Name: 拋開一切、消失不見的渴望 (The Desire To Leave Everything Behind and Disappear)
Uploaded: 2024-12-29T13:18:17.000Z
Duration: 5 min 31 s

It was the last college summer, well, for most, but not me.

對大多數人來說，這是最後一個大學暑假，但我不是。

I was taking a gap year to focus on my small business at the time.

當時我正在休學一年，專注於我的小生意。

情態副詞

Things didn't go as planned, I got a severe burnout and eventually gave up on the whole thing.

事與願違，我嚴重倦怠，最終放棄了這一切。

So I spent the rest of my gap year mostly inside my room, distracting myself with video games and feeling like a failure.

是以，我在空檔期的剩餘時間裡，大部分時間都待在房間裡，玩電子遊戲分散注意力，感覺自己很失敗。

That was when a few friends took me out to grab a bite.

這時，幾個朋友帶我去吃了點東西。

They said I should go somewhere, I said Alaska, asked them to ride with me.

他們說我應該去個地方，我說阿拉斯加，讓他們和我一起去。

他們有些猶豫，但還是同意了。

The plan was then made, routes decided, bikes readied and everything was taken care of.

然後制定計劃，確定路線，準備自行車，一切都準備就緒。

The plan was to ride 0-4 motorcycles from Richmond, then take Route 76 and head to Alaska Highway.

計劃是從里士滿出發，騎 0-4 輛摩托車，然後走 76 號公路，前往阿拉斯加公路。

As the day of the journey approached, people started dropping out one by one.

隨著行程的臨近，人們開始一個接一個地離開。

On the day of the journey, the last and the final person backed out.

出發那天，最後一個人也是最後一個人退縮了。

So had to make a choice, whether to give up on the plan or attempt riding across the country on a 10 year old motorcycle.

是以不得不做出選擇，是放棄這個計劃，還是嘗試騎著一輛 10 年前的摩托車橫穿全國。

I decided, what the heck, let me have a go at it.

我決定，管它呢，讓我來試試。

If I don't go now, I would never get this mess out of my system.

如果我現在不走，就永遠無法擺脫這種困境。

So I made a mental agreement, the moment when the bike gives up is when I give up and head back home.

是以，我在心裡默默約定，當自行車放棄的那一刻，就是我放棄並回家的時候。

The road took me across the country, Pittsburgh, Sandusky, Michigan Lake, Seattle and all the way to Vancouver.

這條路把我帶往全國各地，匹茲堡、桑達斯基、密歇根湖、西雅圖，一直到溫哥華。

I drove from dusk till dawn and took a quick nap whenever I could, at the bus stops, by the rivers and under the oak trees.

我從黃昏一直開到黎明，在公交車站、河邊和橡樹下，一有空就打個盹。

我知道，這就是恐怖電影的配方。

Living in the city for all of my life, I almost forgot how peaceful it was to just fall asleep under a sky full of stars.

我一直生活在城市裡，幾乎忘記了在滿天繁星下入睡是多麼寧靜。

Spending most of the time driving makes you appreciate small things.

大部分時間都在開車，會讓你更加珍惜小事。

A hot cup of coffee in the morning feels like a privilege.

早上喝上一杯熱咖啡是一種特權。

A double cheeseburger at a local diner feels like a warm hug.

在當地小餐館品嚐雙層芝士漢堡，感覺就像一個溫暖的擁抱。

And sometimes I'd get lucky after a long drive and chance into a dingy motel by the  I'd check right in because after a few thousand miles of driving like crazy, their rock hard mattress would feel like a bed of sweet marshmallows.

有時我很幸運，經過長途駕駛後，偶然進入了一家昏暗的汽車旅館，我會馬上入住，因為經過幾千英里的瘋狂駕駛後，他們堅硬的床墊就像一床甜甜的棉花糖。

By the time I reached Seattle, four weeks had passed.

當我到達西雅圖時，四周已經過去了。

It took a lot more than planned because I took a lot of detours at every interesting turn I found.

