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  • >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

    >> Stephen:嘿,大家好!

  • WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

    歡迎來到 "深夜秀"。

  • I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.

    我是你的主持人STEPHEN COLBERT。

  • YOU MIGHT NOTICE WHEN THE SHOW IS OPEN THESE DAYS I'M LEANING

    你可能會注意到,當這幾天的演出開場時,我傾向於。

  • BACK IN THE CHAIR A LOT.

    回到椅子上很多。

  • I'M EITHER VERY COMFORTABLE IN THIS JOB THESE DAYS OR I NO

    這幾天我要麼在這份工作上很舒服,要麼就是不舒服。

  • LONGER HAVE THE CORE STRENGTH TO SIT UP.

    更有核心力量坐起來。

  • LET'S FIGURE OUT WHICH IT IS.

    讓我們來看看是哪一種。

  • THE CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC CONTINUES TO RAGE IN AMERICA'S

    冠狀病毒大流行繼續在美國肆虐。

  • HOT ZONE: 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE.

    熱區:1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE(賓夕法尼亞大道)

  • AND REPORTS SAY THE WEST WING HAS TURNED INTO A GHOST TOWN.

    有報道說西翼變成了一座鬼城。

  • PREVIOUSLY, THE ONLY GHOST HAUNTING THE MANSION WAS MIKE

    此前,唯一的鬼魂困擾的房子是米克。

  • PENCE.

    彭斯

  • HE'S AT LEAST A ZOMBIE.

    他至少是個殭屍。

  • WHY ELSE IS HE ATTRACTING ALL THOSE FLIES?

    他為什麼要吸引這些蒼蠅?

  • THINGS HAVE GOTTEN ESPECIALLY TOUGH FOR WHITE HOUSE

    白宮的事情變得特別困難。

  • CORRESPONDENTS LIKE CNN'S JOE JOHNS WHO HAD THIS HAPPEN TO HIM

    像CNN的記者喬約翰斯誰擁有這種情況發生在他身上。

  • DURING A BROADCAST.

    在廣播期間。

  • >> GET!

    >> get!

  • THERE HE IS!

    他在那裡!

  • (ROARING) THE DAMN, FRICKIN' RACCOONS,

    該死的,該死的浣熊。

  • MAN.

    男人:

  • GOD.

    神。

  • AGAIN!

    又來了!

  • THAT'S THE SECOND TIME!

    這是第二次了!

  • JESUS!

    耶穌!

  • >> I GUESS THE TRAP'S NOT WORKING.

    >> 我猜陷阱不靈了。

  • >> RIGHT.

    >> 右邊。

  • HEY, MAN.

    嘿,夥計。

  • THAT FRICKIN' RACCOON CAME BACK.

    那隻該死的浣熊回來了。

  • IT ALWAYS COMES AROUND RIGHT ABOUT WHEN I AM GOING TO GO ON

    它總是在我要走的時候出現。

  • TV.

    電視。

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: POOR JOE JOHNS!

    可憐的喬-約翰斯!

  • STUCK THERE AT THE WHITE HOUSE WITH THAT DISEASE-RIDDEN,

    在白宮和那個滿身疾病的人呆在一起。

  • GARBAGE EATING ANIMAL RUNNING AROUND.

    吃垃圾的動物跑來跑去。

  • ALSO THAT RACCOON.

    還有那隻浣熊。

  • BUT I'M NOT THAT SURPRISED.

    但我並不感到驚訝。

  • HUMANS HAVE RETREATED FROM THEIR NATURAL HABITATS BECAUSE OF THE

    人類因其自然棲息地的原因而退避三舍。

  • VIRUS, AND WILDLIFE MOVES IN.

    病毒,和野生動物移動。

  • ED SULLIVAN THEATER'S BEEN EMPTY FOR SEVEN MONTHS.

    ED SULLIVAN劇院已經空了7個月了。

  • I WONDER WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN THERE.

    我想知道那裡發生了什麼事?

  • DO WE HAVE A PICTURE?

    我們有照片嗎?

  • THAT DAMN RACCOON IS AT MY DESK!

    那隻該死的浣熊在我的桌子上!

  • AND HE'S INTERVIEWING BRADLEY COOPER!

    他正在採訪布萊德利-庫珀!

  • AND THEY'RE CLEARLY HAVING SO MUCH FUN!

    他們顯然玩得很開心!

  • LOOK AT THE CAMERA STRAIGHT!

    直視鏡頭!

