Last night, he flew 8,000 miles

昨晚，他飛行了 8 千英里

for his first state visit to India.

到印度進行他的首次外交訪問。

Now, Trump's in India partly to negotiate a trade deal,

川普到印度的一部分原因是為了談判貿易協議

and partly to get his copy of the Kama Sutra signed.

另一部分則是要帶著他的「愛經」去簽名。

Yeah, Trump and Melania use that book all the time.

沒錯，川普和梅蘭妮亞經常使用這本書。

Her favorite position is the one where she's on top,

她最喜歡的姿勢是她在上面

-and he's not in the room. -(laughter)

而他不在房間。(笑)

Now, you might be wondering how would a country

那麼，你可能在想一個

full of brown people react to a visit from Donald Trump?

充滿棕色膚色人種的國家對於唐納川普的來訪會有什麼樣的反應？

Well, it turns out, from the moment Trump arrived,

結果是，從川普到達的那一刻

it was love at first sight.

就是一見鍾情。

President Trump just arrived this morning

川普總統在今早剛抵達

for a two-day visit.

進行一個為期兩天的訪問。

The president received what's being called

總統得到的是

a "king's welcome,"

由印度總理精心策劃

orchestrated by the Indian prime minister.

所謂的「國王式的歡迎」。

The president headed a massive rally

總統領導一個擠滿超過 10 萬人

packed with more than a hundred thousand people.

的大型集會。

A Make America Great Again rally, India-style.

「讓美國再次偉大」的印度風格群眾大會。

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

They even blasted "Macho Man"

他們甚至在總統登台以前

before the president took the stage,

大聲播放「Macho Man」這首歌

and when he did, a show of affection

而當他上台後，對印度總理

for India's prime minister.

釋出善意。

Namaste, Trump!

Namaste，川普！

NEWSMAN: The president is overwhelmingly popular

新聞記者: 總統在印度非常地

here in India, where his pro-business,

受歡迎，他支持商業

tough-on-terror image is widely admired.

嚴厲反恐的形象備受推崇。

I happen to like Prime Minister Modi a lot.

我剛好也非常喜歡莫迪總理

He says between the stadium and... and the, uh...

他說在體育場和...，呃...

airport, we'll have about seven million people.

機場之間，我們會有 7 百萬人。

So it's gonna be very exciting.

所以這是相當令人期待的。

Seven million people

7 百萬人

came out to see Trump go from the airport to the stadium?

來看川普從機場到體育場？

That's impressive.

這太讓人佩服了。

Although, to be fair, it's also India--

雖然，老實說，因為是印度

there's seven million people between any two locations.

任何兩個地點間都會有 7 百萬個人。

-(laughter) -Yeah, I mean...

(笑聲) 是的，我是說...

the line at Indian Starbucks is seven million people.

印度星巴克排隊的人潮就有 7 百萬人了。

There are Indian brides right now who are like, "No, Daddy,

現在的印度新娘都會說，「不，父親

I just want a small wedding-- no more than seven million people."

我只想要一個小型婚禮-- 不要超過 7 百萬人那種。」

He's like, "Okay, Anushka, first cousins only."

爸爸回答，「沒事，Anushka，就只邀請表親。」

But it is true that Donald Trump is very popular in India.

但事實是唐納川普在印度的確非常受歡迎。

All right, some like him because of his anti-Muslim rhetoric,

是的，有些人因為他的反穆斯林言論而喜歡他

some like him because of his business savvy,

有些人因為他的商業頭腦而喜歡他

and all of them like him

而所有的人都喜歡他

because his skin looks like tikka masala.

因為他皮膚看起來就像瑪莎拉雞。

-(laughter) -And since India is so fond...

(笑聲) 而既然印度那麼喜歡

-(applause, cheering) -so fond...

(拍手，歡呼) 那麼喜歡

of President Donald Jaipur Trump,

唐納 J 川普

they pulled out all the stops for his visit.

他們為了他的來訪可為竭盡全力。

NEWSWOMAN: At India's famous Taj Mahal,

記者: 在印度著名的 Taj Mahal

workers paint, spruce and polish,

工人正油漆、整理和擦亮

roads are renovated, and nearby, the Yamuna River rises,

道路進行整修，在附近的 Yamuna 河上漲

as millions of liters of water are released

釋放出數百萬升的水

to cover its foul, polluted smell.

