THE "LATE, LATE SHOW."

"遲到的，遲到的節目。"

I HOPE YOU ALL HAD A PLEASANT FIRST DAY OF OCTOBER IT IS

希望大家都能在十月的第一天過的愉快。

IMPORTANT TO MENTION THAT, TODAY SHOULD BE SOMEWHERE BETWEEN MAY

需要注意的是，今天應該是5月之間的某一天。

AND JULY.

和7月。

OR THE YEAR 2023, IT IS YOUR CHOICE, WHATEVER YOU THINK.

或者2023年，這是你的選擇，隨你怎麼想。

BUT ST, IT IS THE FIRST DAY OF OCTOBER.

但是，ST，這是十月的第一天。

FALLING LEAVES, CRISP BREEZES, TREES CHANGING COLORS.

落葉，寒風，樹木變色。

THIS IS JUST A PARTIAL LIST OF THINGS THAT WON'T HAPPEN HERE IN

這只是部分的清單，在這裡不會發生的事情。

LOS ANGELES.

洛杉磯。

HOW WAS YOUR DAY, REG.

你今天過得怎麼樣，REG。

ANYTHING FUN?

有什麼好玩的嗎？

TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT.

告訴我所有的事情。

>> Reggie: TOOK A FLAP AND-- NAP AND-- .

>> 啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪。

>> James: I SWEAR TO GOD, WHAT SHOW IS THIS, ROB, 800 AND WHAT?

>> 詹姆斯。我向上帝發誓，這是什麼節目，羅伯，800和什麼？

>> 814.

>> 814.

>> James: 814, EVERY TIME ON THE SHOW OR BACKSTAGE I ASK REG

>> 詹姆斯：814，每次在節目或後臺我都會問REG。

THAT QUESTION.

那個問題。

IT MAY NOT BE THE LEADER BUT AT SOME POINT IN THE SCHEDULE THE

它可能不是上司，但在時間表的某個時間點上。

PHRASE "TOOK A NAP" IS THERE SOMEWHERE.

PHRASE "TOOK A NAP "是有的地方。

I'M READY.

我準備好了。

>> YEAH, TOOK A NAP.

>> 是啊，睡了一覺。

>> James: WHEN DID YOU NAP?

>> 詹姆斯。你什麼時候睡的？

CUZ YOU WERE HERE TODAY AT WHAT, 1:00?

你今天什麼時候來的，一點鐘？

>> Reggie: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

>> 雷吉：YEAH，YEAH，YEAH。

I WAS IN THE-- WELL, ABOUT AN HOUR AGO, JUST BEFORE, I GOT UP

我在... 大約一個小時前，我起床後，就在...

ABOUT TEN MINUTES BEFORE RIGHT NOW.

大約十分鐘前，現在。

>> James: WHY WOULDN'T YOU THOUGH.

>> 詹姆斯。你為什麼不認為。

WHY WOULDN'T YOU?

你為什麼不願意？

WHY WOULDN'T YOU?

你為什麼不願意？

WE'RE LAUGHING, THE MAN'S GOT THE WHOLE THING RIGHT.

我們在笑，那人把整個事情做對了。

HE'S GOT THE WHOLE THING BANG ON.

他把所有的事情都搞砸了。

THAT'S THE TRUTH OF IT.

這就是事實的真相。

AND SO DO YOU.

你也一樣。

CUZ YOU'RE HERE AND SO ARE WE, YOU KNOW, WE'RE ALL DOING THIS,

因為你和我們都在這裡，你知道，我們都在做這個。

WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU, WE'LL BE CHATTING WITH THE

我們為您準備了一場精彩的演出，我們將與您一起交流。

DASHING TIE -- TYRA BANKS AN LATER THE EVAN RACHEL WOOD.

瀟灑的領帶 - TYRA BANKS後來的EVAN RACHEL WOOD。

STICK AROUND FOR THAT.

堅持下去。

BUT IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE IS STILL TALKING ABOUT THE DEBATE.

但似乎大家都還在談論這場辯論。

EXCEPT FOR RUDY GIULIANI WHO WENT ON TWITTER THIS MORNING TO

除了RUDY GIULIANI今天早上在微博上說："我的天啊，我的天啊，我的天啊！

TALK ABOUT THE DEBAT.

談談辯論。

THAT'S A REAL TWEET.

這是一個真正的TWEET。

I LIKE HOW THERE IS A PERIOD AT THE END.

我喜歡結尾處有一個句號。

LIKE YEAH, DONE.

喜歡是的，完成。

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TO SAY.

這正是我想說的。

THE DE BATH.

