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  • >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

    >> Stephen:嗨,大家好!

  • THERE YOU GO!

    你來了!

  • WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

    歡迎來到 "深夜秀"。

  • I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.

    我是你的主持人STEPHEN COLBERT。

  • I WANT TO GIVE MY WIFE A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE.

    我想給我的妻子一杯香檳酒。

  • YOU HAVE BEEN A ROCK THE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS.

    你過去幾週一直都是個搖滾樂。

  • THANKS SO MUCH.

    非常感謝。

  • LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, JOE BIDEN DID IT!

    女士們,先生們,喬-比登做到了!

  • ♪ ♪

    ♪ ♪

  • HE'S OUR NEXT PRESIDENT!

    他是我們的下一任總統!

  • I'M SO HAPPY!

    我太高興了!

  • I WANT TO SHARE THIS MOMENT WITH YOU, MY AUDIENCE, I WISH WE

    我想和你分享這個時刻,我的聽眾,我希望我們。

  • COULD ALL BE TOGETHER IN THE THEATER, INSTEAD OF BEING STUCK

    能否都在劇院裡相聚,而不是被困在這裡。

  • IN THIS CONVERTED STORAGE ROOM!

    在這個轉換的儲藏室裡!

  • BUT THAT'S NOT GOING TO STOP ME FROM FIRING THE T-SHIRT CANNON!

    但這並不能阻止我發射T-SHIRT炮!

  • COME ON!

    來吧!

  • CHRIS, CATCH THIS.

    克里斯,抓住這個。

  • COME ON, CATCH IT!

    來吧,抓住它!

  • OKAY, JIMMY, THAT'S ENOUGH.

    好吧,吉米,這就夠了。

  • I'LL FIRE THAT THING BACK UP.

    我會把那東西燒掉的。

  • READY AT A MOMENT'S NOTICE.

    隨時準備好。

  • EVERY TIME SOMEONE GROWNS AT ONE OF MY JOKES, IT IS GO TIME

    每次有人聽了我的玩笑話,就會覺得時間到了。

  • ( BLEEP ).

    ( BLEEP ).

  • HEAR THAT?

    聽到了嗎?

  • THAT MEANS IT'S WORKING.

    這意味著它的工作。

  • THERE YOU GO.

    你去那裡。

  • FINALLY, AFTER FOUR YEARS, AMERICANS CAN EXHALE.

    四年後,美國人終於可以呼氣了。

  • UNLESS YOU'RE NEAR OTHER PEOPLE.

    除非你在別人身邊。

  • THEN PLEASE DON'T.

    那就請不要。

  • PANDEMIC.

    PANDEMIC:

  • AFTER BIDEN'S VICTORY WAS ANNOUNCED, PEOPLE EVERYWHERE

    在比登的勝利宣佈後,人們到處都是。

  • FLOODED THE STREETS, FROM TIMES SQUARE TO DENVER TO SAN

    從時代廣場到丹佛再到舊金山的街道都被淹沒了

  • DIEGO TO MIAMI TO ATLANTA.

    迪哥到邁阿密到亞特蘭大。

  • THAT IS THE BIGGEST PRESIDENTIAL RALLY OF ALL TIME.

    這是有史以來最大的總統集會。

  • NOT A GOOD SIGN WHEN THE MAJORITY OF AMERICANS REACT TO

    當大多數美國人都反應過來時,這不是一個好的跡象。

  • YOU LOSING YOUR JOB THE WAY THEY DID TO US GETTING BIN LADEN.

    你失去了你的工作,就像他們對我們得到賓拉登的方式一樣。

  • IT FEELS LIKE AMERICA IS...

    感覺美國是... ...

  • WHAT'S THE WORD... GREAT AGAIN?

    什麼是單詞...又好了?

  • AND THE CHANTING, OH, THE CHANTING.

