Let's get started!

讓我們開始吧！

[Philosophy] Half of the time is spent listening to the same person arguing with the lecturer.

哲學系：上課一半的時間聽同一個人跟講師辯論。

[Marketing] We learn how to create imaginary problems to convenient solutions.

行銷系：我們學習如何創造不存在的問題，還有便利的解決方案。

[Accounting] I don't like spreadsheets, but I like money.

會計系：我不喜歡報表，但我喜歡錢。

[Medicine] In nine short years, I might be doing the job I actually want.

醫學系：或許九年之內我就可以做到我真正想做的工作了。

[Computer science] My time is occupied with helping friends with basic computer issues, before unsuccessfully influencing them that Linux is the superior operating system.

資訊科學學系：我都在幫我朋友解決很基本的電腦問題，在還未成功感化他們以前，Linux 都是最卓越的電腦作業系統。

[Psychology] I now understand why I'm attracted to my boyfriend.

心理系：我現在知道為什麼我被我男朋友吸引了。

[Management] Welcome to a course that teaches common sense made more complicated with longer words.

管理學系：歡迎來到一個用冗長文字把常識變得很複雜之後教給你的系。

[Criminology] I'll either find a job at the end of my degree, or I'll be the most highly trained criminal known to man.

犯罪學：我要嘛在修完課之後趕快找到工作，要嘛成為人類訓練最精良的罪犯。

[Law] I justify my six-figure salary by comprehending the English language slightly better than everyone else.

法律系：我要為我 6 位數的薪水辯護，畢竟我英文的理解能力比別人好一點！

[Nursing] I do twice the work and get half the pay of a doctor because I understand 10 percent less.

護理系：我的工作量是醫生的兩倍但薪水是醫生的一半，因為我所學的知識比醫生少一成。

[Marine biology] I expected to swim with dolphins, but I'm now managing a fish farm.

海洋生物學：我以為我會跟海豚一起游泳，但我現在在管理漁場。

[Marxism] I'll complain about being broke forever without actually trying to change it.

社會學馬克思主義：我會抱怨破產一輩子但從來沒想要改變。

[Mechanical engineering] I tried doing electrical engineering, but it was too hard.

機械系：我試著做電機系的事，但太難了。

[Electrical engineering] I'm only studying this to become Iron Man.

電機系：我唸這個只為了成為鋼鐵人。

[Innovation and enterprise] I'll never get a job, but at least I know how to make my own.

新創學系：我找不到工作，但至少我知道怎麼自己變出工作。

[Commerce] This was my third choice behind law and medicine that my Asian parents would accept.

商業系：這是我亞洲父母除了法律跟藥學系之外第三能接受的系了。

[Veterinary science] I love animals.

獸醫系：我喜歡動物。

I can't wait to put them down all day.

我迫不及待整天幫牠們安樂死。

[History] I've referenced the entire internet in the last four days.

歷史系：我過去 4 天都在參考網路資料。

[Economics] I now know how to fix all the world's problems, but no one likes what I have to say.

經濟系：我現在知道要怎麼解決全世界的問題，但沒人喜歡我所說的。

[Tourism] In only three years, I'll be able to get a minimum-wage job in a Western European country.

旅遊系：只要三年，我就能在某個西歐國家找到一份最低薪資的工作。

[Journalism] I now be the most qualified person to cry at my computer for hours on end.

新聞系：我現在是最有資格在電腦前面狂哭好幾小時的人。

[Geology] I'm very boring at parties.

地理系：我在派對上很無聊。

[Medical science] I couldn't get into medicine.

醫學科學系：我無法喜歡藥品。

[Health science] I couldn't get into medicine, but at least everyone in my classes is attractive.

健康科學系：我無法喜歡藥品，但至少我們班上同學都超正點。

[Zoology] In this profession, human beings are the hardest animal to deal with.

動物學系：在這個專業領域，人類是最難搞的生物。

[Archaeology] The highlight of my career will be finding a 700-year-old male.

考古學系：我人生巔峰將會出現在我找到一個 700 歲的老男人時。

[IT] I'm now able to Google problems better than anyone else.

資訊科學系：我現在用 Google 解決問題的能力比任何人都好。

[Dentistry] My friends refuse to call me a doctor.

牙醫系：我朋友拒絕叫我醫生。

[Japanese studies] Everyone here is either Japanese or owns an extensive katana collection.

日文系：這裡的學生不是日本人，就是有一整套武士刀收藏。

[Any arts degree] I'm never getting a job.

任一藝術學系：我永遠找不到工作。