It is good to see you.

真高興能見到妳。

It has been far too long since we have gathered our banners together in war.

自從我們上次一起參戰的時間已經過了很久了。

Hear, hear!

沒錯！

I'd like to call this council of motherhood to order.

我想召集這個婦女議會來重整秩序。

We must band together to vanquish our foe.

我們必須合作擊敗我們的敵人。

Like the great battle of potty training.

像是「噓噓訓練之戰」那次。

I could not have conquered the porcelain throne without your Elmo sticker chart.

沒有你的 Elmo 貼紙版，我是無法征服「陶瓷王座」的。

But now far greater evil has come upon us.

但現在更邪惡的惡魔正在迎面而來。

Is it summiting Mount Laundry?

是要爬「髒衣山」嗎？

No.

不是。

Is it toddler sleep negotiations?

是要做個「寶寶睡」談判嗎？

No. These evils will always exist in our world.

不是。這些惡魔們會一直在我們的世界上存在著。

Well then, what is it?

那麼到底是什麼？

Surely together...

一起合作的話，當然...

The grocery trip with small children.

是與小孩的採購之旅。

Devil incarnate!

惡魔的化身啊！

It is right that you called us.

妳召喚我們是個對的決定。

An attack falls upon me weekly, Your Grace.

每個禮拜戰爭都會降臨在我身上，陛下。

But this is different.

但這次不同。

This the semi-annual Costco stock up.

這次可是「好市多半年囤貨」之戰。

This is my first battle going to Costco with three children.

這是我與三個小孩去好市多的第一戰。

Oh, two children is a battle.

喔，兩個小孩是場戰役。

Three children is war.

三個小孩是戰爭。

What can be done?

有什麼可以做的嗎？

Your defeat is inevitable.

妳的戰敗是不可避免的。

My scouts tell me this is the current layout of Costco.

我的偵察兵告訴我這是目前好市多的佈局。

And be wary, I will need two carts.

請注意，我會需要兩台購物車。

One cart is a battle.

一台購物車是場戰役。

Two carts is war.

兩台購物車是戰爭。

Okay, Helena, we get it.

好啦，海倫娜，我們懂了。

Do you?

你真的懂嗎？

Yes.

是的。

Why not just send your husband to the front lines?

為什麼不派妳的丈夫去最前線？

You coward!

你這個膽小鬼！

He always falls prey to the sweet sounds of the Vitamix demonstration.

他一直會被 Vitamix 試吃品之美妙招喚聲所誘惑而成為獵物。

Perhaps if...

要不然...

I ask for diapers, he comes back with four dozen muffins!

我要求買尿布，他卻買了四打鬆糕回來！

You have your list?

妳有妳的清單嗎？

Obviously.

那當然。

Your best chance is to take it one section at a time.

妳最好的勝算是一區區進攻。

Produce first...

先去食品區...

Are you mad?

妳瘋了嗎？

With children in the cart, the bananas will be carnage by the end!

小朋友在購物車上，最後一定會把香蕉都殘殺的！

True. Produce is a vulnerable area.

沒錯，食品區是很脆弱的地方。

What weapons do you have?

妳有什麼武器？

Fruit snacks and Goldfish.

水果點心還有金魚餅乾。

But for this conflict, I shall wield the holy grail.

但為了這次的衝突，我會揮舞著「聖物」。

The iPad.

就是 iPad。

And risk a crack?

然後冒著有裂痕的風險嗎？

That's a risk I'm willing to take.

那是我願意承擔的風險。

I mean, if you feel comfortable with that amount of screen time.

我是說，假如你同意讓他們看這麼久螢幕。

Save the mom guilt for the battlefield, Cornelia!

保留這份媽媽的罪惡感到戰場上再用吧，科妮莉亞！

This is foolish!

這好愚蠢喔！

Three children sharing one iPad, you'll be on borders of meltdown territory.

三個小孩共享一台 iPad，妳會遊走在崩潰領地的邊緣。

Well, then retreat back to food court fortress! They will obey for a churro!

那麼撤退到食堂的堡壘吧！他們會為了西班牙油條而服從的！

Sugar and screens cannot be the way!

糖和螢幕絕對行不通的啊！

What other...

那還能怎...

Enough arguing!

吵夠了！

If we cannot agree, we must call on ancient wisdom.

如果我們沒有共識，我們必須召喚古老賢人。

Hello, mighty grandmother.

您好，偉大的奶奶。

How many children?

幾個小朋友？

Three, m'lady.

三個，尊貴的女士。

In my day, I had eight.

我當年還有八個呢。

You left them in the car.

妳把他們留在車上。

I cracked a window. Nobody cared back then.

我車窗有留縫隙，以前都沒人在乎的。

- But what should I do now, oh wise one? - Yes.

- 喔賢人，但我現在該怎麼做？ - 是。

Consider the belt buckle, yes.

考慮使用皮帶扣吧，對。

You only have to use it once...

妳只需要用過一次...

Okay, I think we're good.

好，我覺得不用了。

You won't hear my words of wisdoms?

妳不聽我的智慧之語嗎？

If you would only...

你只要...

Know that the water is giving the children chicken pox.

記得水會讓孩子們起水痘的。

- Yeah. - Oh, okay.

- 好啦。 - 喔好。

The time has come.

是時候了。

I must away.

我必須出發了。

Remember, stick to your list.

切記，堅持只買清單上的東西。

Resist the impulse buy.

抗拒購買的衝動。

Even if it's dark chocolate covered almonds?

即使是裹著黑巧克力的杏仁？

- Ooh! - Yes! Be strong.

- 喔！ - 是的！要堅強。

Thank you, wise leaders. I feel ready.

謝謝您，智慧的領導們，我覺得我準備好了。

Go with speed, friend.

助妳一臂之力，朋友。

May fortune smile upon you.

願好運落在妳身上。

To battle.

去打仗吧！

Kids, get your shoes on!

孩子們，穿上你們的鞋子！

Yes!

加油！

I shall bring you the Costco receipt on a spike!

我會把好市多收據刺在矛上帶回來給妳的！

Oh, I forgot! Costco lets you order online, and they'll just deliver it to your car.

喔，我忘了！好市多提供線上購物而且還會幫你送到你的車上。

Eh, next time.

呃，下次吧。

Mothers, subscribe!

母親們，請訂閱!

Like this video!

按讚這支影片！

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分享這支影片！

Comment upon this video!

在這支影片留言！

Yes.

沒錯。

When was a time that your mother left you in the car?

你媽以前什麼時候把你留在車上？

What?

什麼？

Did your mom do that?

你媽會那樣做嘛？

She did.

她會。

13 times.

13 次。