    和誦經,哦,誦經。

  • HERE'S A GROUP IN D.C.: Y-M-C-A

    這裡有一個在華盛頓的團體:Y-M-C-A。

  • Y-M-C-A >> STEPHEN: PERFECT TROLL, BOTH

    Y-M-C-A >> 史蒂芬:完美的人偶,兩個都是。

  • BECAUSE THE "YMCA" WAS TRUMP'S BIG RALLY SONG, AND BECAUSE,

    因為 "YMCA "是特朗普的大號召力歌曲,而且因為:

  • AFTER WORKING FOR TRUMP, I THINK IT'S WHERE STEVE BANNON IS

    在為特朗普工作後,我想這是史蒂夫-班農在哪裡。

  • LIVING.

    生活。

  • NOT TO BE OUTDONE, THIS IS WHAT THE CELEBRATIONS LOOKED LIKE IN

    不容錯過,這就是中國的慶祝活動的模樣。

  • L.A.: ♪ ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS

    洛杉磯..:我想要的聖誕禮物是:

  • YOU ♪ ♪ OOOH BABY

    你 OOOH BABY

  • >> STEPHEN: WOW, TRUMP WAS RIGHT.

    >> 哇,川普是對的。

  • WE'RE FINALLY SAYING "MERRY CHRISTMAS" AGAIN!

    我們終於又說 "聖誕快樂 "了!

  • FUN FACT, THIS WEEKEND A SONG CALLED "(BLEEP) DONALD TRUMP"

    有趣的是,這個週末,一首名為"(BLEEP)唐納德-特朗普 "的歌曲。

  • HIT NUMBER ONE ON ITUNES.

    在ITUNES上排名第一。

  • ALTHOUGH "PARTY IN THE U.S.A."

    雖然 "黨在美國"

  • IS REFUSING TO CONCEDE.

    拒絕讓步;

  • AND IT WASN'T JUST AMERICA, PEOPLE O TOOK THE STREETS TO

    不僅僅是美國,人們還走上了街頭。

  • CELEBRATE IN CANADA, IRELAND, INDIA, THE FOREST MOON OF ENDOR,

    在加拿大、愛爾蘭、印度慶祝ENDOR森林之月。

  • ZION, PEOPLE WERE SINGING IN THE RAIN, AND ULTIMATELY, TRUMP

    錫安,人們在雨中歌唱,而特朗普也在雨中歌唱。

  • TOWER COLLAPSED.

    大廈坍塌。

  • GO BACK TO THE SHADOW, DONNY!

    回到陰影中去,唐尼!

  • NOW, WHILE I'M HAPPY, I'M ALSO ECSTATIC.

    現在,雖然我很高興,我也很緊張。

  • I'M ALSO A LITTLE TIRED.

    我也有點累了。

  • AND I'M A LITTLE CONCERNED.

    我有點擔心。

  • WE'VE GOT A RAGING PANDEMIC, THE BIGGEST BUDGET DEFICIT IN

    我們已經得到了一個咆哮的PANDEMIC,最大的預算赤字在。

  • HISTORY, WE PISSED OFF EVERY COUNTRY EXCEPT THOSE RULED BY

    歷史上,我們惹惱了所有的國家,除了那些被統治的國家。

  • DICTATORS.

    口述者:

  • IN SHORT, OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS DIFFERENT.

    簡而言之,我們的長國夜叉是不同的。

  • SO WE CAN'T BE COMPLACENT.

    是以,我們不能是複雜的。

  • WE HAVE TO PUT OUR HEADS DOWN AND KEEP DOING THE WORK...

    我們必須放下心來繼續工作... ...

  • STARTING TOMORROW.

    明天就開始了。

  • FOR NOW: ♪

    現在:

  • ♪ ♪

    ♪ ♪

  • COME ON, CHRIS, DO THE WAVE!

    來吧,克里斯,做波!

  • THAT'S GOOD.

    這是很好的。

  • THAT'S GOOD.

    這是很好的。

  • YOU KNOW THAT SECOND ONE WAS COMING.

