'Girls on period,' possibly the most requested video of all time right after 'take your top off'

「月經來的女性」大概是一直以來緊追在「脫掉你的上衣」之後最被要求想看的影片

Well, you're in luck!

那你有福囉！

I do not think so.

我不這麼認為

Now if this video is a tampon or pad commercial, it will go something like this

如果這部影片是衛生棉條或綿綿的廣告 會像是：

"It's that amazing time of the month again. When my soul and femininity is pouring out from in between my legs into a beautiful Lotus Tampon."

「又來到這一個月中美妙的時候了－我的靈魂與陰性特質從我雙腿間傾瀉到那美麗的蓮花棉條 (音似蓮花寺) 上。」

But I'm superwoman, and I keep it real. So allow me to say, there is blood constantly pouring out of us for 5 f-ing days!

但我是女超人，只講實話，所以容我說：血他X的持續五天從我們身體傾瀉出來！

It's like a game of God of War down there.

下面就像是戰神的戰場

So fellas, let me teach you about girls on their periods, because most of you are clueless.

所以男士們 讓我來教你們月經來的女性是怎樣 因為你們大多都很白目搞不清楚狀況

And I'm gonna try my best to make this as pleasant as possible for you.

我會盡可能讓這一切聽起來悅耳一些

But to be honest if you can't handle a little McNasty, then take your Mickey D and close the box.

但說實話 你若無法招架這一點小噁爛 那就帶著你的麥當勞餐 關掉視窗離開吧

If you're still here, congratulations! If not, typical, typical men.

如果你還在 恭喜！如果不在了 典型 典型的男人啊

What? Things got messy, things got hard, and you just went running to that X?

怎麼？事情開始走樣 開始沈重起來 然後你就急著跑向那(右上角的)「X」?

Story time! Once upon a time, a guy asked me if girls use bandages when on their period.

故事時間！從前 有個男子問我女性月經來時會不會用繃帶

Yes! Yes, we do use bandages when on our period, but only SpongeBob bandages.

會！會啊 我們月經來時會用繃帶 只是我們用海綿寶寶那種繃帶

It makes sense, you know. He's a sponge.

這合理 你知道的 他是海綿嘛

Should I smack you? Or maybe the frigging bandage was made for Godzilla? Like, WT, do you use Ziploc bags as condoms?

要我巴你嗎？還是那他媽的繃帶是給哥吉拉的？搞什麼 你會拿拉鍊袋來當保險套嗎？

What kind of question is that? Don't be stupid.

這什麼鳥問題？別蠢了

Girls either use tampons and pads, and for all you guys that go, pads, they're like diapers, haha.

女生會用衛生棉條或衛生棉 還有那些聽到衛生棉覺得像尿布 哈哈 的男生

Don't laugh. That's not funny, because they are.

別笑 不好笑 因為它們真的是（尿布）

Pads are uncomfortable, and they are irritating as F.

衛生棉很不舒服 而且他媽的惱人

And just like a child in an Indian family, if they're not straight, they cause a mess.

就像一個印度家庭裡的孩子 如果他們不是異性戀 麻煩就大了

Tampons are a little different.

衛生棉條就不太一樣了

If you're an Indian girl, you've been taught since birth not to use tampons, because apparently, tampons make you a slut.

你若是印度女孩 從小就會被灌輸不要用棉條 因為它們 可想而知 會使你變成一個蕩婦

Uh, hello, how dare you stick anything in that area? Don't you not reserve for a complete stranger on your arranged marriage wedding day?

呃拜託 你竟敢在那個區域插入任何東西？不是該把它留給那被安排的結婚典禮上的那位完全陌生的人嗎？

DUH~ And yes this is no secret that when girls are on their period, they are emotional, roller coaster.

嘖～沒錯這不是秘密－月經來的女生很情緒化 像雲霄飛車

We're not stupid, we know this. Hormone are just all over this F-ing place.

我們不笨 我們知道 荷爾蒙他媽的充滿這整個地方

And baby I promise, baby, I know it's frustrating, but believe me it's frustrating for us, too.

然後寶貝 我發誓 寶貝我知道這令人挫折 但相信我 我們也很挫折

We cry for no reason sometimes, we get mad, we get sad, we get happy, we get glad.

有時候我們無來由的亂哭 生氣 難過 開心 快樂

Like I swear to you, emoticons, were created by women on their periods.

我發誓 表情符號 就是女性月經來的時候所創造的

I mean who else would think of this many F-ed emotions? This right here, cramps. Want a chocolate bar. I'm so in love.

我的意思是 誰會想到這麼多他媽的表情？這邊這個 抽筋貌 想要巧克力霸嗎？ 我熱戀了

What's happening to me?

我到底怎麼了？

And we will never get used to our periods. I'm 23 years old and even till this day, I get shocked as F when I get my period.

然後我們永遠不會習慣月經的到來 我23歲了且儘管至今 月經來時我還是他媽的會被嚇到

I'm in some next level denial. Ohhh. Don't worry, don't worry, it's alright. I probably cut myself. I probably cut myself.

我在某個下一期的否認階段 噢別擔心別擔心 沒事的 我可能只是割傷了 我可能只是割傷了

Yeah, don't worry. No, it's fine. I'm fine! It's fine! Nothing is wrong. Ok. Let's go swimming. Where's my wet pants?

沒錯 別擔心 沒事的 我很好 很好 一切都沒問題 ok 我們去游泳吧 我的泳褲呢？

It is exhausting every month. Carry pads and tampons everywhere you go.

