*sad piano music*

一般來說 我不關心E3的

Now normally, I don't care about E3. I've been let down too many times

它令我失望太多次了

TOO many times,

看了很多次遊戲預告 覺得很興奮 結果出到來一坭屎

have I watched this shit

我在擔心 (遊戲)會令人失望

and I get so hyped for a game

遊戲卡住了??

an- and then it just kills it.

PS4 整個卡住了

Guy: I worry about

之類的

like

我寧可 遊戲是令人愉快的 合乎預期

disappointing people

而不是令人大跌眼鏡

ya' know.

炒作很危險 炒作害死好遊戲

Did the game just crash?!

如果你看了個 形象式預告片 然後想''好像不錯喔''

The PS4 just completely crashed.

你最好快點跑 跑超快那種

Ehm..

因為通常這種遊戲都超爛

sort of

(看門狗2)

Pewds: I found that..

(你要知道這是看門狗1...)

it's so much more satisfying to be pleasantly surprised by a game

但現在 我要從另一個角度欣賞E3

rather than just

尷尬的公開演說

bitterly

神啊 謝謝為我們帶來這一年 那很美妙

disappointed.

真的很棒(www

Hype is dangerous.

很壯觀 但好戲在後

Hype kills good games.

隨時間推進

If you see a cinematic trailer

神愛你神保佑你

And you think

不要誤會我 我覺得很讚

"aw that game looks cool"

E3邀請有影響力的人去推廣遊戲

you better run,

但他是Jesse 拍惡作劇影片

run real fast.

我不清楚...不管了...我不在乎

'Cause most likely the game will be shit.

但同一時間 我可以在台上...沒事了 沒事沒事

*sounds of various "wow"s and "woah"s*

他眼睛在看哪?

But now,

男: 謝謝大家的到來 如果你不認識我 我是傑西 我是個YT創作人

I've learned to appreciate E3 for a different reason...

所以 我在這裡...去....

The Cringe compilations.

Why we are still here(蛇叔梗)

And god, thank you,

這好痛苦

thank you for this year, it was

這實在看不下去 我沒有在擠傑西 別誤會

beautiful!

我明白那種壓力 呃....明顯地 提字器 沒搞好 看下去就是了

*silence*

男: Need for speed Payback(目前沒有官方中文譯名)

And really gre-- [laughter].

如果你不知道本遊戲...呃....

It was- it was spectacular,

我忘了些事要做....影片繼續播放別擔心 很快回來

but it got better as time went on,

男:我是YT創作人 狂野時速將會開賣

who what?

這裡是我的朋友(my boy) Marcos 負責開發監督

Aw, Jesse.

他說了Marcos 嗎?爽欸

God bless you. God bless you.

我很掛念傑西 他是個酷酷的老友

Now don't get me wrong

我是那種會完全搞砸的人 你怎麼了傑西

I think it's

開發監督: 唏老兄

cool that EA brings in influencers to promote games,

唏 唏 老兄

but isn't Jesse a prank channel?

為什麼我在公開恥笑這些人(因為你沒梗了)

J- ,

我..我忘了..傑西是誰

I don't know

我是個YT創作人

Whatever like,

好啊 你幹嘛 我忘了

I don't care

我就在這裡

But at the same time, I could have been there

我是個YT創作人

actually you know what that's prob-

那對了 他拍片的

n- never mind never mind, never mind

看完這些片後 Polygon(一個視頻遊戲網站) 總是指出 攻擊一些公眾人物

Jesse: What up guys? Pewds: What is he looking at?

一如以往地攻擊好人 例如我

Thank you for having me EA,

用這種 挖 挖 哇 wow 厭惡的聲明

if you guys don't know who I am,

遊戲公司無法不理會YT或吸引更廣泛的觀眾

my name is Jesse Wellens.

但 如果你不明白 他們的才能可以及沒法做 和 有一個適當的計劃 那就很尷尬了

And I am a Youtube creator, so I am here... to...

天殺的 那很有道理 Polygon(一個視頻遊戲網站)

Why are we still here?

這不是我要的劇本啊!

Hahahaha!

靠 Polygon

Ouahhhh *cringe*

我期望你說些下三濫垃圾

This is painful.

他們被這些腰包收買了 噁心!!

This one is...

