so I wanna get to my first guest right away

所以，我想得到我的第一個客人馬上

because I just got my 2020 ballot sent to me

因為我剛剛收到了2020年的選票

for local elections, the big one, the President.

為地方選舉，大的，總統。

I know nothing about politics

我不懂政治

so I wanna bring on an expert in politics,

所以我想請一位政治專家來。

my friend, your friend, Flula Borg.

我的朋友，你的朋友，芙羅拉-博格。

Flula, hello?

弗盧拉，你好？

Democracy is good, yes!

民主是好的，是的!

Democracy.

民主：

Flula can't legally vote-

弗盧拉不能合法投票

No.

不知道

in this country

在國內

because of his German situation, is what we're calling it.

因為他在德國的情況，就是我們所說的。

Thank you, yeah, keep it vague.

謝謝你，是的，保持模糊。

So this is great.

所以，這是偉大的。

I have a sticker for when I finish.

我有一個貼紙，當我完成。

I feel good about that.

我覺得很好。

So let's go through this ballot.

所以我們來看看這張選票。

I'm sure if you live in California you have one

我相信如果你住在加州，你一定有一個。

that looks similar.

這看起來很相似。

If you live in a different state,

如果你住在不同的州。

maybe your deadline's passed.

也許你的最後期限已經過了

This is your official election guide

這是你的官方選舉指南

presented by Flula Borg.

由弗盧拉-博格介紹。

So the first one on the ballot right here is

所以，第一個在選票上的人，就在這裡是

Nithya Raman verus David Ryu

Nithya Raman verus David Ryu.

for Los Angeles City General Municipal election,

為洛杉磯市總市政選舉。

member of the City Council, Fourth District.

市議會第四區議員。

Yep.

是的。

What should I fill in here?

這裡應該填什麼？

Well, let me tell you just a little story.

好吧，讓我給你講個小故事。

So some backstory, Ramen - Monsieur Ramen (indistinct)-

所以，一些背景故事，拉麵--拉麵先生（模糊不清）--。

invented a soup.

發明了一種湯。

The ramen soup? She's in charge of that?

拉麵湯？她負責那個？

She's in charge.

她是負責人。

This feels like (indistinct) an ancient soup,

這感覺就像（緲）古湯。

it's been around for a while.

它已經存在了一段時間。

She seems like a younger woman, but.

她看起來像個年輕的女人，但。

It was passed down from the generations, you know, like,

它是世代相傳的，你知道的，就像。

like, like back spasms.

像，像背部痙攣。

(electrifying music)

(激昂的音樂)

So let's go with Los Angeles community college district

所以我們選擇洛杉磯社區大學區吧

member of the board, trustees seat one.

董事會成員，理事席位1個。

Our options are Tori Bailey, attorney, Tustin.

我們的選擇是托里-貝利，律師，圖斯廷。

Yup. Yup. Pause, I will tell you right away,

是啊，是啊。是啊，是啊。暫停，我馬上告訴你。

always select someone that has a nice symbol above a letter.

總是選擇一個字母上面有一個漂亮符號的人。

In Germany we have umlauts. I'm loving those dots peoples.

在德國，我們有umlauts。我很喜歡這些小點的人。

So if there are dots,

所以如果有點。

or perhaps a little snippy-snappy above,

或者說，上面或許有一點嗅覺靈敏。

this is who you pick.

這是你選擇的人。

Okay. So on Tilde alone, we're gonna go-

好吧，所以只有蒂爾德一個人，我們要...

Well any day. If you're voting, whatever this is,

嗯，任何一天。如果你要投票，不管這是什麼。

this is Thursday, Sunday, Tilde, any day,

這是週四，週日，蒂爾德，任何一天。

that's who you select.

那是你選擇的人。

(laughs) Okay. This feels like a crime at this point.

（笑）好吧。這感覺就像一個犯罪在這一點上。

This bit feels like we're going into a crime.

這一點感覺就像我們要進入犯罪。

(electrifying music)

(激昂的音樂)

Judge of the Superior Court- this seems really important.

高級法院的法官--這似乎真的很重要。

Office number 80. Our options are David A Burger,

80號辦公室我們的選擇是David A Burger。

or Clint James.

或克林特-詹姆斯。

You Know.

你知道的

Okay?

好嗎？

You know, just like with Maguire Jerry,

你知道，就像馬奎爾-傑瑞。

you had me at A Burger.

你有我在A漢堡。

It's a delicious thing.

這是一個美味的東西。

Anything that sounds like tasty calories, they win.

凡是聽起來像美味的卡路里，他們就贏了。

My friend, Johannes Sauerkraut, one time ran for

我的朋友約翰內斯-索爾克勞特，曾經競選過一次。

a small District of Education seat,

教育區的一個小席位。

in Germany. He lost. Why? Nobody eats it.

