>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.

>> 史蒂芬：嘿，大家好，向JON BATISTE問好。

HELLO, JON.

你好，喬恩。

>> Jon: HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

>> 嘿，發生什麼事了？

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU.

你到底怎麼了？

>> Stephen: WHAT'S THAT SONG WE WERE HEARING COMING OUT OF

>> 我們剛才聽到的那首歌是什麼？

THE BUMPER THERE.

緩衝器在那裡。

>> Jon: THAT'S CHICK CORIA'S "SPAIN."

>> 喬恩，這就是小雞科里亞的 "西班牙"。那是CHICK CORIA的 "西班牙"。

AMAZING SONG.

驚人的歌曲。

>> Stephen: JON, DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE ALIENS THAT THE HEAD

>> 喬恩，你聽說過頭的外星人的事嗎？

OF THE ISRAELI SPACE AGENCY HAS SAID THAT ALIENS ARE REAL AND

以色列航天局的人說外星人是真實的，而且... ...

THEY'RE IN THE UNITED STATES AND IN ISRAEL, AND THEY JUST CAN'T

他們在美國，在以色列，但他們就是不能

TELL US ABOUT THEM YET BECAUSE WE'LL FREAK OUT.

告訴我們關於他們的事，因為我們會嚇壞的。

WOULD YOU FREAK OUT IF YOU FOUND OUT THERE WAS A GALACTIC

如果你發現有一個GALACTIC，你會不會嚇壞？

FEDERATION?

FEDERATION?

>> I MEAN, I ALREADY BELIEVE IT.

>> 我是說，我已經相信了。

HAVEN'T YOU SEEN "MEN IN BLACK" WHEN HE GOES TO THE CONVENIENCE

你沒看到 "黑衣人 "去便利店時的情景嗎？

STORE, AND THE GUY'S SELLING THE STUFF, AND HE'S THE ALIEN

店裡的人在賣東西，而他是外星人。

UNDERNEATH.

在下面。

I BELIEVE IT, MAN.

我相信它，男人。

>> Stephen: PEOPLE TELL ME I'VE SEEN "MEN IN BLACK," BUT I

>> Stephen:人們告訴我，我已經看到了 "黑衣人"，但我。

CAN'T REMEMBER.

不能記住。

( LAUGHTER ).

（笑）：

>> Jon: WELL, I-- I'LL TELL YOU AFTERWARDS, THEY HAD A THING

>> 喬恩：好吧，我--我事後會告訴你，他們有一個東西。

-- >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANY

--> Stephen:你有什麼

MUSH FOR OUR ALIENS OVERLORDS, JON.

為我們的外星人準備的音樂，喬恩。

>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS.

>> 喬恩。哦，我的天哪。

THE OVERLORDIANS.

霸王別姬：

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: SURE.

>> Stephen: SURE.

THAT'S EITHER FOR THE ALIENS, OR MR. ROGERS' LAND OF MAKE

這不是為了外星人，就是為了羅傑斯先生的製造地

BELIEVE.

相信：

>> Jon: YEAH!

>> 喬恩。YEAH！

>> Stephen: IT'S A FINE LINE, A FINE LINE.

>> 史蒂芬: 這是一條細線，一條細線。

JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY, THANK YOU, JON.

瓊-巴蒂斯特，各位，謝謝你，瓊。

>> Jon: YES, INDEED.

>> 喬恩。是的，確實如此。

>> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW,

>> Stephen:女士們，先生們，你們知道嗎？

I SPEND A LOT OF TIME SELECTING THE MOST TOPICAL EAMES CHAIRS,

我花了很多時間來選擇最具話題性的EAMES主席。

AND UP-TO-THE-MINUTE SOUND SYSTEM, THEN CLEANING THE

和到分鐘的聲音系統，然後清潔的。

FLOOR-TO-CEILING WINDOWS IN THE "ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST"-WORTHY

