(audience cheers) - Welcome to Tosh.0.

歡迎來到Tosh.0。

This is our first show, and you're probably expecting

這是我們的第一個節目，你可能會期待

to be blown away right out of the box. Calm down.

被吹走的權利的盒子。冷靜點

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

Give the show a chance to grow.

給節目一個成長的機會。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

You might've noticed that I've upgraded to cardigans.

你可能已經注意到，我已經升級為開衫。

That's right, no more hoodies. (audience laughs)

這是正確的，沒有更多的連帽衫。（觀眾笑）

I'm wearing nothing but tight fitting cardigans

我現在只穿了緊身開襟衫

like I'm Mr. (beep) Rogers. (audience laughs)

就像我是先生。 （嗶）羅傑斯。（觀眾笑）

Get used to it.

習慣了。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

Okay, last season was all about cardigans,

好吧，上一季都是開衫。

but that is so 2009.

但那是2009年的事。

It is a new decade now, and everyone is dying to know

現在是新的十年，大家都很想知道。

what I'll be wearing for the first half of season two.

第二季前半部分我會穿什麼？

So without further ado,

那就不多說了。

it's casual jackets!

這是休閒夾克！

(audience cheers)

（觀眾歡呼聲）

Oh, man!

哦，夥計！

Yeah.

是啊。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

There was a lot of debate about what I would be wearing

關於我穿什麼衣服，大家爭論不休。

for the rest of this season.

本賽季剩下的時間裡。

A lot of you voted online, and I want you to know

你們有很多人在網上投票，我想讓你們知道

your votes were wasted. (audience laughs)

你的選票被浪費了。（觀眾笑）

They didn't count. Your opinions are stupid.

他們不算數。你的意見是愚蠢的。

(audience laughs) So without further ado,

（觀眾笑）那就不多說了。

I give you the summer of deep Vs!

我給你夏天的深V!

(all cheer)

(全體歡呼)

Alright, try not to be too jealous,

好吧，儘量不要太嫉妒。

but everyone in my audience also received

但在座的各位也收到了

a free, 100% cotton deep V!

一個免費的，100%純棉的深V!

(audience cheers)

（觀眾歡呼聲）

Oh, it's gonna be a hot summer.

哦，這將是一個炎熱的夏天。

You might as well dress for it.

你不妨穿上它。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

The wardrobe for the beginning of season three,

第三季開始的衣櫃。

colla! (audience cheers)

colla！（觀眾歡呼聲）

Yeah, colla! (audience cheers)

是啊，科拉！（觀眾歡呼聲）

Alright, knock it off.

好了，別鬧了。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

It's officially the summer of Exposed Arms.

正式進入了《暴露武器》的夏天。

(audience cheers)

（觀眾歡呼聲）

Ah, yeah, that's right.

啊，是的，這是正確的。

You will be seeing some to all of these bad boys

你會看到一些到所有的這些壞男孩。

for the rest of the summer. (audience laughs)

對於夏天的其餘部分。（觀眾笑）

And yes, those are tan lines.

是的，這些都是褐色的線條。

I surf on the reg.

我在註冊時衝浪。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

In honor are of the new school year, as you can see,

如你所見，在新學年的榮譽是。

the wardrobe will be collegiate apparel.

衣櫃將是學院服裝。

(audience cheers)

（觀眾歡呼聲）

Only nine episodes left this season.

這一季只剩下九集。

Hope your school makes the cut.

希望你的學校能入選。

If it doesn't, you should transfer.

如果沒有，你就應該轉移。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

It's not about what I'm wearing, but who I'm wearing,

這不是我穿什麼的問題，而是我穿誰的問題。

because this is a season of high fashion.

因為這是一個高級時裝的季節。

(audience cheers) - High fashion.

高級時裝。

- High fashion. - High fashion.

- 高級時裝。- 高端時尚。

(audience cheers) - Thank you.

謝謝

Tonight, I'm wearing John Varvatos.

今晚我穿的是John Varvatos的衣服

This understated ensemble can easily be yours

這套低調的搭配可以輕鬆擁有

for a mere $11,842. (audience laughs)

僅僅為11,842美元。（觀眾笑）

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

What's so special about my wardrobe this summer?

