Name: 你害怕承諾的跡象 (Signs you're scared of commitment)
Uploaded: 2020-10-24T00:06:55.000Z
Duration: 5 min 1 s

Yeah, it's just always so hard to know if jeans are gonna fit.

是啊，它只是總是這麼難知道 如果牛仔褲是要去適合。

If you wrap the waistband around your neck, you can kind of tell how it's gonna fit.

如果你把腰帶繞在脖子上，你就能知道它的合適程度。

I have no idea if that dress is gonna fit in my new space or not.

我不知道那件衣服是否適合我的新空間。

Well, fun fact, Actually, your arm span is about the same size is your height, so we could get a good idea.

好吧，有趣的事實，其實，你的臂展和你的身高差不多，所以我們可以好好了解一下。

So from a chest to my fingers is about 2.6 weeks.

所以從胸部到手指大約是2.6周。

So if we measure 2 ft is 24 inches plus seven so it's 31 inches.

所以，如果我們測量2英尺是24英寸加7英寸，所以它是31英寸。

I just feel so embarrassed that I said that in front of everyone.

我只是覺得很尷尬，當著大家的面說了那句話。

Actually, that does make me feel better, but that But anyway, fun fact.

事實上，這確實讓我感覺更好，但無論如何，有趣的事實。

I have always thought of myself as someone who deeply desires and seeks out commitment.

我一直認為自己是一個深深渴望並追求承諾的人。

But in my oh so enlightening adventures with the dating coach, don't judge me.

但在我與約會教練的哦啟蒙冒險中，不要評判我。

And a new therapist who specializes in attachment theory, I have found out I am very afraid of commitment.

而新來的治療師是專門研究依戀理論的，我發現我非常害怕承諾。

And here's some signs that you are too one.

而這裡有一些跡象表明，你也是一個。

You have a long, elaborate list for your ideal person.

你為你的理想對象準備了一份長長的、詳盡的名單。

The first requirement is you must be exclusively devoted to 1700 sea shanties.

第一個要求是你必須專心致志地做1700個海尚。

And when you do have a potential suitor, you strategically nitpick to the point where you talk yourself out of pursuing something serious, often bailing on those that are promising.

而當你確實有一個潛在的追求者時，你就會策略性地挑剔，以至於說服自己不要再去追求一些嚴肅的東西，往往會放棄那些有前途的東西。

Look, I'm a 17 hundreds sea shanties girl, and you're more like 1600.

你看，我是個十七八百的海歸女孩，而你更像是1600。

So this isn't gonna work to your very interested until they are, you often find yourself enjoying the pursuit of a relationship more than actually being in one.

所以，這不是要去工作到你的非常感興趣，直到他們，你經常發現自己享受追求關係比實際在一個。

And you're frequently attracted to those who are unavailable or who, you know deep down will eventually abandoned you.

而你經常會被那些無法得到的人吸引，或者你深知他們最終會拋棄你。

去過日子吧，和我一起過吧，懦夫。

You still feel scarred from a previous relationship, and you carry those beliefs over into the Now you are convinced, most likely, unconsciously, that any future partner will hurt you the way that your past one did.

你仍然覺得以前的關係給你留下了傷痕，你把這些信念帶到了現在，你確信，很可能，無意識地，任何未來的伴侶都會像你過去的伴侶那樣傷害你。

And as a result, you keep everyone at an arm's length.

而結果是，你讓所有人都保持著一定的距離。

Fun fact, you're 2.6 ft away from May some smaller, more subtle signs.

有趣的是，你離五月一些更小、更微妙的跡象還有2.6英尺。

Are you cultivated large network of various friend groups in a busy work life essentially leaving no room for dating you back out of dates last minute frequently and you blow hot and cold in the dating game.

你是否在繁忙的工作生活中培養了龐大的各種朋友群網絡，基本上沒有給你留下約會的空間，你經常在最後一分鐘退掉約會，你在約會遊戲中吹冷熱。

In general, you stay in relationships that are chaotic, clearly going nowhere, or you go from one short lived relationship to the next.

一般來說，你呆在混亂的關係中，顯然沒有任何進展，或者你從一個短暫的關係到下一個。

You think your married friends settled and that their lives must be boring.

你認為你的已婚朋友安頓下來，他們的生活一定很無聊。

You cling to this idea that freedom can only exist when you're single and that relationships are a prison.

你堅持這種想法，認為只有單身的時候才會有自由，而感情是個監獄。

Okay, so maybe you feel personally attacked by this video.

