Name: 總是太在乎別人的看法好累！教你兩個簡單方法放寬心 (How To Stop Caring About What Others Think – Butterfly Method)
Uploaded: 2020-03-09T21:01:20.000Z
Duration: 5 min 34 s

If you're someone who cares way too much about what others think of you, then this video is for you.

如果你太在乎別人對自己的想法的話，這支影片很適合你觀看。

to 不定詞

So pay close attention because I'm gonna show you exactly what you need to do.

希望你們可以專心觀看，因為我要告訴你們需要怎麼做。

Now, the reason why we care so much about what others think of us is because we humans are social animals.

你會在意別人對自己的看法，因為人類是群居動物。

Our survival has always been dependent on our ability to work together.

人類的生存之道從來都取決於我們相互合作的能力。

So whether you like it or not, because we are social animals, we subconsciously sort the people in our environment into hierarchies.

不管你喜歡與否，偏偏因為我們是群居動物，所以我們會潛意識地把身邊的人分等級。

We rank everyone by their power, status, and whatever else we value from top to bottom like a pyramid.

我們會以對方的權力、地位等方法區分，並像金字塔一樣從上往下排。

For example, if you were working in a corporate setting, something like a typical office job.

舉例來說在群體環境下工作，像是一般辦公室。

You're gonna have a hierarchy that's sort of looks like this.

Your boss and his superiors are all the way at the top, you're over here, and the interns and people with less important positions are ranked below you.

你的老闆和公司的高階主管會在頂端，你會是在這個位置，而實習生們和小職員會在你的下面。

The reason we care so much about what others think of us is because we humans are always concerned about where we currently stand in our hierarchy.

我們會太在乎別人對自己想法的原因是人類都會在意我們所在的位置。

It's everyone's unconscious goal to try to secure a position closer to the top because, well, things are better up there: you get more respect, you have more power to do things, you don't have to listen to anyone else, you make more money, people like you more, the list goes on and on and on.

每個人潛意識裡的目標是設法往頂端爬，因為在上面實在有很多好處。比如得到更多尊敬、做事權力不受限、不用聽命於其他人、賺更多錢、更受人喜愛等等。

The point is, it's generally better to be at the top and that's why we all subconsciously try to get there.

重點是站在頂端沒有什麼太多的壞處，所以人人淺意識中都搶著要往上爬。

Now, if you're at the middle or at the bottom of your hierarchy, then you're gonna care a lot about what others think of you because you need to be constantly paying attention to their reactions to make sure that you're saying and doing the right things, that you're acting quote/unquote cool enough to gain their respect and climb up the pyramid.

如果你在這個金字塔等級的中後端，你就會變得非常在意其他人的看法。因為你要懂得察言觀色以確保沒有說錯話和做對事，或是做出足以獲得他們的尊敬的事情好讓你往金字塔的上端爬。

On the other hand, if you're near or at the top of your hierarchy, you're still gonna care a lot about what others think of you because you need to pay attention to what's happening in the group, making sure that people don't spread rumors or do things that could hurt your reputation, so that you can keep your position at the top.

另一方面，如果你已經在金字塔等級的上端，而你仍然在意他人對自己的看法的話，那是因為你必需注意團體內的狀況，確保內部不會到處散播謠言或做出傷害你名聲的事情，這樣你才可以一直維持在頂端。

So, it doesn't matter where you are in your hierarchy because either way you're still gonna care a lot about what others think of you.

其實不管你在哪一個等級，你仍然會在意的。

Wait, so, improvement pill, does this mean that no matter what I do there's no way for me to get out of this trap?

是不是代表改善的方法就是不管怎麼樣，其實我也無法走出這個窘境？

See, there are a couple of ways you can cheat this.

But the most practical way in my opinion is what I like to call the butterfly method.

個人認為最有效的方法是我稱之為「蝴蝶」的方法。

This is when like a butterfly, you fly around from social environment to social environment, from group to group, doing so will mean that you are part of many different hierarchies, not just one or two like most people, but at least four or more.

做法就像是一隻蝴蝶，於不同的社交環境和各種團體間周旋，這樣做讓你融入各個不同階級的一份子，不像大眾一樣只有一或兩個團體而已，可能四五個。

See, the more hierarchies that you are a part of, the less you will care about each one.

當你參與愈多各階級的團體，你愈不會在意每一個人的想法。

If you're only a part of one group then a hundred percent of your concerns will be about how high on the hierarchy you are within that one group.

如果你只生活在一個團體裡，你百分之百會在意自己在團體裡位置的高低。

But if you have two groups that you actively participate in, then your concerns become split maybe 50/50, maybe 60/40 or maybe even 70/30, depending on how much time you spend with each group.

不過你常和兩個團體相處的話，你對這個等級的關注度可能會分裂變成五五分、六四分或三七分，視你和每一個團體相處時間的長短。

Now it doesn't matter too much because just by having another group of people that you want an active part of, how much you care about what others think of you and either group will drop significantly.

因為你主動參與另外一個團體，你對這些事情的在乎程度會明顯下降。

Bump this to four or five or even six groups and you'll find yourself at a point where you don't really care that much about each group.

甚至是擴展至四到六個團體的話，你會發現自己其實並不會如此在意每個團體對自己的想法了。

Yes, you're still gonna care a bit about what others think, and that's perfectly normal.