"建築文摘 "中的從地板到天花板的窗戶--值得一試

BACHELOR PAD THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

這是我的獨白。

BUT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, I TAKE A TRIP DOWN THE RAILROAD

但每隔一段時間，我就會沿著鐵道走一圈

TRACKS, TREK BAREFOOT TO A RUSTY METAL HATCH IN THE SIDE OF A

軌道，TRACK BAREFOOT到一個生鏽的金屬艙口，在一個側面。

CULVERT, CRACK OPEN A JUG OF MOONSHINE, AND SIT BACK AND

庫爾沃特，打開一壺月光酒，然後坐下來喝。

RELAX IN THE ABANDONED NICKEL MINE OF NEWS THAT IS MY

在廢棄的鎳礦新聞中放鬆，這是我的。

SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE."

"QUARANTINE -WHILE"。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, THE WORLD OF INTERNATIONAL ATHLETICS IS ABOUT

TO GET-- I WANT TO SAY, FLY?-- WITH THE NEWS THAT "BREAKDANCING

我想說的是，飛了嗎？

HAS BECOME AN OFFICIAL OLYMPIC SPORT FOR THE 2024 GAMES IN

已成為2024年奧運會的官方運動項目。

PARIS."

巴黎。"

FINALLY!

終於！

WE'RE GOING TO SEE WORLD-CLASS ATHLETES BUST OUT THE OLYMPIC

我們將看到世界級的運動員在奧運會上大放異彩。

BOOGALOO, JUST LIKE THE ANCIENT GREEKS DID.

咕咕咕，就像古希臘人一樣。

EXCEPT THEY'D BE ALL NAKED AND GREASED WITH OLIVE OIL.

除了他們會被裸體，用橄欖油塗抹。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, "IKEA WILL STOP PUBLISHING ITS ICONIC

QUARANTINE-WHILE，"宜家將停止出版其標誌性的產品。

CATALOG AFTER 70 YEARS OF DOING SO."

70年後的目錄。"

AT ITS PEAK, 200 MILLION COPIES OF THE CATALOG IN 32 DIFFERENT

在最高峰時，有2億份目錄以32種不同的語言出版。

LANGUAGES WERE DISTRIBUTED WORLDWIDE.

語種分佈在世界各地。

THOSE ARE INSANE PUBLISHING NUMBERS.

這些都是瘋狂的出版數字。

THE ONLY THING THAT'S EVER DONE BETTER IS "HARRY POTTER AND THE

唯一做得比較好的是《哈利波特與》。

UNBUILDABLE EKTORP."

UNBUILDABLE EKTORP。"

QUARANTINE-WHILE, CELEBRITY CHEF GORDON RAMSAY IS OPENING A NEW

QUARANTINE-WHILE，名廚GORDON RAMSAY正在開一家新的餐廳。

RESTAURANT IN LONDON THAT WILL SERVE A $106 BURGER.

倫敦的餐廳，將提供106美元的漢堡。

FOR THAT PRICE, THE BURGER BETTER COME WITH A SIDE OF

這麼高的價格，漢堡最好還能配上一副菜。

FRIES AND $100.

薯條和100美元。

ACCORDING TO AN OFFICIAL STATEMENT, THE NEW RESTAURANT

根據官方聲明，新餐廳

PLANS TO "PROVIDE A TASTE OF AMERICA."

計劃 "提供美國的味道。"

LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE, GORDO.

讓我在這裡阻止你，GORDO。

AMERICA DOESN'T TASTE LIKE A $106 BURGER.

美國的味道並不像一個106美元的漢堡。

AMERICA TASTES LIKE A 99 CENT VALUE MEAL THAT YOU BUY AT A

美國的味道就像一個99美分的價值餐，你買在一個。

DRIVE-THROUGH THEN JAM IN YOUR FACE SO FAST THAT YOUR TONGUE

駕車通過，然後在你的臉上快速地撞擊，以至於你的舌頭。

NEVER HAS THE CHANCE TO COMMUNICATE TO YOUR BRAIN THAT

從來沒有機會傳達給你的大腦，即

YOU'VE EATEN.

