00:00:05,292 --> 00:00:07,750 I know what you're thinking-- oh, that silly Ellen is going

to trick us and show us a cute web video of some owls,

because she said Hooters.

No.

You don't know me.

No.

Today, I'm going to talk about boobies.

Although if you have a cute owl video,

send it to me, because I love owls and I love cute videos.

But here's the headline that I want to talk about, right here.

Hooters Forced To Close Restaurants

Because Millennials Aren't That Into Breasts Anymore.

00:00:32,634 --> 00:00:34,300 For some reason, the millennials are not

into the ta-tas, or the jugs, the knockers, the headlights,

the honk-honks, the Smothers Brothers.

I don't know what they're called these days.

Anyway, this is really bad news for Hooters.

It's terrible news for Dolly Parton.

Really.

00:00:50,590 --> 00:00:52,180 According to the article, millennials

are less interested in breasts than older people.

So Hooters announced a plan for closing more stores.

So they're going to put a giant bra around them

and men won't be able to get them open.

Because they can't--

00:01:07,679 --> 00:01:09,220 I did some research, and it turns out

Hooters has been having problems for a while.

I made a chart of their business over the years.

It really was up, down, and then up again.

00:01:24,342 --> 00:01:26,550 I thought if I leaned it would make the joke funnier.

00:01:29,330 --> 00:01:31,090 That's not a real chart.

To be fair, Hooters says they've tried everything.

Except for changing the waitresses' uniforms

and making better food.

But that's what they--

but this is just an idea.

Maybe it is possible the guys could

have their meals without a side of female objectification.

Maybe.

I don't know.

Or maybe-- maybe women have more to offer than short shorts

and jalapeno poppers.