  • OF COURSE, JOE JOHNS ISN'T THE FIRST NEWSMAN TO BE INTERRUPTED

    當然,喬-約翰斯不是第一個被打斷的記者。

  • BY AN ANIMAL.

    由一個動物。

  • IT HAPPENED TO CRONKITE.

    它發生在CRONKITE。

  • >> PRESIDENT NIXON REPORTEDLY WILL ANNOUNCE HIS RESIGNATION,

    >> 據報道,尼克松總統將宣佈辭職。

  • AND VICE PRESIDENT FORD WILL BECOME THE NATIONS 38TH

    福特副總統將成為美國第38任總統。

  • PRESIDENT TOMORROW, THAT WORD COMES--

    明天,那個詞來了 --

  • (ROARING) (SCREAMING)

    (咆哮) (尖叫)

  • -- AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS!

    -- 就是這樣!

  • >> STEPHEN: WITH COVID RUNNING RAMPANT THROUGHOUT THE EXECUTIVE

    >> 伴隨著科維德在整個執行過程中的奔跑。

  • BRANCH, THIS MORNING THE COMMISSION ON PRESIDENTIAL

    今天上午,主席之友委員會舉行會議。

  • DEBATES ANNOUNCED THAT THE SECOND PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE WILL

    辯論會宣佈,第二次總統辯論會將於2012年9月1日舉行。

  • BE VIRTUAL.

    是虛擬的。

  • VIRTUAL?

    VIRTUAL?

  • HOW'S THAT GONNA WORK?

    那怎麼能行呢?

  • HOPEFULLY IT WILL BE LIKE "TRON."

    希望它能像 "TRON "一樣。

  • SO INSTEAD OF DISCUSSING THE ECONOMY, THEY'LL RACE AROUND ON

    所以,他們不討論經濟問題,而是跑來跑去。

  • RECUMBENT LIGHT-CYCLES.

    彎腰輕型機車自行車。

  • OF COURSE, THEY'LL NEED TO UPDATE THEIR WARDROBE.

    當然,他們會需要更新他們的衣櫃。

  • THE DECISION DIDN'T SIT WELL WITH TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN MANAGER,

    特朗普的競選經理對這個決定並不滿意。

  • BILL STEPIEN-- WHO, BY THE WAY, ALSO HAS COVID.

    比爾-斯蒂芬... 順便說一下,他也有科維德。

  • HE CLAIMED THE NEW FORMAT IS UNNECESSARY BECAUSE TRUMP "WILL

    他聲稱新的格式是不必要的,因為特朗普 "將。

  • HAVE POSTED MULTIPLE NEGATIVE TESTS PRIOR TO THE DEBATE."

    在辯論之前,已經發布了多個負面測試。"

  • THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.

    這不是如何工作。

  • YOU CAN'T PUT ALL YOUR FAITH IN SOMETHING THAT COULD HAPPEN DOWN

    你不能把所有的信心都寄託在可能發生的事上

  • THE LINE WHEN THE POTENTIAL CONSEQUENCE IS DEATH.

    當潛在的後果是死亡的線。

  • THAT'S LIKE SAYING, "LOOK, I KNOW YOUR PARACHUTE ISN'T

    這就像說,"你看,我知道你的降落傘不是......"。

  • WORKING NOW, BUT I HAVE CONFIDENCE THAT WE'LL GET IT

    現在正在工作,但我有信心,我們會得到它。

  • UP AND RUNNING BEFORE WE REACH TERMINAL VELOCITY.

    在我們到達終點速度之前就開始運行。

  • NOW HAND ME THAT SCOTCH TAPE."

    "現在把那條膠布給我。"

  • SO WHAT WILL THIS VIRTUAL DEBATE LOOK LIKE?

    那麼這場虛擬辯論會是怎樣的呢?

  • WE MIGHT NEVER FIND OUT, BECAUSE AFTER IT WAS ANNOUNCED, TRUMP

    我們可能永遠也不會知道,因為在宣佈之後,特魯姆普

  • IMMEDIATELY CALLED MARIA BARTIROMO OF FOX BUSINESS AND

    立即打電話給MARIA BARTIROMO OF FOX BUSINESS AND AND。

  • SAID THIS: >> I AM NOT GOING TO DO A

    說過這個。>> 我不會做一個

  • VIRTUAL DEBATE.

    虛擬辯論:

  • I AM NOT GOING TO WASTE MY TIME ON A VIRTUAL DEBATE.