因為我在每一個有趣的轉彎處都繞了很多路，所以花的時間比計劃的要多得多。

I followed my gut and kept my fingers crossed I had not run into any Freddy Krueger.

我跟著自己的直覺走，並祈禱自己沒有遇到弗雷迪-克魯格（Freddy Krueger）。

Instead, I found a secluded lake tucked away in the forest, an abandoned mall where I played one hell of a basketball match with myself, and a piano left in the middle of the desert.

相反，我發現了一個隱藏在森林中的幽靜湖泊，一個廢棄的商場，在那裡我和自己打了一場精彩的籃球賽，還有一架遺落在沙漠中央的鋼琴。

There's something so sacred about finding hidden gems on the road.

在旅途中發現隱藏的寶藏是一件非常神聖的事情。

Like they were made for me, my own little corner of the world.

就像它們是為我量身定做的，是我自己的小天地。

I promised myself that one day I would return.

我向自己保證，總有一天我會回來。

But the rest of the trip didn't go as planned.

但接下來的行程並沒有按計劃進行。

My bike broke down when I reached Beaver Creek.

我的自行車在到達海狸溪時拋錨了。

When the motorcycle gives up is when I will give up, and was going to book a flight home.

所以我告訴自己，讓它見鬼去吧。

於是，我賣掉了自行車，走了起來。

I walked until each step was heavier than the last, until my breaths thickened.

我走著，直到每一步都比上一步沉重，直到呼吸變得粗重。

I walked until I couldn't, then I hitchhiked.

我走到走不動為止，然後搭便車。

The miles ticked away and I found myself among the salt of the earth.

里程在流逝，我發現自己置身於大地的鹽分之中。

From the elderly couple who offered me cans of canned beef for the road, to the veteran who offered me free lodging for a couple of days just because we all loved Chuck Berry.

從為我提供牛肉罐頭的老夫婦，到為我提供幾天免費住宿的老兵，只因為我們都喜歡查克-貝瑞。

When I told them about my plan, they all told me to go for it.

當我告訴他們我的計劃時，他們都讓我去做。

I burst with joy when I saw Alaska Range.

當我看到阿拉斯加山脈時，我高興極了。

The beautiful, majestic Alaska Range with its snow-capped peaks and shimmering glaciers.

美麗壯觀的阿拉斯加山脈，白雪皚皚的山峰和閃閃發光的冰川。

At that point, I had no strength left in me.

此時，我已經沒有任何力氣了。

But I was filled with this warmth of never-ending freedom.

但我的內心卻充滿了永無止境的自由的溫暖。

I spent the next few days at a hospital after losing over 20 pounds and dehydration.

接下來的幾天，我在醫院裡度過，體重下降了 20 多磅，身體脫水。

Then spent a week staying at home just to recover.

Some asked me if the trip solved my problems.

有人問我，這次旅行是否解決了我的問題。

My problems were still there, patiently waiting for me.

我的問題還在那裡，耐心地等著我。

One morning, you would wake up in a strange land thousands of miles away from home and you'd be a nobody.

某天清晨，你會在離家千里之外的陌生土地上醒來，而你將成為一個無名小卒。

So instead of acting how people expect you to be, you act how you really feel with complete agency and without feeling guilty for not trying hard enough.

是以，與其按照人們的期望行事，不如按照自己的真實感受行事，完全自主，不會因為不夠努力而感到內疚。

That was what I felt on my first morning in Alaska.

這就是我在阿拉斯加的第一個早晨的感受。

The problems I ran away from no longer felt as heavy as it was.

我逃避的問題不再像以前那樣沉重。

They just felt less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.

它們只是感覺不那麼壓抑，不那麼令人不安，也不那麼可怕。

And for the moment, it was enough to stay alive.

To seek, to strive, to ride, and not to yield.

追求、奮鬥、馳騁，永不屈服。

 If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it.

如果你不偶爾停下來四處看看，你可能會錯過它。