WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

歡迎來到 "深夜秀"。

I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.

我是你的主持人STEPHEN COLBERT。

YOU MIGHT NOTICE WHEN THE SHOW IS OPEN THESE DAYS I'M LEANING

你可能會注意到，當這幾天的演出開場時，我傾向於。

BACK IN THE CHAIR A LOT.

回到椅子上很多。

I'M EITHER VERY COMFORTABLE IN THIS JOB THESE DAYS OR I NO

這幾天我要麼在這份工作上很舒服，要麼就是不舒服。

LONGER HAVE THE CORE STRENGTH TO SIT UP.

更有核心力量坐起來。

LET'S FIGURE OUT WHICH IT IS.

讓我們來看看是哪一種。

THE CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC CONTINUES TO RAGE IN AMERICA'S

冠狀病毒大流行繼續在美國肆虐。

HOT ZONE: 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE.

熱區：1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE(賓夕法尼亞大道)

AND REPORTS SAY THE WEST WING HAS TURNED INTO A GHOST TOWN.

有報道說西翼變成了一座鬼城。

PREVIOUSLY, THE ONLY GHOST HAUNTING THE MANSION WAS MIKE

此前，唯一的鬼魂困擾的房子是米克。

PENCE.

彭斯

HE'S AT LEAST A ZOMBIE.

他至少是個殭屍。

WHY ELSE IS HE ATTRACTING ALL THOSE FLIES?

他為什麼要吸引這些蒼蠅？

THINGS HAVE GOTTEN ESPECIALLY TOUGH FOR WHITE HOUSE

白宮的事情變得特別困難。

CORRESPONDENTS LIKE CNN'S JOE JOHNS WHO HAD THIS HAPPEN TO HIM

像CNN的記者喬約翰斯誰擁有這種情況發生在他身上。

DURING A BROADCAST.

在廣播期間。

>> GET!

>> get!

THERE HE IS!

他在那裡！

(ROARING) THE DAMN, FRICKIN' RACCOONS,

該死的，該死的浣熊。

MAN.

男人：

GOD.

神。

AGAIN!

又來了！

THAT'S THE SECOND TIME!

這是第二次了！

JESUS!

耶穌！

>> I GUESS THE TRAP'S NOT WORKING.

>> 我猜陷阱不靈了。

>> RIGHT.

>> 右邊。

HEY, MAN.

嘿，夥計。

THAT FRICKIN' RACCOON CAME BACK.

那隻該死的浣熊回來了。

IT ALWAYS COMES AROUND RIGHT ABOUT WHEN I AM GOING TO GO ON

它總是在我要走的時候出現。

TV.

電視。

( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: POOR JOE JOHNS!

可憐的喬-約翰斯！

STUCK THERE AT THE WHITE HOUSE WITH THAT DISEASE-RIDDEN,

在白宮和那個滿身疾病的人呆在一起。

GARBAGE EATING ANIMAL RUNNING AROUND.

吃垃圾的動物跑來跑去。

ALSO THAT RACCOON.

還有那隻浣熊。

BUT I'M NOT THAT SURPRISED.

但我並不感到驚訝。

HUMANS HAVE RETREATED FROM THEIR NATURAL HABITATS BECAUSE OF THE

人類因其自然棲息地的原因而退避三舍。

VIRUS, AND WILDLIFE MOVES IN.

病毒，和野生動物移動。

ED SULLIVAN THEATER'S BEEN EMPTY FOR SEVEN MONTHS.

ED SULLIVAN劇院已經空了7個月了。

I WONDER WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN THERE.

我想知道那裡發生了什麼事？

DO WE HAVE A PICTURE?

我們有照片嗎？

THAT DAMN RACCOON IS AT MY DESK!

那隻該死的浣熊在我的桌子上！

AND HE'S INTERVIEWING BRADLEY COOPER!

他正在採訪布萊德利-庫珀！

AND THEY'RE CLEARLY HAVING SO MUCH FUN!

他們顯然玩得很開心！

LOOK AT THE CAMERA STRAIGHT!

