Name: 寶貝我們需要談談... 過情人節真的能讓情侶感情升溫嗎？ (Valentine's Day Is Bad for Relationships (and That's a Good Thing))
Uploaded: 2020-03-10T21:01:10.000Z
Duration: 6 min 22 s

程度副詞

Ah, love is in the air, or at least it should be, since it's almost Valentine's Day.

啊，愛情無所不在，或至少在情人節即將到來的此時，愛情的確應該無所不在。

But here's the thing: Scientists have found that this romantic holiday can have a negative impact on relationships.

但有件事必須說：科學家發現這種浪漫的節日會為感情關係帶來負面的影響。

情態助動詞 B1

And the holiday-related obligation to be lovey-dovey may have something to do with it.

而與節日相關的、表達愛意的必要行為可能與這個影響有關。

There aren't a ton of studies on Valentine's Day, but those that exist suggest it isn't all hearts and roses.

雖然針對情人節做出的研究沒有很多，但那些研究指出情人節並不只有美好的愛心與玫瑰花。

For example, one study from 2004 found that college couples that had been dating for at least 5 weeks were 2.5 times more likely to break up in the weeks surrounding Valentine's Day

舉例來說，一個 2014 年的研究發現，約會至少五週以上的情侶，在情人節前後幾週內分手的機率

than during 3 other comparable times of the academic year.

是學年內其他三週內的 2.5 倍。

Which kind of seems to go against the whole point of having a special day to celebrate love.

整件事感覺與利用特殊的一天來慶祝愛情有所矛盾。

But there are several reasons why this holiday might doom relationships.

但有許多原因為什麼這個節日會扼殺感情。

For starters, there are all the expectations surrounding Valentine's Day.

首先，對於情人節人麼總是有很多期待。

I mean, it's no secret that Valentine's Day comes with its share of obligations.

我是指，情人節都會有某些必做的事已經不是秘密了。

Like, if you're in a relationship, you're generally expected to give your partner something.

當你在一段感情之中，你通常會被期待要送你伴侶東西。

And that's not necessarily a bad thing, since gifts can make you feel closer to your beloved.

這不全然是一件壞事，畢竟送禮物可以讓你覺得與你的愛人更加親密。

But studies suggest that they don't change the overall trajectory of a relationship, and they may actually be harmful if they're given for the wrong reasons.

但研究指出這些禮物並不會改變你們感情的大致軌跡，且它們在錯誤的原因下送出可能會對感情有害。

Some as-of-yet-unpublished research presented at a meeting of the Association for Consumer Research found that if you feel like your partner gave you a gift out of obligation,

有些截至目前為止還未發表的研究在行銷研究學會的發表中指出，如果你覺得的你伴侶是出於義務送禮物，

then that gift may make you feel less happy with the relationship.

那這個禮物會讓收禮者對於感情較不滿意。

You might also end up comparing your Valentine's Day gifts to the ones your friends or other coupled people got,

你可能還會將自己的情人節禮物與朋友或其他情侶收到的禮物去做比較。

which brings us to another way the holiday might damage relationships: Comparisons.

而這也牽扯到另一個會傷害感情的元素：比較。

See, there's a concept called "interdependence theory" that says a person's satisfaction in their relationship relies on two things:

有一種概念叫「相互依賴理論」，人們對自己感情的滿意度依據下面兩點：

How their current relationship compares to what they expect of their relationships in general, and how their partner compares to the currently available alternatives.

將自己所期望的感情關係與現實中的感情狀態做比較，還有將自己的伴侶與其他可以交往的人做比較。

And if you see other couples giving better gifts or doing more grandiose and romantic things on Valentine's Day, well, that could raise your expectations of relationships in general.

如果你看見其他情侶在情人節時送更好的禮物，或做更浮誇或浪漫的事情，這整體上會提升你對感情的期望。

Suddenly, your current relationship doesn't seem to measure up so well.

突然之間，你目前的感情似乎不太合格。

But the worst part is that comparisons to other couples can fall prey to a pernicious cognitive bias known as "fundamental attribution error".

但最壞的部份是，與其他情侶比較可能會落入一個認知偏差，又稱「基本歸因謬誤」的陷阱中。

That's when you attribute the actions of others to inherent traits, but your own to circumstances.

這就是當你認為其他人的慶祝行為是出自真心，而你的慶祝活動只是出於儀式性。

So, you might think that duo you saw having an extra romantic night did that because they have a fantastic relationship, while your own celebration was just because it's Valentine's Day.

所以你可能會認為過了一個超級浪漫夜晚的情侶是因為他們感情狀態很美好，然而你自己的慶祝只是單純因為情人節。

Of course, those assumptions probably aren't true.

Everyone else is following the same script when it comes to February 14th.

其他人在 2 月 14 日都是照著同樣的劇本在走。

It's just that when you see their perfect selfies and amazing gifts, it's all too easy to assume that their celebration is more authentic than yours.

在看到別人完美的照片跟禮物後，要認為別人的慶祝比你的更真實是很簡單的事。

And if that's not bad enough, you might already be noticing the particulars of your relationship around Valentine's Day and how they do or do not stack up because of a priming effect.

如果這個還不夠糟，你可能在情人節接近時發現一些感情上需要留意的小細節，還有因為情人節的前驅效應，這些小細節是如何疊加起來的。

See, studies suggest that when you're surrounded by commercials and storefronts and Twitter memes all devoted to love and romance, you can't help but think about love and romance.

研究指出當你被與浪漫愛情相關的廣告、小店鋪和 Twitter 迷因圍繞時，你無法控制自己不去思考愛情與浪漫的事。

For example, a 2009 study found the words "cupid" and "flowers" popped into people's heads more easily in early February.