    你知道第二場要來了。

  • WASN'T SCRIPTED.

    沒寫過劇本。

  • JUST SAID STEPHEN DANCES.

    剛剛說的斯蒂芬舞蹈。

  • DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT TAKING YOUR HEAD OFF WITH TWO

    沒說過要用兩隻手把你的頭打掉。

  • POUNDS OF COTTON.

    棉花的磅數:

  • ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S ALL LOVE, BABY.

    (笑)這是所有的愛,寶貝。

  • IT'S ALL LOVE.

    這是所有的愛。

  • AFTER THE GOOD NEWS WAS ANNOUNCED, PRESIDENT-ELECT BIDEN

    在好消息宣佈後,當選主席比登

  • AND VICE PRESIDENT ELECT HARRIS TOOK TO THE STAGE IN DELAWARE.

    和當選副主席哈里斯在特拉華州的舞臺上。

  • FIRST UP WAS KAMALA HARRIS.

    第一個上場的是卡馬拉-哈里斯。

  • THIS IS A BIG DEAL.

    這是一個很大的交易。

  • HARRIS IS THE FIRST FEMALE VICE PRESIDENT, FIRST BLACK VICE

    哈里斯是第一位女性副主席,第一位黑人副主席。

  • PRESIDENT, FIRST SOUTH ASIAN VICE PRESIDENT!

    主席,第一任南亞副主席!

  • THE FIRST VICE PRESIDENT TO PULL A KICK-ASS ALL-WHITE POWER SUIT!

    第一個穿上全白勁裝的副總統!

  • THOUGH, TO BE FAIR, FOR TRUMP, EVERY SUIT IS A WHITE POWER

    雖然,為了公平起見,對特朗普來說,每件衣服都是白人的權力。

  • SUIT.

    西裝:

  • HARRIS ACKNOWLEDGED HER PLACE IN HISTORY.

    哈里斯承認了她在歷史上的地位。

  • >> THE GENERATIONS OF WOMEN ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

    >> 婦女的世代(歡呼和鼓掌)

  • BLACK WOMEN, ASIAN, WHITE, LATINA, NATIVE AMERICAN WOMEN,

    黑人婦女、亞洲人、白人、拉丁美洲人、美洲土著婦女。

  • WHO, THROUGHOUT OUR NATION'S HISTORY, HAVE PAVED THE WAY FOR

    在我們國家的歷史上,誰為我們鋪平了道路?

  • THIS MOMENT TONIGHT.

    今晚這一刻。

  • WOMEN WHO FOUGHT AND SACRIFICED SO MUCH FOR EQUALITY AND LIBERTY

    為平等和自由而奮鬥和犧牲的婦女;

  • AND JUSTICE FOR ALL.

    和所有人的正義。

  • INCLUDING THE BLACK WOMEN WHO ARE OFTEN, TOO OFTEN,

    包括黑人婦女,她們經常,太經常了,

  • OVERLOOKED, BUT SO OFTEN PROVE THEY ARE THE BACKBONE OF OUR

    被忽視了,但卻常常證明他們是我們的支柱。

  • DEMOCRACY.

    DEMOCRACY。

  • WHAT A TESTAMENT IT IS TO JOE'S CHARACTER THAT HAD THE AUDACITY

    這對喬伊的性格是一個多麼大的考驗,他有聽覺。

  • TO BREAK ONE OF THE MOST SUBSTANTIAL BARRIERS THAT EXISTS

    打破現存最本質的障礙之一。

  • IN OUR COUNTRY AND SELECT A WOMAN AS HIS VICE PRESIDENT.

    在我們的國家,選擇一名婦女作為他的副主席。

  • (CARS HONKING) >> Stephen: THAT IS THE FIRST

    (汽車鳴笛) >> 史蒂芬: 這是第一場。

  • TIME IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND IT WAS NICE TO SEE A WOMAN GET

    在人類歷史上,看到一個女人得到的時間是很好的。

  • HONKED AT!