直視鏡頭！

OF COURSE, JOE JOHNS ISN'T THE FIRST NEWSMAN TO BE INTERRUPTED

當然，喬-約翰斯不是第一個被打斷的記者。

BY AN ANIMAL.

由一個動物。

IT HAPPENED TO CRONKITE.

它發生在CRONKITE。

>> PRESIDENT NIXON REPORTEDLY WILL ANNOUNCE HIS RESIGNATION,

>> 據報道，尼克松總統將宣佈辭職。

AND VICE PRESIDENT FORD WILL BECOME THE NATIONS 38TH

福特副總統將成為美國第38任總統。

PRESIDENT TOMORROW, THAT WORD COMES--

明天，那個詞來了 --

(ROARING) (SCREAMING)

(咆哮) (尖叫)

-- AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS!

-- 就是這樣！

>> STEPHEN: WITH COVID RUNNING RAMPANT THROUGHOUT THE EXECUTIVE

>> 伴隨著科維德在整個執行過程中的奔跑。

BRANCH, THIS MORNING THE COMMISSION ON PRESIDENTIAL

今天上午，主席之友委員會舉行會議。

DEBATES ANNOUNCED THAT THE SECOND PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE WILL

辯論會宣佈，第二次總統辯論會將於2012年9月1日舉行。

BE VIRTUAL.

是虛擬的。

VIRTUAL?

VIRTUAL?

HOW'S THAT GONNA WORK?

那怎麼能行呢？

HOPEFULLY IT WILL BE LIKE "TRON."

希望它能像 "TRON "一樣。

SO INSTEAD OF DISCUSSING THE ECONOMY, THEY'LL RACE AROUND ON

所以，他們不討論經濟問題，而是跑來跑去。

RECUMBENT LIGHT-CYCLES.

彎腰輕型機車自行車。

OF COURSE, THEY'LL NEED TO UPDATE THEIR WARDROBE.

當然，他們會需要更新他們的衣櫃。

THE DECISION DIDN'T SIT WELL WITH TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN MANAGER,

特朗普的競選經理對這個決定並不滿意。

BILL STEPIEN-- WHO, BY THE WAY, ALSO HAS COVID.

比爾-斯蒂芬... 順便說一下，他也有科維德。

HE CLAIMED THE NEW FORMAT IS UNNECESSARY BECAUSE TRUMP "WILL

他聲稱新的格式是不必要的，因為特朗普 "將。

HAVE POSTED MULTIPLE NEGATIVE TESTS PRIOR TO THE DEBATE."

在辯論之前，已經發布了多個負面測試。"

THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.

這不是如何工作。

YOU CAN'T PUT ALL YOUR FAITH IN SOMETHING THAT COULD HAPPEN DOWN

你不能把所有的信心都寄託在可能發生的事上

THE LINE WHEN THE POTENTIAL CONSEQUENCE IS DEATH.

當潛在的後果是死亡的線。

THAT'S LIKE SAYING, "LOOK, I KNOW YOUR PARACHUTE ISN'T

這就像說，"你看，我知道你的降落傘不是......"。

WORKING NOW, BUT I HAVE CONFIDENCE THAT WE'LL GET IT

現在正在工作，但我有信心，我們會得到它。

UP AND RUNNING BEFORE WE REACH TERMINAL VELOCITY.

在我們到達終點速度之前就開始運行。

NOW HAND ME THAT SCOTCH TAPE."

"現在把那條膠布給我。"

SO WHAT WILL THIS VIRTUAL DEBATE LOOK LIKE?

那麼這場虛擬辯論會是怎樣的呢？

WE MIGHT NEVER FIND OUT, BECAUSE AFTER IT WAS ANNOUNCED, TRUMP

我們可能永遠也不會知道，因為在宣佈之後，特魯姆普

IMMEDIATELY CALLED MARIA BARTIROMO OF FOX BUSINESS AND

立即打電話給MARIA BARTIROMO OF FOX BUSINESS AND AND。

SAID THIS: >> I AM NOT GOING TO DO A

說過這個。>> 我不會做一個

VIRTUAL DEBATE.

