So if you're someone who has spent the majority of your life caretaking, being constantly available, and self-betraying in order to appease others,

如果你是一個一生中大部分時間都在照顧人、隨時待命、為了安撫他人而自我背叛的人，

welcome, it's time to embrace your villain era.

現在是擁抱你的反抗期的時候了。

When a chronic people pleaser starts to communicate their wants and needs clearly, prioritize themselves and assert and maintain boundaries,

當一個長期討好別人的人開始溝通他們的願望和需求、清楚地認定自己的優先順序，並主張和保持界限時，

this is not going to be well received by the people around you.

你周圍人並不會樂意接受你的改變。

I have two really good friends who used to be chronic people pleasers.

我有兩個非常好的朋友，他們曾經是長期的討好者。

They displayed all of the typical behaviors, agreeing even when they disagreed, apologizing too much, letting people take advantage of them, and taking (the) blame when it wasn't theirs.

他們表現出所有的典型行為，像是即使在不同意的情況下也會同意、過多道歉、讓別人利用他們，還有承擔不是自己的責任。

But over the past two years, I've witnessed them starting to step into their power.

但在過去兩年中，我目睹了他們開始為自己站出來。

They've started putting themselves first, speaking up for what they need and want, and setting clear boundaries with friends and partners.

他們開始把自己放在第一位、為自己的需要和願望發聲，並與朋友和夥伴設定明確的界限。

The results: A fuck ton of fallouts.

結果造成一大堆負面的後果。

The people around them were like,

他們周圍的人都表示，

Wait, I'm not getting the same level of limitless giving at the expense of yourself anymore. This isn't fair.

等等，我已經得不到以犧牲自己為代價的同等程度的無限付出了。這並不公平。

This isn't the relationship dynamic I stand up for. In fact, my needs aren't being met.

這不是我所堅持的友誼關係。事實上，我的需求根本沒有得到滿足。

Because of this disconnect, my friends were labeled as villains.

事實上，由於這種差異，我的朋友們被貼上了壞人的標籤。

It was like the mental gymnastics olympics.

這就像精神體操奧運會。

So many narratives were created about how they were villains for no longer providing the same energy that they used to.

有許多關於他們是壞人的話傳出來，因為他們不再像以前那樣付出自己。

My friend summed it up with this beautiful analogy,

我的朋友用這個美麗的比喻來總結：

Hi, could I order room service.

嗨，我可以叫客房服務嗎。

Oh, I'm so sorry, it's 3 AM, so the kitchen is closed.

哦，我很抱歉，現在是凌晨三點，所以廚房已經關門了。

You used to have 24/7 room service.

你們以前有全天候的客房服務。

Yes, we did. Unfortunately, we now have set hours, so the kitchen is open from 7 AM to...

是的，我們以前有。不幸的是，我們現在有固定的時間。所以廚房從早上七點開到⋯⋯

What? That's not fair.

什麼？這並不公平。

Last time I was here, I could order a cheese burrito at 3:43 AM and I want my cheese burrito at 3:43 AM again.

上次我在這裡可以在凌晨 3:43 點一份奶酪捲餅，所以我想要再次在凌晨 3:43 吃我的奶酪捲餅。

I'm so sorry, ma'am.

我很抱歉，女士。

But as I said, the kitchen is open at 7 AM, so in three hours...

但正如我所說的，廚房在早上七點開放，就在三個小時後⋯⋯

I don't want to wait three hours.

我不想再等三個小時。

Okay. I want to order my burrito.

好。我想點我的捲餅。

I want my 24/7 room service. 24/7. 24/7.

我想要全天候客房服務。24 小時不間斷！

And look, this isn't malicious by the people around them, right?

其實，這並不是因為周圍的人心眼很壞。

So much of this is subconscious and unaware.

這其中有很多是潛意識的，他們根本沒有發現。

There is a part of us that feels threatened when a dynamic shifts. We feel unimportant when someone's level of giving changes.

當變化發生時，我們心中的一部分會感受到威脅，當某人的付出發生變化時，我們會感到不再重要了。

Especially if that giving used to be endless for taking, and it's way easier to tell ourselves,

尤其如果過去的付出是無止境的，像這樣洗腦我們自己，

Oh, that person just feels like they're too good for me now.

哦，那個人覺得我現在配不上他了。

Rather than confront the idea that maybe the dynamic we participated in wasn't equal or even kind to the people-pleasing person.

比起反思我們之間的互動對於討好者來說並不公平，甚至不友善還要簡單。

It's really easy for us to make up narratives that shield our ego, and I know that I have definitely been guilty of this.

我們真的很容易編造故事來保護我們的自我，我知道我肯定犯過這樣的錯誤。

It's really freaking hard to look at someone through, like, a compassionate lens and depersonalized their growth as not a personal attack on us.

要透過富有同情心的角度來看待一個人，並且不把他們的成長視為對我們的人身攻擊真的很難。

And on top of that, it's very hard to witness someone growing for the better when you feel stuck, right?

最重要的是，當你感到被困在原地時，看到有人變得更好很難受，對吧？

It's so difficult to see someone become happier when you're still miserable.

當你仍然在困境中掙扎時，看到有人變得很快樂是很難受的事情。

And it's very scary when someone is able to grow and change and become a more fulfilled person because witnessing that means you're fully capable of it too.

而且看到一個人能夠成長和改變並成為一個更充實的人時，對我們來說是非常可怕的，因為目睹這一切表示你也完全有能力做到。

And of course, it's easier to stay exactly where we are, ignoring our problems instead of addressing them.

當然，完全停滯不前，忽視我們的問題，不去解決這些問題更容易。

So I urge you (to) embrace your villain era.

所以我督促你們趕快迎接反抗期的到來。

People are going to project how they feel about themselves onto you anyway.

反正不管怎樣，人們都會將他們對自身的感受投射到你身上。

Anyone who is a real one and deserves to be in your life will see your change and your growth, and either talk to you about it honestly or just be happy for you.

任何一個真的、值得出現在你生活中的人都會看到你的變化和成長，要麽會誠實地和你談論它，要麼就只是單純會為你感到高興。

I'm Anna Akana. Thank you to the patrons who supported today's video and thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring today's episode.

我是 Anna Akana。 感謝支持今天這支影片的的贊助者，也感謝 BetterHelp 贊助今天的節目。