[beatboxes, imitates record scratch]

[laughs]

-Hey! Get your paws off me, mister!

-Wha--? Huh?

-Oh, hey. What's up?

-[screams in terror]

-Whoa! What's with all the screaming?

-Monster!!! Aah!

-Yeah. Not a monster. Hamburger.

-Get away from me, monster!

[spitting seeds] -Oh, gross!

Are you seriously spitting seeds at me right now?!

-I'll never let you destroy the kitchen!

-Bleh! Destroy the what?

-You'll never take me alive!

[rapid automatic fire]

[bullets ricocheting] -Aah! Oh!

How does an orange have a gun?

-Eat lead, monster!!

-Aah! Stop it!

[firing stops]

-Okay. Are we calm now? Can we just talk like normal--

[gunfire, exclaims]

KNOCK IT OFF!!

-Sorry. Itchy trigger finger.

-Geez! What is with you?

-What? You look like a monster.

-I'm not a monster. I told you, I'm a hamburger.

-More like Monster Burger. -I'm not a monster!

Cripes, is this how you treat all of your guests?

Scream, call them names, and then shoot at 'em?

-Umm...

-Yo, what's up, bro?

-[screams] It's a butt fruit!

[gunfire]

-[exclaims]

-Ooh! This place looks nice!

-[screams] It's a midget green alien!

[gunfire] -[exclaims]

-Hello, friend!

-[screams] It's an ugly fruit!

-Yeah, you're right. I am an Ugli fruit.

-Oh.

[gunfire] -[exclaims]

-Yeah, right. I would never do that.

[laughs nervously]

-[sarcastically]: Yeah, I'm sure.

-So then, you're not gonna eat me, Monster Burger?

-Bro, I'm a ham-burger. How many times do I have to tell you?

-Ham-burger? Do you park in the "porking" lot? [laughs]

-Puns? Really?

-I bet you do things really full "boar." [laughs]

-Ugh! Those puns don't even make sense!

I'm made of beef, not ham.

-Wait, monster burgers are made of beef?

Sounds like "bovine" intervention. [laughs]

-[fake laugh] Shut it! Listen!

If I have to tell you one more time that I'm not a monster,

I'm gonna hit you so hard, Chuck Norris would be impressed!

-Violence won't solve anything.

-YOU WERE THE ONE SHOOTING ME WITH A GUN!

-Self-defense. -Self-de--? [groans]

Good Lord, you're annoying!

-I'm not annoying; I'm an--

-Let me guess: Orange.

Ha, freaking hilarious! Yeah! -Okay, okay.

If you're not a monster, then what are you?

-I told you: hamburger.

Meat, then I got a bunch of lettuce,

cheese, tomatoes, and other stuff in here.

-HUH? -What?

-You ate Lettuce, Cheese, and Tomato? Alive?!

-[scoffs] No. I didn't actually eat--

-YOU ARE A MONSTER!!

[screams, gunfire]

-[exclaims]

-YOU ATE ALL THE FOODS IN THE KITCHEN, MONSTER BURGER!

-Stop! Stop!! Stop!!!

-[screaming]

-Stop shooting me!!

-Well, stop eating my friends.

-I didn't eat your friends. Just because I'm made of these things

doesn't mean that I ate them.

I'm not a monster, just a hamburger!

[hysterically]: GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK PEEL!

[panting heavily]

-Um... hey.

-What?! What is it?!

-Monster Burger.

-[hysterically]: Are you kidding me?!

I'm gonna rip your peel off and shove it down your--

[Monster Burger growling, Hamburger screams]

-[reacts in disgust]

-The irony! Aah, he's killing me!

Ah-- [chomp!]

-Whoa! That monster burger is really "deranged." [laughs]

-What? I don't get it. -Oh, see you're a hamburger

and hamburgers are made of beef. Beef come from cows

and cows hang out at a range. Get it? De-ranged?

-[gasps] I get it!

[both laugh]

[gunfire, both exclaiming]

-I can't believe I'm finally here on vacation.

-Whoa, Nerville, that's amazing! -What?

My immense knowledge of the Valley of Napa?

-No. That you get a vacation. Do you even have a job? [laughs]

[laughs] Knife! [Captions by StreamCaptions.com]