    我不會把時間浪費在虛擬辯論上。

  • >> STEPHEN: YES, TRUMP'S TIME IS VERY PRECIOUS... HE SAID WHILE

    >> 是的,特朗普的時間非常寶貴......他說,當

  • CALLING FOX BUSINESS IN THE MIDDLE OF A DEADLY PLAGUE.

    在致命的瘟疫中呼叫福克斯業務。

  • BUT IT WAS NO SURPRISE TO HEAR TRUMP'S MAIN GRIPE ABOUT A

    但是,聽到特朗普的主要怨言是關於一個人的,並不奇怪。

  • VIRTUAL FORMAT.

    VIRTUAL FORMAT.

  • >> AND THEN THEY CUT YOU OFF WHENEVER THEY WANT.

    >> 然後他們想什麼時候把你砍掉就什麼時候砍掉。

  • >> STEPHEN: HE'S AFRAID OF HAVING TO FOLLOW THE RULES THAT

    >> 他害怕不得不遵守規則

  • HE AGREED TO.

    他同意:

  • (AS TRUMP) "THE REFEREES HAVE ALL THESE

    (正如特朗普所言) "裁判員有所有這些。

  • FOOTBALL RULES.

    足球規則。

  • IF THEY WON'T LET ME STAB THE QUARTERBACK, I'M GOING TO TAKE

    如果他們不讓我停在四分衛上,我就去拿。

  • MY BLOOD-SOAKED BALL AND GO HOME."

    "我那沾滿鮮血的球,回家吧。"

  • THE SUBJECT SHIFTED TO COVID AND WHETHER OR NOT THE PRESIDENT

    議題轉移到《公約》,以及主席是否同意。

  • THOUGHT HE WAS A DISEASE VECTOR: >> YOU SAY YOU FEEL GREAT, BUT

    以為他是一個疾病的載體: >>你說你感覺很好,但。

  • THE MEDIA IS OUT THERE SAYING THAT YOU'RE CONTAGIOUS.

    媒體在外面說你是個金光黨。

  • BUT DO YOU FEEL THAT YOU ARE?

    但你覺得你是嗎?

  • I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY YOU WOULDN'T FEEL THAT WAY IF YOU SAY YOU'RE

    我的意思是,如果你說你是,顯然你不會有這種感覺。

  • READY TO GO TO A RALLY.

    準備好去參加集會了嗎?

  • >> NO, I DON'T THINK I'M CONTAGIOUS.

    >> 不,我不認為我是個金光黨。

  • >> STEPHEN: WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?

    >> 這是什麼問題?

  • DO YOU FEEL CONTAGIOUS?

    你覺得不舒服嗎?

  • "FOLLOW UP, WHAT DOES THE ECONOMY SMELL LIKE, AND HOW HIGH

    "跟上,經濟是什麼味道,有多高?

  • IS WHEN?" TRUMP ASSURED BARTIROMO THAT

    是什麼時候?"特朗普向巴蒂羅莫保證:

  • HE'S PROBABLY OKAY: >> I WILL BE TESTED VERY SOON,

    他可能沒事: >> 我很快就會被測試。

  • BUT I AM ESSENTIALLY VERY CLEAN.

    但我基本上是非常乾淨的。

  • THEY SAY IT'S OVER A PERIOD OF SIX, SEVEN DAYS, AND I WAS-- I,

    他們說這是在6、7天的時間裡,而我..,

  • YOU KNOW, AN AMAZING THING HAPPENED TO ME.

    你知道嗎,一個奇妙的事情發生在我身上。

  • I WENT IN, AND I DIDN'T FEEL GOOD.

    我進去了,我感覺不好。

  • AND THAT IS OKAY.

    而這是好的。

  • I EXPECTED AT SOME POINT BECAUSE I AM OUT THERE, I GOT TO BE A

    我以為在某一時刻,因為我在外面,所以我一定要成為一個。

  • LEADER, I CAN'T, YOU KNOW, WINSTON CHURCHILL DIDN'T STAY IN

    上司,我不能,你知道, 溫斯頓-丘吉爾沒有留在

  • HIS BASEMENT FOR SIX MONTHS.

    他的地下室九個月。

  • >> STEPHEN: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE DID!

    >> 這正是他所做的!

  • IT'S CALLED A CHURCHILL BUNKER AND IT'S NOW A MUSEUM.

