Oops, sorry, Carl's not suppose to say,

哦，對不起，卡爾不應該說。

"Oh [beeping], I said [beeping]."

"哦[嗶]，我說[嗶]。"

It's still making everybody laugh.

還能把大家逗得哈哈大笑。

I love that.

我喜歡這樣

Hi, my name is Rob Paulsen,

嗨，我叫羅伯-保爾森

which probably means nothing to you.

這可能對你毫無意義。

Unless, of course, you like cartoons.

除非，當然，你喜歡卡通。

In which case, let's see, Yakko Warner.

在這種情況下，讓我們來看看，亞科華納。

Does that mean something to you?

這對你有什麼意義嗎？

Hello, nurse!

你好，護士！

Or Pinky, from Pinky and the Brain.

或者是《小指頭與大腦》中的小指頭。

That is me, too.

這也是我。

See, watch.

看，看。

Narf!

納夫!

And then I know a lot of you love Carl Weezer.

然後我知道你們很多人都喜歡卡爾-維澤。

I don't care why, I just care that you do.

我不在乎為什麼，我只在乎你能做到。

I'm not one, but two of the Ninja Turtles.

我不是一個，而是兩個忍者神龜。

That's right, ladies and gentlemen,

沒錯，女士們，先生們

50% of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

忍者神龜的50%。

in one old guy from Detroit, Michigan.

在一個來自密歇根州底特律的老傢伙。

Rafael on the original show

拉斐爾在原來的節目中

and in the 2012 version on Nickelodeon, Donatello.

而在2012年的Nickelodeon版本中，多納泰羅。

So, cowabunga and turtle power.

所以，牛郎織女和龜力。

You're probably asking yourself,

你可能在問自己。

is that all you're going to do is ramble

是你要做的就是胡言亂語。

and tell everybody how groovy you are?

然後告訴大家你有多時髦？

No, that is not.

不，那不是。

What we're gonna do here today

我們今天要做什麼

is I'm going to improvise some character voices

是我要即興創作一些角色的聲音。

for cartoons I've never seen before.

對於我從未見過的卡通片。

Let's see what happens.

讓我們看看會發生什麼。

Oh, my goodness.

哦，我的天啊

Well, I'm seeing what looks to be a very distinguished

好吧，我看到了什麼看起來是一個非常傑出的。

elderly gentleman.

老先生

When I say elderly, that is understanding

我說老人家，那是理解

that I am now elderly.

我現在是老人了。

However, this older fellow,

不過，這個老傢伙。

one would think would might speak thusly.

人們會認為會這樣說。

I don't know why, he just looks quite distinguished.

我也不知道為什麼，他就是看起來很出眾。

Were it myself, I would say he looks extinguished.

如果是我自己的話，我會說他看起來已經熄滅了。

Not too far from the truth.

與事實相差無幾。

But then we could go against type.

但我們可以違背類型。

Wouldn't it be interesting if the gentleman opened his mouth

如果這位先生開口，是不是很有趣呢？

and all of a sudden started talking like this?

突然就開始這樣說話了？

Hi, my name is Henry Wardsworth

嗨，我叫亨利-瓦茲沃斯

and I know what you're thinking.

我知道你在想什麼

You're thinking, God, this suit fits me beautifully,

你在想，天啊，這套衣服太適合我了。

but it's a little incongruous when I talk.

但我說話的時候有點不協調。

Get over it.

擺脫它。

What's going on there?

那裡發生了什麼？

Don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you.

別讓門撞到你好主子劈的地方。

Bye!

再見！

Well, having already been Dr Scratch-and-Sniff,

好吧，既然已經做了Scratch and Smniff醫生。

which is that character who was the studio P psychiatrist

就是那個P工作室的心理醫生的角色。

on the Animaniacs, a voice which I stole

在Animaniacs上，我偷來的聲音。

from Peter Sellers, mainly because he's dead.

從彼得-塞勒斯，主要是因為他已經死了。

My favorite movie in the world is "Dr. Strangelove",

我最喜歡的電影是《奇愛博士》。

so I like that guy.

所以我喜歡那個傢伙。

That's pretty typical, I think.

我想，這很典型。

But he's also got that weird, crazy hair like Ed Wynn.

但他的頭髮也很奇怪，很瘋狂，就像艾德懷恩一樣。

You know, the from Mary Poppins.

你知道，從瑪麗-波平斯。

Let's go fly a kite.

我們去放風箏吧。

So maybe we could put both voices,

所以也許我們可以把兩個聲音。

that's kind of Dr Scratch-and-Sniff in the back

那是一種撓癢癢博士和嗅覺在後面的

with the Ed Wynn, and maybe lose the dialect.

