Name: 當一個3人組原來是什麼，但 - 性失敗（英尺喬列表）。 (When a Threesome Turns Out to Be Anything But - Sex Fails (ft. Joe List))
Uploaded: 2021-01-27T19:50:29.000Z
Duration: 6 min 12 s

to 不定詞

I'm Joe List, and I'm here to tell you about a tie.

我是喬-利斯特，我是來告訴你一條領帶的。

I was 25 years old and I had a job working at Sears as well.

我當時25歲，在西爾斯百貨也有一份工作。

If you're not familiar with Sears, it was a wildly hugely successful department store in the 19 fifties.

如果你對西爾斯不熟悉，那是1950年代一家狂熱成功的百貨公司。

I live with my best friend, Tom Dustin, who is also a comedian, and we were thick as thieves.

我和我最好的朋友湯姆-達斯汀住在一起，他也是個喜劇演員，我們厚道得很。

I was a huge Jimmy Buffett fan at the time.

我當時是吉米-巴菲特的忠實粉絲。

I still am, and I got convinced that it would be fun for Tom and I to travel to Key West Florida.

我現在還是這樣，我相信我和湯姆去佛羅里達州的基韋斯特旅行會很有趣。

Jimmy Buffett had lived there many songs about it, and it just pulled me in.

吉米-巴菲特曾在那裡住過很多關於它的歌，它就這樣把我拉了進去。

We were gonna fly to Miami, see what South Beach is all about.

我們打算飛到邁阿密，看看南海灘是什麼樣子。

And then we're going to rent a car, drive to Key West and stay there for six days.

然後我們要租一輛車，開車去基韋斯特，在那裡呆六天。

We gathered up all the money we had for me, that was $1000 for Tom.

我們為我湊齊了所有的錢，那是湯姆的1000美元。

The flights and hotels had already been paid for.

I had no debit card or credit cards, so I put $1000 in a duffel bag.

我沒有借記卡和信用卡，所以我把1000美元放在一個行李袋裡。

We flew to Miami, got drunk on the plane, of course, and went to go check out South Beach, Florida one of the hippest places in all of America.

我們飛到邁阿密，在飛機上喝得酩酊大醉，當然，我們去看看佛羅里達州的南海灘，全美國最嬉皮的地方之一。

I had Jean shorts on George black socks, new balance sneakers and wire rimmed glasses and a dirty Red Sox hat.

我穿著喬治黑色襪子的讓短褲，新的平衡運動鞋和鐵絲邊眼鏡，還有一頂髒兮兮的紅襪隊帽子。

That's not a look that gets you laid down there.

這不是一個讓你躺在那裡的表情。

We had some fun day drinking, got blackout Drunk Day turned into night.

我們喝了一天的酒，喝得昏天黑地，醉日變成了夜晚。

And that's when Miami gets really spicy Spanish music dance music.

而這時，邁阿密就會有真正辛辣的西班牙音樂舞曲。

That's when we really thought Now is our time to make some moves get laid.

那時候我們真的覺得現在是我們行動的時候了... ... .......

It turns out that the ladies in Miami Beach are not interested in hearing about the Boston Red Sox breaking an 86 year curse.

事實證明，邁阿密海灘的女士們對波士頓紅襪隊打破86年詛咒的事不感興趣。

So Tom and I dejected, decided toe, head back to the hotel and call it a night like a miracle.

於是，我和湯姆嘚瑟了一下，決定趾，回酒店，像創造奇蹟一樣的過夜。

Out of the the magic of Miami Beach, three women approached us.

在邁阿密海灘的魔力中，有三個女人向我們走來。

In fact, I'd go so far as to say they were unattractive.

事實上，我甚至可以說他們沒有吸引力。

我的意思是，我自己也不是很會抓人。

They seemed to have dabbled in the drug game at some point, most likely earlier that night.

他們似乎在某個時候涉足過毒品遊戲，很可能是當晚早些時候。

他們看起來，呃，並沒有保持良好。

But when you're young and drunk and striking out, it doesn't really matter.

但是，當你年輕的時候，喝醉了，出手了，這並不重要。

They walked up to us and said, Hey, boys, do you want a party?

他們向我們走來，說："嘿，孩子們，你們想參加聚會嗎？

I was like, These girls must be into my vibe.

我當時想，這些女孩一定是喜歡我的氛圍。

Maybe jean shorts are a rare down here now.

也許現在牛仔短褲在這裡已經很少見了。

Oftentimes, when you're with the buddy and you're out, you're tryingto get laid.

通常情況下，當你和朋友在一起的時候，你在外面，你是想上床的。

You have to kind of figure out who likes who who's vibing.