為什麼我沒去E3啊 我能拿個腰包呢

SO hard to watch.

可惡啊 我是有公眾人物 我應有一個腰包的!!

I like Jesse, don't get me wrong.

O皿O

I understand the pressure

我很火 電子遊戲讚

and uh-

好了 讓我們看些更美好的東西

Apparently the teleprompter fucked up but--

我試著把某些成為我的收藏

Let's keep watching. Jesse: --About Need for Speed

男: 他剛剛癱瘓了一架本來在動的火車 靠著從馬上跳下來並丟了一枚手雷

uhm

難以置信

payback

難以置信

uh if you guys didn't know Need for Speed Payback...

我感覺不太好...我...原因....

I'm bu-- umm..

在尷尬時 同情心是重要的元素

[Pewds is dying]

希望你們沒有覺得我只是在笑他們

You know what?

我體會到他們 我為他們傷痛 因為我是他們一份子

I'm just gonna let this one play because I-I

是十倍的尷尬

just remembered I had-I had a thing

難以置信

but I'll be right back just uh keep playing it

真的很傷人 我真希望沒有人會有社交上的尷尬 然後像個普通人過活

Pewds: ITS FINE. Don't worry about it. Jesse: Yeah it's a great game.

但 現實上 人與人之間的互動 實在太難了!!

Jesse: But- Aight, all set aside I'm a Youtube creator.

女: 我是 Janina Gavankar(美國女演員)

Need for Speed Payback's coming out Pewds: No no, that's just cool.

我是地獄小隊隊長 和 在星際大戰 戰場前線2中扮演指揮官

I got my boy Marcus executive producer here,

我不知wwww

he is... (Jesse is mumbling too much) Pewds: Is that his boy Marcus?!

你剛做了個全世界最尷尬的笑容

Pewds: Hell yeah! Jesse: Thank you Ni-- for having me.

太多方法去搞砸了

Oh my God, I met Jesse

這傢伙該去坐牢

he's a cool dude, like

來個誰送他進監獄

I'm the kind of guy that will fuck this up.

中間那傢伙 我想知他在想什麼

I don't know what happened, Jesse

這個時刻有太多事發生 你都不知道該尷尬什麼了

Hey man, he-

像個尷尬福袋一樣

Hey- hey- hey man

尷尬的是 這傢伙 非常投入地''嗚啊嗚啊''

(slowmo) Hey man

這兩個人想要親親

Why am I judging other people

但 你在衝三小

publicly?

關於這些意料外的遭遇

I-I forgot. What was Jessie again. I forgot.

這是我的榮幸 去歡迎這位特別來賓 一個我發自內心地敬佩的人

"I am a YouTube creator."

等等..

Okay, okay. Wait. Where are you again?

放大照片..放大那幅圖..那是?

I forgot.

那是隻 桃子兔(公主) 在自拍嗎

"I am here"

Marzie? 我要分手了 是的 我找了 另一個

Oh okay.

瘋狂桃子自拍兔

"But- Aight, all set aside I'm a Youtube creator."

你所打的電話已斷線...

Oh that's right

不得不說 神鬼冒險2 看起來很讚

He was a youtu- I forgot, shit, okay, cool.

(西班牙語)

Now of course after this conference

記得這是形象式預告片 想起我講過什麼

Polygon with the first to

豬:我要所有警察 去把他媽的腦殘混帳猴子捉回來!

Point out

歡迎 這是System three

to attack!

我們的故事發生在Jade出生之前的一個多人(口誤)多元種族的人類社會

Influencers, as they do,

和在遙遠的太陽系中

they keep attacking

一個多人民族 多人 種族社會

Good people like myself

蠻有意思的

with these wha- vwo- wha- vile/foul/vow?(wtf did he say?)

但為什麼你的國家像一個 充滿犯罪的反烏托邦

disgusting claims.

被大企業奴役著

"Game companies can't ignore Youtube or the hope of reaching a broader audience

哇 真是巧合得怪

but if you don't understand what the talent they're paying can and can't do well and plan accordingly it's going to be awkward."

惦惦啦你這個種族歧視 的垃圾 你竟敢

Well goddammit that actually makes sense Polygon. God dammit

秘境探險看來不錯

This doesn't set my narratiiiiiiiive!