與艾德懷恩，也許會失去方言。

Hey, everybody!

嘿，大家好！

Look, I'm drinking this.

聽著，我在喝這個。

It's going to make me so regular,

這會讓我變得很有規律。

I'm gonna poop the rest of my life.

我下半輩子都要拉屎了。

Oh, okay, great.

哦，好吧，太好了。

Well, the first thing I'm gonna say is

好吧，我要說的第一件事是... ...

don't worry, he's just my dad.

別擔心，他只是我的爸爸。

You see what I did there?

你看我做了什麼？

You know what?

你知道嗎？

I gotta say, because he's a little ram here,

我得說，因為他是這裡的一個小公羊。

we are in LA so we have an LA ram here

我們在洛杉磯，所以我們有一個洛杉磯的RAM在這裡。

and he's got sort of sleepy eyes.

他的眼睛有點睏倦。

So I would probably steal something

所以我可能會偷東西

from a character I did a little bit earlier

從我之前做的一個角色

on a show called Rick and Morty.

在一個叫瑞克和莫蒂的節目中。

I played a little dog called Snowball who speaks like this.

我玩過一隻小狗，叫雪球，它的說話方式是這樣的。

And the first lines Snowball ever said were,

而雪球說過的第一句話是。

"Where are my testicles, Summer?"

"我的睪丸呢，夏天？"

Now, perhaps this goat could say the same thing.

現在，也許這隻山羊也能說出同樣的話。

If you're thinking for five seconds you're going to milk me,

如果你在想五秒鐘，你就會擠兌我。

let me show you what I can do with these horns.

讓我告訴你我能用這些角做什麼。

I will beat you three ways, up, down, and continuously.

我會用三種方式打你，上、下、連續。

What if he was a teenager?

如果他是個少年呢？

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

Hey, my name is Goat.

嘿，我叫山羊。

Now, you're gonna think

現在，你會覺得

that I'm describing what creature I am.

我在描述我是什麼生物。

Oh, no, no.

哦，不，不。

Goat is an acronym for greatest of all time.

山羊是史上最偉大的縮寫。

You know how I know?

你知道我怎麼知道的嗎？

Ask me, because I am, that's how I know.

問我，因為我是，所以我才知道。

I even got my own bell.

我甚至有了自己的鈴鐺。

Deal with it.

處理它。

Okay, I think, well,

好吧，我想，好吧。

he's already got lots of, what I'm seeing here is,

他已經得到了很多，我在這裡看到的是，

it looks like a science experiment doing karaoke.

它看起來像一個科學實驗做卡拉OK。

I don't quite know what's going on here,

我不太清楚這裡發生了什麼。

but he's got all this mess,

但他得到了這一切的混亂。

so let's bring in the mucous-y kind of stuff.

所以讓我們把粘液類的東西帶進來。

And I like the fact that he maybe does his speech

而且我喜歡他可能做他的演講的事實

like Willougby used to,

就像Willougby以前那樣

so why don't we throw that in there, too?

所以我們為什麼不把這個也扔進去呢？

Why not?

為什麼不呢？

It could happen.

可能會發生。

I mean, that's the beautiful thing about cartoons.

我的意思是，這是美麗的事情 關於卡通片。

Who's going to argue with me?

誰會和我爭論？

Like a hype man?

像個炒作的人？

Okay, maybe he can make it like,

好吧，也許他可以讓它像。

Hey, if I'm lying, I'm dying.

嘿，如果我在撒謊，我就會死。

My name is Gleep Glarp Glibble Globber

我的名字叫Gleep Glarp Glibble Globber.

Glip Glop Glam and I'm here from Alpha Centauri

我是來自半人馬座阿爾法星的Glip Glop Glam。

to tell you tonight it is great to be back

今晚我想告訴你，很高興回來了

with Dancing With The Stars!

與明星共舞！

Be careful how close you get.

要小心你離得多近。

Good night, everybody!

大家晚安！

I mean, look at that hair!

我是說，看那頭髮！

This gentleman is here said, "Hello, my name is Kyle

這位先生在這裡說："你好，我叫凱爾。

and I'm a human chia pet.

而我是一個人類的奇亞寵物。

Most people would love to have hair like mine.

大多數人都希望有我這樣的頭髮。

It is mine.

這是我的。

It is authentic and if you dig very deeply,

它是真實的，如果你非常深入地挖掘。

you can find Jimmy Hoffa."

你可以找到吉米・霍法。"

Maybe he also looks like he could be

也許他看起來也像他可能是

a very sort of healthy fellow.

