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  • Alsalam Alikum (Peace be upon you).

  • From here it's all in English.

  • I would like to talk to you

  • about something very personal to me,

  • it's a very very personal experience if I may share it.

  • A little bit about positive thinking, why, when and how.

  • Why do you eat food?

  • Why do you drink water?

  • To stay alive, yes?

  • Why do you think positive? To live.

  • Being alive and living are two different things.

  • When do you think positive, or should one think positive,

  • or have a positive mental attitude.

  • Let me ask you this:

  • When do you breath? All the time.

  • So what I'm trying to do is to think positive all the time.

  • It becomes apart of you,

  • and a part of everything in you and every waking second of your day.

  • There's in my mind always something positive in every problem.

  • How?

  • Nothing is completely bad.

  • This is just a fact of life.

  • So, I would like to share with you a little bit of a story about my life if I may,

  • before I go into the how bit of positive thinking.

  • I spent my teen-ages, here in Sudan in the late '80s early '90s.

  • It was a tough time, it was a little bit of tough time for the country.

  • We didn't have much,

  • there was lack of fuel problems, we didn't have petrol

  • it was a problem to get bread, milk, gas, diesel.

  • That was just part of everyday life,

  • but it was still a happy time.

  • I don't understand how but I have the best and happiest memories of that time,

  • and I have experience the lack of all those things like everybody else, nothing different

  • but every problem somehow seemed to have something fun or something positive in it.

  • I remember there was no fuel at all,

  • at the age of thirteen because I was quite responsible,

  • my father one day says: here are the car keys, go and find some petrol.

  • I thought you know, what! OK, thank you,

  • this is good.

  • But how I'm gonna say that,

  • this is fantastic, I got to drive a car.

  • I was responsible, my father wasn't responsible but I was responsible.

  • I know there wasn't many people on the road as well, there's no petrol, you see.

  • But here's the thing -- for me, I thought if having no fuel means I get to drive a car

  • at that age, fantastic!

  • I hope we never get any petrol.

  • You know this is the problem.

  • Then, over a period of time

  • you start to realize that all the problems have something fun in them.

  • You can get a phone call at two o'clock in the morning

  • some of you can't relate to this,

  • you weren't even born, alright,

  • so when I say there was no fuel,

  • I mean the petrol queues were one kilometer long.

  • Some of you will remember that time.

  • Yes?

  • So, but here's the deal, you can get a phone call at two o'clock in the morning, fact

  • and someone will say: hey, there's some bread in a bakery in Khartoum north

  • at two o'clock in the morning!

  • It was like, yeah, alright

  • and then you stand in the que.

  • The people clapping, are the people who remember that time.

  • But it was fun.

  • It was fantastic, you go to the -- and then you go in que

  • and then you get a little brick

  • and put it in the que and then you go and do something

  • and then you come back and say: Excuse me this is my place, thank you very much.

  • It was still a fun happy time.

  • Anyway, as a teenager I was quite hot headed

  • you know, at the twelve or thirteen I had a slight problem.

  • I was getting in fights all the time,

  • and it was because of something I realize today,

  • that people use with loved ones and people they love at home.

  • Many many Sudanese homes here.

  • This very thing that I had a problem with

  • they use it for fun,

  • and they call it to each other.

  • And the problem that I had which people use lovingly and endearingly

  • was one word, a very big problem for me.

  • Halabi! Oh Halabi.

  • Excuse me!

  • Here's the funny thing,

  • I'm telling you the truth, at twelve of thirteen

  • I didn't know what it meant,

  • but I knew it was something bad.

  • So I hear "Halabi" you know,

  • and then I get in a fight, and get arrested.

  • My father has to come to the police station to take me out,

  • it happens so many times,

  • the local police knew me so well,

  • that when I come in, they go; here's your chair, sit! sit! sit!

  • Now, into the mid-teens you start to develop a self image.

  • And you want to work out and exercise and look good.

  • So we started working out, exercising, basketball,

  • football, bodybuilding, weightlifting, all of those things.

  • There wasn't much to do, it was just a nice time to do all those things.

  • So you start to get physically stronger,

  • the problem is now walking and someone says "Halabi" --

  • now here's the thing, for non-Arabic speakers,

  • Halabi basically means whitey, or Gringo - if you're Latin,

  • or lobster if you're British.

  • Basically they're teasing you,

  • they're saying you're different, alright.

  • But you're really different, alright, but it's not a problem.

  • Here's the thing, as you go a little bit stronger

  • I was continuing to get involved in fights, but now I was causing more damage

  • to the people I was fighting with.