男:我們開始這開放式想法在字面上

Damn, you Polygon! I was expecting you to write a bunch of shiiiit!

現在已成為一款 創新 革命的遊戲叫做 A way out (目前沒有官方中文譯名)

They give influencers swag bags.

秘境探險5

DISGUSTING

我喜歡這種 非洲女 非洲妹子

Why didn't I go to E3 I could have gotten a swag bag this is-

非洲女

god damn-

非洲女

I'm an influencer!

這好 歧視啊

I could have gotten one of those SWAG BAGS!

記得Valve(開發電子遊戲的公司)想要你給錢買模組嗎

*angry pewds*

為你介紹 創作俱樂部

Makes me angry

好吧我想他們忘了

Video games is a wonderful thing

男: 我在操控負傷的戰士 她在受到攻擊 而且要逃離那裡

Alright, let's get into some more beautiful moments. I try to collect some of my favorites

她會贏的 走吧去下一個區域 你在跟著兩個玩家...

He just disabled a moving truck with a grenade while jumping off a horse.

我們要%*^#我站在這裡好尷尬

*loud breath* Incredible.

在E3的各位 我尷尬地站在這 不知道在叫三小

*loud breath*

穿著黃色短衫 這遊戲非常刺激

*louder breath*

我想起碼 我不知道啦!

That's incredible.

如果沒有非必要的跳舞就不是E3了

That is. Incredible.

這是我愛電玩的原因

Incredible.

在推特追隨Jake 是Salomon Jake 然後說聲你好和 你很自豪成為追隨者

I feel bad. I think that's the reason that compassion is an

他媽的在幫自己推特打廣告?

important element of a cringe. I hope you guys don't think I'm just judging all these people

靠 他有6個追隨者

I'm- I feel for these people, I BLEED for these people because, I AM these people but ten times worse

我下年要去E3了 去廣告我的推特

*loud breath* Incredible

男: 在 X崩溫 x邦one x...

It hurts, really hurts to see this

他說成 Xbone (各種口誤)

I just wish no one was socially awkward, and we could all just live our life normally but in reality

男: 在 X崩溫 x邦one x...

interacting with other people...

x box 什麼?為什麼我還在這

it's- it's too hARD

記者: 所以...你上年發佈了極地戰嚎5 那很順利

I'm Janina Gavankar

我留意到你每次走上台都超淡定 是不是一年比一年輕鬆?

and I play Commander Iden Versio Leader of the Inferno squad in Star Wars Battlefront 2

男: 不.... 一點也沒有 我內心跟死了一樣

*sexy glare*

交給現場記者 看好了

I don't know what-- [Laughing]

(......)

You make even just an awkward smile and

(無原無故換遊戲)

The whole world will see that shi--

女:肖恩 蠻帥的 對吧

There's so many ways to fuck up!

男: 那我 也蠻帥的 對吧(www

Players like Sterling you saw in the video. How his hands are a little bit

靠 謝謝呢 聽眾們

Guy in blue shirt: Sterling with the goooooal!

一個老兄(口誤) 一百萬塊錢

This guy needs to go to jail. Someone needs to send this man to prison.

一百萬塊 我在哪裡聽過?

m' sorry-

一百萬個真相 一百萬軍力

"Players like Sterling you saw in the video. How his hands are a little bit-" "Sterling! Sterling with the gooooooooal!"

(高能反應!!)

"Oh yeah."

不說笑話 E3將蠻讚的

But the guy in the middle

總是很有趣去看到新遊戲

I wonder what he's thinking about.

我覺得我興趣不再是因為炒作和

This moment. I-I-It's the kind of moment where there's so much going on.

他們如何看待消費者

You don't really know what to cringe about there's just so-- It's like a goodie bag of cringe.

他們看待你的角度太過時了

You don't know where to pick.

看就對了

"She said yes!"

每場對戰都更加致命

Can I get three "Oooh yeah's!" on three? One, two, three!

我們實現 我們掘起

Oooh yeah! Oooh wha! Oooh wha!--

我們想死

Like, do you cringe about...

我想起了那些遊戲短衫

[Pewds tongue falls out of his mouth]

有...有些狗屎垃圾寫在上面

the Ooh yeah's

電玩不會使人暴力 卡頓會

Do you cringe at this guy being way to in to it?

