It is where many of you will spend the majority of your waking life.

許多人大半輩子的清醒時間都會在這裡度過。

And these are the things that will inevitably happen while you're there.

而以下是你在辦公室上班時必然會遇到的事情。

You will begin your time working in an office, wearing your finest clothing, only to wind up not giving a sh*t.

你剛進公司的時候會重裝上陣，但慢慢地你就不在乎了。

Regardless of your best intentions, you will develop an addiction to caffeine.

不管你的初衷是什麼，最後你都會咖啡因上癮。

No matter what your relationship status, you will develop some sort of crush on a co-worker.

不管你的感情狀態如何，你會開始對某位同事有好感。

You will fall into one of two camps: The people who are always freezing... or the people who are constantly hot.

你會落入兩個陣營之一：永遠在喊冷的那群人，或者永遠在喊熱的那群人。

You will start with one personal item in your office drawer and then one day you'll open it up and realize your entire life is in there.

你辦公室的抽屜裡從只有一件私人物品，到有一天你打開它，發現你的所有家當都在裡面了。

Someone in your office will creep you out.

辦公室裡總有人讓你嚇個半死。

And you will bond with someone else over mutually being creeped out.

你會跟有同感的人培養出更緊密的關係。

You will get exceptionally good at hiding Facebook on your computer.

你在電腦上隱藏臉書頁面的功力會變得異常好。

At some point, you will hear one of your co-workers pooping.

有些時候，你會聽到某個同事大便的聲音。

That will be a low point.

那是最糟的時刻。

You'll come face-to-face with the co-worker in the restroom and realize that they don't wash their hands and that will change everything.

你會在廁所裡撞見某個同事，然後發現他們不洗手，而這一次的相遇會改變後來的一切。

You'll gain at least five pounds of fat from all the birthday cookies, cakes and red velvet cupcakes that keep floating around.

你會因為經常出現的生日餅乾、蛋糕跟紅絲絨杯子蛋糕而至少胖五磅。

And just when you try to cut down on the sweets, your co-workers will pull you back in.

當你想減少甜食的時候，你的同事又會拉你下水。

You will fantasize about doing unspeakably strange things to your co-workers.

你會幻想對同事做一些不可告人的怪事。

At some point, you'll bring a personal friend to visit and it will be unexpectedly awkward to introduce them to anyone you work with.

到了某個時刻，你會帶私人朋友來辦公室，而當你把他們介紹給任何一位同事時，場面會變得意外地尷尬。

You will get really excited about being good at some small task and then hate it once everyone else starts asking you to do it for them.

你會因為擅長某件小事而感到興奮，然後當每個人都因此請你幫忙時感到厭煩。

And you will form a group of friends in that office who will make every day a whole lot better.

你也會在辦公室認識一群讓你每一天變得更加美好的朋友。