  • I was very short tempered so I was breaking noses, breaking ribs and breaking jaws.

  • My father said he's going to kill somebody,

  • best thing to do is they send me off to England to study,

  • this is the safest thing to do.

  • So that's what they did.

  • The funny thing is almost 20 years later after I came back to Khartoum,

  • -- I will tell you why in a minute I came back --

  • But when I came back, I met a guy from Syria.

  • Not from the capital, from Damascus but from Syria

  • but he was quite specifically from the region of Allebo.

  • So this was the real Halabi,

  • (Laughter)

  • and this guy has only been here for two weeks,

  • and he says to me: I love this Sudanese people,

  • they have amazing intelligence and intuition.

  • I said: What do you mean?

  • He said: they see you they automatically know where are you from.

  • I said: What! How? (Applause)

  • I said: Sorry, and I'm thinking twenty years later, sorry

  • What do you mean?

  • He said I was driving my car, and somebody will call: "Hey, Halabi!"

  • He knows where am I from,

  • I said, ohoho, okay, alright.

  • What do you say when he says that?

  • He said of course I return the complement.

  • I said how? He said, I call him back "Sudani, Sudani!"

  • I said that' fine, if I knew that twenty years ago,

  • it might have been a bit different.

  • The reason why I came back in 2005, 2nd of may 2005

  • at 11 o'clock precisely during the day I was in London

  • I got a phone call,

  • and somebody says, Hello, is this Fahmi? Yes speaking.

  • He said: Listen, I'm your dad's cousin. I said, yes can I help you?

  • He said, Listen, I don't know how to tell you this,

  • but your father has just been killed in a car crash.

  • I said, Who is this? He said, I'm your father's cousin.

  • What do you mean?

  • He said, I'm sorry it happened 25 minutes ago, got hit by lorry, sorry he's gone.

  • Now, my mom, my dad, my sister, my younger sister were living in Khartoum.

  • And I said: Listen, where's my mom, where's my mom,

  • does my mom know, has somebody told my mom?

  • He said, Well I really don't know how to tell you this

  • but your mom was in the car with him.

  • I said: What, who's this? He said: This is your father's cousin.

  • I said: Where's she? He said: I'm sorry she's gone they're both gone.

  • I'm thinking of my sister now, she's sixteen.

  • I said, listen, does my sister know,

  • where's my sister, does she know, where's she?

  • He said: I really don't know how to tell you this,

  • but she was in the car with them.

  • I said: Is she dead?

  • He said: Well, we don't know she's in the intensive care, and we don't know.

  • Is she dead? No. Thak you.

  • Yes!

  • She's not.

  • Now I can't tell you,

  • and I'm sure of course some people would have experienced that pain.

  • I can't tell you what was going on here.

  • Knowing I have just lost almost a third of my family,

  • but what I was thinking was yes,

  • thank you god that not all three have gone,

  • one of them was still here.

  • (Applause)

  • It's a tragedy, yes.

  • It was tough, yes, absolutely.

  • But here's the thing, they were gonna go,

  • sooner or later they were gonna go,

  • I'm gonna go, you're gonna go

  • nobody's staying forever, guaranteed.

  • Time and place are unknown, but we're are all gonna go,

  • He decides the time and place,

  • one way ticket, yes?

  • So it was a consolation for me,

  • I was happy, that they have gone together.

  • They had live together, loved each other more than anything I have seen, in my life

  • and they went together,

  • that day for me, it was a wedding in heaven

  • as far as I was concerned.

  • (Applause)

  • Now, my concern is my sister, she's sixteen,

  • you know I gotta make sure she's okay.

  • Anyway, I fly back.

  • And she's now fine, she's just finishing her master in Plymouth, political studies I believe.

  • I'm not sure,

  • but she's perfectly healthy, perfectly happy.

  • Now, here's the thing:

  • I thought in my mind, from that day onwards

  • I must not just think positive, you see

  • having a problem as a teenager,

  • something positive came out of it, because I was sent away,

  • I got to experience a new culture, a new education

  • and this was something positive that came out of a problem.

  • Now we have this family loss,

  • but something positive came out of it

  • because my sister got to also get at least treated well,

  • and experience a new culture and a new education,

  • and I got to come home.

  • And this is what I like about this particular one.

  • So, I have decided how do I think positive all the time?

  • I must link any problem to something that's an absolute.

  • So let me explain.

  • I thought I'm absolutely sure the sun will shine tomorrow.

  • I'm absolutely sure, that if you jump in water you will get wet,

  • and you can be absolutely sure of a mother's love for her child.