    它被稱為 "教堂碉堡",現在是博物館。

  • YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BECAUSE YOU WERE THERE WITH YOUR FAMILY.

    你應該知道,因為你和你的家人都在那裡。

  • (AS TRUMP) "OH, RIGHT, SORRY.

    (如特朗普) "哦,對,對不起。

  • MY MIND REFUSES TO FORM MEMORIES THAT INVOLVE ERIC."

    "我的心拒絕形成涉及ERIC的記憶。"

  • TRUMP THEN EXPLAINED WHY THE VIRUS WAS SO HARD TO STOP:

    特朗普隨後解釋了為什麼病毒如此難以阻止。

  • >> LOOK, IT'S A TINY, TINY, LIKEN IT TO A TINY MICROSCOPIC

    >> 看,這是一個很小的,很小的,把它比作一個很小的微縮圖。

  • PIECE OF DUST, AND IT GETS INTO NOSE OR YOUR MOUTH OR YOUR EYE

    一片塵土,它會進入鼻子或嘴巴或眼睛。

  • FRANKLY, OR SOMETHING ELSE WHERE YOU TOUCH SOMETHING.

    法蘭西,或者其他你接觸到的東西的地方。

  • SO I UNDERSTAND, AND THEN GET BETTER.

    所以我明白了,然後變得更好。

  • >> STEPHEN: SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY VERY RECENTLY JUST EXPLAINED TO

    >> 聽起來像是有人最近才向你解釋的。

  • HIM HOW GERMS WORK.

    他是怎麼工作的。

  • (AS TRUMP) "AND MARIA, THE WAY WE GOT HERE

    和瑪麗亞,我們來到這裡的方式。

  • IN THE FIRST PLACE IS THAT A MOMMY AND A DADDY LOVE EACH

    首先是媽媽和爸爸相愛。

  • OTHER VERY, VERY MUCH AND GAVE EACH OTHER A VERY SPECIAL HUG."

    彼此非常,非常多,並給了對方一個非常特別的擁抱。"

  • THEN DADDY GOES AND GETS SPANKED BY A PORN STAR.

    然後爸爸去了,被一個色情明星打了屁股。

  • OF COURSE, ONE OF THE REASONS FOR TRUMP'S MIRACULOUS RECOVERY

    當然,特朗普奇蹟般復甦的原因之一。

  • IS NEW DEVELOPMENTS IN PHARMACEUTICALS-- THAT HE ALSO

    是藥品的新發展--他也是。

  • THINKS HE DIDN'T NEED: >> WE HAVE-- I CALL THEM CURES,

    以為他不需要。>> 我們有... 我稱之為治療。

  • I DON'T CALL THEM THERAPEUTICS.

    我不叫他們治療師。

  • YOU TAKE IT, IT'S AN ANTIBODY DRUG, YOU TAKE IT, AND IT BEATS

    你把它,它是一個抗身體的藥物, 你把它,它打敗了

  • THE HELL OUT OF IT.

    "地獄"。

  • AND I'M TELLING YOU, I COULD HAVE WALKED OUT 24 HOURS AFTER I

    我告訴你,我本可以在24小時後離開的

  • WENT IN.

    進去了。

  • I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO IN, FRANKLY, I THINK IT WOULD HAVE GONE AWAY

    我沒必要進去,老實說,我想它應該已經走了。

  • BY ITSELF.

    自身。

  • IT'S GREAT.

    這是偉大的。

  • AND WHAT I AM DOING IS I AM GOING TO SUPPLY THIS DRUG-- IT

    而我要做的是,我要去 供應這種藥物 - 它

  • MADE ME BETTER, I WILL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW.

    讓我變得更好,我現在就告訴你。

  • I WALKED IN, I DIDN'T FEEL GREAT, I THINK I WOULD HAVE DONE

    我走了進去,我不覺得偉大,我想我應該做了

  • IT FINE WITHOUT DRUGS, YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T REALLY NEED DRUGS.

    不吃藥就沒事,你知道,你根本不需要吃藥。

  • I STOPPED, I DON'T TAKE THEM ANYMORE.

    我停止了,我不拿他們了。

  • NO, I DON'T TAKE THEM ANYMORE I THINK TAKING ALMOST NOTHING.

