Personally for me, I did the human being, not a debt.
It was not a great year.
It's actually interesting that, like fashion and being around Ah, lot of people who you would think would think that they're perfect or feel perfect or look perfect or have perfect lives who are deeply unhappy with how they look in their lives.
As a model, you have toe literally have this separation of yourself where you're not, you don't even belong to you anymore.
What it does to your brain is so fucked up.
All the models that I know we all have self esteem problems.
So it's really funny when you when you see people targeting us and making fun or thinking that we're this like super sexy entity.
Imagine the whole world judging every pore of your entire body.
Who trained you how to cope with that?
There's a lot of pressure to be, um, I'm not perfect, but yet to be on for people because, you know, for me personally, I never want to seem like I'm not grateful for opportunities or come off as a diva.
And, you know, sometimes I feel like you have to, like, try extra hard to be like the happy positive model on set mental health is really important.
So I'm only 18 and I'm just going to, um, start working on it.
I want to see myself a few years later and see how I'm dealing with life.
I suffer from very bad depression and anxiety.
I've been suffering with it for some time, and I decided, like enough is enough.
I'm not going to keep suffering from this in silence.
I know that there's so many people out there who are going through the same thing that I'm going through.
What you see in the media most times is the highlight reel.
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's okay to be sad.
Toe have bad days.
Those aren't the days that we're putting on Instagram.
What's hard is that people still despite like all of this affirmed tragedy in history, that people still equate success with happiness or confidence or wholeness, and I sometimes don't wanna look like people down and that that's not what it's like.
Um, but that's also not not true in ways I do feel so much more full and that I've been able to, like, change how people see and feel about themselves, which is so much more fulfilling than I could have imagined, but sometimes feels like I like, get home and I'm gonna have to, like, unzip myself.
E hang myself up for the night.
Some girls join this industry at like an age of 16.
They leave school at this hope of becoming like a model a lot of time.
It's money, and you know they want to support themselves and the people around them.
And sometimes, like all the work may dry up, that there's always that hope of something new coming through.
But at the end of the day, they just wanna keep a flow.
Imagine like being in like a workplace, where everybody's always saying like Oh my God, you look so good and you're so pretty and whatever and blah, blah, blah you're fishing off life changes maybe a little bit.
So I guess people just get addicted to it, and then they don't want to leave anymore.
So they just rather want to struggle and stay than leave.
I think there needs to be a major overhaul and how girls and people are treated not just his objects but as disposable.
Existing in scarcity is such a dangerous and violent war zone in any space.
And fortunately, you know, this'll version of scarcity, which I live in, is still very lucky.
But it's still takes a toll on me and takes a toll on a lot.
A lot of people in this industry and it's not just models.
It's why the competition and the abuse of power is so pervasive is because everyone's afraid to get kicked out and to be over, and it's really dangerous.
I feel like a lot of the models.
They don't speak up because they know that they're risking something because it's dangled in your face that you're you're replaceable.
It's literally dangled in your face like you don't like how we're doing things cool.
We can replace you.
Think is why people don't speak up because the field I feel disposable.
Yeah, the fear is so strong sometimes I think like Oh, I could use a two month holiday and then I'm like, Oh, but what if, like, after those two months, nobody wants to book me anymore?
Fashion is so fast you'd never know.
Like what the next trends is.
And if you're still gonna be in trend, there is a lot of turnover.
And, you know, you see models comedy, you see models.
Girl, I think you know, there has to be a discussion with casting directors and a discussion with editors of what they want to see and what makes him want a model toe last.
I think that a lot off models are fearful because we're often made to feel like if we speak out about something against a certain client or brand or designer, that we're gonna mess up the relationship and therefore will never be used to get.
If something isn't right, we should be ableto voice it without feeling like we're gonna be crucified for it.
What's the lifetime of a model?
What somehow, how long everyone says you have five years, Max?
No, but yeah, everybody says you have five years, but if you're smart and you know what you're doing, you can make it less.
I think about it.
If you're there for five years and there's all these issues, would you wanna be like, Oh, I'm gonna speak up.
I'm just gonna get my bag and did.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
I feel like a lot of the reason why it last five years is because of the way this'll industry ruins you mentally.
Yeah, it's not because you become ugly or you look can't walk anymore.
It's most models.
They just leave.
They just walk away.
No one says you can't modeling.
They leave broke, They leave broke, they leave, they leave tainted.
They leave like empty shells of what they wants were they literally have no more life in them.
There are so many moving parts, especially being part of an industry with so many different people that you face a lot of struggles.
You have to wake up every day and choose that happiness for yourself, not for someone else and not based on anyone else.
I didn't come from any kind of money.
I have dedicated my entire twenties to an industry which tells me that in a few years it's gonna be over, so it's pretty scary and it wears on my mental house.
It has worn on my relationships.
I spent 40% of my life on an airplane.
All right, you know, So, yeah, it's definitely changed, but it's also impacted it in other ways in which, like, I can always say no matter what, Like, I change something and I never envisioned like, you know, I couldn't tell my like, chubby 10 year old self who thought she wasn't gonna do anything in the world that so grateful for that way.