Tomorrow night is the vice-presidential debate

明晚是副總統的辯論會。

between Mike Pence and Kamala Harris,

邁克-彭斯和卡馬拉-哈里斯之間。

and both candidates are getting ready.

和兩個候選人都在準備。

And get this -- we managed to get our hands

得到這個... ... 我們設法得到我們的手。

on some footage of Vice President Pence

在副總統彭斯的一些鏡頭上

preparing for the debate.

為辯論做準備。

Take a look at this.

看看這個。

-All righty. Let's get started.

-好吧，我們開始吧好吧，我們開始吧

The vice-presidential debate is tomorrow night,

副總統辯論會在明晚舉行。

and the entire world will be half-watching.

而整個世界都會半看半不看。

We're talking Kamala versus Pence,

我們說的是卡馬拉對彭斯。

David versus Goliath,

大衛對歌利亞。

the cool girl in school

學霸

versus the heroic reverend from "Footloose."

與 "Footloose "中的英雄牧師對決。

So let's prep. Short for "prepare."

所以，讓我們準備。是 "準備 "的簡稱。

Short for "prepare thyselves.

是 "做好準備 "的簡稱。

A woman has entered the mess hall."

一個女人進了食堂。"

-You ready to go, sir? -I am.

-你準備好走了嗎，先生？-準備好了

This will be the most fun I've had

這將是我玩得最開心的一次

since Mother and I visited that grain silo.

自從母親和我去了那個糧倉之後。

-First question.

-第一個問題：

Between COVID in the White House and the climate crisis

在白宮的COVID和氣候危機之間。

taking its toll on the nation,

給國家帶來了損失。

what's the biggest threat facing America today?

今天美國面臨的最大威脅是什麼？

-Well, that's easy.

-好吧，這很容易。

Rock-'n'-roll music is a Satan-level threat

搖滾樂是撒旦級的威脅。

conjured by the dark power of female magic.

由女性魔法的黑暗力量召喚出來的。

That's why I'm doing everything in my power to bring

這就是為什麼我盡我所能地把... ...

barnyard nursery rhymes back into the mainstream.

穀倉童謠迴歸主流。

Next question.

下一個問題。

-Mr. Vice President, did you take on any presidential duties

-副總統先生，你有沒有擔任過總統職務？

while Mr. Trump was recovering in Walter Reed?

當特朗普先生在沃爾特里德康復的時候？

-Why, yes.

-為什麼，是的。

I took on several more roles in the White House,

我在白宮又扮演了幾個角色。

including milk tester and haunted portrait.

包括牛奶測試儀和鬼畫符。

Next. -Mr. Vice President,

下一個。-副總統先生

is the American dream alive and well?

美國夢還在嗎？

-Well, of course, it is, and I'm proof of it.

-當然了，我就是證據。

My father was a gas-station attendant.

我父親是個加油站的服務員。

And his father, a slice of white bread

而他的父親，一塊白麵包。

that made a wish upon a star.

在星星上許下了一個願望。

The recent economic downturn?

近期經濟下滑？

Well, that's just God punishing us for "Animal Crossing."

嗯，這只是上帝懲罰我們的 "動物穿越"。

It's not natural. Foxes shouldn't talk.

這是不自然的。狐狸不應該說話。

-What do you say to young people

-你對年輕人說什麼？

who think Kamala Harris speaks for the disenfranchised?

誰認為卡馬拉-哈里斯為被剝奪權利的人說話？

-I say baloney.

-我說的是胡說八道

The most disenfranchised people in this country

這個國家最被剝奪公民權的人。

are folks like me -- old white men who believe

是像我這樣的人 - 老白人誰相信

open-mouth kisses are a Chinese plot

張口吻是中國人的陰謀

to destroy the government.

摧毀政府。

Besides, I too have been connecting with Generation Z,

另外，我也一直在和Z世代聯繫。

and I've even tried this new food all the kids

我甚至還嘗試了這個新的食物 所有的孩子們

are obsessed with called creamed cheese.

是痴迷於所謂的奶油奶酪。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Sir, President Trump attacked Joe Biden's family.

先生，特朗普總統襲擊了喬-拜登的家人。

Would you do the same to your opponent tonight?

你今晚會對你的對手做同樣的事嗎？

-Look, I prefer to keep things civil,

-聽著，我更喜歡保持文明。

but I swear to Him...

但我向他發誓...

if Kamala makes any snide remarks

如果卡馬拉有任何冷嘲熱諷

about how Mother has to burp me when I eat salted chips,

說我吃鹹片的時候，媽媽要給我打嗝。

the gloves are coming off.

手套都脫了

-Sir, do you support the Senate healthcare bill

-先生，你是否支持參議院的醫療法案？

that would protect people with pre-existing conditions?

這將保護已有條件的人？

-I do. In fact, I have a lot of pre-existing conditions myself,

-我是這樣想的。事實上，我自己也有很多以前就存在的情況。

including a tap-water allergy, pajama rash,

包括自來水過敏、睡衣疹。

and migraines I get whenever I see a dog

和偏頭痛，我得到每當我看到一隻狗。

that's not fully clothed.

這不是完全的衣服。

Next question. Matthew?

下一個問題。馬修？

-Oh. Sir, just pretend I'm Susan Page.

哦，先生，就當我是蘇珊-佩吉吧先生，就當我是蘇珊-佩吉吧。

-Who? -That's the moderator.

-誰？-那是主持人

-Well, I'll probably just address her chaperone, but okay.

-好吧，我可能會只是解決她的監護人，但好吧。

-Mr. Vice President, a lot of people are saying

-副總統先生，很多人都在說... ...

that Kamala is just a more dynamic candidate

卡馬拉只是一個更有活力的候選人

than you are.

比你的。

What do you say to that?

你怎麼說？

-I say that's why I'm debuting my new catch phrase.

-我說，這就是為什麼我首次亮相我的新口號。

After I make a good point, I'm going to say,

說好了，我就說。

"Now, that's a spicy soda pop."

"現在，這是一個辣的蘇打水。"

-Jesus Christ. -Is he here?

-耶穌基督-他在這裡嗎？

-Sir, here's a question.

-先生，我有個問題。

Will you step down from the vice presidency...

你會不會從副總統的位置上退下來... ...

-Yes! -...if you lose the election?

-是的 如果你輸了選舉？

-Sir, please come back.

-先生，請回來