虛擬辯論：

I AM NOT GOING TO WASTE MY TIME ON A VIRTUAL DEBATE.

我不會把時間浪費在虛擬辯論上。

>> STEPHEN: YES, TRUMP'S TIME IS VERY PRECIOUS... HE SAID WHILE

>> 是的，特朗普的時間非常寶貴......他說，當

CALLING FOX BUSINESS IN THE MIDDLE OF A DEADLY PLAGUE.

在致命的瘟疫中呼叫福克斯業務。

BUT IT WAS NO SURPRISE TO HEAR TRUMP'S MAIN GRIPE ABOUT A

但是，聽到特朗普的主要怨言是關於一個人的，並不奇怪。

VIRTUAL FORMAT.

VIRTUAL FORMAT.

>> AND THEN THEY CUT YOU OFF WHENEVER THEY WANT.

>> 然後他們想什麼時候把你砍掉就什麼時候砍掉。

>> STEPHEN: HE'S AFRAID OF HAVING TO FOLLOW THE RULES THAT

>> 他害怕不得不遵守規則

HE AGREED TO.

他同意：

(AS TRUMP) "THE REFEREES HAVE ALL THESE

(正如特朗普所言) "裁判員有所有這些。

FOOTBALL RULES.

足球規則。

IF THEY WON'T LET ME STAB THE QUARTERBACK, I'M GOING TO TAKE

如果他們不讓我停在四分衛上，我就去拿。

MY BLOOD-SOAKED BALL AND GO HOME."

"我那沾滿鮮血的球，回家吧。"

THE SUBJECT SHIFTED TO COVID AND WHETHER OR NOT THE PRESIDENT

議題轉移到《公約》，以及主席是否同意。

THOUGHT HE WAS A DISEASE VECTOR: >> YOU SAY YOU FEEL GREAT, BUT

以為他是一個疾病的載體： >>你說你感覺很好，但。

THE MEDIA IS OUT THERE SAYING THAT YOU'RE CONTAGIOUS.

媒體在外面說你是個金光黨。

BUT DO YOU FEEL THAT YOU ARE?

但你覺得你是嗎？

I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY YOU WOULDN'T FEEL THAT WAY IF YOU SAY YOU'RE

我的意思是，如果你說你是，顯然你不會有這種感覺。

READY TO GO TO A RALLY.

準備好去參加集會了嗎？

>> NO, I DON'T THINK I'M CONTAGIOUS.

>> 不，我不認為我是個金光黨。

>> STEPHEN: WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?

>> 這是什麼問題？

DO YOU FEEL CONTAGIOUS?

你覺得不舒服嗎？

"FOLLOW UP, WHAT DOES THE ECONOMY SMELL LIKE, AND HOW HIGH

"跟上，經濟是什麼味道，有多高？

IS WHEN?" TRUMP ASSURED BARTIROMO THAT

是什麼時候？"特朗普向巴蒂羅莫保證：

HE'S PROBABLY OKAY: >> I WILL BE TESTED VERY SOON,

他可能沒事: >> 我很快就會被測試。

BUT I AM ESSENTIALLY VERY CLEAN.

但我基本上是非常乾淨的。

THEY SAY IT'S OVER A PERIOD OF SIX, SEVEN DAYS, AND I WAS-- I,

他們說這是在6、7天的時間裡，而我..,

YOU KNOW, AN AMAZING THING HAPPENED TO ME.

你知道嗎，一個奇妙的事情發生在我身上。

I WENT IN, AND I DIDN'T FEEL GOOD.

我進去了，我感覺不好。

AND THAT IS OKAY.

而這是好的。

I EXPECTED AT SOME POINT BECAUSE I AM OUT THERE, I GOT TO BE A

我以為在某一時刻，因為我在外面，所以我一定要成為一個。

LEADER, I CAN'T, YOU KNOW, WINSTON CHURCHILL DIDN'T STAY IN

上司，我不能，你知道， 溫斯頓-丘吉爾沒有留在

HIS BASEMENT FOR SIX MONTHS.