這個夏天，我的衣櫃有什麼特別之處？

I will be wearing Sick Kicks (audience oohs)

我會穿上 "病腿"(觀眾呼聲)

for the Ladies. (women cheer)

為女士們。（婦女歡呼）

Because everyone knows it's the shoe that makes the outfit,

因為大家都知道是鞋子成就了這身衣服。

and these puppies glow in the dark!

而這些小狗在黑暗中會發光！

(audience cheers) That's right, sneakerheads,

沒錯，運動鞋頭。

they're Reebok's Exofit Hi SG Strap Limited Editions.

它們是Reebok的Exofit Hi SG Strap Limited Editions。

(audience laughs) You want a pair for yourself?

(觀眾笑)你要不要給自己來一副？

Go (beep) yourself, you can't get these.

你自己去（嗶）吧，你拿不到這些。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

This fall, the wardrobe will be Overpriced Concert Tees!

這個秋天，衣櫃裡將是天價演唱會T恤!

(audience cheers) Wait, with Sexy Stubble.

(觀眾歡呼)等等，有了性感的胡茬。

(audience cheers)

（觀眾歡呼聲）

You are right to cheer, I am very masculine.

你加油是對的，我是很陽剛的。

And I will not tolerate anyone

我不會容忍任何人

criticizing my musical taste this season.

責備我這個季節的音樂品味。

There's a reason I get paid millions of dollars

我拿幾百萬的工資是有原因的。

to have opinions. You have been warned.

有意見。你已經被警告了。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

Our first piece of merch is from Japandroids.

我們的第一件商品是來自Japandroids。

Now, let's listen to as much music

現在，讓我們儘可能多地聽音樂吧

as we're allowed to play for free.

因為我們可以免費玩。

("The House That Heaven Built" by Japandroids)

("The House That Heaven Built "by Japandroids)

Ah, they don't even have a bassist,

啊，他們甚至沒有一個貝斯手。

they don't even have a bassist.

他們甚至沒有一個貝斯手。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

And they're not from Japan.

而且他們不是日本人。

And I'm guessing that's because Canadadroids

我猜想那是因為加拿大人

doesn't have the same ring to it.

不具有相同的環到它。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

Now, I know a lot of fashion blogs

現在，我知道很多時尚博客。

have speculated over this season's new look,

紛紛猜測本季的新造型。

and I'm proud to finally break my silence

我很自豪地終於打破了我的沉默。

and announce that in 2013, I will be wearing

並宣佈在2013年，我將穿上

nothing but the finest

精誠所至，金石為開

("Kashmir" by Led Zeppelin) cashmere.

(Led Zeppelin的 "Kashmir")羊絨。

(audience oohs)

(觀眾嚯)

Thanks to my good buddies in Led Zeppelin

感謝我在齊柏林飛艇的好朋友們。

for writing that little wardrobe reveal jingle.

為寫的小衣櫃揭示順口溜。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

No touching, get your own. (audience laughs)

不能摸，自己去拿。（觀眾笑）

Cashmere is highly sensitive

羊絨是高度敏感的

to the oil in poor people's fingers.

到窮人手指的油。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

No, I didn't get lazy and put on the same outfit

沒有，我沒有偷懶，穿上了同樣的衣服

from last week.

從上週。

This is the season of subtle differences.

這是一個細微差別的季節。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

Can you find it?

你能找到它嗎？

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

Now, if this wardrobe looks familiar,

現在，如果這個衣櫃看起來很熟悉。

it's because I'm not the first to wear it.

這是因為我不是第一個穿它的人。

This is the season of Brad.

這是布拉德的季節。

(audience cheers) (dramatic music)

（觀眾歡呼聲） （戲劇性的音樂）

I have long been considered the Brad Pitt of comedy.

我一直被認為是喜劇界的布拉德-皮特。

People always get us confused,

人們總是把我們搞糊塗。

which has got to be flattering for him,

這對他來說一定是一種奉承。

but is very annoying for me. (audience laughs)

但對我來說是非常煩人的。（觀眾笑）

So every week, I will pay tribute

所以每週我都會向你致敬

to this pretty good actor of our time

給我們這個時代的好演員

by donning some of his most iconic outfits.

通過穿上他最具代表性的服裝。

Tonight's Brad-ass look is from "Mr. and Mrs. Smith,"

今晚的布拉德屁股造型來自 "史密斯夫婦"。

the movie that forced Brad to tell the love of his life

迫使布拉德告訴他的夫妻的電影

that he had just met the love of his life.