好吧，也許你覺得自己被這個視頻攻擊了。

And maybe some of you are realizing that you do have commitment issues.

也許你們中的一些人正在意識到，你們確實有承諾問題。

Well, besides going to a therapist who can help you uncover why you carry these subconscious beliefs that love and relationships are a threat to your security and freedom as a human being and help you unravel these fears to the point that they no longer control your life anymore?

那麼，除了去找心理醫生，他能幫你揭開你為什麼會帶著這些潛意識的信念，認為愛情和關係是對你作為一個人的安全和自由的威脅，並幫你解開這些恐懼，讓它們不再控制你的生活？

Um, a book that really helped me was attachment theory.

嗯，一本真正幫助我的書是依戀理論。

I am classified as an anxious attachment with a strong fear of abandonment.

我被歸為焦慮型依戀者，有強烈的被拋棄的恐懼。

So I was able to start working on creating secure attachment with myself in order to have stronger bones with others.

所以，我能夠開始努力與自己建立安全的依戀關係，以便與他人有更強的骨骼。

Knowing your attachment style in relationships is incredibly helpful when you have anxiety around commitment, because you can entail your approach to unraveling the narrative that your brain is telling you that love is we'll also focusing on redefining love.

瞭解你在關係中的依戀風格是令人難以置信的幫助，當你有焦慮圍繞承諾，因為你可以包含你的方法來解開你的大腦告訴你，愛是我們也將專注於重新定義愛。

It takes a lot of conscious effort, lots of trial and error.

這需要我們有意識的努力，大量的試錯。

And you know, I haven't quite gotten there yet.

你知道嗎，我還沒有完全到達那裡。

I don't know if love is really never gonna happen, but eventually I believe commitment will not be something that I fear, but something that I've welcome.

我不知道愛情是不是真的永遠不會發生，但最終我相信承諾不會是我害怕的東西，而是我歡迎的東西。

And, of course, thank you inaudible for sponsoring today's episode.

當然，也感謝你聽不清的贊助今天的節目。

What better way to take advantage of this New Year motivational energy than to start listening to audio books that motivate, inspire and form and help you grow In 2020 and beyond?

有什麼更好的方式來利用這個新年的激勵能量，比開始聽有聲讀物，激勵，鼓舞和形成，並幫助你成長 在2020年及以後？

I've teamed up with Audible, and they're offering a 30 day audible trial where you can choose one audiobook and to audible originals for free at audible dot com slash anna or text Anna to 505 100 no matter what your resolution or goal is this year, you can listen to the perfect audiobook at Audible to gain the kind of information that you need.

我與Audible合作，他們提供30天的audible試用，你可以選擇一個有聲讀物，並對audible原版免費在audible點com斜線安娜或文本安娜到505 100無論你的決議或目標是今年，你可以聽完美的有聲讀物在Audible獲得你需要的那種資訊。

Whether you're learning more about the stock market and how to write covered calls or learning the comprehensive history of all of humankind, it's all on audible and listening makes you feel extra productive.

無論是學習更多關於股市的知識和如何寫覆蓋式看漲期權，還是學習全人類的綜合歷史，都在有聲有色中進行，聽著聽著就覺得特別有收穫。

I know it does for me because I do it whenever I'm in the notorious traffic, working out at the gym, doing chores or just getting ready in the morning.

我知道這對我來說確實如此，因為每當我在臭名昭著的交通中，在健身房鍛鍊，做家務或只是在早上準備時，我都會這樣做。

Right now, I'm listening to insecure in love, since I'm an anxious attachment with an extra dose of fear of abandonment.

現在，我聽的是愛情中的不安全感，因為我是一個焦慮的依戀者，多了一份對被拋棄的恐懼。

So in times of conflict, anxious attachment reach out for reciprocity, whereas avoidance tend to withdraw.

所以在衝突的時候，焦慮的依戀者會伸手尋求對等，而回避者則傾向於退縮。

Which leads to this really fun cycle of just constantly chasing love.

這就導致了這個非常有趣的循環，只是不斷地追逐愛情。

Insecure and love is really insightful about how to break free of this really frustrating pattern and deal with anxiety in your relationships.

缺乏安全感和愛情真的很有見地，如何擺脫這種真正令人沮喪的模式，並處理你的關係中的焦慮。

 Start listening with 30 day audible trial and choose one audio book and to audible originals. 

從30天有聲試聽開始，選擇一本有聲書，到有聲原版書。