每月都累慘了 要隨地帶著綿綿與棉條

Are you going on vacation? F, checking your work schedule, check your period schedule.

你要去旅遊嗎？他媽的先檢查工作行程 檢查你的月經週期

Cuz you better make sure you ain't bring your own ocean onto the cruise ship.

因為你最好確定別把自己的血海帶上郵輪去

Cramps, chest pain, back pain, bloating, nausea.

抽筋 胸痛 背痛 脹氣 嘔吐

It's like a Pepto Bismol commercial from hell.

這就像地獄版的Pepto Bismol(胃藥品牌)廣告

Cramps. Back pain. Chest pain. Bloating. Nausea. And every emotion. It's so many.

抽筋 背痛 胸痛 脹氣 嘔吐 還有各種情緒 太多了

So many emotions.

太多情緒了

And water guns? Who needs water guns when you're on your period? Just stand still and sneeze. hachu..

然後水槍？誰會在月經來時需要水槍？只要站著打個噴嚏 哈啾

And here's a fun fact, girl's period do not flow when they're in water.

還有個有趣的知識 經血不會在水中流出來

And if you're a girl and for some reason you didn't know that. A, what the F. And B, grab a hose and like a lab coat. Experiment, girl friends.

然後如果你是一個女生卻因為某些原因不知道這個 A)搞什麼 B)拿個水管跟實驗袍去做實驗吧 女性朋友們

So in the shower, we are fan-friggin-tastic. Hot shower, relaxation all upon the ovaries. Singing a song. Do a little dance.

所以在洗澡時 我們他媽的美妙極了 熱水澡 卵巢周遭的放鬆 唱首歌 跳點舞

But the second that water stops, let's just say that the reality show ain't got nothing on that amazing race.

但水停的那瞬間 應該說實境秀完全沒有秀出這段驚人的賽跑：

The race to dry yourself and get a pad or tampon back on before your period start Niagara Fall-ing everywhere.

在血開始像尼加拉大瀑一樣亂洩之前擦乾身體，墊上棉條或綿綿

It is stressful. You need a game plan before you turn that water off.

壓力好大 關水前你需要一個作戰計畫

Ok, turn that water off. Ok, towel, here we go. Arms, arms, face. Ok. There's no time for the back, no time.

Ok 關水 Ok 毛巾 來了 手臂 手臂 臉 Ok 沒時間擦背了 沒時間了

Legs ok here we go. (che-ke-ke-ke-ke-ke-ke-ke) Ok, on.

腿 OK 來 （狀聲詞） OK 穿上

You look at your white towel. It looks like the effing Japan flag.

你看著你的白毛巾 它簡直像他媽的日本國旗

Also know that it's ok for us to say we're crazy, but you, hi, you can never say that to us.

還有要知道 女生可以對女生說她瘋了 但你 嗨 你絕對不能這樣對我們說

In fact, don't ever base any of our action or behavior on the assumption that we are on our period.

事實上 絕對不要憑藉我們的行為及表現來判定我們的月經是否來了

unless you physically see me opening a pad. Don't just assume because I'm angry, I'm on my period.

除非你真的看到我在拆衛生棉 不要因為我在生氣就斷定我是月經來了

Because that issue is annoying, and tonight, when you're sleeping, I'll just assume you're dead and bury you in the backyard.

因為這麼做很惱人 就好像 今晚你睡著了 我就斷定你死了然後把你埋在後院

Lastly, at least once in your life, a girl will ask a guy to buy her pads or tampons from the store.

最後 你人生中至少會有一次被女生要求去店裡幫忙買綿綿與棉條

It is extremely attractive for that guy to agree and buy her a little pads and tampons, because it shows that you care about feminine needs.

男生願意去買綿綿及棉條是一件極度性感的事 因為這表示你在意女性的需求

And as much as you don't want to be seen in public buying pads and tampons, just think about it.

當你不想要在公共場合被看到在買綿綿與棉條時 你只要想想：

Her period only lasts 5-7 days. You still have the rest of the month...to be on her good side.

她月經只會持續5-7天 你還有剩下的一整個月可以...見識到她的好心情

And yeah, that's pretty much it. This is not me complaining that girls get their period, feel sorry for us, I'm not down for that.

然後嗯差不多就這樣了 這不是在抱怨女生有月經 可憐我們吧 我沒這個意思

but I'm just letting you know, yeah, we get crazy, we get delusional, and we are emotional roller coaster. Can't you just accept it and move on?

只是想讓你知道 對 我們會瘋瘋的 會妄想 又情緒化 能不能就接受這一切然後繼續過日子

Sor-ry?

抱歉哦

And hey if you like this video, I make video every Monday and Thursday. Make sure you click that subscribe button, and rate, comment, and click the link in the description to share this video,

然後 嘿 你若喜歡這影片 我每週一及四都會上傳 請確定你有按訂閱鈕、評分並留言然後按影片敘述中的連結來分享影片

because, hey, sharing, what's up, that's my answer, that's my justification, sharing, what's up. Subscribe, what's up?

因為 嘿 分享 怎樣 就是我的答案 就是我的存在原因 分享 怎樣 訂閱 怎樣？

And hope you have a beautiful day because you're beautiful. And I love you so much. Muhauh, muhauh, from my heart and my soul.

希望你有個美麗的一天因為你很美麗 然我很愛你 啾 啾～來自我心與靈魂

Hope you have a wonderful day, afternoon, evening, morning, whatever, what else. One love, superwoman, that's a rap period.

希望你在傍晚及早上後有個美好的一天 唯一的愛 女超人 這是個饒舌的月經/句點