but there's just too many bad violin playing.

但是

That's alright.

可怕的小提琴演奏橋段實在太多了！

Please, come - Come at us. More content for us.

沒關係

Yes, we can educate the...

儘管放馬過來，我們需要更多題材

Everyone that doesn't learn an instrument.

這樣才能藉機教育沒學過樂器的觀眾們

And if you're musician, I hope you agree with us.

如果您也有玩音樂，希望您也能認同這點

Here we go.

來吧

So, the first one is Sherlock plays the violin for Eurus.

第一支影片是福爾摩斯為 Eurus 演奏小提琴

That's totally how you tune a violin, guys.

小提琴就是這樣調音的啦！

Check one string, two strings, maybe?

調好一根弦，還是兩根呢？

Leave the D and G string.

Ｄ、Ｇ弦不用理它

But don't get me wrong, I love the actor.

我沒有那個意思，我超愛這位演員

- I do love him. - I love the actor Benedict...

- 我很愛 - 我很愛班乃迪克...

Yeah, I love Iron Man.

[ 班乃迪克... ]

Here's how you tune a violin normally.

[ 想不起來他姓什麼??? ]

You play the A.

對，我超愛鋼鐵人

You check the D.

正確的調音方式應該是這樣

Play it together. Check if the interval, fifth, is in tune.

先拉Ａ弦

So when it's a fifth,

調Ｄ弦

the frequencies, I think move together.

兩條一起拉，檢查五度音是不是準的

They're not going against each other

如果五度音有對上

because every pitch has a certain frequency.

兩個音的頻率是和諧的

Physics.

不會相抵觸

Physics, it's not even music. It's physics.

因為每個音高都有特定的頻率

When it's in tune...

物理！

It should ring quite well

物理，不是音樂，是物理

and you check the D and G string.

音如果是準的...

Whatever. And A and E string.

聽上去是和諧的

He didn't even pluck the strings together.

然後再靠Ｄ弦調Ｇ弦

He just plucked one and the other.

隨便，然後用Ａ弦對Ｅ弦

Maybe he wasn't tuning.

他連一次撥兩條弦都沒有

He was just checking that his violin made a sound.

他一次只撥一根，然後再撥另一根

Is this a violin?

或許他不是在調音

Very clever how the camera...

他是在確定他的琴到底能不能發出聲音

Focus on the face almost instantly

這是小提琴嗎？

after he started playing.

他開始拉琴的當下馬上調整鏡頭焦距真是高招

Just blur... Blur him out.

模糊... 模糊他

- Cover... It's a good thing. Yeah. - Yeah. Nice save. Nice save.

- 遮掉... 這招很棒，對 - 是啊，神救援，神救援...

What's with his bow hold?

他的執弓是怎麼回事？

It looks kind of strange.

看起來有點怪

Benedict, if you want violin lessons, come to us.

班乃迪克，想上小提琴課的話請來找我們哦

- Yeah, for your next movie. - Please. We'll -

- 沒錯，為下一齣電影做準備 - 拜託，我們--

We'll give you free violin lessons.

我們可以免費為您上課

Take as long as you want.

要上多久都沒關係

Nothing against Benedict. I love him very much. Just...

沒有要銃康班乃迪克本人的意思，我真的很愛他

Just for your next time you have to film violin playing...

只是...

It ends like that, right?

萬一你下次又接了得拉小提琴的電影的時候...

- The sound of the music - - Yes, the bow needs to lift off.

是這樣收尾的，可以嗎？

Whereas right now, what's happening visually is...

- 音樂的流動性 - 對，弓要抬起來

It's like a handbrake at the end of the - Krrsh!

在這段呢，視覺上看到的是這樣...

- Type of thing. - Yeah, like Paw!

好像拉到最後突然拉手煞車「嘰！」

Once again...

- 之類的 - 對啊，啪！

The actor is not doing vibrato, but you hear vibrato.

又來了...

Physics!

演員沒有揉弦，可是聽上去卻有抖音

You guys know already but...

物理！

That bow was so off.

大家應該都有看到，可是...

Guys, perpendicular to the strings, parallel to the bridge.

弓也太歪了吧！

Girl, rather than looking at Benedict,

大家注意，與弦垂直、與琴橋平行

you should be looking at your bow contact.