浴場。

AN REALLY THERE IS TO BETTER TWEET TO SUM UP WHAT IT WAS.

AN REALLY THERE IS TO BETTER TWEET TO SUM UP WHAT IT WAS。

A DEBATE WHERE NOBODY COULD FINISH THEIR SENTENCES.

一場沒有人能夠完成他們的判決的辯論。

GIULIANI CAUGHT THE MISTAKE AND DE BLEAT-- DELETED THE TWEET UT

GIULIANI發現了錯誤，並DE BLEAT--刪除了推文UT。

IF IT HAD BEEN ME, YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE DONE, LEANED INTO IT.

如果是我的話，你知道我做了什麼，靠著它。

SORRY GUY, MY DEBAD.

對不起，夥計，我死了。

AND AT A RALLY LAST NIGHT IN MINNESOTA PRESIDENT TRUMP

在昨晚明尼蘇達州的一次集會上，特朗普總統

BRAGGED ABOUT THE HUGE NUMBERS OF VIEWERS FOR THE DEBATE, BUT

誇耀了辯論的大量觀眾，但。

AS USUAL TRUMPS WITH A LITTLE LOOSE WITH THE FACTS, HAVE A

像往常一樣，特魯姆普斯與事實有點鬆散，有一個。

LOOK.

看。

>> IT HAS THE SECOND HIGHEST RATINGS OF OVERALL TELEVISION IN

>> 它的評分在整個電視行業中排名第二高。

THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION.

電視史。

DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT WAS FIRST, LIKE MASH OR SOMETHING, I

任何人都知道什麼是第一，像MASH或什麼的，我。

GUESS, YOU KNOW, THEY HAD THE FINAL EPISODE OF MASH AND I

猜猜看，你知道，他們有最後一集的MASH和我。

DON'T KNOW, DOES ANYBODY KNOW?

不知道，有人知道嗎？

>> James: YEAH, THAT WILL IMPRESS THE YOUNG VOTERS TO GET

>> 詹姆斯。是的，這將迫使年輕的選民獲得。

OUT THERE.

在那裡。

TELL THEM ARE YOU ALMOST AS POSSIBLE LAR AS A 1970S SITCOM

告訴他們，你是不是和70年代的SITCOM一樣有可能是LAR？

ABOUT THE KOREAN WAR.

關於朝鮮戰爭。

NOW JUST TO BE CLEAR, THIS WASN'T ANYWHERE NEAR THE SECOND

現在只是為了澄清，這不是在任何地方接近第二。

HIGHEST RATED PROGRAM OF ALL TIME.

史上評分最高的節目。

FOX NEWS HAD THE LARGEST DEBATE AUDIENCE AT ALMOST 18 MILLION

福克斯新聞有最大的辯論觀眾超過1800萬。

VIEWERS WHILE THE LAST TEN SUPER BOWLS HAVE HAD OVER 100 MILLION

過去十屆超級碗的觀眾人數超過一億人

VIEWERS EACH.

每位觀眾。

BUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER, IN ALL OF THIS, IS THAT TRUMP'S

但你要記住的是，在這一切中，特朗普的... ...

A LIAR.

金光黨。

THAT IS WHAT HE DOES.

這就是他的工作。

I DON'T THINK WE CAN GET ANY LEGAL TRUBL FOR THAT, CAE WE.

我不認為我們可以得到任何法律上的麻煩，CAE我們。

THAT IS NOT LITIGIOUS, IS IT, IAN.

這可不是什麼文學作品，是吧，伊安。

THERE IS NO PROBLEM SAYING THAT.

這樣說沒有問題。

>> NO, I WENT TO LAW SCHOOL.

>> 不，我上過法律學校。

WE'RE ALL GOOD.

我們都很好。

IAN ALSO A LIAR.

IAN也是個金光黨。

HEAR'S THE THING.

聽到的東西。

IT WASN'T EVEN THE HIGHEST RATED DEBATE THAT TRUMP HAD

這還不是特朗普所參加的最高評價的辯論。

PARTICIPATED IN.

參加了：

ALL TOTAL, 11 MILLION FEWER PEOPLE WATCHED TUESDAY'S DEBATE

所有總數中，觀看星期二辯論的人數減少了1100萬。

THAN WATCHED THE 2016 DEBATE BETWEEN TRUMP AND HILLARY

看過2016年特朗普和希拉里的辯論嗎？

CLINTON OR AS IT IS NOW CALLED THE SERIES FINALE OF AMERICA.

