Thank you so much for tuning in! Thank you for coming out!

Thank you so much!

Let's do this thing! Let's get into it! I'm Trevor Noah!

The Democratic presidential debate ended just moments ago,

and we are coming to you live, people!

-(cheering and applause) -100% live!

And I can prove it. This is how live we are.

See this hourglass? See? The show just started.

You see that? Yeah.

Now, as we said,

the seventh debate just ended,

and, with only six candidates,

it was the smallest debate yet,

but it was also the whitest debate yet.

So, huh? Yeah.

Six candidates-- all of them white,

which is amazing odds.

I mean, even a carton of eggs will sometimes have a brown one

thrown in accidentally.

So this was really special.

Really, really special.

And for a party that started out so diverse,

nobody wanted to see this happen.

I mean, the only person happy about this was Greta Thunberg,

yeah, 'cause the stage was so white,

it reflected sunlight back into the atmosphere.

But white it or not, this was an important debate.

It was held in Iowa,

which is hosting the first primary vote

just three weeks from now.

And all the candidates are gearing up for the big day,

including Bernie Sanders,

who tried to pump his supporters up.

And this was really adorable, right?

He put this Instagram video out

of him "rolling out" to Iowa.

(laughter)

Wow, can you feel the energy?

I've never been so enthralled in my life.

Now, I'm not commenting on Bernie's driving.

I just think it's funny that he thought this video

would psych people up, you know?

It's almost like he shot that, and he was like,

"Did you see me Tokyo drift out of the driveway?

We got to put this shit online right now!"

And, in fact, I bet, to us, it was chilled out,

but, in Bernie's head, it looked like this.

-(rock music playing) -(tires screeching)

(engine revs)

-(crashing sounds) -(woman screams)

-(tires screeching) -(engine revving)

(sirens wailing)

(a la Bernie): "Fast and furious!"

All right. Now, the upcoming Iowa primary

wasn't the only thing looming over the debate.

The big drama leading up to tonight

was the growing tension between America's socialist sweethearts,

Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren.

It started when Bernie's campaign started saying

that Warren only attracts rich and well-educated voters.

And, in response, Elizabeth Warren hit back.

And now it is full-on beef.

REPORTER: Gloves off. Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders

trade accusations ahead of the Democrats' final debate

before voting in Iowa begins.

REPORTER 2: That non-aggression pact

between the party's two progressives

certainly appears to be over.

REPORTER 3: The campaigns now duking it out

over a private conversation in 2018,

when Sanders allegedly told Warren a woman can't win.

Sanders denies the claims, calling the idea

that he would say a woman couldn't win ludicrous.

REPORTER 2: But then Warren contradicted him publicly.

"I thought a woman could win," she said. "He disagreed."

Oh, no!

Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren.

Those are the last people you'd ever expect

to go after each other like this, man.

It's like seeing R2-D2 and C-3PO become enemies.

I mean, they have so much in common.

They're both on the same side, they're both robots

and they both deeply regret appearing in the sequels.

Yeah. It's just like... (whistling)

(a la C-3PO): "Yeah, you're right. We should have quit

after the third one, my friend."

And to a lot of young Democrats,

the beef between Bernie and Warren must feel

like seeing your parents getting divorced, you know?

Which is a situation that Bernie is too blunt

to handle delicately. Can you imagine him?

Be like, "Daddy, is it my fault that you and Mommy

don't love each other anymore?"

He's like, "Well, we were happy,

and then we had you. You do the math."

So, with Bernie and Warren moving dangerously closer

towards open warfare, it's not surprising

that the candidates were asked about it at tonight's debate.

And Bernie was adamant that he never said what they said.

Senator Sanders, Senator Warren confirmed in a statement

that, in 2018, you told her

that you did not believe that a woman could win the election.

Why did you say that?

Well, as a matter of fact, I didn't say it.

Anybody who knows me knows that it's incomprehensible

that I would think that a woman

could not be president of the United States.

There's a video of-of me 30 years ago

talking about how a woman could become president

of the United States.

All right, this is completely true.

Bernie does have a video that came out from 30 years ago,

all right-- it's true, he does--

where he said, he said in the video

he thinks a woman could be elected president.

Then again, we can't really know

if this was recorded 30 years ago,

because the guy has looked the same his entire life.

Like, for all we know,

maybe every time Bernie gets in trouble,

he just records a new video and then makes it look old.