    不,我不拿他們了,我想拿幾乎沒有。

  • >> STEPHEN: SO, THESE DRUGS ARE GREAT, BUT HE DOESN'T NEED THEM,

    >> 所以,這些藥物是偉大的,但他不需要它們。

  • BUT THEY CURED HIM RIGHT AWAY, BUT HE'S GOING TO FAST TRACK

    但他們馬上就治好了他,但他要去快車道了

  • THEM, BUT HE WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE WITHOUT THEM, BUT HE'S

    他們,但他會很好 沒有他們,但他是。

  • NOT TAKING THEM.

    不拿他們。

  • WHY IS IT THAT HE TOOK THE EXPERIMENTAL DRUG, AND WE'RE THE

    為什麼他吃了試驗性藥物,而我們卻吃了。

  • ONES EXPERIENCING DIZZINESS, CONFUSION, AND NAUSEA?

    經歷了暈眩、混亂和噁心的人?

  • SHORTLY AFTER TRUMP'S PHONE-IN WITH FOX BUSINESS, HE RELEASED A

    在特朗普與福克斯商業頻道通電話後不久,他發佈了一個

  • NEW VIDEO ON TWITTER IN WHICH HE BRAGGED ABOUT HOW GOOD HE'S

    在微博上的新視頻,他在視頻中吹噓自己有多厲害。

  • BEEN FOR THE MILITARY.

    曾為軍隊服務。

  • >> I TOOK OVER A DEPLETED MILITARY-- OLD EQUIPMENT, BROKEN

    >> 我接管了一個廢棄的軍隊 -- 老舊的設備,破碎的

  • EQUIPMENT.

    裝備:

  • EVEN IN THE ARMY, ALL BRAND-NEW UNIFORMS WITH THE BELT,

    即使在軍隊,所有全新的制服與皮帶。

  • EVERYBODY WANTED THE BELT.

    每個人都想要腰帶。

  • >> STEPHEN: WHAT?!

    >> 什麼?

  • WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

    那是什麼意思?

  • YOU'RE BRAGGING ABOUT GETTING THEM A BELT?

    你在吹噓給他們一條腰帶?

  • BY THE WAY, I'VE GOTTEN ENOUGH BAD GIFTS IN MY LIFE TO KNOW

    順便說一句,我已經得到了足夠的壞禮物 在我的生活中知道。

  • WHEN SOMEBODY IS JUST TRYING TO BE NICE.

    當有人只是想做個好人的時候。

  • "WOW, IT'S A BELT!

    "哇,這是一條腰帶!

  • THANK YOU!

    謝謝你!

  • I WAS JUST SAYING HOW MUCH I NEEDED A BELT WITH A... IS THIS

    我只是說我多麼需要一條帶著... ...是這

  • A PEWTER COW SKULL BUCKLE?

    牡丹牛牛角扣?

  • SO EXCITED.

    太興奮了。

  • DO YOU HAVE THE RECEIPT?

    你有食譜嗎?

  • I WANT TO FRAME IT SO I CAN REMEMBER THE TIME I GOT THIS

    我想把它裱起來,這樣我就能記住我得到這個的時間。

  • REALLY GREAT BELT."

    真正的好皮帶。"

  • IT'S NOT JUST THE PRESIDENT, SOME PRETTY IMPORTANT WHITE

    這不僅僅是總統,一些漂亮的重要的白人

  • HOUSE STAFFERS ARE TESTING POSITIVE, TOO.

    房子的工作人員正在測試積極的,太。

  • FOR INSTANCE, ONE OF TRUMP'S MILITARY AIDES TASKED WITH

    暫時,特朗普的一名軍事助理與他一起工作

  • CARRYING THE NUCLEAR FOOTBALL REPORTEDLY HAS CORONAVIRUS.

    據報道,攜帶核彈的足球有冠狀病毒。

  • BUT DON'T WORRY, THEY FOUND SOMEONE AT THE WHITE HOUSE

    但別擔心,他們在白宮找到了一個人。

  • WILLING TO STEP IN.

    願意介入。

  • YOU KNOW HOW THE WORLD IS INSANE RIGHT NOW AND EVERY DAY YOU

    你知道現在的世界有多瘋狂嗎?

  • THINK, "THAT'S GOT TO BE IT.

    想著,"一定是這樣的"。

  • THINGS CAN'T POSSIBLY GET MORE INSANE"?

    事情不能再瘋狂了"?

  • WELL, TODAY GET MORE.

    好了,今天得到更多。

  • BECAUSE THE F.B.I. SAYS IT THWARTED A PLOT TO VIOLENTLY

    因為聯邦調查局說,它開始了一個陰謀,以暴力的方式

  • OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT AND KIDNAP MICHIGAN GOVERNOR

    推翻政府,綁架密歇根州州長。

  • GRETCHEN WHITMER.