以掩蓋其骯髒、受到污染的氣味。

Preparations included a hastily built wall

準備工作包含草草砌成的牆

that critics say was meant to block the view of a slum,

評論家說這是為了要遮住貧民窟的景觀

keeping thousands of poor people out of sight.

將數以萬計的窮人擋在視野之外。

Yeah. India is trying so hard to impress Trump

沒錯。印度為了取悅川普下足了功夫

that they're building new roads, cleaning up dams,

他們建立新的道路、清理水壩

and even building a wall to hide their slums.

甚至蓋了一座牆將他們的貧民窟藏起來。

And you know Trump's got to love that.

你知道川普一定會喜歡這個。

He's just like, "You see? They built a wall,

他會說，「看到了嗎？他們蓋了一座牆

"and I haven't seen a single Mexican.

而我到現在都還沒看到一個墨西哥人。

-(laughter) -It works, folks."

(笑聲) 鄉親們，這行得通啊！」

Now, India cleaning its rivers and streets for Trump

印度為了川普清理河流和街道

might seem extreme, but if you think about it,

看起來或許很離譜，但如果你仔細想想

this is basically what guys do

這基本上就是每當有女生說要來家裡走走

whenever a girl says she's coming over, right?

男生一定會做的事啊，對嗎？

Yeah, you make the bed, pick up your clothes,

沒錯，你會整理床鋪、收拾衣服

hide all your junk in the closet.

把所有的垃圾藏到衣櫃裡。

Then she calls and says she can't make it,

然後她打電話來說不能過來了

and you're like, "Damn it! So I flushed the toilet for nothing?"

你的反應會是，「該死的，難道我沖馬桶是沖心酸的嗎？」

So clearly, India is trying to give Trump

所以很明顯的，印度是要給川普

a memorable experience.

一個難以忘懷的經驗。

There was, however, one tiny culture clash

然而，川普必須應付一場

that Trump had to deal with.

小小的文化衝突。

Donald Trump is in India this morning,

唐納川普今早到達印度

but he could be forced to go without his favorite meals

但是他可能會被迫放棄他最喜歡的

of burgers and steaks.

漢堡和牛排餐。

India's prime minister, Narendra Modi,

印度總理，那倫德拉莫迪

a devout vegetarian, plans not to serve any meat

是一個忠誠的素食者，計畫在總統的參訪期間

to the president

不招待他任何

during his visit. One person who's familiar

的肉類餐點。一個熟識川普總統

with President Trump's eating habits

飲食習慣的人

has told the media they're worried

告訴媒體他們很擔心

about how he'll cope with the lack of meat, saying:

無肉不歡的總統將如何適應，他表示:

"I have never seen him eat a vegetable."

「我從來沒有見過他吃蔬菜。」

(laughter)

(笑聲)

I honestly don't know what's stranger...

說實在的，我不知道什麼比較奇怪...

the fact that Trump might eat vegetables

是川普可能要吃蔬菜呢

or that people are actually worried about how it'll go.

還是人們真的在擔心這件事會如何發展。

Because you realize the news wasn't even snarky about it.

因為你意識到新聞上並沒有人在挖苦他。

They weren't like, "Ha-ha!

他們並不是說，「哈哈！

The president has to eat vegetables!"

總統要吃蔬菜了！」

They were like, "Yo, if Donald Trump eats broccoli,

他們的反應是，「如果唐納川普吃了花椰菜

-he could die." -(laughter)

他可能會死。」(笑聲)

So, this is gonna be hard on Trump.

所以這對川普而言是很困難的。

And you know what I was thinking is what's worse for him,

然而你知道我覺得對他而言更糟的會是什麼嗎

is that cows are so sacred in India,

牛在印度是非常神聖的動物

that they're allowed to just wander around in the city.

牠們允許在市區裡漫遊。

So can you imagine how hard that's gonna be for him?

所以你可以想像到這對川普來說有多痛苦嗎？

He hasn't eaten beef for two days,

他兩天沒吃牛肉

and then he's just gonna start seeing cows in the street,

然後他必須開始在街上看到牛隻

and he's gonna be like, "Oh, my God, I'm hallucinating!