他剛剛遇到了他一生的摯愛。

(audience laughs) (pounding electronic music)

（觀眾笑）（觀眾笑）（重擊電子音樂）。

Does what I'm wearing turn you on?

我的穿著讓你興奮嗎？

Does it intimidate you?

它嚇到你了嗎？

It's okay, that's natural, because this season's wardrobe

沒關係，那是自然的，因為這一季的衣櫥中

is Fifteen Shades of Gray.

是《十五度灰》。

(audience oohs)

(觀眾嚯)

I can tell none of you are faking it, that's how good I am.

我看得出你們都不是裝的，這就是我的厲害之處。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

(regal horn music) (audience applause)

莊嚴的號角聲

- Hear ye, hear ye!

- 聽著，聽著！

Let it be known throughout the kingdom that on this day,

讓整個王國都知道，在這一天。

the wardrobe for Season 7-A of Tosh.O

Tosh.O第7-A季的衣櫃。

shall be known hence forth as Prints Charming.

從此以後，將被稱為 "Prints Charming"。

(audience cheers) (mellow rock music)

（觀眾歡呼聲） （圓潤的搖滾音樂）。

- A little bit retro, a little bit metro.

- 有點復古，有點都會。

It's prints, prints all season long!

整個季節都是印花，印花!

Don't let the majesty of my new wardrobe

不要讓我的新衣櫃的威嚴。

distract you peasants from my new fake set.

分散你們這些農民對我的新假貨的注意力。

I'm constantly improving, while you just sit there,

我在不斷進步，而你卻只是坐在那裡。

getting uglier, fatter, and further away from your dreams

越來越醜，越來越胖，離夢想越來越遠

with every breath.

每一次呼吸。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

What am I wearing?

我穿的是什麼？

Welcome to The Season That Was Mother(beep) Tucked.

歡迎來到《媽媽（嗶）掖的季節》。

(audience cheers) (upbeat rock music)

（觀眾的歡呼聲） （歡快的搖滾音樂）。

That's right, it's time for me to grow up and dress my age.

沒錯，我該長大了，該打扮自己的年齡了。

I am no longer in my late 20s

我已經不是20多歲的人了

or mid 30s.

或30多歲的中。

(audience laughs) (pounding electronic music)

（觀眾笑）（觀眾笑）（重擊電子音樂）。

Okay, why do I look so rugged yet ravishing?

好吧，為什麼我看起來這麼粗獷又迷人？

Why did I grow the thickest, bushiest beard I could muster?

為什麼我長出了最濃密、最茂盛的鬍鬚？

Because this is the season of Cabin Couture.

因為現在是Cabin Couture的季節。

(birds chirp) (audience cheers)

（鳥兒的鳴叫） （觀眾的歡呼聲）。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

Since some of you can't afford to go on vacation,

由於你們中的一些人沒錢去度假。

I'll let my wardrobe do the vacationing for you,

我會讓我的衣櫃為你度假。

because this is the Summer 2016

因為這是2016年的夏季

Tropical Island Resort Wear Collection for Tosh by Tosh.

Tosh by Tosh的熱帶島嶼度假裝系列。

(chill island music) (winds whipping)

（寒島音樂） （風呼嘯）。

(audience applause) You can just call it

(觀眾掌聲)你可以叫它為

resort wear. (winds whipping)

度假裝。（狂風呼嘯）

(chill island music) Get ready for lots and lots

準備好很多很多的東西

of breathable linen and draw strings instead of belts.

透氣的亞麻布和抽繩代替腰帶。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

Why is my shirt made of pants?

為什麼我的襯衫是用褲子做的？

Because this autumn's wardrobe is Danum in Denim.

因為這個秋天的衣櫃是丹倫在牛仔布。

(audience cheers) - Danum in Denim.

穿著牛仔服的Danum。

(mellow rock music) The most durable fabric

(醇厚的搖滾音樂)最耐用的布料。

known to man.

人所共知。

Hell, I bet two horses couldn't tear it apart.

見鬼，我打賭兩匹馬也撕不開它。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

And for the new wardrobe. I give you

而對於新衣櫃。我給你

(ethereal music)

幽樂

The White Season.