  • Then you can be absolutely sure

  • that there's something positive in every single problem that faces you.

  • Alright. (Applause)

  • All you gotta do is link it,

  • now here' the deal.

  • I thought to myself,

  • this is not the right one,

  • how do I train myself, also people?

  • I love people, I like to learn from as many people as possible.

  • And I thought to myself, you know one thing,

  • you have to learn from everybody man, woman, child.

  • One of the things I've learned, from the --

  • women seem to have a slightly more positive outlook than us.

  • I don't know how.

  • They just do. Let me give you an example.

  • I remember one day a friend of mine and I we went out,

  • and we went back to his house at 3 o'clock in the morning.

  • His wife was waiting.

  • Lovely lady, they're a beautiful couple.

  • And in their house, she's always a very sort of glamorous kind of lady,

  • you know, perfect hair, lots of mirrors everywhere.

  • And -- thank you.

  • When we came in, she met us in the hall,

  • and this is the hall, this is the door, and they have a very big mirror in this hall.

  • So 3 o'clock in the morning,

  • he's standing there, I see this and I hide behind him,

  • just in case -- something could be flying.

  • She said, and this is exactly what she does,

  • she says: Are you serious?

  • What sort of time do you call this,

  • what kind of man are you?

  • You don't have a house? What kind of man! What is this?

  • And then she's checking her hair -- This is ridiculous --

  • [Did] she just check her hair, while she was shouting --?

  • You see a man would never do this.

  • A man would never think positively,

  • to think I better look good while I'm fighting,

  • this is not gonna happen, this is not gonna happen!

  • You know... (Applause)

  • I thought, this is not gonna happen --

  • I remember asking a bunch of my students one time,

  • in the sport and fitness and I said to the ladies,

  • I said what if you could have all the diamonds in the world,

  • but never look in another mirror?

  • And they went -- Excuse me? No thank you.

  • All the diamonds? No, thank you.

  • But the mirror! No.

  • Do you know why?

  • Gentlemen, when a woman looks in a mirror

  • she sees all the diamond that she could want and she could need,

  • do you understand? This is the difference

  • she is the diamond.

  • And I thought they know that, but they might not be aware of it

  • so this is something that I've learnt from the fair agenda.

  • Gentlemen, have a slightly -- specially young men in Sudan have a very rare gift,

  • You know, guys I'll tell you something,

  • if you ever think you can't do anything or you can't achieve anything,

  • this is one thing you're so good at.

  • I mean, guys -- (Applause)

  • -- It's true

  • guys here will always succeed to get a smile out of a girl

  • and let's face it, girls in Sudan -- it's very difficult to make them smile.

  • Very difficult.

  • But when they do, it's like the sun is shining, you know.

  • And he guy is thinking, yes, I got her to smile, everything is ok now,

  • I'm getting married, alright here we go --

  • But here's the thing,

  • I mean gentlemen,

  • I will tell you something, if you can extract a smile,

  • if you can extract one of the most profound human emotions out of somebody

  • you can do anything you want.

  • Now, something else that always helps me to think positive

  • is to think of time,

  • and to try be on time for everything.

  • Now, this is just my personal experience in life,

  • in Sudan we are famous for timekeeping.

  • We keep the time, but we keep our own time,

  • nobody else's, you know.

  • It's our own time, never the agreed time.

  • When you go somewhere, and you're already on time,

  • you will feel positive about the place you're going to.

  • I know it's a simple idea but it works.

  • And finally something that I find absolutely important in life is music.

  • We are party people.

  • We are "nas alraba" (Applause) --

  • we are party people, we like to smile, we smile automatically

  • and this is a part of our culture, this is a part of our spirit

  • this is the Sudan spirit, the Sudanese spirit.

  • We like to sing, not to shout.

  • We like to dance not fight.

  • We are not war people, we are happy people.

  • That's what we are,

  • this is the spirit that we have,

  • so I'm gonna tell you this:

  • if you're able to have a little bit of music in your life all the time,

  • and you're able to try and make it on time to as many things as possible,

  • and if you can link something that's an absolute; that's the sun shining tomorrow,

  • like water will get you wet, like the love of a mother to her child

  • and link all of those things, as absolute as they are

  • that you will always find the first positive thing in every problem,

  • then your life will be good and happy.

  • Thank you!

  • (Applause)

Alsalam Alikum (Peace be upon you).

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TEDx】積極思維:為什麼、何時、如何?法赫米-伊斯坎德爾在TEDx喀土穆的演講。 (【TEDx】Positive thinking: why, when and how?: Fahmi Iskander at TEDxKhartoum)

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    阿多賓 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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