    GRETCHEN WHITMER.

  • WHAT?

    什麼?

  • ALSO, WHAAA?!

    還有,WHAAA?

  • IS THIS REAL LIFE, OR ARE WE TRAPPED IN A NEW SEASON OF "24?"

    這是真實的生活,還是我們被困在 "24 "的新一季?

  • I WAS JUST GETTING USED TO BEING TRAPPED IN A CROSSOVER EPISODE

    我只是習慣了被困在一個十字路口的劇情裡。

  • OF "THE WEST WING" AND "THE WALKING DEAD!"

    "西翼 "和 "行屍走肉!"

  • AND DID THEY MEAN TAKE OVER THE GOVERNMENT OF MICHIGAN?

    他們的意思是接管密歇根州的政府嗎?

  • I'M NOT SURE WHAT THAT WOULD DO!

    我不知道該怎麼做!

  • ENDANGER OUR AC-DELCO AUTO PARTS SUPPLY?

    危害我們的AC-DELCO汽車配件供應?

  • LOWER AMERICA'S STRATEGIC RESERVES OF FISHING LICENSES?

    下美洲的捕魚許可證戰略儲備?

  • THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THESE GUYS ARE IN CUSTODY, AND GOVERNOR

    好消息是,這些傢伙是在科斯特,和總督。

  • WHITMER AND HER FAMILY ARE ALL SAFE.

    WHITMER和她的家人都安全了。

  • SO, WHO WERE THESE NUMBSKULLS?

    那麼,誰是這些NUMBSKULLS?

  • WELL, THE MICHIGAN ATTORNEY GENERAL IDENTIFIED THE GROUP AS

    密歇根州總檢察長認定該集團為...

  • THE "WOLVERINE WATCHMEN."

    "狼獾守望者"。

  • SO, THE CLARIFY, THIS ANTI-COVID RULES MILITIA NAMED THEMSELVES

    所以,澄清,這個反貪汙腐敗的規則軍事命名為他們自己。

  • AFTER A GUY WHO FAMOUSLY CAN'T GET SICK, AND PEOPLE WHO

    在一個著名的不能生病的人之後,和人們誰的

  • FAMOUSLY WEAR MASKS.

    著名的戴著面具。

  • APPARENTLY, THESE GUYS WERE ANGRY ABOUT GOVERNOR WHITMER'S

    顯然,這些傢伙對惠特瑪總督的行為很不滿

  • STATE-WIDE CORONAVIRUS LOCKDOWN.

    全州範圍的冠狀病毒鎖定。

  • AND THE F.B.I. WERE TIPPED OFF TO THEIR PLANS WHEN ONE OF THE

    而F. B. I. 是在其中一個人的時候被告知他們的計劃的。

  • DUMMIES POSTED A FACEBOOK VIDEO IN WHICH HE COMPLAINED ABOUT

    傻子在Facebook上發佈了一段視頻,他在視頻中抱怨了一下

  • COVID-19 RESTRICTIONS ON GYMS OPERATING IN MICHIGAN.

    COVID-19對在密歇根州經營的健身房的限制。

  • SO, THE WHOLE REVOLUTION COULD'VE BEEN AVOIDED IF HE HAD

    所以,如果他能做到,整個革命就可以避免了

  • JUST SPRUNG FOR A PELOTON?

    剛剛為PELOTON充電?

  • THAT IS THE LAMEST REASON TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT.

    這就是推翻政府的最蹩腳的理由。

  • "SURE, I UNDERSTAND THE NECESSITY OF STATE MANDATED

    "當然,我理解國家授權的必要性。

  • HEALTH STANDARDS, BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT LOSING DEFINITION IN MY

    健康標準,但我在失去定義的情況下,在我的健康標準上劃清界限。

  • DELTOIDS!" LOOK AT THAT.

    三角肌!"看看那個。

  • I'M JUST COUNTING THE SHREDS, RIGHT HERE.

    我只是在這裡數著碎片,就在這裡。

  • WELL, AT LEAST NOW THEY CAN ALL CONCENTRATE ON GETTING RIPPED IN

    好吧,至少現在他們可以專心致志地去找人撕咬了

  • JAIL.