在德國。他輸了為什麼？沒有人吃它。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

(electrifying music)

(激昂的音樂)

This is what I feel like I've been hearing a lot

這就是我經常聽到的感覺

in the news. A lot of protests. I went to some of these.

在新聞中。很多抗議活動。我去了其中的一些。

District attorney Jackie Lacey versus George Gascón.

地方檢察官傑基-萊西對喬治-加斯科恩的訴訟。

I can tell you why there is an issue.

我可以告訴你為什麼會有問題。

Lacey is running for the first time

Lacey是第一次跑步

without her partner Cagney.

沒有她的搭檔卡格尼。

And so it's was a problem. If it was Cagney and Lacey,

所以這是個問題如果是卡格尼和萊西，

everyone would be like, "Yay, great, wonderful times."

每個人都會喜歡， "耶，偉大的，美好的時光。"

But because Cagney is now-

但因為卡格尼現在...

I don't understand what Cagney is doing.

我不明白卡格尼在做什麼。

I think running a fish store or something.

我想開個魚店什麼的。

So this is the issue, it's because Cagney is not available.

所以，這就是問題所在，是因為卡格尼不能用。

So she's running at like 50% power, essentially.

所以，她的運行像50％的功率，基本上。

Just doesn't have- Lacey and Cagney, Okay.

只是沒有... Lacey和Cagney，好吧。

No it's Cagney and Lacey, it's Cagney and Lacey, Moses.

不，是Cagney和Lacey，是Cagney和Lacey，摩西。

It's Ca- it's Cagney and Lacey.

是Ca... 是Cagney和Lacey。

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

是啊，是啊，是啊。

Okay, that seems like an outdated reference

好吧，這似乎是一個過時的參考

for a comedy duo that I do not know.

為一個我不認識的喜劇組合。

Oh, Google it!

哦，谷歌它！

Wow. One of the hottest comebacks of 2009 was Google.

哇哦，2009年最火爆的逆襲之一是谷歌。2009年最火爆的逆襲之一是谷歌。

Google that.

谷歌的。

(electrifying music)

(激昂的音樂)

State measure 17, we're getting onto measures,

17號國家措施，我們要開始採取措施了。

we're getting onto the props.

我們要進入道具了。

Oh measure twice, not once.

哦，測量兩次，不是一次。

"Restores the right to vote after completion of a

"在完成選舉後恢復投票權。

prison term."

監禁"。

This is an issue?.

這是一個問題？

So you could vote.

所以你可以投票。

Yeah.

是啊。

Yeah you went to prison, your paid your dues,

是的，你進了監獄，你已經付了錢。

let them vote assholes.

讓他們投票混蛋。

(electrifying music)

(激昂的音樂)

Measure 19, changes to certain property tax rules.

措施19，修改某些財產稅規則。

Oh I like that, so vague, Moses.

哦，我喜歡這樣，很模糊，摩西。

You a property owner?

你是業主嗎？

Yes, I just recently purchased three nightclubs,

是的，我最近剛買了三家夜總會。

very cheap, during the pandemic.

很便宜，在大流行期間。

So, oh, this is about this? Yes.

所以，哦，這是關於這個？是的 Yes.

I would like to raise all of these taxes.

我想把這些稅都提高。

No one is attending my nightclubs currently.

目前沒有人参加我的夜總會。

I'm (indistinct) hardcore, no one is here,

我是（緲）鐵桿，這裡沒有人。

I would like to punish people for not coming to my

我想懲罰那些不來找我的人。

nightclub. So, yes.

夜店。所以，是的。

You purchased three nightclubs

你買了三家夜總會

during a global pandemic lockdown?

在全球大流行病封鎖期間？

Yes. I purchased the one behind the (indistinct),

是的，我買的是後面那個（模糊不清）。

you know Hotsy Totsy's?

你知道Hotsy Totsy's嗎？

Uh yeah, where do you think I got my lip ring?

是啊，你覺得我的脣環是哪裡來的？

Hello! And also ABCDEFP's also I purchased,

你好！請問你是誰？還有ABCDEFP的也是我買的。

Just down the- you know down the street from the PF Chang's

就在... ...你知道的，就在公積金張氏的街邊。

on The Promenade. And then I purchansed just

在長廊。然後我就購買了

a whole basement. It's a garden apartment,

一整個地下室。這是一個花園公寓。

it was a techno studio, and now it's mine.

它是一個技術工作室， 現在它是我的。

So yes, you wanna tax anyone that comes into your club?

所以是的，你想對進入你幫會的人徵稅？

And doesn't come.