他的地下室九個月。

>> STEPHEN: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE DID!

>> 這正是他所做的！

IT'S CALLED A CHURCHILL BUNKER AND IT'S NOW A MUSEUM.

它被稱為 "教堂碉堡"，現在是博物館。

YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BECAUSE YOU WERE THERE WITH YOUR FAMILY.

你應該知道，因為你和你的家人都在那裡。

(AS TRUMP) "OH, RIGHT, SORRY.

(如特朗普) "哦，對，對不起。

MY MIND REFUSES TO FORM MEMORIES THAT INVOLVE ERIC."

"我的心拒絕形成涉及ERIC的記憶。"

TRUMP THEN EXPLAINED WHY THE VIRUS WAS SO HARD TO STOP:

特朗普隨後解釋了為什麼病毒如此難以阻止。

>> LOOK, IT'S A TINY, TINY, LIKEN IT TO A TINY MICROSCOPIC

>> 看，這是一個很小的，很小的，把它比作一個很小的微縮圖。

PIECE OF DUST, AND IT GETS INTO NOSE OR YOUR MOUTH OR YOUR EYE

一片塵土，它會進入鼻子或嘴巴或眼睛。

FRANKLY, OR SOMETHING ELSE WHERE YOU TOUCH SOMETHING.

法蘭西，或者其他你接觸到的東西的地方。

SO I UNDERSTAND, AND THEN GET BETTER.

所以我明白了，然後變得更好。

>> STEPHEN: SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY VERY RECENTLY JUST EXPLAINED TO

>> 聽起來像是有人最近才向你解釋的。

HIM HOW GERMS WORK.

他是怎麼工作的。

(AS TRUMP) "AND MARIA, THE WAY WE GOT HERE

和瑪麗亞，我們來到這裡的方式。

IN THE FIRST PLACE IS THAT A MOMMY AND A DADDY LOVE EACH

首先是媽媽和爸爸相愛。

OTHER VERY, VERY MUCH AND GAVE EACH OTHER A VERY SPECIAL HUG."

彼此非常，非常多，並給了對方一個非常特別的擁抱。"

THEN DADDY GOES AND GETS SPANKED BY A PORN STAR.

然後爸爸去了，被一個色情明星打了屁股。

OF COURSE, ONE OF THE REASONS FOR TRUMP'S MIRACULOUS RECOVERY

當然，特朗普奇蹟般復甦的原因之一。

IS NEW DEVELOPMENTS IN PHARMACEUTICALS-- THAT HE ALSO

是藥品的新發展--他也是。

THINKS HE DIDN'T NEED: >> WE HAVE-- I CALL THEM CURES,

以為他不需要。>> 我們有... 我稱之為治療。

I DON'T CALL THEM THERAPEUTICS.

我不叫他們治療師。

YOU TAKE IT, IT'S AN ANTIBODY DRUG, YOU TAKE IT, AND IT BEATS

你把它，它是一個抗身體的藥物， 你把它，它打敗了

THE HELL OUT OF IT.

"地獄"。

AND I'M TELLING YOU, I COULD HAVE WALKED OUT 24 HOURS AFTER I

我告訴你，我本可以在24小時後離開的

WENT IN.

進去了。

I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO IN, FRANKLY, I THINK IT WOULD HAVE GONE AWAY

我沒必要進去，老實說，我想它應該已經走了。

BY ITSELF.

自身。

IT'S GREAT.

這是偉大的。

AND WHAT I AM DOING IS I AM GOING TO SUPPLY THIS DRUG-- IT

而我要做的是，我要去 供應這種藥物 - 它

MADE ME BETTER, I WILL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW.

讓我變得更好，我現在就告訴你。

I WALKED IN, I DIDN'T FEEL GREAT, I THINK I WOULD HAVE DONE

我走了進去，我不覺得偉大，我想我應該做了

IT FINE WITHOUT DRUGS, YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T REALLY NEED DRUGS.

不吃藥就沒事，你知道，你根本不需要吃藥。

I STOPPED, I DON'T TAKE THEM ANYMORE.

