Why do we have to pretend to be sorry when we have nothing to be sorry about?

既然我們沒有什麼可遺憾的，為什麼還要裝作遺憾呢？

Why do we have to pretend we're not hungry when we're hungry?

為什麼我們餓了還要裝作不餓呢？

Women are not allowed to fail, And when we finally get an opportunity to do something that isn't normally done by our sex, we get one chance.

女人是不允許失敗的，當我們終於有機會做一些通常不被我們的性別所做的事情時，我們就有一次機會。

What?

什麼？

How come men fail when people say you gave it the old college try?

人家說你給老大學試試，男人怎麼就失敗了呢？

But women fail and they say you gave it the old college try.

但女人失敗了，她們說你給老大學試試。

But you shouldn't be in college.

但你不應該在大學裡。

There's a new thing called a birth control pill.

有一種新東西叫避孕藥。

Have you heard of it?

你聽說過嗎？

It's just a little pill, and when you take it, you can have sex all you want and not get pregnant.

就是一個小藥片，吃了以後，你想怎麼做愛就怎麼做愛，不會懷孕。

However Onley married women are allowed to take it.

然而Onley已婚婦女是可以服用的。

You know women who don't wanna have sex.

你知道女人誰不希望有性行為。

Who says the Food and Drug Administration doesn't have a sense of humor?

誰說食藥監局沒有幽默感？

What do you mean, Big dick jokes?

你什麼意思，大雞巴笑話？

You know what a leper convict lives with big dicks have in common?

你知道麻風病人和大雞巴的生活有什麼共同點嗎？

They're hard to find it incredibly lucky or his dick was so big.

他們很難找到它難以置信的幸運或他的傢伙是如此之大。

The Moyle had to bring a machete.

莫伊爾只好帶了一把砍刀。

Okay?

好嗎？

His dick was bigger than Disneyland.

他的老二比迪斯尼樂園還大。

Better rides, too.

更好的騎行，也。

His dick was so big.

他的小弟弟好大。

It wasn't Addicott all.

這不是阿迪科特所有。

It was a Richard who?

這是一個理查德誰？

His dick was so big.

他的小弟弟好大。

Even when he cheated on me, his dick was bigger.

即使他出軌的時候，他的雞巴也更大。

Dick, He said no dick jokes.

迪克，他說過不開迪克玩笑的。

Keep it clean.

保持乾淨。

Jump!

跳！

No, Susie, you won't.

不，蘇西，你不會的。

I swear.

我發誓

Okay, So you are.

好吧，所以你是。

I will.

我會的

You're lying.

你在撒謊

Was he just jump?

他只是跳了一下嗎？

You jump.

你跳吧

You're acting like a four.

你的行為就像一個四。

You're acting like a four year jumped to me.

你的行為就像一個四歲的孩子跳到我面前。

You jump, you jump to me.

你跳，你跳給我看。

For the record, they said nothing about paying us in Tampa A lifetime supply.

鄭重聲明，他們沒說要付給我們坦帕的終身供應。

But they do this to a man, huh?

但他們對一個男人這樣做，嗯？

Well, they pay him whatever tampon equivalent is for a guy and don't even have a tampon.

好吧，他們付給他什麼衛生棉條相當於一個男人，甚至沒有衛生棉條。

MENSA.

MENSA：

Really good.

真的很好。

Do not make me cry at this stage deli.

別讓我在這個階段哭，熟食店。

I don't want you to fucking cry.

我不想讓你他媽的哭。

You're starting to cry.

你開始哭了。

I'm not starting.

我不開始。

You are to starting to cry, and that's gonna make me cry.

你要開始哭了，那會讓我哭的。

Shit!

媽的！

There's like water on my face.

我的臉上就像有水一樣。

Those are tears.

那是眼淚。

What does this look like?

這像什麼？

You got a mirror?

你有鏡子嗎？

We're going shopping?

我們要去購物？

Yeah, Right now I have dresses to buy and hats to buy and shoes to buy and purses to buy.

是啊，現在我有裙子要買，帽子要買，鞋子要買，錢包要買。

Should we maybe make some money before we go broke and have to blow job our way across Europe?

我們是不是應該在破產前賺點錢，然後再去歐洲吹簫？

You want some lemonade?

要不要來點檸檬水？

No, I don't want any lemonade.

不，我不想要任何檸檬水。

So look, like I'm sitting here thinking about some goddamn looking, sucking, whacking lemonade.