並沒有來。

(electrifying music)

(激昂的音樂)

Now we have the big one coming up. I think,

現在，我們有一個大的來了。我想是的

I think I'm gonna need some help with this.

我想我需要一些幫助。

I need some help with my life at this point.

我現在需要一些生活上的幫助。

So I'm gonna bring on my next guest

所以我要請下一位客人來了

if you stick around for a second.

如果你堅持一秒鐘。

You know her from Sona Fixes Your Life.

你知道她從Sona Fixes Your Life。

And I think she could fix a lot right now.

而且我覺得她現在可以解決很多問題。

Please welcome, trusty assistant, Sona Movsesian.

請歡迎，可靠的助手，Sona Movsesian。

Sona do we have you?

索納我們有你嗎？

She is in a pitch black room now.

她現在在一個漆黑的房間裡。

Ah! There I am.

啊，我在這裡。

You've lost power.

你已經失去了力量。

Sona!

索納！

Sona's live.

索納的活。

Hi.

嗨，我的天

Pew, pew, pew, pew.

當然，當然，當然，當然，當然。

From Sona Fixes Your life, Sona,

從Sona修復你的生活，Sona。

we're going through this ballot and I need your help,

我們要通過這個選票，我需要你的幫助。

and Flula's help. We have the big one coming up.

和芙羅拉的幫助。我們有一個大項目要做

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

This is the official California ballot.

這是加州的官方選票。

These are our presidential options.

這些是我們的總統選項。

We of course have Biden and Harris, Trump and Pence.

當然，我們還有拜登和哈里斯，特朗普和彭斯。

We have Roque Rocky, and I guess,

我們有羅克-洛基，我想。

vice president, Kanye.

副總裁，坎耶。

Oh!

哦！

Which I didn't- did you know he was stepped down

我不知道... 你知道他下臺了嗎？

to vice president?

到副總裁？

I didn't know that. I thought he was still President.

我不知道啊我以為他還是總統呢

Right. Well, according to this ballot, it's,

好吧，根據這張選票嗯，根據這張選票，它是：

he's running as the vice president.

他是作為副總統競選的。

So I think even he's trying to distance himself

所以我覺得連他都在努力疏遠自己了

from this campaign.

從這次活動中。

Maybe he realized he's not qualified enough for

也許他意識到自己還不夠資格成為

President and he's like,

總統和他一樣。

"I am qualified enough for vice president."

"我有足夠的資格做副總統。"

Ya.

呀。

I think that was a smart choice.

我認為這是一個明智的選擇。

So quote, "Rocky is more qualified."

所以引用 "洛基更有資格"。

His name is, "Rocky."?

他的名字叫 "洛基"？

Is that a human?

那是人嗎？

Is Rocky a human or is it like a coloring book? What is it?

洛基是人還是像一本彩繪書？它是什麼？

I have literally never heard, outside of the (indistinct),

我真的從來沒有聽說過，外面的（模糊不清）。

never heard of this human being.

從來沒有聽說過這個人。

(laughs)

（笑）

Would you vote for Rocky? (laughs)

你會投給洛基嗎？(笑)

Cause like- keep in mind

因為喜歡--記住

the vice president is not really gonna do a lot.

副總統不是真的要做很多事情。

Do you think you think Rocky is trusty Sona?

你覺得洛基是值得信賴的索娜嗎？

You know what, I haven't seen my ballot yet.

你知道嗎，我還沒有看到我的選票。

Don't they have little descriptions underneath

他們下面不是有小說明嗎？

each candidate? Or am I making that up?

每個候選人？還是我瞎編的？

It just says, "For President." I mean,

它只是說，"總統"。我的意思是..,

under the local ones, it says like, yeah, "A liberal,

在當地的下，它說像，是的，"一個自由主義者，。

progressive, educator, entrepreneur."

進步者、教育家、企業家"。

Under President, it's just like,

在主席的帶領下，就像。

"This guy's 35 and he'll do it."

"這傢伙35歲了，他會做的。"

(laughs) Okay.

（笑）好吧。

The bar could not be lower on the presidential one.

總統的門檻不能再低了。

Yeah. Yeah, you know what?

是啊，是啊，你知道嗎？是啊，你知道嗎？

This is, the presidential race- is there more? Is that it?

這是，總統選舉--還有嗎？是這樣嗎？

Well then there's Howie Hawkins. It sounds made up.

還有豪伊・霍金斯。這聽起來是編的

It sounds like the name you give out when you're lying

聽起來就像你說謊時說的名字一樣

at restaurant.

在餐廳。

Yeah.