我停止了，我不拿他們了。

NO, I DON'T TAKE THEM ANYMORE I THINK TAKING ALMOST NOTHING.

不，我不拿他們了，我想拿幾乎沒有。

>> STEPHEN: SO, THESE DRUGS ARE GREAT, BUT HE DOESN'T NEED THEM,

>> 所以，這些藥物是偉大的，但他不需要它們。

BUT THEY CURED HIM RIGHT AWAY, BUT HE'S GOING TO FAST TRACK

但他們馬上就治好了他，但他要去快車道了

THEM, BUT HE WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE WITHOUT THEM, BUT HE'S

他們，但他會很好 沒有他們，但他是。

NOT TAKING THEM.

不拿他們。

WHY IS IT THAT HE TOOK THE EXPERIMENTAL DRUG, AND WE'RE THE

為什麼他吃了試驗性藥物，而我們卻吃了。

ONES EXPERIENCING DIZZINESS, CONFUSION, AND NAUSEA?

經歷了暈眩、混亂和噁心的人？

SHORTLY AFTER TRUMP'S PHONE-IN WITH FOX BUSINESS, HE RELEASED A

在特朗普與福克斯商業頻道通電話後不久，他發佈了一個

NEW VIDEO ON TWITTER IN WHICH HE BRAGGED ABOUT HOW GOOD HE'S

在微博上的新視頻，他在視頻中吹噓自己有多厲害。

BEEN FOR THE MILITARY.

曾為軍隊服務。

>> I TOOK OVER A DEPLETED MILITARY-- OLD EQUIPMENT, BROKEN

>> 我接管了一個廢棄的軍隊 -- 老舊的設備，破碎的

EQUIPMENT.

裝備：

EVEN IN THE ARMY, ALL BRAND-NEW UNIFORMS WITH THE BELT,

即使在軍隊，所有全新的制服與皮帶。

EVERYBODY WANTED THE BELT.

每個人都想要腰帶。

>> STEPHEN: WHAT?!

>> 什麼？

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

那是什麼意思？

YOU'RE BRAGGING ABOUT GETTING THEM A BELT?

你在吹噓給他們一條腰帶？

BY THE WAY, I'VE GOTTEN ENOUGH BAD GIFTS IN MY LIFE TO KNOW

順便說一句，我已經得到了足夠的壞禮物 在我的生活中知道。

WHEN SOMEBODY IS JUST TRYING TO BE NICE.

當有人只是想做個好人的時候。

"WOW, IT'S A BELT!

"哇，這是一條腰帶!

THANK YOU!

謝謝你！

I WAS JUST SAYING HOW MUCH I NEEDED A BELT WITH A... IS THIS

我只是說我多麼需要一條帶著... ...是這

A PEWTER COW SKULL BUCKLE?

牡丹牛牛角扣？

SO EXCITED.

太興奮了。

DO YOU HAVE THE RECEIPT?

你有食譜嗎？

I WANT TO FRAME IT SO I CAN REMEMBER THE TIME I GOT THIS

我想把它裱起來，這樣我就能記住我得到這個的時間。

REALLY GREAT BELT."

真正的好皮帶。"

IT'S NOT JUST THE PRESIDENT, SOME PRETTY IMPORTANT WHITE

這不僅僅是總統，一些漂亮的重要的白人

HOUSE STAFFERS ARE TESTING POSITIVE, TOO.

房子的工作人員正在測試積極的，太。

FOR INSTANCE, ONE OF TRUMP'S MILITARY AIDES TASKED WITH

暫時，特朗普的一名軍事助理與他一起工作

CARRYING THE NUCLEAR FOOTBALL REPORTEDLY HAS CORONAVIRUS.

據報道，攜帶核彈的足球有冠狀病毒。

BUT DON'T WORRY, THEY FOUND SOMEONE AT THE WHITE HOUSE

但別擔心，他們在白宮找到了一個人。

WILLING TO STEP IN.

願意介入。

YOU KNOW HOW THE WORLD IS INSANE RIGHT NOW AND EVERY DAY YOU

你知道現在的世界有多瘋狂嗎？

THINK, "THAT'S GOT TO BE IT.