你已經吃了。

DIPPED IN RANCH.

蘸著蘭奇。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, MONOLITHS HAVE BEEN HOGGING SO MUCH ATTENTION

THAT WE'VE BARELY NOTICED THAT DAYS AFTER A LARGE PHALLUS

我們幾乎沒有注意到，一個大球后的日子

SCULPTURE MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARED FROM A BAVARIAN

巴伐利亞人的雕塑神祕地消失了。

MOUNTAINSIDE, A SIMILAR PHALLUS SCULPTURE HAS APPEARED IN ITS

山上，一個類似的花球雕塑已經出現在我的身上。

PLACE.

場所：

MOVE OVER, MONOLITH.

移動，單片機。

HELLO, MONO-DONG.

你好，單東。

DONGO-LITH.

DONGO-LITH。

THERE IS ONE NOTABLE DIFFERENCE WITH THE NEW PHALLUS SCULPTURE.

新的PHALLUS雕塑有一個明顯的不同之處。

APPARENTLY, THIS ONE IS SLIGHTLY LARGER.

顯然，這一個是稍微大一點的。

IMPRESSIVE.

令人印象深刻。

USUALLY WHEN YOU LEAVE YOUR GIANT PHALLUS SCULPTURE ON A

通常當你把你的巨大陽具雕塑留在一個地方的時候。

COLD BAVARIAN MOUNTAIN, THEY TEND TO GET SMALLER.

寒冷的巴伐利亞山，它們往往會變得更小。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, CZECH POLICE ARE SEEKING HELP AFTER A DEER

TURNED THE TABLES ON HUNTERS AND SNAGGED A PURSUER'S RIFLE ON HIS

把桌子轉到獵人身上，並在他身上搶走了一名獵人的步槍。

ANTLERS BEFORE RUNNING AWAY.

螞蟻搬家公司在逃跑之前。

ANOTHER HUNTER LATER SPOTTED THE DEER ABOUT A KILOMETER AWAY,

另一個獵人隨後在一公里外發現了這隻鹿。

STILL CARRYING THE GUN.

仍然帶著槍。

A SCARY SIGHT, TRUE, BUT A FANTASTIC SEQUEL TO "BAMBI."

一個可怕的景象，真實的，但一個夢幻般的續集 "BAMBI"。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN CANDLE NEWS, CUSTOMERS ARE SLAMMING

QUARANTINE--雖然，在蠟燭新聞中，顧客們都在抨擊。

YANKEE CANDLES FOR BEING SCENTLESS, WITH SOME OBSERVERS

美國人的蠟燭，因為是scentless，與一些觀察者。

SPECULATING THAT COVID HAS RAVAGED THE CANDLE-LOVING

猜測科維德已經蹂躪了愛蠟燭的人。

COMMUNITY-- YES, IT'S A COMMUNITY-- WITHOUT THEIR

社區... 是的，這是一個社區... 沒有他們的...

KNOWLEDGE.

知識：

IF YOU CAN'T SMELL A YANKEE CANDLE, SOMETHING IS DEFINITELY

如果你不能聞到一個美國人的蠟燭， 有些事情肯定是

WRONG WITH YOUR NOSE.

你的鼻子錯了。

THESE THINGS ARE NOT SUBTLE.

這些事情並不隱晦。

THE GENEVA CONVENTION FORBIDS SUBJECTING PRISONERS OF

《日內瓦公約》禁止將囚犯置於危險境地。

WAR TO CRANBERRY CHUTNEY.

戰至Cranberry CHUTNEY。

ONE NEGATIVE REVIEW READS, "I PURCHASED THREE OF THESE.

一條負面評論寫道："我買了三個這樣的。

WHAT A WASTE.

什麼是浪費。

THERE'S VIRTUALLY NO SCENT TO THESE AT ALL!

這些東西完全沒有香味!

IF I WASN'T CONFINED TO MY HOME BECAUSE OF COVID, I WOULD RETURN

如果我不是因為科維德而被關在家裡，我會回來的。

THESE FOR SURE."