白色的季節。

(audience cheers)

（觀眾歡呼聲）

The critics are divided.

批評者眾說紛紜。

Some are calling it my best season.

有人說這是我最好的季節。

Others are saying it's too experimental.

還有人說這太實驗性了。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

Are you a thigh guy?

你是大腿男嗎？

Then you're gonna love this seasons wardrobe.

那麼你一定會喜歡這一季的衣櫥。

I give you this Summer of Short Pants,

我給你這個短褲的夏天。

Featuring Dan's Gams. (audience cheers)

特色丹的Gams。（觀眾歡呼聲）

Aw yeah, take a closer look!

哦，是啊，仔細看看！

Slashed my slacks budget in half.

我的褲子預算削減了一半。

Put those savings right back into the show.

把這些節省下來的錢再投入到節目中去。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

Welcome to the fall premier of Tosh.O.

歡迎來到 "Tosh.O "的秋季首映。

As the leaves change, so does my wardrobe.

隨著樹葉的變化，我的衣櫃也在變化。

This is the season of Autumn Hues Every Tues.

這是秋色的季節，每週二。

(audience cheers) I love it!

(觀眾歡呼聲)我喜歡!

Yeah, LA may not have seasons, but I do.

是啊，洛杉磯可能沒有季節，但我有。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

I am proud to announce that this is the season

我很自豪地宣佈，這是本賽季。

of Athleisure for Your Pleasure.

為您帶來愉悅的運動休閒。

(audience cheers) (chill hip hop music)

（觀眾的歡呼聲） （寒冷的嘻哈音樂）。

Sounds like you got the fever for athleisure.

聽起來你好像對運動休閒發燒了。

I don't blame you.

我不怪你

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

Things are about to get real loose around here,

這裡的事情要真正的鬆動了。

because this is the season of Tosh.Flow.

因為現在是Tosh.Flow的季節。

(audience cheers) (wind whooshing)

（觀眾的歡呼聲） （風嗖嗖）。

(leaf blowers whooshing)

（吹葉機嗖嗖）

If it doesn't flow-

如果它不流...

- [Audience] It's got to go.

- [聽眾]它必須去。

- It's got to go!

- 它得走了！

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

This is the season of Eating Out-fits.

現在是吃貨裝的季節。

(audience cheers)

（觀眾歡呼聲）

Yeah.

是啊。

Hey, have you ever eaten at a restaurant

喂，你有沒有在餐廳吃過？

that sells clothes at the register

賣衣服的

and thought, "Who would ever buy that?"

並想，"誰會買這個？"

Well, I did, and I'll be wearing restaurant merch

好吧，我做了，我會穿上餐廳的商品的

all season long, and hopefully,

整個賽季，並希望。

I'll never pay for food again.

我再也不會花錢買菜了。

(audience laughs) As you can see,

(觀眾笑)如你所見。

this Eating Out-fit is from Orlando's own Beefy King.

這套吃貨裝是來自奧蘭多自己的牛肉王。

I don't even eat beef anymore,

我都不吃牛肉了。

but I loved this place when I was in college.

但我在大學時就喜歡這個地方。

They called tater tots beefy spuds.

他們把土豆餅叫做牛肉洋芋。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

If I'm looking a little matchy matchy,

如果我看得有點相親相愛。

that's because this is the season that was Monochromosexual!

那是因為這一季是單色性的!

(audience cheers) (trippy music)

（觀眾的歡呼聲） （三重奏音樂）。

That's right, monochrome from my toes to my dome!

沒錯，從我的腳趾頭到我的圓頂都是單色的!

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）

For tax purposes, we've moved the show to Miami.

出於稅收的目的，我們已經把演出搬到了邁阿密。

Despite the cool vibes, this year is gonna be a huge downer

儘管氣氛很酷，但今年會是一個巨大的下降。

because this is the Season of Mourning.

因為現在是哀悼的季節。

(audience cheers) (trumpet funeral music)

（觀眾歡呼聲） （小號葬禮音樂）

Have some goddamn respect.

有一些該死的尊重。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

In these dark days, nothing says it's time to laugh

在這黑暗的日子裡，沒有什麼比笑更重要的了

like funeral attire.

如喪服。

(pounding electronic music)

（重擊電子音樂）