是啊。

Howie Hawkins with Angela Nicole Walker,

Howie Hawkins和Angela Nicole Walker。

and then Joe Jorgensen, that also sounds fake.

然後是喬-喬根森，這聽起來也很假。

and then Jeremy Spike Cohen.

然後是Jeremy Spike Cohen

Wow.

哇哦

I knew a guy on my birthright trip, Jeremy Cohen.

我在我的出生旅行中認識一個人，傑里米・科恩。

I think he's trying to go by Spike now.

我想他現在想用斯派克的名字。

Yeah.

是啊。

This is a really tough one. I don't know about you guys,

這是一個非常艱難的問題。我不知道你們。

but I think that this might be the most difficult President

但我認為，這可能是最困難的總統。

to choose ever.

來選擇曾經。

Ever.

從來沒有。

It's never been clear, like this has never been more vague,

從來沒有像現在這樣清晰，從來沒有像現在這樣模糊。

who to select?

選擇誰？

Flu, what do you think?

流感，你怎麼看？

I would suggest- ya, ya if you can write somebody in,

我建議... ... 如果你能給某人寫封信的話

I would suggest you Michael Dukakis.

我建議你去找Michael Dukakis。

Yeah, he got a raw steal in 1988. Was up very, very high

是的，他在1988年得到了一個原始的偷竊。是非常，非常高

and then what happened? I don't know.

然後發生了什麼？我不知道。

And then boom, poof, disappears, rides a tank and he's gone.

然後嘣，噗，消失了，騎著坦克就走了。

Michael Dukakis. Sona are you familiar

Michael Dukakis。Sona你熟悉嗎？

with Michael Dukakis? I think it's

與邁克爾-杜卡基斯？我想這是

a little before our time, we're in our 50s.

比我們的時代早了一點，我們已經50多歲了。

Yeah. Michael Duka- I mean I've, I've heard of him.

是啊，邁克爾-杜卡邁克爾-杜卡--我是說我，我聽說過他。

Well, everything is tape delay in Germany.

在德國，所有的東西都是錄音帶延遲。

So I cherd about Michael Dukakis in 2018,

所以我珍惜2018年的邁克爾-杜卡基斯。

was kind of a new- he like had a nice little,

是一種新的 - 他喜歡有一個漂亮的小。

"Whoa, he's famous, watch out, watch out.

"哇，他出名了，小心，小心。

It's Michael Dukakakakakakakis."

是邁克爾-杜卡卡卡卡卡基斯。"

It's usually not good when someone's famous. And they say,

當一個人出名的時候，通常是不好的。他們說：

"Watch out, watch out."

"小心，小心。"

That historically has not been great. (laughs)

這一點歷來都不是很好。(笑)

"Michael Dukakis? Watch out."

"邁克爾-杜卡基斯？小心。"

It hasn't, you're right. Now that I realize,

它沒有，你是對的。現在，我意識到。

the German man with an accent screaming this,

德國人帶著口音叫著這個。

bad idea.

餿主意

(laughs) "Watch out, watch out." It's not just like

(笑) "小心，小心"。這不只是像

watch out, it's two.

小心，這是兩個。

Which means like, he's like just cars backing into you,

這意味著像，他就像只是汽車倒退到你。

as he sexually harasses you.

因為他對你進行性騷擾。

Alright, so I'm gonna write down Michael Dukakis, I guess.

好吧，所以我要寫下邁克爾・杜卡基斯，我猜。

I don't know. I personally

我不知道，我個人我個人認為

like to choose the candidate with the best teeth.

喜歡選擇牙齒最好的考生。

I may pick out Biden just for oral hygiene,

我可能會選擇拜登，只是為了口腔衛生。

and literally nothing else. There's no other reason-

而實際上沒有別的。沒有其他原因

No other reason?

沒有其他原因？

I would ever choose him over anybody else.

我會選擇他而不是其他任何人。

It's gotta be Biden. Yeah. Biden's teeth,

肯定是拜登是啊，拜登的牙齒拜登的牙齒

it was like when you have your printer

這就像當你有你的打印機

and it runs out of black ink,

而且它的黑色墨水用完了。

and just like the white comes out,

而就像白出來的一樣。

it's like 60% of his face. It's just those,

這就像他的臉的60％。這只是那些。

those big old gams.

那些大的老gam。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

So we finished the ballot.

所以我們完成了投票。

Sona you've yet to receive your ballot.

索納你還沒有收到你的選票。

Do you know what to do with your ballot?

你知道該怎麼處理你的選票嗎？

I think Flula knows.

我想弗魯拉知道

Step one, find a local creek or river bed.

第一步，找一條當地的小溪或河床。

Throw this into the river bed.

把這個扔到河床裡。

So we'll throw these in a river when we get them.