I'm done with my shift, Mr. Krabs!

我下班了，蟹老闆！

And let me just say there will come a day

我只想說，會有那麼一天

when I will make something of my life and I will never have to set foot

當我的生活有所成就的時候，我將永遠不必再踏上。

in this grease trap again!

又進了這個油膩的陷阱!

Yeah, we'll see you after your lunch break, Squidward.

好的，午休後見，章魚哥。

OK.

好的

[SpongeBob crying]

[海綿寶寶在哭]

Another one?

再來一個？

Look, I told your little friend I ain't paying for that!

聽著，我告訴你的小朋友，我不會付錢的！

Well, this one's on the house!

好吧，這個人的房子！

Squidward, can you scoot over a little?

章魚哥，你能不能挪動一下？

Oh, yeah, sure.

哦，是的，當然。

Oh, while you're at it, can you get me a glass of water?

哦，既然你在這裡，你能給我一杯水嗎？

OK, yeah, sure.

好吧，是的，當然。

Yeah, this is a real swell place you got here.

是啊，你這裡真是個好地方。

Thanks, buddy.

謝謝你，夥計。

You're welcome.

不客氣

It's exactly as it used to be!

它和以前一模一樣!

Here's the curtained windows!

這裡是窗簾的窗戶!

Oh, Squidward, isn't this great?

哦，章魚哥，這不是很棒嗎？

I'm back forever!

我永遠回來了！

[muffled] Forever?

[悶響] 永遠？

Listen up! Gather around, everyone! Chop-chop!

大家聽好了！大家圍過來！劈劈啪啪！

Now, you may be thinking this is your one shot at the big time.

現在，你可能會認為這是你在大時代的一次機會。

Well, it's not.

好吧，它不是。

It's mine.

這是我的。

[clapping]

[鼓掌]

[clears throat]

[清嗓子]

Good evening and welcome

晚上好，歡迎

to the first annual Squidward Tentacles Talent Show,

到首屆章魚哥觸手才藝表演。

sponsored by the Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty,

由蟹堡王贊助，蟹皇堡的故鄉。

because no one else would give it a home.

因為沒有人願意給它一個家。

[laughing]

[笑]

Ah, thank you!

啊，謝謝你！

[clapping]

[鼓掌]

[classical music starts playing]

[古典音樂開始播放]

[birds chirping]

[鳥叫聲]

[psychedelic music starts playing]

[迷幻音樂開始播放]

What the...?

搞什麼... ？

[booing]

[噓聲]

I'm losing money on this deal!

這筆交易我虧了！

It's worth every penny.

每一分錢都是值得的。

[booing continues]

[噓聲繼續]

You bottom feeders!

你們這些底層的人！

You don't even know talent!

你連人才都不懂!

[crowd chanting] No talent! No talent! No talent!

[人群呼喊] 沒有人才！沒有天賦！沒有天賦！

La, la, la-la-la! La-la-la!

啦，啦，啦啦啦！啦，啦，啦，啦！

La-la-la! [crowd gasping]

La -la -la![人群喘息]

SpongeBob!

海綿寶寶！

Why have you stopped playing that wonderful music?

你為什麼不演奏那美妙的音樂了？

La-la...

啦啦...

This music touches me ever so...

這首音樂讓我非常感動... ...

I fear that my tears might stain my petticoat.

我擔心我的眼淚會弄髒我的襯裙。

[cheering]

[歡呼聲]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

謝謝你 謝謝你 Thank you.謝謝你 謝謝你 Thank you.Thank you. - Thank you.

[echoing] Have you finished those errands?

[回聲]你辦完那些事了嗎？

Have you finished those errands?

你辦完事了嗎？

[echoing] Errands, errands, errands.

[回聲]差事，差事，差事。

Errands, errands.

差事，差事。

Have you finished those errands?

你辦完事了嗎？

Have you finished those errands?

你辦完事了嗎？

Have you finished those errands?

你辦完事了嗎？

No, I have not finished with those errands, and I never will be!

不，我還沒有完成這些任務，而且我永遠不會完成!

So quit checking up on me!

所以不要再查我了！

I know what you're up to!

我知道你要做什麼！

Forcing me to come back here every time you mess up!

每次你搞砸了都要逼我回來!

- But I haven't. - OK, maybe you haven't messed up yet,

- 但我沒有- 好吧，也許你還沒有搞砸。

but you will.

但你會。

You will.

你會的

And when you do, I'll be there.

當你這樣做，我會在那裡。

I'll be there!

