Welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show," everybody.

歡迎，歡迎來到 "今夜秀"，各位。

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

That's what I'm talking about.

這就是我所說的。

Well, guys, today is March 11th,

好了，夥計們，今天是3月11日。

and that marks a pretty big anniversary around the world.

這標誌著一個相當大的週年紀念日在世界各地。

-One year ago today -- -Exactly one year ago.

一年前的今天 -- -- 正是一年前。

-It's been a year. -One year.

-已經一年了-一年了

-It's been one year. -The nation marks one year

-已經一年了-國家迎來了一週年

since it's been on lockdown

封鎖以來

because of the coronavirus pandemic.

因為冠狀病毒大流行。

-Yeah, the past year was just like flying United Airlines.

-是的，過去的一年就像乘坐聯合航空一樣。

The engine fell off, but somehow we still made it.

發動機掉了，但不知怎麼的，我們還是成功了。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, it was a year ago today

是啊，那是一年前的今天

that we had our last show with a full audience.

我們有我們的最後一個節目 與全場觀眾。

Six days later, I did the show from home,

六天後，我在家裡做節目。

and six days after that, both my kids had agents.

而六天後，我的兩個孩子都有了代理人。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

That's right. It's been a year living through the pandemic,

沒錯，就是這樣。這一年來一直生活在疫情中。

and to mark the occasion, President Biden

為紀念這一時刻，拜登總統

delivered his first prime-time address to the nation.

向全國發表了他的第一個黃金時段講話。

The media has been calling Biden the "healer-in-chief,"

媒體一直稱拜登為 "醫者仁心"。

and he's really embracing the role.

而且他真的很喜歡這個角色。

The only thing he can't "heel" is a German Shepherd

唯一不能 "跟 "的是德國牧羊犬。

sprinting at a Secret Service agent.

衝向一名特勤局特工。

"Heel boy! Heel!" [ Laughter ]

"跟屁蟲！腳後跟！"[笑聲]

"Don't worry about it. He'll tire himself out."

"不用擔心這個問題。他會把自己累死的。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Honestly, it was just nice to see a presidential speech

說實話，能看到總統的演講就好了。

where the teleprompter didn't say, "Ad-lib insane conspiracy."

其中提詞器沒有說， "廣告 -lib瘋狂的陰謀。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Meanwhile, I saw there's a new PSA calling on Americans

同時，我看到有一個新的公益廣告，呼籲美國人。

to get vaccinated, and it features

接種疫苗，它的特點是

all the living former presidents, except for Trump.

所有活著的前總統，除了特朗普。

Watch this.

看這個。

-This vaccine means hope.

-這種疫苗意味著希望。

-We've lost enough people and we've suffered enough damage.

-我們已經失去了足夠多的人，我們已經遭受了足夠多的損失。

-Important for our fellow citizens to get vaccinated.

-我們的公民同胞必須接種疫苗。

-Now it's up to you.

-現在就看你的了.

-Americans were like, "Wow, no Trump,"

-美國人很喜歡，"哇，沒有特朗普"

while Trump was like, "Wow, no Martin Sheen."

而特朗普就像，"哇，沒有馬丁・希恩。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, it feels like Trump's gonna always be the one diva

是啊，感覺特朗普永遠是一個天后。

cast member who won't come back for the reunion.

不會再來參加同學會的演員。

You know them? [ Laughter ]

你認識他們？[笑聲]

Instead of participating in the PSA,

而不是參加公益廣告。

Trump released this statement.

特朗普發表了這一聲明。

-"I hope everyone remembers when they're getting the COVID-19,

- "希望大家在拿到COVID-19的時候記得。

often referred to as the China virus, vaccine,

常被稱為中國病毒、疫苗。

that if I wasn't president,

如果我不是總統，

you wouldn't be getting that beautiful shot

你不會得到那個美麗的鏡頭

for five years at best

頂多五年

and probably wouldn't be getting it at all.