You know, like if someone accused him of hating dogs,

all of a sudden, a video would pop up of Bernie like,

"Hello, it's 1985,

"and I want to say I definitely do not hate dogs.

"No matter what they say about me in 2020, I do not hate dogs.

"I said it today in 1985.

Okay, I got to go. My Uber's here."

So, Bernie, Bernie was sticking to his story

that he never said a woman can't be president.

While Bernie was on the defensive,

Elizabeth Warren attacked,

saying that maybe none of these men could be president.

I think the best way to talk about who can win

is by looking at people's winning record.

So, can a woman beat Donald Trump?

Look at the men on this stage.

Collectively, they have lost ten elections.

The only people on this stage who have won

every single election that they've been in

-are the women, Amy and me. -So true.

-(cheering and applause) -So true.

And the only person on this stage

who has beaten an incumbent Republican

anytime in the past 30 years

is me.

-Goddamn. -(cheering and applause)

(whoops)

Not since Kill Bill

have I seen one woman

obliterate that many men...

in one fell swoop.

I mean, forget the wealth tax.

Warren just deducted two balls from every man on that stage.

That's what she did.

"Take two from you, take two from you."

So, Bernie says he didn't say it.

Senator Warren says he did say it.

And she definitely won this exchange,

although it would have been a much cleaner victory

if she didn't come back a few moments later

to create one of the weirdest moments

we've ever seen in a debate.

Just to set the record straight,

I defeated an incumbent Republican,

uh, running for Congress.

When?

1990.

That's how I won. Beat a Republican congressman.

-Number two... -30 years ago.

Of course, I don't think there's any debate up here.

Wasn't that 30 years ago?

I beat an incumbent Republican congressman.

And I said, I was the only one

who's beaten an incumbent Republican in 30 years.

Well, 30 years ago is 1990, as a matter of fact.

But I don't know that that's the major issue of the day.

(audience groaning, clamoring)

Okay, that... that was the most unnecessary

nitpicky argument

you will ever see in a presidential debate.

You know what it felt like?

It felt like we were watching an old couple fight in a diner.

That's what it looked like. You know, it was just like,

"I thought you said you were getting an appetizer!"

"Yeah, I am. I'm getting soup.

That is an appetizer."

"No, soup is a side!"

"No, if it comes before the meal, it's an appetizer!"

"My father was right.

I should have married Stu Greenberg."

"I am Stu Greenberg!"

(laughter, applause)

So that was a... that was a pretty tense moment

between Warren and Sanders.

But there was another tension

that had to be addressed tonight,

and that was between the U.S. and Iran.

And the question the candidates were asked was,

"Why would they make a better commander in chief

than the current commander in tweet?"

I sit on the Senate Armed Services Committee.

I worked with our generals,

with our military leaders, with our intelligence.

I am able to work with Republicans.

I am able to bring people together.

I've been in the U.S. Senate for over 12 years.

I bring a different perspective.

I worked internationally

around the world for decades.

I traveled, I met with governments,

I met with businesses, and I understand

how America interacts with other countries.

Wait. Hold up. So Tom Steyer over here thinks

he can be commander in chief

because he went on a lot of business trips? That's...

'Cause that's basically what he said.

It's almost like, he was like, "That's right. Vote for me.

I'm Delta Diamond Medallion!"

(laughter)

It's a weird reason, but-but look, to be fair to him,

to be fair, Tom Steyer did go on to say

that he thinks being commander in chief is more

about judgment than experience.

And I'll be honest. In that, I agree.

'Cause here's my thing.

Every candidate makes it sound

like they're experts on the military, when in reality,

the generals give the president options,

and the president just picks one.

I don't care which president it is.

Like, even Trump, when they conduct these operations,

they give him options, and then he picks.

He's not planning the operation. He's not there like,

"Okay, Alpha Team, you're gonna go in low.

"And then, pew, pew, pew.

"Then the bad guys over the top, then the grenade,

"and then, you're gonna be like, 'Baba, baba, baba, baba, bah.'

"And then, I'll jump in, and I'll be like,

"'Take Eric! Take Eric!'

And then we all win. We all win."

(laughter)

It's not happening. It's not happening.

(applause and cheering)

Now...

I'll be honest with you.

Other than what we just saw,

there wasn't much new in this debate.

They touched on health care, trade policies, impeachment,

and to be honest, it was more of the same, you know?

Bernie wants Medicare for All, Biden thinks it's too much.

Klobuchar says she can win Republican votes.

Buttigieg says he brings something new to the job,

-which is a fake I.D. -(laughter)