想著，"一定是這樣的"。

THINGS CAN'T POSSIBLY GET MORE INSANE"?

事情不能再瘋狂了"？

WELL, TODAY GET MORE.

好了，今天得到更多。

BECAUSE THE F.B.I. SAYS IT THWARTED A PLOT TO VIOLENTLY

因為聯邦調查局說，它開始了一個陰謀，以暴力的方式

OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT AND KIDNAP MICHIGAN GOVERNOR

推翻政府，綁架密歇根州州長。

GRETCHEN WHITMER.

GRETCHEN WHITMER.

WHAT?

什麼？

ALSO, WHAAA?!

還有，WHAAA？

IS THIS REAL LIFE, OR ARE WE TRAPPED IN A NEW SEASON OF "24?"

這是真實的生活，還是我們被困在 "24 "的新一季？

I WAS JUST GETTING USED TO BEING TRAPPED IN A CROSSOVER EPISODE

我只是習慣了被困在一個十字路口的劇情裡。

OF "THE WEST WING" AND "THE WALKING DEAD!"

"西翼 "和 "行屍走肉！"

AND DID THEY MEAN TAKE OVER THE GOVERNMENT OF MICHIGAN?

他們的意思是接管密歇根州的政府嗎？

I'M NOT SURE WHAT THAT WOULD DO!

我不知道該怎麼做!

ENDANGER OUR AC-DELCO AUTO PARTS SUPPLY?

危害我們的AC-DELCO汽車配件供應？

LOWER AMERICA'S STRATEGIC RESERVES OF FISHING LICENSES?

下美洲的捕魚許可證戰略儲備？

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THESE GUYS ARE IN CUSTODY, AND GOVERNOR

好消息是，這些傢伙是在科斯特，和總督。

WHITMER AND HER FAMILY ARE ALL SAFE.

WHITMER和她的家人都安全了。

SO, WHO WERE THESE NUMBSKULLS?

那麼，誰是這些NUMBSKULLS？

WELL, THE MICHIGAN ATTORNEY GENERAL IDENTIFIED THE GROUP AS

密歇根州總檢察長認定該集團為...

THE "WOLVERINE WATCHMEN."

"狼獾守望者"。

SO, THE CLARIFY, THIS ANTI-COVID RULES MILITIA NAMED THEMSELVES

所以，澄清，這個反貪汙腐敗的規則軍事命名為他們自己。

AFTER A GUY WHO FAMOUSLY CAN'T GET SICK, AND PEOPLE WHO

在一個著名的不能生病的人之後，和人們誰的

FAMOUSLY WEAR MASKS.

著名的戴著面具。

APPARENTLY, THESE GUYS WERE ANGRY ABOUT GOVERNOR WHITMER'S

顯然，這些傢伙對惠特瑪總督的行為很不滿

STATE-WIDE CORONAVIRUS LOCKDOWN.

全州範圍的冠狀病毒鎖定。

AND THE F.B.I. WERE TIPPED OFF TO THEIR PLANS WHEN ONE OF THE

而F. B. I. 是在其中一個人的時候被告知他們的計劃的。

DUMMIES POSTED A FACEBOOK VIDEO IN WHICH HE COMPLAINED ABOUT

傻子在Facebook上發佈了一段視頻，他在視頻中抱怨了一下

COVID-19 RESTRICTIONS ON GYMS OPERATING IN MICHIGAN.

COVID-19對在密歇根州經營的健身房的限制。

SO, THE WHOLE REVOLUTION COULD'VE BEEN AVOIDED IF HE HAD

所以，如果他能做到，整個革命就可以避免了

JUST SPRUNG FOR A PELOTON?

剛剛為PELOTON充電？

THAT IS THE LAMEST REASON TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT.

這就是推翻政府的最蹩腳的理由。

"SURE, I UNDERSTAND THE NECESSITY OF STATE MANDATED

"當然，我理解國家授權的必要性。

HEALTH STANDARDS, BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT LOSING DEFINITION IN MY

健康標準，但我在失去定義的情況下，在我的健康標準上劃清界限。

DELTOIDS!" LOOK AT THAT.

