[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

Well, guys, some big news out of Washington today.

好了，夥計們，一些重大的新聞 從華盛頓今天。

House Democrats sent former President Trump

眾議院民主黨人派前總統特朗普

a letter inviting him to testify under oath

請他宣誓作證的信。

at his impeachment trial.

在他的彈劾審判中。

There's no way Trump's going to Washington.

特朗普不可能去華盛頓。

In fact, Trump's lawyers already called this a publicity stunt,

事實上，特朗普的律師已經稱這是一個宣傳噱頭。

which backfired when Trump was like, "Okay, now I'm in."

這反作用時，特朗普是這樣的， "好吧，現在我在。"

And get this -- after the Screen Actors Guild

並得到這個 - 後螢幕演員協會。

criticized Trump last month,

上個月責備了特朗普。

today he sent a letter saying that he's quitting the union.

今天，他發了一封信，說 他退出了工會。

Yep. [ Laughter ]

是的。[笑聲]

Trump's out of work and just quit his union.

特朗普失業了，剛從工會辭職。

Even worse, now if he wants medical coverage,

更為糟糕的是，現在如果他要醫保。

he's got to sign up for Obamacare.

他得註冊奧巴馬醫保。

I mean, it just keeps -- It just keeps going.

我的意思是，它只是不停地... 它只是不停地去。

It's like, "Oh, my God."

這就像，"哦，我的上帝。"

Meanwhile, Melania heard and was like, "Um, Donald,

同時，梅拉尼婭聽到了，就說："嗯，唐納德。

while we're on the subject of leaving unions..."

當我們在離開工會的主題..."

[ Clears throat ]

[清喉]

But check this out. In the letter,

但看看這個。在信中。

Trump actually bragged about his acting credits.

特朗普居然吹噓自己的演技。

This is real. He wrote, "I'm very proud of my work

這是真實的。他寫道："我為我的工作感到非常自豪。

on movies such as 'Home Alone 2,' 'Zoolander,'

諸如《Home Alone 2》、《Zoolander》等電影。

and 'Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps'

和《華爾街：金錢永不眠》。"華爾街：金錢永不眠

and television shows including The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.'"

和電視節目，包括《貝爾艾爾的新鮮王子》'。"

One day, you're the most powerful man on Earth.

有一天，你是地球上最強大的人。

The next, you're bragging about your one line

接下來，你就在吹噓你的單線

in "Home Alone 2."

在 "孤家寡人2 "中。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

I forgot Trump was on "Fresh Prince."

我忘了特朗普上過 "新鮮王子"。

It turns out he was the third Aunt Viv.

原來他是三姨夫。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Well, guys, the Super Bowl is just a few days away,

好了，夥計們，超級碗還有幾天就要開始了。

but if you're thinking of throwing a party on Sunday,

但如果你想在週日舉辦一個派對，

you might want to listen to what Dr. Fauci has to say.

你可能想聽聽Fauci醫生怎麼說。

-Absolutely not.

-絕對不是。

I mean, watch the Super Bowl on TV, enjoy it,

我的意思是，看電視上的超級碗，享受它。

have a party in your house with your family.

在你的房子裡和你的家人開個派對。

So, as difficult as that is, at least this time around,

所以，雖然困難重重，但至少這一次。

just lay low and cool it.

只是低調地把它冷卻。

-Fauci was like, "This is about public health

-Fauci就像，"這是關於公共衛生的

and definitely not because it's Thursday

絕對不是因為今天是星期四

and I still haven't been invited to one.

我還沒有被邀請到一個。

Just want to make that clear.

只是想說明一下。

But had I been or have I been, I would not go.

但如果是我，或者說是我一直以來，我都不會去。

Of course not."

當然不是。"

Listen to this, guys. I read that if the Buccaneers

聽聽這個，夥計們。我讀到如果海盜隊

win on Sunday, Tom Brady will get

週日的勝利，湯姆-布雷迪將得到

a $500,000 bonus.

50萬美元的獎金。

When he heard that, Brady was like, "Golly.

當他聽到這句話時，布雷迪就像 "天哪。

I better start practicing."

我還是開始練習吧。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

It's a $500,000 "incentive."

這是50萬元的 "獎勵"。

I don't even understand why they do this.

我都不明白他們為什麼要這麼做。

Who needs an incentive to try and win the Super Bowl?

誰需要激勵來嘗試贏得超級碗？

It's like, "All right. Now I'll try."

這就像，"好吧，現在我試試。現在，我將嘗試。"

When asked why he had that added to his contract,

當被問及為何在合同中加入這一點時。

Brady said...

布拉迪說...

"Because it's funny."

"因為這很有趣。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Get this. Down in Tampa, the local news decided

聽好了在坦帕，當地新聞決定

to talk to a 99-year-old Buccaneers fan.

來和一個99歲的布坎普隊球迷交談。

She's pretty fired up about the game. Watch this.

她對這場比賽很有興趣。看這個。

-The Bucs is the ones that I love.