他一定會說，「哦，天啊，我產生了幻覺！

"All the cows I've eaten have come back to haunt me

「所有我從前吃過的牛都回來纏我了

-(whooping, applause) -"I'm sorry, cows. I'm so sorry!

(歡呼，鼓掌) 牛兒們，我對不起你們。對不起！

So sorry."

真對不起。」

But I will say, I'm impressed, because despite the beef issue,

但是我必須說，儘管有牛肉的問題，我還是很佩服

Trump is making the best of his India trip.

川普充分利用此趟印度行。

In fact, he even made an effort to show the Indian people

事實上，他甚至努力通過說印度語

how much he respects them by trying to speak their language.

來向印度人民表示對於他們的尊敬。

And it went about as well as you would think.

它的效果和你想像的一樣好。

India welcomes us

印度在「Abbabad」這裡

at the world's largest cricket stadium

世界最大的板球體育場

right here in "Abbabad."

歡迎我們。

Nam-oo-stay.

Nam-oo-stay。

Chiwala.

Chiwala。

Gushard.

Gushard。

Sardar Patel.

Sardar Patel。

Arshrom.

Arshrom。

Suchin-tendo-kur.

Suchin-tendo-kur。

Goosholah.

Goosholah。

Go-ah.

Go-ah。

Dewali.

Dewali。

As the great religious teacher

正如偉大的宗教大師

Swami Vive-kamunund once said...

Swami Vive-Kamunund 曾說過...

(laughter)

「笑聲」

Oh, man!

噢，天啊！

Oh, okay, even if that pronunciation was right,

喔，好，就算那個發音是正確的

that facial expression was so wrong.

那個臉部表情也太怪了。

That looked like the most exercise he's gotten in decades.

那看起來像是他在十幾年當中做過最多的運動了。

Just like, "Kum-kum-mund-nun...

像這樣，「Kum-kum-mund-num...

"Kum-mund-nun... All right, that's my steps for the day.

Kum-mund-nun... 好了，我達到今天的運動量了。

I'm done."

可以了。」

Oh, man.

噢，老天。

Now, now, this was really interesting.

現在，現在，有趣的地方是

After Trump butchered half the Hindi dictionary,

在川普說不好一半印度語字典裡的字之後

Indian Twitter lost their minds, right?

印度的 Twitter 失去了他們的理智，對嗎？

People were coming on, like, "Dude, it's not Nam-oo-stay.

人們湧進留言，像是，「老兄，這不是唸做 Nam-oo-stay

"It's namaste.

是 namaste

Who messes up namaste and says Nam-oo-stay?"

究竟有誰會把 namaste 唸成 Nam-oo-stay？」

But to those Indians, I say please, don't be mad.

不過對於那些印度人民，我必須說請你們別生氣。

Trump may not be able to pronounce Hindi words,

川普或許不能夠正確發音印度單字

but he can't pronounce English words, either, so...

不過他也不能正確的發音英文單字，所以...

he's an equal opportunity offender.

在冒犯人這一部分他實行的是機會均等。

And besides, think about it, it would have been way scarier

而且，仔細想想，如果川普一開口就是流利的印度語

if Trump had come out all fluent in Hindi.

那更可怕吧。

Can you imagine if he just came out and he was like:

妳能夠想像如果他說話像是:

(impersonating Trump speaking fluent Hindi)

(模仿川普說流利的印度語)

Bigly.

Bigly。

(laughter, cheering)

(笑聲，歡呼聲)

It would have been weird.

那會更奇怪。

So...

所以...

that was day one of President Trump's trip to India,

那就是川普印度行的第一天

and you know what?

而你知道嗎？

I'm proud of the president.

我為總統感到驕傲。

I'm really proud of him for teaching us a valuable lesson,

我真的為他感到驕傲，因為他給我們上了珍貴的一課

and that is: No matter how old you are,

那就是: 無論你年紀多大

you can still go to new places, make new friends,

你還是可以到新的地方，認識新的朋友

and have new mind-blowing experiences

得到新的令人興奮的經驗

like eating a carrot for the first time.

像是第一次吃紅蘿蔔。

(laughter) -And to that I say:

(笑聲) 針對那一點我說:

Nam-oo-stay.

Nam-oo-stay。