妹子，不要一直盯著班乃迪克

Ooof!

你應該看的是弓的接觸點

I've seen - I'm starting to see a common thing with like..

喔！

Movie portraying instruments is always...

我... 我開始觀察到一種常態現象，就是...

Battling or like a conversation.

電影裡面有樂器出現的橋段都是...

- Yeah... - Have you notice?

互鬥或對談

Music's a dialogue, guys.

- 真的... - 有注意到嗎？

It's never like, you just play a phrase.

音樂是一種對話，各位

- Yeah, yeah, yeah... Yeah. - It's like you're playing with someone else.

都不是只拉一段樂曲

- Or against someone else. - Yeah.

- 對對對，對 - 都是有另一人一同演奏

Dude, it looks like - This looks like a stock image.

- 或互槓 - 對

The music is nice though.

欸，看起來很像圖庫會有的照片

So... Good stuff.

曲子本身倒是很不錯

At least they kept it to the minimum.

所以... 整體來說不錯

On to the next one!

比上不足，比下有餘

Guys...

下一支！

I don't think we need to explain much but please...

各位同學...

Some love stories do live forever.

應該不需要多作解釋，但是...

Man, that videos gonna traumatize me forever.

有些愛情故事是能夠千古流傳的

Dude, I think he likes the technique of...

這段影片則是讓我千瘡百孔

The long notes are right.

欸，我覺得他很喜歡這招...

But why does he have to da da da?

長音都正確

But then he just adds a bunch of cha ka cha ka.

但他為什麼要這樣噠噠噠？

It's like, you can just change the bow, you know?

他自己在那邊加一堆掐咖掐咖

Just down and up bow.

是說，你只要換弓就行了

Guys, you don't angle this way,

就下、上弓

- you angle this way. Yeah. - Just at least move it that way, please.

大家，拿弓角度不是這樣

Anyway, the next one.

- 是這樣，對 - 對，至少這樣拿，拜託一下

What's up why movies making every character look up?

好啦，下一支

It was bouncing the wrong time.

為什麼每一部電影裡演員都要突然向前看啊？

You know, at this point, I am not even surprised.

跳弓的時間點不對

I don't even care.

看到這邊我已經不再感到訝異了

It's just like, alright, guys. I've lost - Almost lost hope.

管他的

I thought the Russians if any country

就是，好吧，我投降，不抱任何希望

would nail violin playing.

我以為俄羅斯人是唯一能夠完美呈現小提琴演奏技巧的

Oistrakh? What would Shostakovich think if he saw this?

Oistrakh (蘇聯小提琴家)？

Now, the next video we have...

蕭士塔高維契如果看到這個會怎麼想？

Tops it all. This is by far the most...

好，下一支影片為您獻上...

Epically realistic portrayal of...

沒有最狂只有更狂，這支是目前為止最...

Classical music I've ever seen.

我看過最現實到極點的古典音樂描繪...

- I'm way too excited roasting these people. - I know.

- 我等不及要嗆爆這些人了 - 就是說啊

I should not be this happy.

我不該這麼開心的

You're late, Tom. You've to skip the hotel

湯姆你快遲到了，先不要回飯店

and go straight to the auditorium, okay?

直接到會場來，可以嗎？

They've already got that part accurate.

這段就已經夠精確的了

I know, yeah.

真的！

Spot on, guys.

分毫不差

Sounds like us.

好像在說我們

Tom Selznick, the new Rachmaninoff.

湯姆賽茲尼克，新生代拉赫曼尼諾夫

If only he didn't choke.

只要他不凸槌的話...

Hey, hey!

嘿！嘿！

Very funny.

很好笑！

I'm gonna scrap Norman. I know it.

我一定會搞砸的，諾曼，我有預感

Still pretty accurate.

還是很準

Very accurate.

超級準

Before the concert, damn it.

音樂會開始之前「可惡！」

I'm gonna screw up, I know it.

「我一定會挫賽，我有預感」

All of us could be the new Ling Ling...

人人都能成為新生代霖霖...

- If we didn't choke. - Yeah.

- 只要不挫賽 - 對

Okay, why is the piano at the back?

好喔，為什麼鋼琴在樂團後面？

I thought it was his concert?

我以為他是這場音樂會的主角？

Proper concert etiquette.