    鳴笛!

  • "HEY, BABY.

    "嘿,寶貝。

  • WAY TO SHATTER THAT GLASS CEILING!

    破壞玻璃天花板的方式!

  • YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD IN THAT EXECUTIVE BRANCH!

    你穿上那件行政部的衣服看起來真不錯!

  • OH, YEAH!" THEN, SHE INTRODUCED THE MAN OF

    哦,是的!"然後,她介紹了男人的...

  • THE HOUR, THE VICE SO NICE HE'S GOING TO THE WHITE HOUSE TWICE:

    《時間》,《副總統》,他要去白宮兩次。

  • >> IT IS NOW MY GREAT HONOR TO INTRODUCE THE PRESIDENT-ELECT OF

    >> 我現在非常榮幸地介紹美國當選主席。

  • THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, JOE BIDEN!

    美利堅合眾國,喬-比登!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: LOOK AT HIM!

    看看他!

  • RUNNING LAPS AROUND TRUMP BY RUNNING AT ALL.

    繞著特朗普跑了一圈,以跑的方式。

  • BIDEN HAD A MESSAGE OF UNITY: >> I PLEDGE TO BE A PRESIDENT

    比登發出了團結的資訊。>> 我發誓要當主席

  • WHO SEEKS NOT TO DIVIDE, BUT UNIFY, WHO DOESN'T SEE RED

    * Who SEEES NOT DIVISING BUT UNIFY,WHO DOESN'T SEE SEE RED

  • STATES OR BLUE STATES, BUT ONLY SEES THE UNITED STATES.

    州或藍州,但只看到美國。

  • >> STEPHEN: I LOOK FORWARD TO GETTING THERE, TOO, SIR.

    >> 我也期待著到那裡去,先生。

  • AFTER SIX DAYS OF BINGE-WATCHING STEVE KORNACKI, RED STATES AND

    經過六天的觀察,Steve KORNACKI、RED STATES和...。

  • BLUE STATES HAVE BEEN BURNED INTO MY RETINAS.

    藍色的國家已經被燒進了我的記憶裡。

  • WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES, ALL I SEE IS THE MAP OF PENNSYLVANIA.

    當我閉上眼睛的時候,我看到的是賓夕法尼亞州的地圖。

  • AND THEY'VE UPDATED BUCK'S COUNTY!

    他們還更新了巴克縣!

  • ALLEGHENY!

    阿勒格尼!

  • THEN THE PRESIDENT-ELECT ADDRESSED HIS OPPONENT'S

    然後,候任主席向其對手發言。

  • SUPPORTERS DIRECTLY AND COMPASSIONATELY.

    直接和熱心的支持者。

  • >> FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO VOTED FOR PRESIDENT TRUMP, I

    >> 對於那些投票給特朗普總統的人,我。

  • UNDERSTAND THE DISAPPOINTMENT TONIGHT.

    理解今晚的失望。

  • I'VE LOST A COUPLE OF TIMES MYSELF.

    我自己也輸過幾次。

  • >> STEPHEN: WAIT A SECOND, ADMITTING THAT YOU'VE EVER LOST?

    >> 等一下,承認你曾經輸過?

  • WHY ISN'T HE TALKING ABOUT SHOWER PRESSURE AND HOW

    為什麼他不談淋浴壓力和如何。

  • WINDMILLS GIVE YOU CANCER?

    風信子會讓你患上癌症?

  • HE DIDN'T EVEN WISH AN ACCUSED CHILD SEX TRAFFICKER WELL.

    他甚至不希望一個被指控的兒童性販子好。

  • SO UNPRESIDENTIAL!

    所以,非總統的!

  • SO BIDEN HARRIS, THEY'RE NEXT UP.

    所以BIDEN HARRIS,他們是下一個。

  • BUT WITH ALL THIS TALK ABOUT OUR NEW PRESIDENT-ELECT, WE'VE STILL

    但是,儘管我們對新任總統候選人談了這麼多,但我們還沒有...

