服，這地方真是棒極了。

The people are awesome, your boss is nice, everybody seems to get along, people are tolerant.

這裡的人很棒，你的老闆人很好，每個人似乎都能和睦相處，人們都很寬容。

People who have jumped to conclusions can redeem themselves, nobody's nobody's bitch.

妄下結論的人可以自我救贖，誰也不是誰的婊子。

And for me, Prison Mike, to you, I just want to thank you for listening to me and letting me be a part of your life today.

對我來說，監獄邁克，對你來說，我只想感謝你聽我說話，讓我成為你今天生活的一部分。

No, if you think prison is so wonderful, then enjoy prison.

不，如果你覺得監獄如此美妙，那就好好享受監獄吧。

I am going to leave them in there until they can appreciate what it's like to have freedom.

我要把他們留在那裡，直到他們能體會到擁有自由的滋味。

And if this doesn't bother them, then I am out of ideas.

如果他們對此不感興趣，那我就沒轍了。