-我愛的是美洲獅隊。

Tom Brady. We did it. We kicked [bleep].

湯姆・布雷迪。我們做到了。我們踢到了[嗶]。

Now Patrick is coming to our house to get his [bleep] kicked.

現在Patrick要來我們家讓他被踢了。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

The news anchor was like, "Wow. I did not think

新聞主播說："哇，我沒想到...

that we needed the bleep button for that segment, but, okay."

我們需要那段的嗶嗶鍵，但是，好吧。"

Yeah, she and Tom go way back.

是啊，她和湯姆是老相識了。

She was actually a Patriots cheerleader

她其實是愛國者隊的拉拉隊隊員。

during his rookie season.

在他的新秀賽季。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, she's the only fan of the Buccaneers

是啊，她是海盜隊唯一的球迷。

who knew actual buccaneers.

誰知道真正的海盜。

This is interesting. I heard that each year

這很有意思。我聽說每年

a handful of Super Bowl commercials

幾支超級碗廣告

are rejected by TV networks. Either they're too controversial

被電視網拒絕。要麼就是太有爭議性了

or just not right for the big game.

或者只是不適合玩大的遊戲。

We got our hands on one of them, and you can see

我們拿到了其中的一個，你可以看看

why it didn't make it, I think.

我想，為什麼它沒有成功。

Take a look.

看看吧

-Clydesdales. Powerful. Mighty.

-克萊德犬。強大的。強大的。

And now available

而現在可以

in every scoop of tuna at Subway.

在每一勺金槍魚在Subway。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-That is awful. That is awful. That is terr-- That is --

-太可怕了太可怕了，太可怕了那是... 那是...

That should not -- That should not air.

不應該... 不應該播出。

That should not air on television.

這不應該在電視上播出。

I agree. Good for them. That's terrible.

我同意。對他們有好處。那是可怕的。

-Oh, my God.

-哦，我的天

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Check this out. In Saudi Arabia,

-看看這個在沙特阿拉伯

there's a roller coaster that's opening in 2023

有一個雲霄飛車將在2023年開放。

that will travel more than 155 miles per hour.

時速將超過155英里。

And they released a simulation video.

而且他們還發布了一段模擬視頻。

This is real. Watch this.

這是真實的。看這個。

[ Riders screaming ]

[騎手尖叫]

♪♪

♪♪

You know it's an insane idea when even the simulated people

你知道這是個瘋狂的想法，當連被模擬的人...

are screaming.

正在尖叫。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Listen to this. I read about a man in Florida

聽聽這個我讀到佛羅里達州的一個人

who was caught trying to board a flight

試圖登機的人被抓

with 22 pounds of meth in his luggage.

行李裡有22磅安非他命。

Yeah, luggage with 22 pounds of meth,

是啊，行李箱裡有22磅安非他命。

or, as it's known in Florida, luggage.

或者，在佛羅里達州被稱為，行李箱。

There you go.

這就對了

[ Applause ] Thank you.

[掌聲] 謝謝你。

And, finally, as I said before, the Super Bowl is this Sunday

最後，就像我之前說的，超級碗就在本週日舉行。

with the Kansas City Chiefs taking on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

堪薩斯城酋長隊對陣坦帕灣海盜隊。

Now, as you know, after the game,

現在，你也知道，比賽結束後。

they give out awards like Most Valuable Player,

他們會頒發最有價值球員等獎項。

but they also give out awards before the game.

但他們也會在比賽前發獎。

I'll show you what I mean.

我讓你看看我的意思。

It's time for "Tonight Show Superlatives."

現在是 "今夜秀超讚 "的時間。

-♪ Tonight Show Superlatives ♪

-"今夜秀 "超級大獎

♪♪

♪♪

Our first player is Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes.

我們的第一位球員是酋長隊四分衛帕特里克-馬霍姆斯。

He was voted...

他被選為...

Next up from the Chiefs is linebacker Ben Niemann.

酋長隊下一個出場的是後衛本-尼曼。

He was voted...

他被選為...

Oh, that's...

哦，那是...

Here's Bucs tight end Rob Gronkowski.

這是美洲獅隊的近端鋒羅布-格朗考斯基。

He was voted...

他被選為...

Next up from the Bucs is wide receiver Mike Evans.

下一個來自小牛隊的是外接手邁克-埃文斯。

He was voted...

他被選為...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Up next is Chiefs' Nick Allegretti. He was voted...

下一個是酋長隊的尼克-阿萊格雷蒂。他被選為...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Up next from the Bucs is Ross Cockrell.

接下來是布克隊的羅斯-科克雷爾。

He was voted...

他被選為...

Achoo!

阿嚏！

Next from the Bucs is Blaine Gabbert. He was voted...

下一個來自於Bucs的是Blaine Gabbert.他被選為...

And, finally, from the Bucs is Tom Brady. He was voted...

最後，來自公牛隊的是湯姆・布雷迪。他被選為...

There you go. Those are Super Bowl Superlatives.

這就對了這些都是超級碗的超級評價。