警告 遊戲模式啟動(我去 有夠土)

Do you cringe at these two people trying to kiss

這只是其中一個 發行者 看穿了強光 看穿了企業狗屁

but it's like what are you doing?

女:伺服器都是些庸俗 老套 用過的內容

~~~~ahhhhhhhhhhhh~~~

是你 那些玩家在掌控 和現在是行的

And to talk about this unexpected encounter

已經在各個主要討論區 留言版和視訊聊天

It is my great honor to welcome a very special guest

所有人 放棄它吧(媽的 在演小啦)

someone I truly admire

男士女士們 你們今天看到的 只是開端

please

所以你看完了2017 E3 啦 哪是你喜歡的?那哪個你感興趣?我有興趣的?嘖嘖...

OH SHIT!

我才不玩電玩

ITS MAH BOY! SHIGI!

電玩是給宅宅的

SHIIIIIGIIIII!

Yeah!

Ho-Hold-- Hold up, ho-hold up, hold up.

Z- zoom in on that picture.

Zoom in on that picture!

Is that...

Is that a rabbit Peach

taking a selfie?

Marzia? Marzia: Hey!

I'm breaking up with you. Marzia: WHAT

That's right, I found someone else.

Marzia: -scared shouting- NOU! NOU!

Raving rabbit peach... selfie version. Phone: You have reached a number that has been disconnected.

I gotta say Beyond Good and Evil does look pretty fucking cool

"Bon appetit-o!"

"Hey yeah, baby!"

But you know it's a cinematic trailer so remember remember what I told you

I want... Every ******** cop

in this ******** city

After that ******** bastard!

So welcome to System Three,

our story takes place before the birth of Jade

in a multi-ethnic multicultural human Society in a distant solar system

A multhi-etnic...(Yeah that's what he said.)

multicultural

society...

That's pretty cool.

Hey, you racist piece of shit. How dare you?

God I'm sorry about Edgar...

Racist fucking dog.

Hey, Uncharted 5 looks pretty cool.

"What started out as a wild idea on paper

has now turned into a groundbreaking,

one of a kind game, called a way out"

"Take a look"

"What's your plan?"

Uncharted 5!

Man: "You have a problem?" Woman: "Yeah I got a--"

I love this

Afro-girl!...

Afro-girl!

Afro-girl!

Just who the fuck are you

Pewds:Afro-girl!l

Knife and drike?(Drike?)

Pewds: Afro-girl everyone!

Edgar: That's racist man!

Shut the- Shut up. Shut your fucking mouth.

Remember when Valve tried to make you pay for mods?

Remember that?

"Introducing Creation Club"

Well I guess Bethesda forgot. (lul)

(Announcer failing at yelling over the crowd)

She was kind (of trapped?) but she used superior tactics

to get herself out of there,

she's gonna take the win. Let's move on to the next arena

Here we're following Bloody (Marrow?),

there's only two players lef-

Are we gonna get (rararara) I was standing here awkwardly

Hey, everyone at E3 I'm standing here

awkwardly yelling for no reason,

wearing a yellow t-shirt.

This is gameplay, it's really exciting!

I think atleast, I don't know!

It wouldn't be E3 without unecessary dance segments

HYUNA - Bubble Pop! (This song is 5 years old...)

This is why I love video games. "Follow Jake on Twitter. It's @SolomonJake"

"Follow him, say hello and tell him you're proud to be a follower." Jake: "Yeah."

Did he just fucking plug his Twitter?

Holy shit. He got six followers.

Man, I got to go to E3 next year and plug my Twitter. God dammit!

"Looks like on Xbone One, Xbox One, X--"

He said XBone!

Xbone One, Xbox One--

Xbone what? Why am I here?

"So, Dan, you had an announcement last week for Far Cry 5, that went great."

"One of the things I've noticed is that every time you go out on stage you look super calm."

"Does it get easier year after year?"

"No, not even a little bit..."

"Not even a little."

"I'm dying on the inside dude."

"To rotee through reports, check it out."

*awkward silence*

(Unintelligable)

(Muselk hears his name pronounced wrong and looks over like "Tf")

We also have my boy Darkness AKA Dankness.

'"He will be playing as well"

"Sean is pretty cool right?"

"and I am pretty cool, right?...."

*kill me*

Jesus, thanks Audience.