所以，你看，就像我坐在這裡想 一些該死的尋找，吸，捶打檸檬水。

Just one, please haven't been anywhere near the beach.

就一個，請你不要再靠近海灘了。

And I have sand in my ass that says more about you than it does about Florida.

我的屁股裡有沙子，這說明你比佛羅里達州更多。

That was a big mistake, kid.

這是一個很大的錯誤，孩子。

Big mistake.

大錯特錯。

Oh, my.

哦，我的。

Excuse me, sir.

對不起，先生。

Did you throw a tomato with me?

你把西紅柿扔給我了嗎？

There is no food, and I'm literally starving.

沒有食物，我真的餓壞了。

Miriam, I have to go.

米利安，我得走了

I just heard the words Potato salad.

我只是聽到了洋芋沙拉這兩個字。

There's only so much a man can take in his own house.

一個人在自己的房子裡只能承受這麼多。

Can I get you anything?

要不要喝點什麼？

No, Rose.

不，玫瑰。

Just just have to let this pass.

只好讓這一切過去。

I'm not wearing pants.

我沒穿褲子

I need to ask you something.

我需要問你一些事情。

Can't ask me from there.

不能從那裡問我。

No.

不知道

Do I need to put on pants?

我需要穿上褲子嗎？

Yes.

是的，我知道

All right.

好吧，我知道了

Even though it's Wednesday and Wednesday is the day I stay home and work without pants, I'll admit that sometimes I tune people out, but mostly because they rarely have anything useful or interesting to say.

儘管今天是週三，週三是我呆在家裡工作的日子，不穿褲子，但我承認，有時我把人們調出來，但主要是因為他們很少有什麼有用的或有趣的東西說。

I don't have a 4 30 every day.

我不是每天都有4個半的。

You know how much you could accomplish getting up at 4 30 every day.

你知道你每天4點半起床能完成多少任務嗎？

No one's bothering.

沒有人打擾。

You were 4 30 in the morning.

你是凌晨4點半。

It's dark.

天黑了

It's quiet.

它的安靜。

No one's calling you on the telephone.

沒有人打電話給你。

One more.

再來一個

Sure.

當然可以

Believe me, if there's anything you want to get done that you don't want anyone else to know about, you get up at 4.

相信我，如果你有什麼想做的事，又不想讓別人知道，你4點就起床。

30 in the morning to do it.

30在早上做。

I knew this fell out of Jersey cement business.

我就知道這是從澤西島水泥企業掉出來的。

He always said, If you want to kill someone, you do it in 4.

他總是說，如果你想殺人，你就在4裡做。

30 in the morning.

早上30點。

Um, yeah.

嗯，是的。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

I am gonna be all of them the rest of my life.

我的餘生都會是他們的。

Amazing, isn't it?

驚人的，不是嗎？

You know what?

你知道嗎？

I am sorry, Mama.

對不起，媽媽。

I'm sorry that you are so disappointed in how my life turned out.

我很抱歉你對我的生活結果如此失望。

I'm sorry that you can't understand the turn.

很抱歉，你不能理解這個轉折。

It's taken.

它的採取。

I have certainly tried to explain it to you to include you in it.

我當然也曾試圖向你解釋，把你納入其中。

But you don't want to understand or be included.

但你不想明白，也不想被包容。

You just want to be disappointed.

你只是想失望。

The world is full of disappointments.

這個世界充滿了失望。

And sometimes people let you down You can't just run away And I don't wanna be alone Not tonight.

有時人們會讓你失望，你不能就這樣跑掉，我不想一個人，不是今晚。

Tonight Just for tonight I really need to be with someone who loves me I fell in love with you the moment I asked you out And you said no Pointless no First time I laid eyes on you That was it for me Until you left.

今晚 我真的需要一個愛我的人 我向你求婚的那一刻起就愛上了你 你卻說 "不" 毫無意義的 "不" 我第一次看到你的時候 我就愛上了你，直到你離開。

I never left I don't know what I did I never really left.

我從來沒有離開過，我不知道我做了什麼，我從來沒有真正離開過。

Women are funny.

女人很有趣。

Your wife must have a sense of humor.

你老婆一定很有幽默感。

She's seen you naked.

她看過你的裸體。

Uh, don't like you Come back.

呃，不喜歡你回來。

Do I call you or do I just commit a crime?

我是給你打電話，還是直接犯罪？

Probably committing a crime would get me to Ukraine.

可能犯罪會讓我去烏克蘭。

This is me and my most inviting Thank you and good night.

這是我和我最誠摯的邀請，謝謝你，晚安。