    監獄:

  • BETWEEN THE DAILY HOUR IN THE YARD AND A STEADY DIET OF

    在每天的院子裡的時間和穩定的飲食之間。

  • POTATOES AND EXPIRED TACO MEAT, THEY'LL GET JACKED.

    洋芋和過期的塔可肉, 他們會被傑克。

  • SO THE FEDS GATHERED ALL THE EVIDENCE THEY NEEDED AGAINST

    所以聯邦調查局收集了所有的證據,他們需要反對。

  • THESE MAROONS, THANKS TO AN F.B.I. CONFIDENTIAL SOURCE WHO

    這些火龍,感謝一個F.B.I.的祕密消息來源誰。

  • RECORDED THE MEETINGS IN DUBLIN, OHIO.

    記錄了在俄亥俄州杜布林舉行的會議。

  • TALK ABOUT GETTING THE SHORT END OF THE UNDERCOVER STICK.

    談談如何得到短端的底層棍子。

  • "AND FOR OUR NEXT ASSIGNMENT TIM WILL BE GOING TO DUBLIN... OHIO.

    "而我們的下一個任務TIM將去杜柏林... ...俄亥俄州。

  • SORRY, I SHOULD'VE LEAD WITH OHIO."

    "對不起,我應該用俄亥俄州來引導。"

  • THESE DINGUSES WERE ALSO PLANNING TO TAKE OUT A BRIDGE,

    這些傢伙也在計劃拆掉一座橋。

  • WHICH THEY FELT WOULD ALSO HINDER POLICE'S ABILITY TO

    他們認為這也會妨礙警察的能力。

  • FOLLOW THEM ON WATER.

    在水面上跟著他們。

  • I'M GONNA GUESS ON SURFBOARDS?

    我猜測在衝浪板上?

  • OR AS THEY ACTUALLY PUT IT IN AN ACTUAL GROUP CHAT WHICH ACTUALLY

    或如他們在實際的群組哈拉中所說的那樣,實際上

  • SHOWS UP IN THE ACTUAL COURT FILING:

    顯示在實際的法庭文件中。

  • IF THE "BRIDGE EMOJI" GO "FINGER POINTING DOWN EMOJI" IT ALSO "X

    如果 "橋EMOJI "去 "手指指向下EMOJI "它也 "X"。

  • EMOJI" THE "WAVE EMOJI."

    "EMOJI "的 "波浪EMOJI"。

  • AND NOW EVERY SINGLE LAST ONE OF THESE "EGGPLANT EMOJIS" IS

    而現在,每一個最後一個這些 "EGGPLANT EMOJIS "是

  • TOTALLY "SCREW EMOJI"-ED.

    完全是 "SCREW EMOTION"-ED。

  • THE GROUP MET NUMEROUS TIMES TO MAKE THEIR PLANS, INCLUDING IN

    該小組多次開會制定計劃,其中包括以下內容:

  • THE BASEMENT OF A SHOP IN MICHIGAN THAT WAS ACCESSIBLE

    密歇根州一家商店的地下室,可以進入。

  • ONLY THROUGH A TRAPDOOR UNDER A RUG.

    只能通過地毯下的門檻。

  • OOH, A TRAPDOOR HIDEAWAY?

    哦,一個門檻式的隱蔽處?

  • WHAT'S THE MATTER, DID THE ROPE LADDER BREAK TO TIMMY'S TREE

    怎麼了? 繩索吊車有沒有斷在TIMMY的樹上?

  • HOUSE?

    房子?

  • ONE OF THESE MILITIA MORONS WAS CRASHING WITH A FRIEND, THE

    這些軍事白痴中的一個和朋友撞車了,那個

  • OWNER OF A VACUUM STORE IN GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN, WHO HAD GIVEN

    密歇根州格蘭德拉皮茲市一家吸塵器商店的老闆,他曾給過

  • HIM A PLACE TO STAY IN THE STORE'S BASEMENT AFTER HE WAS

    在他死後,他在商店的地下室有一個住的地方。

  • KICKED OUT OF HIS GIRLFRIEND'S HOME.

    被趕出了他的女朋友的家。

  • MUST HAVE BEEN HARD FOR THAT GUY TO GET BACK INTO THE DATING

    一定是很難為那個傢伙重回約會的行列了

  • SCENE.

    場景:

  • "WHAT DO YOU SAY WE HEAD BACK TO MY PLACE... THE BASEMENT UNDER A

    "你說我們回我的地方... ...地下室下的一個...

  • TRAPDOOR IN A VACUUM STORE."