克林頓或它現在被稱為系列決賽的美國。

THE COMMISSION WHO RUNS PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES DOESN'T

負責主持總統辯論的委員會沒有

WANT, THEY SAID THEY DON'T WANT ANOTHER CHAOTIC MESS LIKE LAST

他們說不希望再有一個像上一次那樣的混亂局面

TUESDAY NIGHT SO THEY ARE CONSIDERING GIVING THE MODERATOR

週二晚上，所以他們在考慮給主持人一個機會。

THE NEXT DEBATE THE ABILITY TO CUT OFF MICROPHONES.

下一次辯論：切斷微型電話的能力。

AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK THEY ARE GOING TO GIVE THE MODERATOR

如果不行的話，他們就會把調製器交給你。

A FIRE HOSE.

火喉。

RIGHT, THAT'S IT.

對，就是這樣。

BAD PRESIDENT, NAUGHTY!

壞主席，醜陋！

CARRY ON, JOE.

繼續，喬。

STOP IT.

停止它。

THAT, THAT WOULD BE THE HIGHEST RATED SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF

這將是歷史上評分最高的節目。

TELEVISION.

電視：

OUT OF THE 90 INTURNTIONS DURING THE FIRST DEBATE, 71 OF THEM

在第一次辯論的90個意見中，有71個意見是：

WERE COMMITTED BY TRUMP.

是由特朗普犯下的。

THE OTHER 19 WERE ME YELLING AT HOME, THAT'S IT.

其他19人都是我在家裡大喊大叫，就是這樣。

WE'RE MOVING BACK TO ENGLAND.

我們要搬回英國。

AND DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS, DURING A BRIEFING THIS MORNING A

你們看到了嗎，在今天早上的簡報上

REPORTER CORRECTED PRESIDENT TRUMP'S PRESS SECRETARY FOR

記者更正了特朗普總統的新聞發言人的說法。

INCORRECTLY SAYING TRUMP'S SUPREME COURT NOMINEE WAS A

錯誤地說特朗普的最高法院提名人是一個。

PRESTIGIOUS RHODES SCHOLAR.

PRESTIGIOUS RHODES SCHOLAR。

>> JUDGE BARRETT IS EXTREMELY WELL CALLIFIED GRADUATED SUMA

>> 巴雷特法官是非常好的稱呼，已畢業的蘇馬。

CUM LAUDE FROM LAW SCHOOL WHERE SHE ACHIEVED THE COIN PRIZE FOR

在她獲得硬幣獎的法律學院的CUM LAUDE。

BEST RECORD IN SCHOLARSHIP AND ALSO A RHODES SCHOLAR.

獎學金的最佳記錄，同時也是羅德斯獎學金得主。

>> YOU SAID SHE WAS A RHODES SCL AR, I'M NOT SURE IF THAT IS

>> 你說她是羅德斯SCL AR，我不確定是否是。

TRUE.

真。

>> THAT IS WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN HERE.

>> 這就是我在這裡寫的東西。

>> SHE ATTENDED RHODES COLLEGE SO MY BAD.

>> 她在羅德斯學院上學，所以我的壞。

>> WHOA.

>> WHOA。

>> SORRY.

>> 對不起。

THAT IS RIGHT, SHE WENT TO RHODES COLLEGE IN TENNESSEE.

沒錯，她去了田納西州的羅德斯學院。

SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE NONRHODES SCHOLAR.

像一個真正的無名氏學者一樣說話。

I'M SURPRISED SHE DIDN'T JUST DOUBLE DOWN LIKE MOST TRUMP

我很驚訝她沒有像大多數特魯姆普一樣加倍努力。

OFFICIALS WHEN THEY GET CAUGHT SAYING SOMETHING UNTRUE THEY

官員們如果被發現說了一些不真實的話，他們就會

DOUBLE DOWN.

雙倍下降。

SHE SHOULD HAVE JUST GONE NO, SHE STUDIED HIGHWAY

她應該去不，她學的是公路。

CONSTRUCTION.

建設：

SHE IS A ROAD SCHOLAR.

她是一個道路學者。

IF IT WAS WRITTEN DOWN, WOULD YOU GET T A STAND BY WHAT I

如果寫下來，你會不會得到我的支持？

SAID.

說：

MAYBE SHE WASN'T A ROADS SCHOL AR BUT-- RODE SCHOLAR BUT SHE

也許她不是一個道路的學生，但 - 羅德學生，但她

DID GRADUATE MAGA CUM LAUDE.

做畢業的馬加爵和勞德。

>> THANK YOU GUILLERMO, I APPRECIATE THAT.

>> 謝謝你GUILLERMO，我很感激。

AND DID YOU SEE THIS, YESTERDAY THE PRESIDENT TOOK TIME OUT OF

你看到了嗎？

HIS BUSY SCHEDULE TO DO SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT.