我會去的！

[laughs hysterically]

[歇斯底里地笑]

Gosh, Squidward sure is a hard worker.

天啊，章魚哥果然是個勤快的人。

He makes me proud to wear these hats.

他讓我以戴這些帽子為榮。

It's that stupid bubble of SpongeBob that's causing all the problems!

都是海綿寶寶那個愚蠢的泡泡在作怪！

Who's with me?

誰和我一起？

Pop the bubble!

啪啪啪！

[clamoring]

[喧囂]

Hey, everyone! Have you met my friend Bubble Buddy?

嘿，大家好！你見過我的朋友泡泡哥嗎？

Yes.

是的，我知道

Hey, is this one of those sewing circles?

嘿，這是那種縫紉圈嗎？

[giggles]

[傻笑]

No.

不知道

Oh-ho-ho!

哦，嗬嗬！

Ho-ho-ho!

嗬嗬嗬！

Hello? Yes, who's there?

喂，是誰？是的，誰在那裡？

Huh? Hello? Show yourself.

咦？咦？出來吧

Ooh! Hello? Who is it?

喂？是誰啊？

I'm here, you dunce!

我在這裡，你這個笨蛋！

I mean, uh... Merry Christmas, little boy.

我是說，聖誕快樂，小男孩。

Ah! C-Could it be?

啊，會不會是？

Yes, it is I, Santa Claus!

是的，是我，聖誕老人!

Ho-ho-ho--

嗬嗬嗬 --

[groaning]

[呻吟]

Hey, you're...

嘿，你是...

[stuttering] S...

[結巴] S...

Sa...

薩...

Sa...

薩...

Hey, uh, kid... Take it easy.

嘿，呃，孩子...放輕鬆

[stuttering] San... ta...

[結巴]三... 嗒... ...

SpongeBob?

海綿寶寶？

SpongeBob.

海綿寶寶

[indistinct chattering]

[模糊的喋喋不休]

[crowd] Blah, blah, blah, blah.

諸如此類，諸如此類，諸如此類。

[Squidward] People! People! Settle down!

人！大夥兒！安靜點！

OK, now, how many of you have played musical instruments before?

好了，現在，你們有多少人曾經玩過樂器？

Do instruments of torture count?

酷刑工具算不算？

No.

不知道

Is mayonnaise an instrument?

蛋黃醬是一種工具嗎？

No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument.

不 帕特里克 蛋黃醬不是工具

[Squidward] Horseradish is not an instrument either.

[魷魚沃德]辣根也不是工具。

That's fine. No one has any experience.

那就好。沒有人有任何經驗。

Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you.

幸好，我有足夠的天賦給大家。

[laughs]

[笑]

All of you...

你們所有人...

[keeps laughing]

[一直在笑]

Yeah... [coughs]

是啊...[咳嗽]

I'll go down in history!

我將名垂青史!

Someday there will be a wing with my name on it

總有一天，會有一個寫著我名字的翅膀。

in all the museums of the world!

在世界所有的博物館裡！

Dude, you're teaching art at the Rec Center.

夥計，你在娛樂中心教藝術。

Calm down.

冷靜點

Uncultured trash urchin.

無文化的垃圾膽。

OK, pay attention, SpongeBob.

好了，注意了，海綿寶寶

Now we're gonna make picket signs.

現在我們要去做糾察隊的標誌。

This is a very important part of striking.

這是罷工的一個非常重要的環節。

Like this, Squidward?

像這樣，章魚哥？

Not a picket fence, you ding-dong!

不是柵欄，你這傢伙！

Picket sign!

糾察隊標誌！

How's this?

這個怎麼樣？

No, this is a picket sign.

不，這是一個糾察隊的標誌。

"Krusty Krab unfair." Short, sweet and to the point.

"蟹堡王不公平"短小精悍，切中要害。

How about this, Squidward?

這個怎麼樣，章魚哥？

SpongeBob, it's "unfair", not "funfair"!

海綿寶寶，這是 "不公平"，不是 "funfair"!

A funfair? Where?

一個遊樂場？在哪裡？

I could go for some fun!

我可以去找點樂子!

At the Krusty Krab!

在Krusty Krab！

Hey, everybody, let's go to the funfair!

嘿，大家好，我們去遊樂場吧!

[clamoring]

[喧囂]

Squidward!

章魚哥！

- What? - What in Neptune's name is going on?

- 海王星到底是怎麼回事？

We're making the commercial, Mr. Krabs.

我們正在做廣告，蟹老闆。

What you're doing is throwing away me money!

你這樣做是在浪費我的錢!