    吸塵器店的門檻。"

  • HUH?

    咦?

  • YEAH...

    是的...

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AFTER THE F.B.I. RAIDED IT, THE

    在F.B.I.突襲IT後,F.B.I.就把它給毀了

  • VACUUM STORE OWNER EXPRESSED DISBELIEF, SAYING, "I FELT SORRY

    吸塵器店老闆表示不解,說:"我感到很抱歉。

  • FOR HIM, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS CAPABLE OF DOING THIS; THIS

    對他來說,但我不知道他有能力做到這一點;這個

  • IS ALMOST INSANE.

    是最瘋狂的。

  • I KNEW HE WAS IN A MILITIA, BUT THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE IN A

    我知道他是在軍中,但有很多人在軍中。

  • MILITIA THAT DON'T PLAN TO KIDNAP THE GOVERNOR.

    不打算綁架總督的民兵。

  • I MEAN, GIVE ME A BREAK."

    我的意思是,給我一個突破。"

  • FIRST OFF, "I KNEW HE WAS IN A MILITIA, BUT THERE'S A LOT OF

    首先,"我知道他是在一個軍事組織,但有很多的

  • PEOPLE IN A MILITIA"?

    民兵的人"?

  • CONGRATULATIONS, YOU JUST WON THE AWARD FOR "MOST MICHIGAN

    恭喜你,你剛剛贏得了 "最密歇根州 "獎。

  • SENTENCE EVER."

    句話過。"

  • BARELY BEATING OUT "IF YOU'RE GOING UP NORTH FOR THE SUMMER TO

    勉強擊敗了 "如果你夏天要去北方過夏天,那麼你就會發現,你是一個很好的選擇。"。

  • VISIT SOME YOOPERS YOU BETTER PACK A LOT OF POP."

    訪問一些YOOPERS你最好包裝很多的POP。"

  • AND SECONDLY: I JUST WANT TO REMIND EVERYBODY IN A MILITIA:

    其次,我只想提醒大家,在一個軍隊裡。

  • YOU'RE NOT IN A MILITIA.

    你不是在一個軍隊。

  • YOU'RE A BUNCH OF BUDDIES GETTING TOGETHER WITH GUNS.

    你們是一群拿著槍的哥們兒。

  • IF I PLAY A GAME OF CATCH IN THE FRONT YARD, I HAVEN'T BEEN

    如果我在前院玩接球遊戲,我就沒有被。

  • SIGNED BY THE YANKEES.

    揚基隊的簽名。

  • BUT HEY, JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE VIOLENT DOMESTIC TERRORISTS

    但是,嘿嘿,只是因為他們是暴力的國內恐怖主義者。

  • DOESN'T MEAN THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.

    並不意味著他們不知道如何有一個好的時間。

  • ACCORDING TO THE UNDERCOVER AGENT, AT ONE POINT ONE OF

    據該臥底特工稱,在某一時刻,其中一個人

  • THE MILITA SAID "OH, NO, WE'RE NOT KIDNAPPING, THAT'S NOT

    MILITA說:"哦,不,我們不是綁架,這不是。

  • WHAT WE'RE DOING," WHICH SPARKED GENERAL LAUGHTER.

    我們在做什麼,"這引發了大家的笑聲。

  • AMIDST THE LAUGHTER, ANOTHER VOICE SAID "WE'RE ADULT

    在笑聲中,另一個聲音說:"我們是成年人。

  • NAPPING."

    午睡。"

  • (LAUGHS) OH, I LOVE A GOOD HOMEGROWN

    哦,我愛一個好的家庭農場。

  • TERRORIST JOKE, MY FAVORITE IS "KNOCK KNOCK, WHO'S THERE?

    恐怖份子的笑話,我最喜歡的是 "敲敲門,誰在那裡?

  • IT'S THE F.B.I, YOU'RE ALL GOING TO JAIL."

    是FBI,你們都要進監獄了。"

  • WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

    我們已經為你準備了一個很棒的節目,今晚。

  • MY GUESTS ARE MINDY KALING AND FORMER C.I.A. DIRECTOR JOHN

    我的嘉賓是MINDY KALING和前C.I.A.導演JOHN。

  • BRENNAN.

    BRENNAN:

  • BUT WHEN WE RETURN, "MEANWHILE!" JOIN US, WON'T YOU?

    但當我們回來的時候,"我在這裡!"加入我們,你願意嗎?

>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

>> Stephen:嘿,大家好!

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