舉例來說，一個 2009 年的研究指出「邱比特」與「花朵」這兩個詞彙更容易在二月時出現在人們的腦海中。

And a 2017 study showed that people actually raise their opinions of chocolates and flowers around Valentine's Day.

還有一個 2017 年的研究指出，在情人節附近的期間，人們會提出對於巧克力與花的意見。

The thing is, thinking about romance and relationships can tarnish how people view their partners.

事實是如此，思考浪漫與感情關係時會破壞人們如何看待他們的伴侶。

It may highlight and magnify existing issues, for example.

例如說，強調與放大存在的問題。

Though, this seems to somewhat depend on how the person approaches romance more generally⏤something psychologists call "attachment style".

雖然這件事多少是與根據這個人與戀愛關係接觸的頻率有關係，心理學家稱之為「依附理論」。

Attachment style is a measure of a person's attitude about relationships based on 2 dimensions: Attachment-related avoidance and attachment-related anxiety.

依附理論是從兩個角度切入去得知一個人對於感情的看法，一個稱為逃避型，另一個是焦慮型。

People high in anxiety are less secure in themselves and tend to see others as the solution, so they tend to be preoccupied with seeking intimacy and support from their partners.

焦慮指數較高的人們通常對於自己比較沒有安全感，並傾向於在他人身上尋求解決辦法，所以他們通常全心全意地希望從他們的伴侶身上得到親密關係以及支持。

Meanwhile, people high in avoidance are secure in themselves but aren't too trusting of support from others, so they tend to be less interested in intimacy in general.

而相對地，逃避指數比較高的人們通常對於自己較有安全感但不太相信他人給予的支持，所以他們通常不太喜歡親密關係。

And avoidance in particular seems to translate to being less happy with partners.

而迴避本身似乎可以理解為與伴侶在一起會比較不快樂。

Like, a 2014 study found that people with avoidant attachment were less satisfied with their relationships.

在一個 2014 年的研究發現，逃避型的人通常對於感情較不滿足。

But here's the kicker: That dissatisfaction was magnified on Valentine's Day.

但重點來了：不滿足感在情人節被放大。

That wasn't the case for people who were low in avoidance, even if they scored high on attachment-related anxiety.

這不會發生在逃避型指數較低的人身上，就算他們焦慮指數很高。

In fact, the holiday-related reminders seemed to boost how they felt about their partner.

事實上，與節日有關的提醒都似乎會加劇他們對於自己伴侶的想法。

And that's actually kind of a theme: Valentine's Day can hurt relationships, but it doesn't hurt all of them equally.

而這也似乎就是主題：情人節可以傷害感情，但不會齊頭式的傷害全部的感情關係。

Mostly, it negatively affects ones that are already on the rocks.

大部分來說，這個節日會影響感情狀態早已觸礁的情侶。

Like, remember that statistic about people being 2.5 times more likely to break up around Valentine's Day?

記得在情人節附近分手機率會提高 2.5 倍的數據嗎？

It turns out that relationships that were rated as weak were nearly 5 times more likely to break up during the 2 weeks around Valentine's Day than stronger ones.

事實指出感情為脆弱狀態的情侶相較於感情狀態為緊密的情侶而言，脆弱狀態的情侶在情人節附近兩週內分手的機率高出了 5 倍。

Furthermore, if the relationship was already strong or improving when Valentine's Day came around, the holiday didn't have a negative effect.

除此之外，如果感情狀態在情人節附近是緊密或正在升溫的狀態，這個節日不會有負面的影響。

Something similar may be true for feelings of obligation around gift-giving.

對於類似的事情例如送禮物的義務感而言，這個理論也成立。

If you're already not feeling great about the relationship, preliminary research suggests you're more likely to assume your partner gave you a gift out of obligation.

如果你對於這段感情早已不甚滿意，初步研究指出你越會傾向假設自己的伴侶送禮是出自於義務。

That makes you less likely to feel grateful for the gift and, therefore, less satisfied in the relationship.

這樣的想法會讓你更不會心懷感激的接受禮物，因此對於感情會越不滿意。

And even comparisons to other couples aren't always bad.

甚至與其他情侶比較也不一定是壞事。

If you really believe your relationship is better than others, then drawing comparisons might make you feel more satisfied with what you've got.

如果你真心相信你的感情比別人的好，那比較會讓你對於擁有的感情更加滿意。

The big takeaway is that Valentine's Day isn't a breakup instigator, it's a catalyst.

最主要的結論，情人節必並不是分手煽動者，它只是催化劑。

It doesn't cause relationships to end all by itself; it just gives a little push to the ones already headed that way.

它不會使感情自動結束；它只會小小的推一把早已走在分手之路上的情侶。

So, if you're happy, Valentine's Day isn't likely to sour things.

所以如果你很快樂，情人節不全然是壞事。

But if your relationship isn't all that great, it might speed you towards ending it.

但如果你的感情沒有很完美，那情人節可能會加速你分手。

Which, if we're being honest, could be for the best.

雖然老實說，這可能是最好的結果。

Thanks for watching this episode of SciShow Psych.

If you liked this episode, I have a feeling you'll enjoy our video on whether you really have a "type" and if it even matters.

如果你很喜歡這部影片，我有預感你會喜歡你中意的那些影片。

So, maybe check that one out next, and if you're really feeling the love, you can let us know by clicking that subscribe button and ringing the notification bell.

所以看看我們下支影片吧！如果你有感受到愛，按下訂閱還有小鈴鐺讓我們知道！