三角肌！"看看那個。

I'M JUST COUNTING THE SHREDS, RIGHT HERE.

我只是在這裡數著碎片，就在這裡。

WELL, AT LEAST NOW THEY CAN ALL CONCENTRATE ON GETTING RIPPED IN

好吧，至少現在他們可以專心致志地去找人撕咬了

JAIL.

監獄：

BETWEEN THE DAILY HOUR IN THE YARD AND A STEADY DIET OF

在每天的院子裡的時間和穩定的飲食之間。

POTATOES AND EXPIRED TACO MEAT, THEY'LL GET JACKED.

洋芋和過期的塔可肉， 他們會被傑克。

SO THE FEDS GATHERED ALL THE EVIDENCE THEY NEEDED AGAINST

所以聯邦調查局收集了所有的證據，他們需要反對。

THESE MAROONS, THANKS TO AN F.B.I. CONFIDENTIAL SOURCE WHO

這些火龍，感謝一個F.B.I.的祕密消息來源誰。

RECORDED THE MEETINGS IN DUBLIN, OHIO.

記錄了在俄亥俄州杜布林舉行的會議。

TALK ABOUT GETTING THE SHORT END OF THE UNDERCOVER STICK.

談談如何得到短端的底層棍子。

"AND FOR OUR NEXT ASSIGNMENT TIM WILL BE GOING TO DUBLIN... OHIO.

"而我們的下一個任務TIM將去杜柏林... ...俄亥俄州。

SORRY, I SHOULD'VE LEAD WITH OHIO."

"對不起，我應該用俄亥俄州來引導。"

THESE DINGUSES WERE ALSO PLANNING TO TAKE OUT A BRIDGE,

這些傢伙也在計劃拆掉一座橋。

WHICH THEY FELT WOULD ALSO HINDER POLICE'S ABILITY TO

他們認為這也會妨礙警察的能力。

FOLLOW THEM ON WATER.

在水面上跟著他們。

I'M GONNA GUESS ON SURFBOARDS?

我猜測在衝浪板上？

OR AS THEY ACTUALLY PUT IT IN AN ACTUAL GROUP CHAT WHICH ACTUALLY

或如他們在實際的群組哈拉中所說的那樣，實際上

SHOWS UP IN THE ACTUAL COURT FILING:

顯示在實際的法庭文件中。

IF THE "BRIDGE EMOJI" GO "FINGER POINTING DOWN EMOJI" IT ALSO "X

如果 "橋EMOJI "去 "手指指向下EMOJI "它也 "X"。

EMOJI" THE "WAVE EMOJI."

"EMOJI "的 "波浪EMOJI"。

AND NOW EVERY SINGLE LAST ONE OF THESE "EGGPLANT EMOJIS" IS

而現在，每一個最後一個這些 "EGGPLANT EMOJIS "是

TOTALLY "SCREW EMOJI"-ED.

完全是 "SCREW EMOTION"-ED。

THE GROUP MET NUMEROUS TIMES TO MAKE THEIR PLANS, INCLUDING IN

該小組多次開會制定計劃，其中包括以下內容：

THE BASEMENT OF A SHOP IN MICHIGAN THAT WAS ACCESSIBLE

密歇根州一家商店的地下室，可以進入。

ONLY THROUGH A TRAPDOOR UNDER A RUG.

只能通過地毯下的門檻。

OOH, A TRAPDOOR HIDEAWAY?

哦，一個門檻式的隱蔽處？

WHAT'S THE MATTER, DID THE ROPE LADDER BREAK TO TIMMY'S TREE

怎麼了？ 繩索吊車有沒有斷在TIMMY的樹上？

HOUSE?

房子？

ONE OF THESE MILITIA MORONS WAS CRASHING WITH A FRIEND, THE

這些軍事白痴中的一個和朋友撞車了，那個

OWNER OF A VACUUM STORE IN GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN, WHO HAD GIVEN