I'm pear.

- And I'm orange.

- Great, what now?

- It's a voice modulator, just got it.

- Awesome, well maybe put it away

because I'm gonna tell the story of Pinocchio,

you wanna hear it?

- Boy would I.

(laughing)

Get it?

Boy, wood, that's a double pun son.

- Well double congrats on being double the annoying.

Now then, you probably know the G-rated Disney version

of Pinocchio but the original story isn't quite

so suitable for children.

(evil laughing)

Orange, would you knock it off?

- Sorry!

- Anyway, the original version of Pinocchio.

Once upon a time there was a carpenter,

one day he brought home a block of wood he planned

to carve into a table leg, when he cut into it,

the block of wood cried out.

- [Orange] Wood, you stop that.

- [Pear] Orange!

- Okay, okay no more voice modulator, I promise.

That was the last one I swear.

- [Pear] Anyway, the carpenter decided

to give the wood block to his neighbor,

a poor puppeteer named Japado,

he carved the wood into a boy puppet

and named him Pinocchio.

- [Orange] Wait, I thought the block

of wood yelled in pain when it got cut.

- [Pear] That's right.

- [Orange] So Japado just ignored the screams

and kept carving it?

He must really hate Pinocchio.

- Japado does not hate Pinocchio.

- Oh yeah?

Then why'd he give a name like Pinocchio?

(laughing)

- Moving on, the moment Japado

finished carving Pinocchio's nose,

it began to grow uncontrollably--

- [Orange] Killing Japado instantly,

they won't tell you that in the Disney version.

- True, they won't because that's not

how any version of the story goes.

- I thought you said this story wasn't suitable for kids.

- I did but--

- [Orange] So let's get some gore up in here,

this is boring!

Lets get to the murder.

- [Pear] Orange!

Pinocchio did not kill anyone with his nose.

- [Orange] Sure he did,

that's why they're called putty noses to this day.

(laughing)

- That was fun, now back to the real story.

Pinocchio was a mischievous little puppet,

as soon as Japado gave him legs--

- [Orange] They grew super long.

- [Pear] No.

- [Orange] His neck grew super long.

- [Pear] No.

- [Orange] His legs started turning noses

and he started stabbing people again.

- [Pear] What?

- [Orange] And this time he was thrice

as deadly 'cause he had three bloody noses.

- That's it, gimme that!

- Hey, gimme back my voice modulator,

don't put my voice modulator in the garbage disposal,

don't turn on the garbage dispos--

(groaning)

- Now, where were we?

As soon as Japado gave him legs, Pinocchio ran away.

- [Orange] Yeah, my version was way better,

what a snooze past.

- [Pear] Speaking of snoozing,

when Pinocchio came home he fell asleep

on the stove and his legs burned off.

- [Orange] What?

Yeah!

- [Pear] But then Japado built him new legs.

(moaning)

Oh, and Pinocchio threw a hammer

at a talking cricket and killed it.

- What?

Pinocchio killed Jiminy Cricket?

Finally we get some murder!

- How did you get another voice modulator?

- I wished for it upon a star, oh wait, missed opportunity.

- Okay, let's wrap this up.

Basically Pinocchio ran off with his new legs

and did a bunch of other mischievous things

and got turned into a donkey.

- [Orange] Ooh, did someone say donkey?

(horse neighing)

- Did that come from your voice modulator?

- Yeah, that one came pre-programmed.

Pretty cool, huh?

- Nope.

Anyway, in the end Pinocchio became a real boy, the end.

- [Orange] Ooh wait, I have that one pre-programmed too.

- [Announcer] The end!

- How many things do you have pre-programmed

into that thing?

- A lot!

You wanna see my favorite?

- Fine.

- Hey, hey.

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey.

(screaming)

(laughing)

(upbeat music)