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On a normal night, the debates would be
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the only news anyone would be talking about,
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but since Trump became president,
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there has been no normal night.
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So today we're gonna be covering the debate
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and we're gonna be covering the blockbuster impeachment hearing
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that rocked Washington, D.C.
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So first up, let's get into it.
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Tonight was the fifth Democratic debate,
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and it took place down in Atlanta, Georgia,
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at Tyler Perry Studios,
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where they film numerous movies and TV shows.
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And I'll be honest, I'm just glad Joe Biden finally made it
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to the right soundstage, because for a while today
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he was just wandering around in the background
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-(laughter) -of other movies, uh...
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It was really awkward. Madea was like,
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"Give me one of those famous massages while you here.
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I'm tight as hell, Joe Biden."
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Now, at the last debate, in October,
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they had 12 Democrats crammed on stage.
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Yeah, it was so tight people could barely move.
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But then Spirit Airlines was like, "Hey, that's our thing!"
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-(laughter) -So this time...
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the Democrats scaled it back down to an even ten.
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And the candidates were joined by four moderators
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who, for the first time this campaign season,
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were all women.
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Which, personally, I didn't even notice...
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-(cheering, applause) -Yeah.
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It's amazing, but I...
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I didn't even notice, because I don't see color.
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-(laughter) -Now...
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the major change, the major change from the last debate
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is the rise of Pete Buttigieg, right?
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Mayor of South Bend, Indiana,
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and the only adult Michael Jackson would be into.
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-(laughter, groans) -Over the past few weeks,
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he has surged from the middle of the pack
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to take the lead in Iowa and New Hampshire.
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So now, between Buttigieg, Biden, Warren and Bernie,
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this has become a four-way race.
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And if you include Cory Booker, it's still a four-way race.
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-(laughter, groans) -So...
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with Buttigieg rising in the polls,
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tonight the moderators asked him something
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a lot of people are wondering:
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Why should a teenage mayor from South Bend, Indiana,
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become president of the United States?
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Mayor Buttigieg,
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let's talk about your record as a candidate.
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Why should Democrats take the risk of betting on you?
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In order to defeat this president,
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we need somebody who can go toe-to-toe,
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who actually comes from the kinds of communities
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that he's been appealing to.
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I don't talk a big game about helping the working class
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while helicoptering between golf courses
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with my name on them.
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I don't even golf. As a matter of fact,
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I never thought I'd be on a Forbes magazine list,
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but, uh, they did one of all the candidates by wealth,
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and I'm literally the least wealthy person on this stage.
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Yeah, Pete Buttigieg may be the poorest person on that stage,
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but Bernie was like, "Yes, but I look the poorest!
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-(laughter) -And that should count for something!"
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You know, it's actually funny how running for president
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is the only time people brag
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about how much money they don't have.
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Right? It's like they're all Bizarro rappers, you know?
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♪ Started from the bottom, never left ♪
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♪ Started from the bottom, and my whole team ♪
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♪ Is in the exact same place because there's been ♪
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♪ No upward mobility for the last 30, 40 years ♪
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♪ In this country. ♪
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And I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie.
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A lot of tonight's debate
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sounded exactly like what we've heard in the previous four.
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You know, Medicare for all versus a public option.
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Pragmatism versus revolution.
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Joe Biden versus his own mouth.
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-(laughter) -But...
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one new thing we did see tonight
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were some brand-new beefs,
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like Elizabeth Warren versus Cory Booker
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on the wealth tax.
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You know, I have proposed a two-cent wealth tax.
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That is a tax for everybody who has
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more than $50 billion in assets.
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Your first $50 billion is free and clear,
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but your $50 billionth and first dollar,
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you got to pitch in two cents.
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I don't agree with the wealth tax
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the way that Elizabeth Warren puts it.
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The top one-tenth of one percent
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that I want to see pay two cents more,
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they'll pay 3.2% in America.
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The tax the way we're putting it forward right now,
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the wealth tax, I'm sorry, it's cumbersome.
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It's been tried by other nations.
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Two-cent wealth tax, and we can invest
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in an entire generation's future.
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We Democrats also have to talk
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about how to grow wealth as well.
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When I stood in church recently
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and asked folks, in a black church,
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how many people here want to be entrepreneurs,
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half the church raised their hands.
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Yeah, and one guy in the back was like,
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"Nigga, what's an entrepreneur?"
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-(laughter) -It's French for "businessman."
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"Well, I don't want to be a French businessman!
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"I want to be an American businessman!
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-It's got a whole lot more je ne sais quoi." -(laughter)
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So there was Warren and Booker arguing about wealth tax.
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Then there was a beef that really came out of nowhere.
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Kamala Harris versus Tulsi Gabbard.
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We have someone on this stage who is attempting to be
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the Democratic nominee for President of the United States
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who, during the Obama administration,
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spent four years full-time on Fox News,
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criticizing President Obama.