你要搞清楚誰喜歡誰，誰的氛圍。

One of them grabbed Tom and they just took off Tom in.

其中一個人抓住湯姆，他們就把湯姆脫了進去。

This lady left for the Public men's room and I was like that a boy, Tom, the other two women.

這位女士離開了公共男廁所，我就像一個男孩，湯姆，其他兩個女人。

他們各自抓住了我的一隻胳膊。

They said, What do you say we go back to your hotel room?

他們說，你說我們回你的酒店房間怎麼樣？

兩個女人對我說，你為什麼不呢？

I've never had women just invite themselves to my hotel room.

我從來沒有女人只是邀請自己到我的酒店房間。

This is exactly what Jimmy Buffett was talking about.

Walking up the beach, staggering drunk, with one lady on each arm, inviting you back to your own hotel room.

走在沙灘上，搖搖晃晃的醉醺醺的，兩隻胳膊上各有一位女士，邀請你回自己的酒店房間。

We get back to my hotel, I take him up in the elevator and I'm thinking, Boy, it's three.

我們回到酒店，我帶他上電梯，我在想，孩子，已經三點了。

Sometime the ladies laid me down on the bed.

有一次，女士們把我放在床上。

Things were getting hot and heavy, and one of the women took out her her bosoms.

事情越來越熱，越來越重，其中一個女人拿出了她的雙峰。

As it were, she pushed them onto my face on my glasses and just started smearing her nipples all over my glasses, really smearing.

就這樣，她把它們推到我眼鏡上的臉上，就開始在我的眼鏡上塗抹她的乳頭，真的是塗抹。

It was quite hard to see through him, the other woman said at the end of the bed and rubbed my Penis over my pants.

蠻難看透他的，另一個女人在床尾說，在我的褲子上摩擦我的Penis。

And I thought, This is a strange threesome, not great.

我想，這真是個奇怪的三人行，不怎麼樣。

I'm sure it will evolve into something mawr, and at one point during that, Tom kicked the door open and he said, I've been robbed.

我相信它會演變成什麼莫爾，期間有一次，湯姆把門踢開，他說，我被搶劫了。

That woman took me into the bathroom and stall all of my money and I replied, Who cares?

那個女人把我帶進了衛生間，把我的錢都攤在了衛生間裡，我回答說：誰在乎？

Tom and I sat up and said, Good luck with that.

我和湯姆坐起來說，祝你好運。

The lady smushed her breasts back up against my glasses, and the other lady went back to touching my Penis with one hand.

那位女士把她的乳房砸回我的眼鏡上，另一位女士又用一隻手去摸我的Penis。

I hope that she would remove my pants at some point, but I thought, Why rush it?

我希望她能在某個時刻脫掉我的褲子，但我想，何必著急呢？

突然間，有什麼東西擊中了他們。

They decided they didn't really want to be friends with me anymore.

他們決定不再想和我做朋友了。

The lady sat up, put her breast back in her breast home, and then they said, All right, it was nice to meet you, and they packed up and took off.

女士坐了起來，把乳房放回乳房家，然後他們說，好的，很高興認識你，他們就收拾東西走了。

I just thought, man, maybe it was something I said.

我只是想，夥計，也許是我說了什麼。

And then I started to think, Oh, man, that sucks.

然後我就開始想，哦，天啊，真糟糕。

I wasn't worried because I thought I was gonna have sex with two different women at the same time.

我並不擔心，因為我以為我會和兩個不同的女人同時發生關係。

I guess I'll have Thio lend him some money.

And then just that moment, I looked down at my big, dumb green duffel bag and the side pocket where I had hidden all of my funny I looked inside, and sure enough, I had $0 to my name.

然後就在那一瞬間，我低頭看了看我的綠色大行李包，還有我藏著我所有有趣的東西的側袋，我看了看裡面，果然，我的名字裡有0元錢。

Tom came back at that moment and he said, Yeah, they're gone.

湯姆當時就回來了，他說，是的，他們走了。

They're long gone way were in quite a pickle.

他們早就走了，他們的方式是在相當大的困境。

I had to call my mother and tell her that we had a party in my hotel because I don't want to say I was dumb enough to think I was having a threesome and said, I need you to wire us money.

我只好打電話給我媽，告訴她我們在酒店開了個派對，因為我不想說我很笨，以為我在搞3P，就說，我需要你給我們匯錢。

So she called my aunt who wired us money.

於是她給我姑姑打電話，姑姑給我們匯了錢。

We ended up going down to Key West, and then we found, if you tell that story to people, they feel bad and give you drink.

我們最後去了基韋斯特，然後我們發現，如果你把這個故事講給別人聽，他們就會覺得不舒服，給你喝。