他忙著做一些非常重要的事情。

HE TWEETED OUT A STUDY FROM 2018 SAYING DONE MCDONALD'S FRENCH

他在微博上發了一篇2018年的研究報告，說做了MCDONALD的法國人。

FRIES MAY CURE BALDNESS.

薯條可以治療禿頭。

ADDING NO WONDER I DIDN'T LOSE MY HAIR.

補充一下難怪我沒掉頭髮。

I LIKE THAT THE COUNTRY IS A MONTH AWAY FROM AN ELECTION IN

我喜歡這個國家還有一個月就要舉行選舉了。

THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC FACING A SUPREME COURT NOMINATION

面臨最高法院提名的 "中間人

BATTLE AND THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS LIKE, MAYBE

戰鬥和美國的總統是一樣的，可能是

THIS IS A GOOD TIME FOR ME TO GET INTO COMEDY.

這是我進入喜劇的好時機。

YOU ARE A STANDUP COMEDIAN, IAN, HOW WOULD TRUMP GET ON AT AN

你是一個脫口秀演員，伊安，特朗普怎麼會在一個節目中上場？

OPEN MIC NIGHT.

開放式麥克風之夜。

>> OH, I HATE TO SAY THIS BUT I THINK HE'D DO PRETTY GOOD.

>> 哦，我不想這樣說，但我想他會做得很好。

LIKE IF HE WEREN'T THE PRESIDENT, LAKE IF THAT PART,

就像如果他不是總統，湖如果那部分。

YOU JUST FACTOR THAT OUT, HE'S KIND OF GOT GOOD COMEDIC

你只要把這個因素計算出來，他就會有很好的喜劇性。

THIEMING AND HE LIKES FAST FOOD, HE TALKS ABOUT HOW DATING IS

思想和他喜歡吃快餐，他談到如何約會是。

WEIRD.

怪異。

I THINK HE KILLS.

我想他殺了。

>> James: IT'S GOOD THAT HE HAS SOMETHING TO FALL BACK ON.

>> 詹姆斯。很高興他有了依靠。

>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

>> YEAH，YEAH，YEAH。

>> OUR COMMUNITY HAS WORSE PEOPLE IN IT, SO YOU KNOW.

>> 我們的社區有更糟糕的人在裡面，所以你知道。

>> James: NOW DID ANYBODY WATCH THE LAKERS PLAY IN THE

>> 詹姆斯現在有人看過湖人隊的比賽嗎？

FIRST GAME OF THE NBA FINALS LAST NIGHT?

昨晚NBA總決賽的第一場比賽？

DID YOU SEE IT?

你看到了嗎？

DID YOU SEE IT?

你看到了嗎？

DID YOU WATCH IT, IAN?

你看了嗎，伊安？

>> YEAH, I WATCHED IT.

>> 是的，我看了。

>> James: YOU STILL NOT OVER IT RIGHT.

>> 詹姆斯。你還沒有結束它的權利。

>> NO, NOT AT ALL.

>> 不，一點也不。

I WON'T BE BITTER UNTIL THE DAY I DIE ABOUT THE LAKERS.

在我死之前，我不會比湖人的事更糟糕。

>> James: WELL, LET'S KEEP IT LIGHT WELL, IF YOU WATCHED IT

>> 詹姆斯。好吧，讓我們保持它的光，如果你看了它。

YOU WEREN'T THE ONLY ONES BECAUSE PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

你們不是唯一的人，因為奧巴馬總統。

ATTENDED THE GAME AS A VIRTUAL FAN.

作為一個虛擬球迷參加了比賽。

HERE HE IS HERE.

在這裡，他在這裡。

SO TURNS OUT OBAMA IS AVAILABLE TO DO VIRTUAL APPEARANCES.

所以，原來奧巴馬是可用來做虛擬的露面。

INTERESTING.

有意思的。

VERY, VERY INTERESTING.

非常，非常有趣的。

OBAMA WAS SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW AT THE GAME.

奧巴馬在比賽中坐在前排。

NOW SURE NOT EVERYONE GETS THAT SORT OF TREATMENT.

現在肯定不是每個人都能得到這樣的待遇。

REMEMBER, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY UNNECESSARY.

記住，這絕對是不必要的。

AND WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS.

我們想給你看這個。

AN AMBULANCE SERVICE IN THE U.K.

英國的救護車服務。

JUST TESTED A JET SUIT FOR PARAMEDICS THAT THEY SAY CAN

剛剛測試了一套適合輔助醫療人員的噴氣服，他們說可以... ...

