Name: 為什麼你會失去朋友 (Why You Lose Friends)
Uploaded: 2022-07-28T21:01:20.000Z
Duration: 5 min 5 s

I've talked a lot about how society gives us toxic messages around friendships.

我討論過很多關於社會如何給我們關於友誼不正確的信息。

"Friendship is forever," "Lovers come and go, but friends stay."

「友誼是永恆的」、「戀人來來去去，但朋友總是在身邊」。

程度副詞

And how I believe that these messages are just as unhealthy as things like, "Family is everything."

我相信這些資訊就跟「家庭是一切」這樣的語錄一樣不健康。

These idioms feel as false to me as like those cheesy placards.

這些語錄對我來說感覺就像像那些俗氣的語錄牌一樣虛假。

Oh, would you classify it more as a sarcastic.

不，我是真的很喜歡這些語錄。

Oh, okay, cool. Yeah, cool. I know. No judgment at all.

哦，好的，很好。我懂。 沒有批評的意思。

Oh, well, um, "Live, love, forgive, forget."

哦，嗯，「生活、愛、原諒、忘記」。

When I found myself in a cycle of rotating friendships every few years, I was convinced that something was wrong with me.

當我發現自己每隔幾年就處於一個輪換友誼的循環中時，我確信我出了問題。

But in, surprise, surprise, therapy, I have come to learn about the importance of rupture and repair in lasting relationships.

但你知道嗎，在心理治療中，我已經瞭解到裂痕和修復在持久關係中的重要性。

So ruptures, arguments, fights, hurt feelings are bound to happen in any relationship.

所以，裂痕、爭吵、打架傷害感情在任何關係中都是必然發生的。

I mean, human beings are messy, we get into fights no matter how mundane.

我的意思是，人類是混亂的，無論多麼平凡，我們都會發生爭吵。

聽著，我們只是想在週末休息。

Dude, that's when most of the crime happens.

老兄，那是大多數犯罪發生的時候。

Anna, we're too old to fight crime anymore. We're in our thirties now. I just hurt my back. We're just going to bed.

Anna，我們已經太老了，不能再打擊犯罪。我們現在已經 30 多歲了。我弄傷了我的背。我們只想去睡覺。

- Yeah, I slept on my neck wrong. - Dude, same and my knee hurts.

- 沒錯，我落枕。- 我也是，而且我的膝蓋也很疼。

所以現在是怎樣？我們要拆夥了嗎？

Are you guys gonna leave me alone to just fight crime on the dark, dingy, dangerous streets of Gotham by myself?

你們打算讓我一個人在黑暗、危險的高譚市街道中打擊犯罪嗎？

Petty thieves murdered my parents, Melissa. I have no choice but to seek vengeance through vigilantism.

小賊殺害了我的父母。我別無選擇，只能通私刑正義尋求復仇。

You wouldn't understand 'cause you have living breathing, not murdered parents.

你不會明白的，因為你有活生生、沒有被謀殺的父母。

Look, we're sorry and we support your quest for revenge. But it's your quest.

聽著，我們很抱歉，我們支持你對復仇的追求，但這是你的追求。

Our quest is to sit here and binge Wanda Vision and order sushi stop.

我們想要的是坐在這裡，追《汪達幻視》和點壽司來吃。

Well, then I guess this friendship is over.

好吧，那麼我想這段友誼已經結束了。

And when I think about every friendship that's no longer in my life right now, I think about how we failed to repair a rupture.

而當我想到現在已經不在我生命中的每一段友誼，我回想到的是我們沒能修復友誼中的裂痕。

And ruptures are actually opportunities to strengthen relationships because each time you repair, it proves that the relationship can navigate problems with love, compassion, and understanding.

而裂痕實際上是加強關係的機會，因為每次修復都證明關係可以用愛、同情和理解來解決問題。

So there are three components to good repairs.

所以，良好的修復關係有三個要點。

Well, I'm sorry that you have so many feelings, it's kind of easy to hurt them.

好吧，我很抱歉，你有這麼多的感受，有點容易傷害到。

I'm so sorry that I hurt your feelings. Thank you so much for telling me. It wasn't my intention, but impact is what matters.

我很抱歉，我傷害了你的感情。非常感謝你告訴我。這不是我的本意，但你受到的影響才是重要的。

Okay, well, it just seems like you're mad.

What would I even be mad about? Oh, that fight we had a year ago where you genuinely apologized and never repeated that hurtful behavior?

我要生氣什麼？生氣我們在一年前吵的那場架，當時你真誠地道歉，並且保重不再做出那種傷害人的行為？

It's very easy for us to get defensive when ruptures happen to feel like it's an attack on who we are and not a learning opportunity about that unique individual and how to love them.

當裂痕發生的感覺像是對我們是誰的攻擊而不是關於那個獨特的個體以及如何愛他們的學習機會時，我們很容易變得防禦。

And in every single failed friendship and probably relationship that I have, ruptures were met with an inability to complete one of these three components, either by the other person or by me.

在我擁有的每一個失敗的友誼和可能的關係中，破裂都會導致無法完成這三個組成部分中的一個，無論是對方還是我。

And finding friends who value repairing the ruptures is the secret to keeping good friendships.

So don't think of it as losing friends, but as weeding out relationships that ultimately can't serve the kind of repair you need to be lasting.

是以，不要認為這是失去朋友，而是要剔除那些最終不能起到你所需要的那種修復作用的關係，使之持久。

Hey, guys, um, I just want to say that I'm sorry.

嘿，夥計們，嗯，我只想說，我很抱歉。

It's not cool of me to ask you to do something you're uncomfortable with just because my parents were tragically murdered and I want to seek revenge outside of the legal system.

僅僅因為我的父母慘遭殺害，我想在法律體系之外尋求報復，就要求你做你不舒服的事情，這並不酷。

I'm grateful that you guys even fought crime with me for a little while and I respect your boundary not to do so anymore.

我很感激你們甚至和我一起抗擊犯罪，我尊重你們的邊界。不再這樣做了。

Baby girl, we're sorry too. We want to support your journey to avenge your tragic past, but it's just not in our future.

寶貝女兒，我們很抱歉，我們想支持你的旅程，為你悲慘的過去報仇，但它只是不在我們的未來。

We still want to make you feel loved in other ways.

我們仍然希望以其他方式讓你感受到愛。

We can still help you clean weapons or problem solve when the case goes cold, patch you up when things get rough.

我們仍然可以幫助你清洗武器或解決問題，當案件變得冷酷無情時，我們可以為你提供幫助。

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為什麼你會失去朋友 (Why You Lose Friends)

content

genuinely

therapy

compassion