I give love back to you.

Valentine's Day is tomorrow.

I don't know if you know that.

And if you don't--

[APPLAUSE]

It sneaks up on you.

A lot of people are like, what do mean it's tomorrow?

But don't worry about--

you know, because a lot of people

wait till the last minute--

plenty of restaurants where you can still get a reservation,

you just have to decide if you want to eat at 3:30 or 11:15.

[LAUGHTER]

Sometimes single people get a little down on Valentine's Day.

I don't.

You know, you never know when you might find love.

I knew this guy--

true story-- he thought he would never find love.

And he meets this girl.

She's on the streets, and she's beautiful--

he's successful by the way-- very successful.

She's beautiful-- and a prostitute.

[LAUGHTER]

I'm thinking of "Pretty Woman."

But you know, the point is that was a beautiful movie.

That's what I'm saying.

Personally, I'm not a big fan of Valentine's Day.

I know what you're thinking--

Ellen, you're never going to get a man that way.

But--

[LAUGHTER]

Don't get me wrong, I love overpriced flowers

and tiny little hearts that taste like chalk.

I really do.

But--

[LAUGHTER]

I just don't think you need a specific day to tell someone

that you love them.

You should celebrate love all the time.

But if--

[APPLAUSE]

Every day.

But if you want to do something a little extra special,

you don't have to do something big.

Like remember last year, Kanye did

that thing for Kim where it was a room full of roses and Kenny

G was performing--

don't do that.

First of all, you don't need to spend that much money

to show your love.

Secondly, I hired Kenny G for Portia, so he's not available.

[LAUGHTER]

Many things you can do each and every day to show someone how

much they mean to you-- for instance, you know,

a simple little gesture of filling up their car with gas--

you know, in the tank, not the car.

[LAUGHTER]

But don't put it in if it's an electric car,

because that's how I ruined Portia's Chevy Volt,

and I didn't--

maybe you can let your partner pick which TV

show they want to watch.

Because usually someone's in control of what to watch.

You can give them choices to make it easier.

I'll give you choices--

you can watch this show, you could watch my "Game of Games,"

you could watch "Finding Dory," you could watch

one of my reruns of my sitcom.

And that's it.

That's basically it.

[LAUGHTER]

Most of all, be present.

Put away your phone.

Switch to silent.

Turn off the notifications.

I'm kidding, nobody's going to do that.

[LAUGHTER]

But you know, just buy somebody some chocolates,

because they're going to be hungry

a few hours after dinner-- at 3:30.

So I hope that helps.

Happy Valentine's Day, and now give it up.

He's my work Valentine.

I love him so very, very much.

This is tWitch.