沒有錯，你依然會有點在意，不過是很正常的。

But you're gonna care much, much, much less because it doesn't matter if you're not in a good position for one group, you still have five other groups.

就算你的位置不高，不過你會變得愈來愈不在意，因為你還有其他五個小團體。

You're living with the mindset of abundance, which is when you have an excess of something, and by simply having an abundance of social groups that you are a part of, you're gonna find yourself acting in a more relaxed and collected manner.

當你用充足的思維方式去生活，也就是當你有某項東西是一直是充足的時候，像是擁有大量屬於你的社會群體，你就會發現自己的行為會更輕鬆平靜。

You're gonna find yourself treating others in the group more confidently and in a more fun and carefree way.

你會發現自己在團體裡與其他人的相處會變得更有自信、更有趣和自在。

And because of this, you will actually climb many of these hierarchies without even trying.

你也會因此而在不知不覺中往上爬至不同位階。

How does one execute the butterfly method?

Well, there are two ways to go about this.

The first is to start looking for other groups to join.

In the past, I was an avid user of the platform meetup.com.

在過去，我是 meetup.com 平台的重度使用者。

There you can find people that share common interests and hang out with them: board games, public speaking groups, sports fanatics, you name, it they have it.

可以在平台上尋找志同道合的朋友並和他們一起出去、一起玩桌遊、組織演講組等等的團體，只要你能列舉得出來的都有。

By expanding your social circle like this you will find yourself a part of many different groups.

透過擴展社交圈子有助於你在不同的團體中找到自我。

The more groups you actively participate in, the less you will care about what others think of you in each one.

愈是活躍於不同的團體，就漸漸不會過份在意別人對自己的想法。

The second way you can take advantage of the butterfly method is by traveling by yourself.

第二種方法是可以善用「蝴蝶」的方法，就是去旅行。

When you travel to another country all on your own and socialize with the people there, you remove yourself from the hierarchies that you are normally a part of.

獨自到其他國家旅遊並認識在當地的人，你自然會把自己從團體中的等級中移除。

You're in a totally different place with totally different people.

因為你在不同的國度與完全不一樣的人相處。

And oftentimes, you'll start to notice yourself acting very differently.

假設經常獨自出遊的話，你會漸漸發覺你的行為會變得非常不一樣。

More confidently, more carefree when you're abroad, because these are all hierarchies that you don't really care about: because the mindset is you're only there for a couple of days or weeks and you'll probably never see those people again.

在國外的時候，你會變得更有自信、更無憂無慮，那些團體中的階級觀念不再讓心中有芥蒂，因為你知道自己只會待在這個地方幾天或是幾個禮拜而已，往後大概也不會再遇到這群人。

By traveling so many places on your own, you end up joining and leaving dozens of different groups, and what you'll find when you eventually return home is a very different perspective on life.

獨自出遊時你會不斷地加入又離開不同的小團體，最後回家後會發現你對人生有截然不同的想法。

You're going to have a better understanding of just how many people there are in the world, just how many groups and hierarchies you can join.

你會更清楚到這世界上其實有多少人、你有多少個小團體可以加入。

And this is the ultimate form of abundance, understanding that in a world with seven billion people, there are endless groups to join.

最後更是會體悟到，這世界上有 70 億人口，基本上是有加入不完的小團體。

Now we all know caring too much about what others think is bad, but there are things that you should care about.

現在應該知道過於在乎別人看法是不好的，我們其實還有其他該在乎的事情。

Things like learning, which brings us to the sponsors of today's video, Blinkist.

像是學習，以下要為大家介紹這支影片的贊助商——blinkist。

Blinkist is the perfect place for learning.

They take the key teachings from thousands of books and compress them into 15-minute summaries that you can read or even listen to.

他們會從上千本書中截取扼要，並濃縮成 15 分鐘聽讀的內容。

It's an app that I've been using for quite a while now, and it's helped me out a lot because I'm constantly looking for ways to improve my own life, so I'm always on the hunt for new information.

這個 app 我已經使用了一段時間，它幫了我很多的忙，因為我總是在尋找與改善人生方面的資訊。

But I simply don't have the time every single week to read dozens and dozens of books.

但我每個星期沒有太多閱讀時間閱讀大量相關書籍。

Blinkist allows me to quickly learn about new topics and new techniques and try them out.

Blinkist 提供一個快速學習新鮮題材和科技的平台，大家可以去試用看看。

Go to www.blinkist.com/improvementpill, or click on the link in the description box below to get access to their new promotion.

可以到 wwwblinkist.com/improvementpill 或是點擊下方資訊欄以知道他們最新的宣傳。

The first 100 viewers who click on this link will get an extended one-week free trial.

前一百名點進連結的觀看者將會延長一個星期的試用。

One of my favorite summaries on their app that I recommend you to check out is their summary on the laws of human nature, which has recently just climbed to the top of my reading list.

在 app 上看過其中一個我最喜歡的摘要，我也非常推薦大家去點閱的是 The laws of human nature。這是我最近必讀的讀物之一。

It goes into detail about why we do the things that we do.

裡面詳細闡釋我們為什麼要做我們手上在做的事。

此外，請大家繼續關注我們的影片。