而且可能根本不會得到它。

I hope everyone remembers."

希望大家記住。"

-Can't stop, won't stop.

-停不下來，停不下來。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

I do want to remind him though that for us to remember you,

不過我還是想提醒他，為了讓我們記住你。

you have to go away.

你必須離開。

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

It's the first step.

這是第一步。

Well, guys, baseball season is right around the corner,

好了，夥計們，棒球賽季馬上就要開始了。

and one team just made

而有一支隊伍剛做了

a pretty big announcement. Watch this.

一個相當大的公告。看這個。

-The Texas Rangers will be the first major professional team

-德克薩斯遊騎兵隊將成為第一支主要的職業球隊。

in the U.S. to allow full-capacity crowds

在美國，允許滿員的人群。

since the pandemic began.

自該流行病開始以來，。

The team says that it will allow just over 40,000 fans

球隊表示，將只允許超過4萬名球迷。

at its April 5th home opener at Globe Life Field.

在4月5日的主場揭幕戰上，在環球人壽球場。

-Well, that should be fun.

-好吧，那應該很有趣

"Everyone, please rise, cough on each other

"各位，請起立，互相咳嗽一下

and join us in creating the fourth wave."

並加入我們創造第四波的行列"。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

I don't know if we're quite ready for an event

我不知道我們是否已經準備好參加活動了

where an entire row of people passes $10 one way,

其中一整排人單程通過10元。

then a beer the other way.

然後喝啤酒的另一種方式。

The players are like, "Well, we're not coming, but have fun.

隊員們都說："好吧，我們不來了，但要玩得開心。

I mean, you guys, that sounds great."

我的意思是，你們，這聽起來很不錯。"

Yeah, Rangers fans are excited to be at a packed ballpark

是啊，遊騎兵隊的球迷很興奮，在一個擠滿了人的球場。

where they can catch a foul ball, a home run,

在那裡他們可以接住一個粗球，一個全壘打。

or the South African COVID variant.

或南非COVID變體。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Here's an update on a big story.

下面是一個大新聞的最新情況。

Four days after Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's interview,

在哈里王子和梅根-馬克爾接受採訪的四天後。

Prince William made his first comment to the press.

威廉王子首次向媒體發表了評論。

Watch this.

看這個。

After hearing that, for the very first time in her life,

聽完這話，她人生中第一次。

the Queen said, "Oy."

皇后說："哎。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Meanwhile, a 7-year-old on a swing was like,

同時，一個7歲的孩子在鞦韆上就像。

"Better off saying 'no comment.'"

"最好說'無可奉告'。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

I'm not saying Prince William was desperate,

我不是說威廉王子很絕望。

but eventually he yelled, "Is that Piers Morgan?" and ran.

但最終他大喊 "是皮爾斯-摩根嗎？"然後跑了。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

And finally, last night was the season premiere

最後，昨晚是本季的首映。

of "The Masked Singer,"

的 "蒙面唱將"

and the snail turned out to be someone you might not expect.

而那隻蝸牛竟然是你意想不到的人。

Check it out.

看看吧

-Take it off! Take it off!

-脫掉！脫掉！

-Who is it?

-是誰？

-Uh-oh. -Oh, my gosh!

-啊，哦-哦，我的天哪！

-What?

-什麼？

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-What the hell?

-搞什麼鬼？

-After that, millions of people watching at home were like,

-之後，數百萬人在家中觀看的人都像。

"What am I doing with my life?"

"我這一生在做什麼？"

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

"A fake frog come out of a fake snail.

"假青蛙從假蝸牛中走出來。

I'm 58 years old."

我今年58歲了。"

[ Laughter ] "What am I doing?"

[笑] "我在做什麼？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, appearing on "The Masked Singer"

是啊，在《蒙面唱將》中出現過。

is another way of saying, "I hope everyone remembers me."

是另一種說法，"希望大家記住我"。