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...buddied up to Steve Bannon to get a meeting
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with Donald Trump in the Trump Tower.
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What Senator Harris is doing
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is unfortunately continuing to traffic in lies
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and smears and innuendoes, because she cannot challenge
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the substance of the argument that I'm making.
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People, please, stop fighting.
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It's not worth it.
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Neither of you are gonna be president.
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What are you doing?
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That was the most intense argument
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I've seen in Atlanta that didn't involve NeNe.
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That was really intense.
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I also love how they're doing it with smiles on their faces.
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(chuckling): Oh, well, the thing about you
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is I want to break your face.
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But please, but please, don't get me wrong.
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Tonight wasn't all about beefs, right?
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In fact, there was one moment between the candidates
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that was actually kind of sweet.
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First, I just want to stick up for Tom.
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We have a broken campaign finance system,
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but Tom has been spending his own money
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fighting climate change.
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And you can't knock someone for having money
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and spending it in the right way.
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-It's my opinion. -(cheers and applause)
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-Thanks, Andrew. -No problem.
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Aw. Yang 2020.
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Everyone gets a thousand dollars and a compliment.
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I love it.
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Like, Andrew Yang is so nice,
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I bet he would have the best concession speech ever.
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He'd be like, "I may not have won the presidency,
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"but I won something more important: a friend.
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Thank you."
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Now, just like in previous debates,
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one of the most awkward moments of the night
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came courtesy of the original gaffe machine
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when he was talking about domestic violence.
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Joe Biden.
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No man has a right
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to raise a hand to a woman in anger
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other than in self-defense
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and that is rarely ever occurs.
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And so we have to just change the culture, period.
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And keep punching at it, and punching at it,
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and punching at it.
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It will be a big-- No, I really mean it.
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It-It will make-- I-it's a gigantic issue.
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(laughter)
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What are you doing?
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What are you doing, Joe?
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The only way he can recover from that
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is if he just starts making
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bad word choices his thing, you know?
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He just needs to, like, dig deeper and just be like,
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"We need to get right to the heart of the drug epidemic.
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"I'm saying get deep in the veins of the drug problem.
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And when we do it, it's gonna feel so good."
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(laughter)
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So the candidates once again spent two hours tonight
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trying to show voters what separated them
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from the other people on the stage.
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But when it came to Trump,
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they were all trying to show that they were the same.
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We have a president
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who is not only a pathological liar,
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he is likely the most corrupt president
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in the modern history of America.
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Read the Mueller report, all 442 pages of it,
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that showed how the president tried to obstruct justice.
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Sucking up to Vladimir Putin every minute of the day.
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The president had to confess in writing, in court,
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to illegally diverting charitable contributions
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that were supposed to go to veterans.
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First of all, we have a criminal living in the White House.
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(gasps) A criminal in the White House.
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Someone needs to tell Donald Trump.
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I bet he was watching this at home terrified like,
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(mimics Trump): "Oh, no, a criminal?
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I hope he doesn't steal all this stuff I already stole."
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(laughter)
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(normal voice): But look, it was no surprise
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that at a Democratic debate
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they were talking impeachment tonight.
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Because you see, the biggest political story today
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was a blockbuster hearing in Congress
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where we heard testimony from Gordon Sondland,
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Trump's ambassador to the E.U.
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and Homer Simpson's body double.
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He's the first witness to testify
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who spoke directly to President Trump
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about what he wanted from Ukraine.
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And today he admitted, he admitted that, yes,
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Trump demanded a quid pro quo.
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Specifically, if Ukraine's president got dirt on Joe Biden,
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Trump would have a meeting
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with Zelensky in the White House.
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Which shows you how bad Trump wanted dirt on Joe Biden,
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'cause usually Trump will do anything
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to get out of a meeting.
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Yeah. One time he even called in a bomb threat.
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He was like, (mimics Trump): "Hello, White House?
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"This is Mr. Al Qaeda.
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"I'm calling in a bomb threat between 3:00 and 4:00 p.m.
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"in the conference room,
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but keep the doughnuts there, I'll eat them later."
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(normal voice): And here's the thing, here's the thing,
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not only did Sondland testify
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that Trump ordered a quid pro quo,
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he testified that basically everyone
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in the administration knew about it.
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Everyone. Seriously.
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He threw everybody under the bus:
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Mike Pompeo, Mike Pence,
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Mic Mulvaney, John Bolton,
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John Bolton's mustache,
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even John Bolton's mustache's mustache.
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But there's one man in particular
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that Sondland put at the center of the whole scandal:
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Rudy Giuliani.
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Secretary Perry,
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Ambassador Volker and I worked
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with Mr. Rudy Giuliani on Ukraine matters
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at the express direction
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of the president of the United States.
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We did not want to work with Mr. Giuliani.
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We worked with Mr. Giuliani
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because the president directed us to do so.
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President Trump directed us to, "talk with Rudy."
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Let me say again, we weren't happy
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with the president's directive to talk with Rudy.