一個非常健康的傢伙。

Maybe he's a fellow who works as a butcher

也許他是一個做屠夫的人呢？

and he has a-- oh, can you hear all that?

他有一個 - 哦，你能聽到這一切嗎？

That's my parole officer coming to get me.

那是我的假釋官來接我了。

You'll never take me alive, copper!

你休想活捉我，警察！

With this gentleman, because he's very handsome

和這位先生在一起，因為他很英俊

and has that, looks to me,

並有，在我看來。

like he could be a Scottish fellow,

就像他可能是一個蘇格蘭人。

so maybe he's going to teach you how to make haggis.

所以也許他要教你怎麼做羊雜碎。

I'll slaughter the previous character.

我會宰掉之前的角色。

No, no, no, two characters earlier.

不，不，不，早兩個字。

The sheep.

綿羊。

We'll slaughter him, take his stomach,

我們要宰了他，取他的胃。

grind up his intestines, and shove it in the stomach

碾腸塞肚

and I will show you how to make haggis.

我會告訴你如何做羊雜碎。

Looks like me before I had my teeth fixed.

看起來像我修牙前的樣子。

Anybody with orange bangs is, from the get-go,

凡是有橙色劉海的人，從一開始就。

is gonna be an unhappy fellow.

會是一個不快樂的傢伙。

So, maybe he should talk like this.

所以，也許他應該這樣說話。

Hi, I've got two speeds in my voice, slow and quiet,

嗨，我的聲音有兩種速度，慢和靜。

and there's no in-between.

而且沒有中間人。

So maybe his name is Theo.

所以，也許他的名字是西奧。

Theo, have you fed the dog?

西奧，你餵狗了嗎？

Shut up!

閉嘴！

Theo, would you feed the dog?

西奧，你會餵狗嗎？

No, I'm gonna eat the dog!

不，我要吃狗!

What are you looking at?

你在看什麼？

Yeah, my eyes are green and my teeth are green

是啊，我的眼睛是綠色的，我的牙齒是綠色的。

and my gums are white and my bangs are orange!

我的牙齦是白色的，我的劉海是橙色的!

Get used to it!

習慣吧！

Would you put your tongue in my mouth?

你能把你的舌頭放進我嘴裡嗎？

Why not?

為什麼不呢？

Well, maybe, you know, I'll have him do something like this.

嗯，也許，你知道，我會讓他做這樣的事情。

He's kind of droopy, maybe droopy.

他有點垂頭喪氣，也許是垂頭喪氣。

We'll throw a little bit of droopy in there, too,

我們也會在裡面扔一點垂頭喪氣的東西。

only we'll make it like this.

只有我們會讓它像這樣。

Mom, I ate the dog again.

媽媽，我又把狗吃了。

Is that gonna mess with my intestines?

會不會把我的腸子搞壞了？

Oh, yeah!

哦，是的！

Oh, yeah, this is great.

哦，是的，這是偉大的。

A raccoon.

一隻浣熊

I think, because I'm a little raccoon,

我想，因為我是一隻小浣熊。

I've got a beautiful tail and I'm a little bit sneaky.

我有一條漂亮的尾巴，我有點偷偷摸摸。

I'm even putting my hands together

我甚至把我的手放在一起

because, of course, we know that suggests sneaky.

因為，當然，我們知道這意味著偷偷摸摸。

So I'm gonna steal a little bit of a voice

所以，我要偷點聲音

from one of my favorite character actors from years ago.

從多年前我最喜歡的角色演員之一。

A guy named Al Lewis who played Grandpa

一個叫艾爾-劉易斯的傢伙，他扮演爺爺

on The Monsters, right?

《怪獸》裡的，對吧？

Grandpa Monster and he would say, "Oh, yeah!

怪獸爺爺，他會說："哦，是的！"。

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

是啊，是啊，是啊，是啊。

Oh, look at that!

哦，看那個！

I'm gonna eat coffee grounds and old chicken.

我要吃咖啡渣和老雞。

Now we're talking!

現在，我們正在談論！

That's how I operate."

我就是這樣操作的。"

[sniffing]

[聞]

Oh, oh, oh, this is excellent.

哦，哦，哦，這真是太好了。

This is pork tartare, which essentially uncooked pork.

這是韃靼豬肉，本質上是未煮熟的豬肉。

Perfect for me, not so good for you, so thank you.

對我來說是完美的，對你來說不是很好，所以謝謝你。

We have a lobster who, probably,

我們有一隻龍蝦，可能。

because lobsters aren't red until they're boiled.

因為龍蝦在煮熟之前是不會變紅的。

So this lobster has beaten the odds.