正確的音樂會擺位

The piano is always in the front.

鋼琴永遠都是放前面

And the orchestra is at the back.

然後管弦樂團在後面

Yeah.

是啊

Even just acoustically.

從音響效果上來說，

If I just picture an orchestra with 80 musicians.

想像有 80 人規模的管弦樂團

- Yeah. 80... 80... - And one instrument at the back.

- 對，80... 80... - 然後你就一臺鋼琴放後面

You're gonna have no chance being heard

坐這麼後面，不用肖想臺下能聽到你的聲音

if your placed behind.

「Brett 和 Eddy」

Brett and Eddy.

「你們根本不懂拍電影有多難！」

You don't know what - How hard it is to make a film?

「你們不懂現在拍電影有多複雜！」

You don't know what goes into

「不要一副很懂的樣子好嗎」

making a film these days.

是沒錯，我們不懂，可是！

Stop talking like you know.

- 我們是古典音樂家 - 嗯哼，物理！

You're right. We don't know. But!

等等等等一下！

- We are classical musicians. - Mhm. Physics!

同時有太多事情要講

Wait, wait, wait. Wait a second.

首先，為什麼他在翻譜？

There's too many things going on.

一副上臺第一次看到譜的樣子

First of all, why is he flipping through the music

嚴格一點講，他甚至應該連譜都不用看

as if he's reading it for the first time on a concert?

因為大多時候我們都是靠記憶演奏

Technically, he shouldn't even need the music

嗯哼

most of the time we play by memory.

就算是新創協奏曲首演

Mhm.

也早該對樂曲有深刻的理解

And even if it's a new premiere concerto,

- 而不是這樣把譜翻來翻去 - 翻頁，對

you should know the music well enough to not be...

啊！！

- Kind of flipping through it like that. - Turning the page. Yeah.

彈錯一個音你就...

AH!!!

死定了！

Play one wrong note and you...

讓一個人在臺上緊張到爆的正確方法

Die!

有點太誇張

Right way to make - Make you really nervous on stage.

喔，你在譜上用紅筆全部寫大寫喔

That's a bit dramatic.

太褻瀆了

Oh, you write it in capital letters and

什麼？

red marking on the music.

長休止時，回休息室去

Sacrilegious move.

所謂的長休止是指？

What?

哇，他還當真了

At the rest, go to your dressing room.

他是利用樂團齊奏的空檔衝回休息室嗎？

What do you mean at the rest?

這是我看過最緊張刺激的古典音樂會了

Wow, he took it literally.

太經典了

Did he just sprint to his dressing room

我現在就想看這齣

during the orchestra tutti?

只有... 只有三小節！

That is the most intense premise for a

欸...

classical music concert I've ever seen.

好喔，各位如果有怯場的症頭

It is so epic.

下次在臺上弓抖到不行的時候...

I wanna watch this movie now.

請務必記得並沒有狙擊槍瞄準你，要懂得感激

It's - Thr - Three bars!

那個狙擊手一定對音樂非常執著

Dude...

真的，我也是這樣想

Alright, if you ever feel stage fright,

整個情節我還沒理出一個頭緒

next time you're getting shaky bow on stage...

- 對啊，這什麼劇情？ - 到底為什麼？

Just be grateful you don't have a sniper on your face.

古典音樂家的夢魘

Whoever the sniper is must be really like...

欸，根本恐怖片

Serious about music.

為什麼，為什麼會有這種劇情？

Yeah. That was what I was thinking.

你有各種類型的片子可以拍

I'm still struggling to get my head around this plot.

奇幻片、科幻片、動作片

- I know. Why is it this plot? - Why is this a thing?

你偏要把恐怖片和鋼琴和古典音樂會連結在一起

This is a classical musician's nightmare.

這部片我雖然還沒看過，但已經被我評為史上最優電影

Dude, it's like a horror movie.

沒錯各位

Why, why, why is this a thing?

好吧大家，謝謝收看

Out of all the things you can do...

喜歡我們影片的話請訂閱

Fantasy, fiction, action.

然後看更多影片

You had to pick horror and the grand piano.

有周邊趕快去逛逛，好！

And classical music set in concert.

I haven't seen this but I already rate this

the best movie of all time.

Yes, guys.

Alright, guys. Thank you so much for watching.

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