  • GOT A PRESIDENT-REJECT.

    得到了總統的拒絕。

  • AND I'LL DISCUSS HIS FALL FROM GLORY IN A SEGMENT I'M CALLING:

    我將討論他從榮耀中墮落的部分,我稱之為。

  • >> IT'S RIGGED!

    >> IT'S RIGGED!

  • >> DONALD TRUMP: ROAD FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.

    >> 唐納德-特朗普:從白宮出發的道路。

  • >> STEPHEN: IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS SINCE THE ELECTION WAS CALLED

    >> 選舉結束已經兩天了。

  • FOR BIDEN, AND AS OF THIS TAPING, DONALD TRUMP HAS REFUSED

    對於比登,並在此錄音,唐納德-特朗普拒絕

  • TO CONCEDE.

    要關注:

  • THAT'S FINE.

    這很好。

  • UNTIL HE DOES, I REFUSE TO REMEMBER HIS NAME.

    在他做之前,我不願意記住他的名字。

  • WHAT WAS IT?

    那是什麼?

  • UH... RONALD CLUMP?

    呃...羅納德-克勞普?

  • BALDIN' GRUNT?

    BALDIN' GRUNT?

  • IT WILL COME TO ME.

    它會來找我。

  • THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN HOLED UP IN THE WHITE HOUSE TANTRUM

    總統在白宮大發雷霆的時候,被關了起來。

  • PANTRY, WHERE THINGS ARE SO STRESSFUL, "THE DAILY MAIL"

    "每日郵報 "的 "壓力山大"

  • REPORTS HIS STAFF IS LIGHTING ROSE-SCENTED CANDLES IN AN

    報道稱,他的工作人員正在點燃玫瑰香味的蠟燭,在一個。

  • ATTEMPT TO SOFTEN THE ENVIRONMENT, AND TO COMBAT THE

    試圖緩和環境,並與之抗衡。

  • SMELL OF FAST-FOOD DELIVERED TO THE PRESIDENT.

    送給總統的快餐的味道。

  • JUST A PREVIEW OF THE INTENSE DESTANKIFICATION THE

    僅僅是對《聯合國海洋法公約》的緊張排雷工作的回顧。

  • BIDEN-HARRIS TEAM WILL HAVE TO DO.

    BIDEN-HARRIS團隊將不得不做。

  • MIGHT BE BEST TO JUST REPLACE THE RESOLUTE DESK WITH A GIANT

    也許最好是用一張巨大的辦公桌來代替RESOLUTE辦公桌。

  • GLADE PLUG-IN.

    GLADE PLUG-IN。

  • THE LAME DUCK PRESIDENT HASN'T ALWAYS BEEN THIS PARTICULAR

    蹩腳的鴨子主席並不總是這麼特別。

  • ABOUT THE ELECTORAL COUNT.

    關於選票。

  • IN FACT, AS SHARP-EYED NEWSMAN JOHN DICKERSON POINTED OUT, BACK

    事實上,正如敏銳的新聞記者約翰-迪克遜指出的那樣,早在上個世紀90年代末就已經開始了。

  • IN 2016, WHEN DONALD TRUMP GAVE HIS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH AFTER

    2016年,當唐納德-特朗普發表了他的就職演說後。

  • CLINTON CONCEDED, THE ELECTORAL COUNT HADN'T REACHED 270.

    克林頓認輸,選票數沒有達到270。

  • THANK GOODNESS HE DIDN'T TWEET "STOP THE COUNT!" BACK THEN OR

    謝天謝地,他當時沒有發 "停止計數!"的微博,或者

  • ELSE... NOTHING WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.

    其他...什麼都不會發生。

  • THEY COUNT ALL THE VOTES, THAT'S HOW DEMOCRACY WORKS, PRESIDENT

    他們計算所有的選票,這就是民主的運作方式,主席。

  • GRUNT!

    咕嚕!