I told you to rent only what's absolutely necessary!

我告訴過你只租絕對必要的東西!

This is all necessary.

這都是必要的。

Well, what's all this useless junk?

那麼，這些沒用的垃圾是什麼？

That's the useless junk for scene, uh... 28.

那是場景的無用垃圾，呃... 28。

Oh, well, how do you explain that?

哦，那你怎麼解釋？

A second Krusty Krab?!

第二隻甲殼蟹？

Mr. Krabs, everyone needs an understudy!

蟹老闆，每個人都需要一個替身！

Well, you got me there.

好吧，你讓我有。

Men, Squilliam Fancyson will be here in 20 minutes.

夥計們，Squilliam Fancyson將在20分鐘內到達這裡。

Therefore, we need to turn the Krusty Krab

所以，我們要把蟹堡王轉過來

into a fancy restaurant as soon as possible.

儘快變成一家高級餐廳。

Patrick, what are you doing here?

帕特里克，你在這裡做什麼？

I thought the corp would help me straighten out my life, sir!

我以為軍團會幫我改過自新，長官！

The corp? What the...?

公司？什麼... ？

Pat, this isn't the... Ugh!

帕特，這不是... ...呃！

OK, Snellie, let's show these common garden-variety snails

好了，史奈利，讓我們來看看這些常見的花園蝸牛吧

what superior breeding is all about.

什麼是優育。

Meow.

喵。

Woo-woo-woo-woo!

嗚-嗚-嗚-嗚!

[spits food]

[吐食物]

[meditating chant]

[默唸]

By the All-Seeing Eye, ye are worthy, we are not!

以萬能的眼光來看，你們是值得的，我們是不值得的。

What are you two idiots doing?!

你們兩個白痴在幹什麼？

- Secret ritual. - To inaugurate you as president.

- 祕密儀式- 讓你就任總統

Me? President of Bikini Bottom?

我是比基尼底褲的總裁嗎？

I knew the people would come to their senses.

我知道人們會清醒過來的。

No, silly, not the president of Bikini Bottom.

不，傻瓜，不是比基尼底褲的總裁。

- Even better. - Better?

- 甚至更好。- 更好？

You're the president of...

你是總統的...

the Secret Royal Order of the Good Neighbor Lodge.

睦鄰小屋的皇家密令。

The what?

什麼？

♪ I was the King's favorite fool I made merry mirth and laughter! ♪

我是國王最喜歡的傻瓜 我製造了快樂的歡樂和笑聲！♪

♪ But I told one bad joke and the King had a stroke ♪

但我說了一個不好的笑話 國王就中風了?

♪ Now I hang from ye olde rafter ♪

現在，我掛在你的老椽子

[presenter] Ladies and gentlefish...

[主持人]女士們，紳士魚... ...

Bikini Bottom's Community Rec Center is proud to present...

比基尼海灘的社區娛樂中心很榮幸地推出...

Squidward Tentacles.

章魚哥觸手。

Oh...!

哦...

[starts playing the flute]

[開始吹笛子]

Honey, I'm scared.

親愛的，我很害怕。

[plays the wrong note]

[彈錯音符]

[keeps playing]

[繼續播放]

[murmuring]

[喃喃自語]

[gasps]

[gasps]

[gasping]

[喘氣]

Hi, Squidward.

嗨，章魚哥

Well, the submarine is safely inside you.

好了，潛艇已經安全地進入你的體內了。

Wonderful.

妙不可言

Wait, if you're out here, then who's in here?

等等，如果你在外面，那麼誰在這裡？

Well, why don't you take a look for yourself?

那你為什麼不自己去看看呢？

[screams]

[尖叫聲]

SpongeBob and Patrick are piloting a miniature submarine inside my head.

海綿寶寶和派大星在我的腦海裡 駕駛著一艘微型潛艇

SpongeBob and Patrick...

海綿寶寶和派大星...

SpongeBob and...

海綿寶寶和...

[laughs nervously]

[緊張地笑]

What can I get you, stranger?

你要什麼，陌生人？

Give me a shot.

給我一個鏡頭。

Of milk.

牛奶的。

- Milk? - Two percent.

- 牛奶？

Think you can handle it?

你覺得你能搞定嗎？

I drink this stuff every day.

我每天都喝這個東西。

Over the lips and through the gums, look out tapeworm, here it comes!

在嘴脣上，穿過牙齦，小心絛蟲，它來了!

Get ready, Tapey.

準備好，塔比

[laughs]

[笑]

Ah...

啊...

Ah!