這些是肯定的。"

"NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, IT'S TIME FOR ME TO EAT A STICK OF

"現在，如果你能原諒我，是時候讓我吃根棍子了

DEODORANT ON TIKTOK.

除臭劑在TIKTOK上。

NOT SURE WHY I CAN DO THAT NOW, BUT I'M SUING TOM OF MAINE!

我不知道為什麼我現在能做到這一點，但我起訴TOM OF MAINE！

LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE!" I WAS IN CHARACTER JUST THEN.

喜歡並訂閱！"我是在角色只是當時。

SO, CLEARLY, COVID IS DISRUPTING THE SCENTED CANDLE SCENE.

所以，很明顯，科維德破壞了香薰蠟燭的場景。

BUT WHERE SOME SEE A CRISIS, YANKEE CANDLE SEES AN

但凡有些人看到的危機，YANKEE CANDLE看到一個

OPPORTUNITY.

機會。

JIM?

吉姆？

>> NOW THAT COVID-19 HAS ROBBED MANY AMERICANS OF THEIR ABILITY

>> 現在，科維德-19剝奪了許多美國人的能力。

TO SMELL, HERE AT YANKEE CANDLE, WE FIGURED WHAT BETTER TIME TO

嗅，這裡在YANKEE CANDLE，我們想出了什麼更好的時間來

UNLOAD SOME OF OUR EXPERIMENTAL FACTORY REJECTS?

卸載我們的一些實驗工廠拒絕的產品？

IF YOU CAN'T SMELL ANYTHING, YOU'LL LOVE YANKEE CANDLE'S NEW

如果你不能聞到任何東西，你會愛上YANKEE CANDLE的新產品。

PANDEMIC AROMAS, INCLUDING EMPTY SUBWAY CAR, BATHROOM

PANDEMIC AROMAS，包括空的地鐵車、浴室。

SPONGE FANTASIA, AND FACE MASK BURP.

海棉幻想，和麵膜BURP。

WE'VE GOT A WAREHOUSE CHOCK-FULL OF THESE TERRIBLE-SMELLING FREAK

我們有一個倉庫，充滿了這些可怕的氣味fREAK的

CANDLES, AND EITHER WE SELL THEM NOW, OR EAT THE COST.

蠟燭，要麼我們現在就賣掉，要麼吃掉成本。

SO, IF YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO HAS CORONAVIRUS, THEY MIGHT ENJOY

所以，如果你知道誰有冠狀病毒，他們可能會喜歡。

TEENAGER'S PILLOWCASE, COMIC-CON HOTEL, AND HOARDER'S SECRET.

少年的枕頭盒，漫展酒店，和囤積者的祕密。

LISTEN, WHEN YOU'RE MIXING THIS MANY CANDLES AND SCENTS

聽著，當你把這麼多的蠟燭和場景混合在一起的時候。

TOGETHER, SOMETIMES YOU GET A WINNER, AND SOMETIMES YOU SUMMON

在一起，有時你會得到一個勝利者，有時你會被總結

A DEMON WHO WILL TURN YOUR NOSTRILS INTO THE NINTH CIRCLE

一個會把你的鼻孔變成九宮格的惡魔。

OF HELL WITH SCENTS INCLUDING JULY OUTHOUSE, MICROWAVED COD,

地獄與場景包括JULY OUTHOUSE， 微波代碼。

AND RANDY QUAID.

和RANDY QUAID。

YANKEE CANDLE.

YANKEE CANDLE。

( GAGGING ) >> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

( 嘎嘎 ) >> 斯蒂芬:我們馬上回來

WITH THE HOSTS OF "SLATE POLITICAL GABFEST," JOHN

與 "石板政治狂歡節 "的主持人，約翰。

DICKERSON, EMILY BAZELON, AND DAVID PLOTZ.

DICKERSON, EMILY BAZELON, 和DAVID PLOTZ.

♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