HELP SAVE LIVES.

幫助拯救生命。

HERE IT IS IN ACTION.

在這裡，它是在行動。

HERE IT IS IN ACTION.

在這裡，它是在行動。

THAT'S IT, WE'RE OFFICIALLY LIVING IN THE FUTURE.

就是這樣，我們正式生活在未來。

THE FUTURE SUCKS BUT WE'RE THERE.

未來很糟糕，但我們已經到了。

NOW DON'T BE ALARMED.

現在不要驚慌。

THE AMBULANCE SERVICE WILL STILL RETAIN A NORMAL GROUND-BASED

救護車服務仍會維持正常的地面服務。

FIRST RESPONSE TEAM TO HELP AFTER ALL OF THE JET SUIT

在所有噴氣式飛機事件發生後，第一反應小組將提供幫助。

CRASHES.

崩潰。

THIS IS HOW-- Z UNLESS THE MEDIC IS CARRYING ANOTHER JET SUIT YOU

這就是... Z 除非醫生帶著另一件噴氣式潛水衣，否則你就會...

STILL HAVE TO WAIT FOR AN AMBULANCE TO GET THERE.

還得等救護車到那裡去。

>> OH, THANK GOD, I LOST SO MUCH BLOOD, I'M BLEEGD.

>> 哦，感謝上帝，我失去了這麼多的血，我BLEEGD。

AND THE GUY IS LIKE, SEE, THE THING IS ALL OF MY MEDICAL

這傢伙是這樣的，你看，這東西是我所有的醫療。

SUPPLIES ARE ACTUALLY ON THE ADVANCE.

供應實際上是在預支。

SO.

所以。

>> AND FINALLY THE BIDEN CAMPAIGN IS NOW SELLING T-SHIRTS

>> 最後，比登競選活動現在正在銷售T恤。

WITH ONE OF JOE BIDEN'S MEMORABLE LINES FROM THE DEBATE,

辯論中喬-比登的一句話讓人記憶猶新。

THE SHIRTS SAY WILL YOU SHUT UP, MAN.

襯衫說你能不能閉嘴，夥計。

AND THEY SOLD OUT ALMOST IMMEDIATELY.

他們幾乎立即售罄。

IT IS THE PERFECT WAY TO LET PEOPLE KNOW YOU WAITED 90

這是讓人們知道你等了90分鐘的最佳方式。

MINUTES ON THE DEBATE AND THEN ANOTHER 30 ON A T-SHIRT.

幾分鐘的辯論，然後又有30分鐘的T-shirt。

BIDEN CAMPAIGN SHOW SOLD OUT IN A MATTER OF HOURS.

BIDEN廣告秀在幾個小時內售罄。

MEANWHILE FOR SOME REASON THIS TRUMP CAMPAIGN SHIRT IS STILL IN

同時由於某種原因，這件特朗普競選的襯衫還在，

STOCK FEATURING THE MEMORABLE LINE, THE DEBAT.

紀念線的股票特色，DEBAT。

AND THAT'S IT.

就是這樣。

>> Reggie: YES.

>> 雷吉：是的。

>> James: AND THAT'S IT.

>> 詹姆斯。就是這樣。

>> Reggie: RIGHTEOUS.

>> 雷吉：正確的。

>> James: THAT'S IT.

>> 詹姆斯。就是這樣。

THAT, THAT'S THE END OF THE MONOLOGUE.

那，那是結束的獨白。

>> WHAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT FOR YOU?

>> 對你來說，最重要的是什麼？

>> James: I THINK WE STARTED WELL.

>> 詹姆斯。我想我們開始得很好。

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> 雷吉：YEAH。

>> James: AND THEN IT JUST, YEAH.

>> 詹姆斯。然後，它只是，是的。

I THINK YOU AE BEING GENEROUS.

我覺得你是在發揚光大。

NO, THAT'S IT.

不，就是這樣。

THAT IS THE MONO, IT HAPPENED.

這就是單聲道，它發生了。

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> 雷吉：YEAH。

>> James: AN WE'LL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.

>> 詹姆斯。我們再也不會這樣做了。

IT WAS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THAT, WE'LL NEVER TELL THOSE

重要的是要記住，我們永遠不會告訴那些...

JOKES AGAIN.

又在開玩笑了。

>> Reggie: HERE CHEERS TO THE BEST MONO.

>> 雷吉：在此為最好的單聲道乾杯。

>> James: CHEERS, REG, WE DID IT.

>> 詹姆斯。乾杯，雷吉，我們做到了。

THANKS, EVERYONE.

謝謝你，EVERYONE。