所以這隻龍蝦戰勝了困難。

He just looks really happy!

他看起來真的很開心！

He just looks, you know,

他只是看起來，你知道的。

I'm just as serious as a pimple on prom night.

我就像畢業舞會上的青春痘一樣嚴重。

I don't know that anybody could be any happier than I am

我不知道有誰能比我更快樂。

because I was boiled alive, thank you very much,

因為我被活活煮死了，非常感謝你。

and I'm still here to talk about it.

而我還在這裡談論它。

[laughter]

[笑聲]

Don't got any closer, baby,

別再靠近了，寶貝

because I don't know what these things will do.

因為我不知道這些東西會做什麼。

Whoa!

哇！

Well, you know, when you have a mustache like that,

嗯，你知道，當你有這樣的鬍子，

it look very au francais, so maybe he is a lobster

它看起來很法國人，所以也許他是一隻龍蝦。

from the north Atlantic off the cost of Nova Scotia.

來自新斯科舍省附近的北大西洋。

So maybe he is a French or maybe a little higher up there.

所以，也許他是法國人，或者說他的地位更高一些。

Could be a French-Canadian lobster who beat death.

可能是法裔加拿大人的龍蝦，他戰勝了死亡。

Why not?

為什麼不呢？

Man, I got to tell you, I have not slept in so long.

夥計，我得告訴你，我已經很久沒有睡覺了。

There's so much bad dental work in this country.

這個國家有那麼多糟糕的牙科工作。

I'm telling you, there's gonna be dearth of quarters

我告訴你，以後會缺錢的。

because, and by the way, parents, if your kid loses a tooth,

因為，順便說一句，家長們，如果你的孩子掉了一顆牙，。

there's a cost of living index.

有一個生活成本指數。

A quarter is not gonna work.

25美分是沒用的。

From now on, please drop your kid a five spot.

從現在開始，請給你的孩子降五分。

And, man, I'm getting old.

而且，夥計，我老了。

Fact is, you can't see it now, I'm so exhausted.

事實是，你現在看不到，我太累了。

But I got a prostate like an Idaho potato.

但我的前列腺像愛達荷州的洋芋一樣。

I cannot do this much longer.

我不能再這樣下去了。

I got no retirement plan, so spiff your kids a five spot.

我沒有退休計劃，所以給你的孩子們一個五號位。

It'll pay me a little bit more

我可以多付一點錢

and oh, this is no way to make a living.

哦，這是沒有辦法謀生。

Oh, boy.

哦，天啊

Okay, what' I'm looking at here

好吧，我在看什麼？

is on the front half on his head,

是在他頭上的前半部分。

we have a critter that has really beautiful teeth.

我們有一個小動物，有非常漂亮的牙齒。

Guy or girl, who knows?

男人還是女人，誰知道呢？

Gorgeous blonde locks and one, two, three,

華麗的金髮和一二三。

eight tentacles or so sticking out the back end.

八條觸手左右伸出後端。

And this is not that dissimilar to a character I used to do

這跟我以前做的一個角色沒什麼兩樣。

on Fairly OddParents called Mark Chang

在 "公平怪爸媽 "節目中叫馬克-張

who is a surfer kind of octopus dude with a clear head

誰是一個衝浪者那種章魚的紈絝子弟與清晰的頭。

who lived in Yugopotamia.

他住在Yugopotamia。

So that's kind of like,

所以這有點像。

this is like a fireball with tentacles.

這就像一個有觸角的火球。

I don't even know where he's headed,

我甚至不知道他要去哪裡。

but he's headed there in a hurry, man,

但他正趕著去那裡，夥計。

because his hair almost looks like he's on fire.

因為他的頭髮幾乎看起來像他的火。

Or, as they say, en fuego.

或者，就像他們說的，火上澆油。

Okay, so this character does not speak English,

好吧，所以這個角色不會說英語。

so what this character has to do

所以這個角色有什麼用

is make you understand what you are from talking from.

是讓你明白你是從什麼地方說起的。

So even the character will say to you on the street,

所以連性格都會在大街上對你說。

"Excuse from me.

"請原諒我。

Can you point me from the to Chinese theater?"

你能指點我從到中國戲院嗎？"

That's what they tell me from saying to Hollywood peoples.

這是他們對好萊塢人民說的話告訴我的。

This looks like it could be,

這看起來像它可能是。

I'm looking at a giant ball of hair

我在看一個巨大的毛球

with two eyes that go this way

兩眼一抹黑

and it looks a lot like one of the Muppets, Gonzo.

它看起來很像布偶之一，岡諾。