啊！

Oh, yeah... Smooth.

哦，是的...

Right.

好吧，我知道了

Whoo! Let's rock!

嗚！讓我們的搖滾！

- Yeah! - We're gonna be stars!

- 耶！- 我們會成為明星！

All right! Squidward, are you ready?

好吧！章魚哥，你準備好了嗎？

[plays a chord]

[扮演一個和絃]

I'm ready!

我準備好了！

[clears throat]

[清嗓子]

Good evening, students.

晚上好，同學們。

Now, our first--

現在，我們的第一個...

[students] Good evening, professor.

[學生]晚上好，教授。

Bikini Bottom Public Access presents...

Bikini Bottom Public Access推出... ...

Squidward Chat! With your host, Squidward Tentacles!

章魚哥哈拉！和你的主人章魚哥觸手在一起!

Greetings, I'm Squidward Tentacles, your host of Squidward Chat.

大家好，我是章魚哥觸手，你們章魚哥哈拉的主持人。

[TV] Today, on Squidward Chat,

[電視]今天，在章魚哥聊天室。

we'll be discussing something near and dear to my heart:

我們將討論的東西 近，親愛的我的心臟。

underappreciated artists, like myself.

被低估的藝術家，比如我自己。

Oh, sweet sassafras!

哦，甜蜜的檫傷！

Do mine eyes deceive me?

我的眼睛欺騙了我嗎？

That was the greatest routine since the greatest thing

那是自最偉大的事情以來最偉大的程序

since sliced bread dancing routine!

自從麵包片的舞蹈表演！

Congratulations!

恭喜你！

You got the gig.

你得到了這份工作。

Oh, baby, I knew it!

哦，寶貝，我就知道！

You won't be sorry you made this decision.

你不會後悔你做的這個決定。

I don't think you'll be sorry either, because you'll be dancing in...

我想你也不會後悔，因為你會在... ...

Squilliam's show!

斯奎利安的表演！

[stuttering] Squ-squ-squ-squ... Ah!

[口吃] Squ -squ -squ -squ...啊！

Well, don't just stand there!

好了，不要只是站在那裡！

Get the sand out of your leotard and dance for me, nitwit.

把沙子從你的緊身衣裡拿出來，為我跳舞，笨蛋。

[guitar music starts playing] Dance!

[吉他音樂開始播放] 跳舞！

Not like that, kelp-for-brains!

不是這樣的，海帶換大腦！

You call that dancing?

這也叫跳舞？

Do it like this.

像這樣做。

Here I go.

我去了

Who put you on the planet? Ugh!

誰把你放到這個星球上的？呃！

Now, do it exactly as I did, and don't stop till you get it right!

現在，照著我的方法做，不做對就不要停！！！。

And I don't care how long it takes!

我才不管要花多少時間呢!

[music keeps playing]

[音樂繼續播放]

Stupid policeman, I'm no litter bug!

愚蠢的警察，我不是垃圾蟲!

Hey! No more trash!

嘿，別再扔垃圾了！

Looks like I'm done!

看來我已經完成了！

Here, you can have mine.

給你，你可以擁有我的。

[sighs] Can things get any worse?

[嘆氣] 事情還能變得更糟嗎？

[Squilliam] Oh, of course they can!

哦，他們當然可以！

Ah! Squilliam Fancyson! My arch foe from band class!

啊，斯奎利亞姆-範西森！我在樂隊課上的死敵！

Stuck doing community service, eh? Court ordered?

要做社區服務，嗯？法院命令？

No! I... um... I'm... volunteering!

不，我...我是... 志願者！

Yeah, I'm cleaning up Bikini Bottom,

是啊，我在清理比基尼海灘呢

selflessly devoting my time to a worthy cause.

把我的時間無私地奉獻給了一個有意義的事業。

Hmm...

嗯...

[sighs]

[嘆氣]

[struggles]

[掙扎]

[honk]

[honk]

[revving and braking]

[轉速和制動]

Oh, I like this!

哦，我喜歡這個！

Ow!

嗷！

Hey, I'm doing it! I'm blocking the acorns!

嘿，我正在做！我在阻擋橡子！

Yee-haw!

Yee -haw!

I told you all you had to do was know the movements of everyday

我告訴過你，你要做的就是了解日常的動作。

to master karate!

掌握空手道！

Hah-hah! I can't believe I did it!

哈哈哈！我不敢相信我做到了!

Yeah, yeah! Now try this!

對，對！現在試試這個！

OK, OK! Hee-yah!

好了，好了！嘻呀！

[laughs] I did it!